donnamaybe Posted December 7, 2010 Share Posted December 7, 2010 He gave you a brain .. and a co-worker .. Ah, yes, the co-worker who just incorrectly routed a call to one of my lawyers. She may not have received a brain. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted December 7, 2010 Share Posted December 7, 2010 How does an athiest trust God? Color me confused... Perhaps it's just a phrase used for convenience's sake? Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted December 7, 2010 Share Posted December 7, 2010 Okay, yes, his relationship with his w is drama filled, but when exactly did the love we have for one another become dependent on a need to keep that drama? I tolerate it, but hardly would say that I wouldn't wish for a stress free drama free life with him. Wife or no wife, it is very unlikely that there is a possibility of a stress free drama free life with him. Drama is what he knows, lives, and creates. You may love him because of or in spite of the drama, but the drama is part of the package. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted December 7, 2010 Share Posted December 7, 2010 Okay, yes, his relationship with his w is drama filled, but when exactly did the love we have for one another become dependent on a need to keep that drama? I tolerate it, but hardly would say that I wouldn't wish for a stress free drama free life with him. Not only do you tolerate it...you add to it. So what you wish....that isn't doing. He is a drama queen and there is no way in hell he won't take that to any relationship he is in and you feed on it as well or you wouldn't be in it.....love or not. How many people in the world do you think walked away from love or anything else to live a sane drama free life? Love is your excuse for your addiction to the drama. Link to post Share on other sites
Carrot2000 Posted December 7, 2010 Share Posted December 7, 2010 If there's another d-day, do you think he'll leave his marriage this time? Do you think he's tired of the drama at home and ready to start a life with you? I'm not asking to be snarky, I'm just curious about what's changed in your relationship/his situation since the mess with his wife and the cops. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KarmasTestDummy Posted December 7, 2010 Author Share Posted December 7, 2010 Not only do you tolerate it...you add to it. So what you wish....that isn't doing. He is a drama queen and there is no way in hell he won't take that to any relationship he is in and you feed on it as well or you wouldn't be in it.....love or not. How many people in the world do you think walked away from love or anything else to live a sane drama free life? Love is your excuse for your addiction to the drama. I respectfully disagree. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KarmasTestDummy Posted December 7, 2010 Author Share Posted December 7, 2010 If there's another d-day, do you think he'll leave his marriage this time? Do you think he's tired of the drama at home and ready to start a life with you? I'm not asking to be snarky, I'm just curious about what's changed in your relationship/his situation since the mess with his wife and the cops. I think he is waiting for his own reasons, kids, finances, living circumstances, etc...none of which I will fault him for. But if you ask me if I see it coming to a head and ultimately ending..most definitely. I even see him choosing me when the dust is settled but not choosing to leave because of me, which I asked of him from the getgo. As it stands now, not a whole lot is different other than affirmation that we are an intrical part of eachothers lives. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted December 7, 2010 Share Posted December 7, 2010 I think he is waiting for his own reasons, kids, finances, living circumstances, etc...none of which I will fault him for. But if you ask me if I see it coming to a head and ultimately ending..most definitely. I even see him choosing me when the dust is settled but not choosing to leave because of me, which I asked of him from the getgo. As it stands now, not a whole lot is different other than affirmation that we are an intrical part of eachothers lives. What did you mean when you titled this thread? What is never over? Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted December 7, 2010 Share Posted December 7, 2010 I respectfully disagree. Of course you would. Link to post Share on other sites
desertIslandCactus Posted December 7, 2010 Share Posted December 7, 2010 Not only do you tolerate it...you add to it. So what you wish....that isn't doing. He is a drama queen and there is no way in hell he won't take that to any relationship he is in and you feed on it as well or you wouldn't be in it.....love or not. How many people in the world do you think walked away from love or anything else to live a sane drama free life? Love is your excuse for your addiction to the drama. I think women are particularly 'maternal'. MM can act more caring/ communicative - because that's all he has to give.. He can't give his life to the outsider, because he is taken. So if a woman can think of a reason to feel like the rescuer to these weak puppies, she will. Link to post Share on other sites
calliope Posted December 7, 2010 Share Posted December 7, 2010 I think he is waiting for his own reasons, kids, finances, living circumstances, etc...none of which I will fault him for. But if you ask me if I see it coming to a head and ultimately ending..most definitely. I even see him choosing me when the dust is settled but not choosing to leave because of me, which I asked of him from the getgo. As it stands now, not a whole lot is different other than affirmation that we are an intrical part of eachothers lives. I could have written these exact same words in my situation... We're now in the flip-flop stage. 1st d-day 6 wks ago he left home just for the day, went home that night but didn't actually leave then. Broke off with me the next day. W thought he would stay away from me. Another d-day (because he didn't stay away) 4 days ago where he actually left with a bag packed. 2 days ago he went back home again. So far every time the pendulum swings that way... he ultimately swings it back this way. I truly understand your motives KTD and totally relate to what you're feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
siuys Posted December 7, 2010 Share Posted December 7, 2010 Know the pendulum all too well. I couldn't heck it any more emotionally. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 7, 2010 Share Posted December 7, 2010 Okay, yes, his relationship with his w is drama filled, but when exactly did the love we have for one another become dependent on a need to keep that drama? I tolerate it, but hardly would say that I wouldn't wish for a stress free drama free life with him. I recall a while ago you saying that drama finds you and also your pick in men. IF I am mistaken and mixing you up with another poster, I apologize. Affairs = Drama..To a certain degree. That rollercoaster ride, plus the world of emotions that change sometimes hour to hour, day to day. It must be exhausting and stressful. I've read that some lose weight, need to go on meds, can't sleep, can't function, can't get out bed, yet they still go back for more. Link to post Share on other sites
jennie-jennie Posted December 7, 2010 Share Posted December 7, 2010 To me, "let go and let god" would mean letting go of the painful situation, and letting god lead me to the place of peace and happiness. It means we don't have all the answers. Trying too hard to force a situation into what we consider to be the best solution instead of trusting it will work out can be counterproductive. Link to post Share on other sites
jennie-jennie Posted December 7, 2010 Share Posted December 7, 2010 How does an athiest trust God? Color me confused... Perhaps you understand now that posts on LS don't tell you the whole story. Link to post Share on other sites
Star_Bright Posted December 7, 2010 Share Posted December 7, 2010 I understand and feel for you completely. Fortunately silence isn't an issue for us. We talk every day unless we are on NC. He is my morning wake up, my coffee break, my smoke breaks and all day in between. He is my goodnights and it is how it has been from day one. Weekends are harder because he is off but still not silent. If it has been 24 hrs I know there is a problem as was the case with our "almost d-day". This week alone we have spent two nights together, had lunch and he's come visit me at work twice. He's not perfect. He doesn't promise anything or give me timelines (but that I respect too for not trying to say something he won't keep), but he tells me he loves me every day and I believe it with every fiber of my being. I know that things have a lot of drama in the mix, but drama aside, I don't want to keep trying to push away the one person I can't seem to live without. Co-dependence. This is textbook, classic co-dependence. That's all I have time to comment on at the moment. I wish you a better life - be strong on your own, not with this lameoid MM who lies to you and strings you along and cake-eats. There is a better way, you just have to want it enough and be strong enough (and/or be really really sick and tired of it and decide you are done with it no matter what). Link to post Share on other sites
Star_Bright Posted December 7, 2010 Share Posted December 7, 2010 NC doesn't work when you're in love! Your story is a prime example of it! How does ignoring the one you love bring you closer? It doesn't. You know how you feel and you know what is between you two. You have more infomation about your situation than anyone else on this forum. I hope it ends well for you. I only wish you the best in your future. How is this love??? I've followed a lot of Karma's story and I don't remember her even saying she loved him. I heard her say she's attracted to the drama and at least infer or maybe straight out say that she's addicted to him. These are two totally separate things. Link to post Share on other sites
Star_Bright Posted December 7, 2010 Share Posted December 7, 2010 I recall a while ago you saying that drama finds you and also your pick in men. IF I am mistaken and mixing you up with another poster, I apologize. Yep, that was Karma. She was saying that she has a history of picking bad men and being in drama-filled relationships and she was determined to work on herself and better her life. (Not direct quotes but words to that effect). Now, more backsliding. I guess they were just words. Karma, you gotta find the guts to back up them up. Act on your convictions, not your emotions and falling back into the same routine of drama and heartache. I know this because I have been there. You can rise above it. This is so not good for your kids - they will model relationships after what they see from you. Please think about this. Link to post Share on other sites
Ellin Posted December 7, 2010 Share Posted December 7, 2010 Why do threads like this so quickly descend into a display of doubtful expertise by armchair psychologists and their favorite choice of diagnosis? Link to post Share on other sites
jthorne Posted December 8, 2010 Share Posted December 8, 2010 Why do threads like this so quickly descend into a display of doubtful expertise by armchair psychologists and their favorite choice of diagnosis?well, then why don't you offer something you feel is constructive to KTD? Link to post Share on other sites
Author KarmasTestDummy Posted December 8, 2010 Author Share Posted December 8, 2010 What did you mean when you titled this thread? What is never over? The relationship. As many times as we have tried to end it, it's never over and find ourselves back in eachothers lives. Link to post Share on other sites
calliope Posted December 8, 2010 Share Posted December 8, 2010 The relationship. As many times as we have tried to end it, it's never over and find ourselves back in eachothers lives. Same for me/us too..... Link to post Share on other sites
Carrot2000 Posted December 8, 2010 Share Posted December 8, 2010 The relationship. As many times as we have tried to end it, it's never over and find ourselves back in eachothers lives. I was in a similar situation with my MM, from the age of 22-30. I regret the time I lost, but the experience made me really take a look at myself to figure out how I could end up in such a situation. I had to face the fact that growing up with neglectful, critical parents left me love-starved and he was the first person to make me feel truly loved. Even when he dogged the shyte out of me, I kept going back to him despite the drama because I wanted to re-capture that feeling and I wanted him to finally say "I choose you". Karma, I'm sure you'll figure this out as time goes by and I hope you'll get an outcome that won't tear you apart. Really passionate, drama-filled relationship like yours (and mine) tend to crash and burn, so take care of your heart. Link to post Share on other sites
desertIslandCactus Posted December 8, 2010 Share Posted December 8, 2010 I was in a similar situation with my MM, from the age of 22-30. I regret the time I lost, but the experience made me really take a look at myself to figure out how I could end up in such a situation. I had to face the fact that growing up with neglectful, critical parents left me love-starved and he was the first person to make me feel truly loved. Even when he dogged the shyte out of me, I kept going back to him despite the drama because I wanted to re-capture that feeling and I wanted him to finally say "I choose you". Karma, I'm sure you'll figure this out as time goes by and I hope you'll get an outcome that won't tear you apart. Really passionate, drama-filled relationship like yours (and mine) tend to crash and burn, so take care of your heart. Good Post, Carrot. Link to post Share on other sites
Breezy Trousers Posted December 8, 2010 Share Posted December 8, 2010 You're in a difficult situation. Please don't become addicted to hope. Have you set a deadline for yourself? Are you caring for yourself? Or are you mostly focused supporting MM and his life right now? (MM often seek affairs with highly empathetic "nice" women. "Divas" wouldn't put up with them, and they know it.) The drama of flip-flopping makes MM the focus of both women's attention. Such men are often more interested in attention and power than in love and caring toward either woman. I imagine the push-pull creates an addictive pattern for everyone involved, and amplified inflation/deflation feelings get mistaken for love when it's really just attachment. Love is about peace and caring and contentment, not drama and pining and hurt. But Paul Newman left his wife and little kids for Joanne after a long-term affair, and their marriage become iconic (which is ironic in view of what happened before they married).... So it happens. You know the situation better than anyone else here. I wish you luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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