What gives??

[Jake]

I have got these 2 friends, we'll call them jeff and kate. They have been going out on and off the past 2 years. They must have become good friends over that time, since they always hang out together, even when they aren't supposedly goin out. I'll admit that i am starting to like kate, but whats not to like about her, she's everything i want in a gf, but she seems stuck on her first love. i talk to her a lot, and one evening he supposedly "yelled" at her and said he just wanted to be friends. I dont mean to pry about this to them, but i dunno why they must be secretive if they are goin out, today, when i talked to kate she said she had a busy day, when i talked to jeff, he said that kate came over and they watched movies and got take-out(busy day huh?). when i talked to kate earlier in the week she said she didnt really want a relationship this year, since we are all goin off to college next year and she just wanted to go with the flow....well i dunno, should i just ask y they must be so secretive about everything or what gives on their situation??

[Tony T]

Every human in a free society is entitled to his/her privacy. If Jeff and Kate want you to know certain details of their lives, they will certainly be more straightforward. For some reason, which you should be obligated to respect, they don't want to come clean with this.

 

If you like Kate, just let her know you'd like to date her if and when she is available. If she has led you to believe she is available now, you have no problem. Maybe she will go out with you in the same secretive way she is seeimg Jeff. Wouldn't that be lovely?

 

What Jeff and Kate have going is simple none of your business. Your business is between what YOU have going between them. So govern yourself on the basis of what Kate has told you. If she has told you Jeff just wants to be friends, it shouldn't bother her for you to ask her out. If she goes out with you, just watch out for Jeff.

 

I do think it would be inappropriate to put Kate on the spot about her secretiveness. That is her privilege to do so and in today's world of busybodies and crap stirers, the less people know about one's relationships the better.

 

If Jeff is really your friend, and he has been dating Kate...and YOU are a decent person, it would be proper protocol to ask for Jeff's feelings BEFORE you ask Kate on a date or reveal your feelings to her. If you do that, you may get more of the information you are seeking.