Scarlett513 Posted December 8, 2010 Share Posted December 8, 2010 I'm 26, he's 28. We've been dating about a month and a half, two weeks of which have been "official" on his suggestion. I agreed to the exclusivity thing even though I'm feeling a little gun shy after my last relationship, and wasn't sure yet where I saw the whole thing going. The more time I spend with him, the more I like him. He's sweet, funny, and a perfect gentleman. I hate to say his being respectful and a gentleman could ever be a problem, but he's barely touched me! We cuddle, hold hands, etc, but he only ever kisses me at the end of a date. So no making out, no sex, no sleepovers. While I really appreciate his willingness to take things slow, I'm feeling a bit disconnected and like my romantic/sexual feelings toward him are waning. It wasn't that way in the beginning but I'm afraid that the lack of the physical aspect is pushing us into "just friends" territory. I realize I could make the move myself - but I think his awkwardness makes ME feel shy. Honestly, I also like a man to be the aggressor in the beginning stages. I know maybe it's old fashioned but it's a turn on for me to know he wants me, and to feel like "the girl." On top of that, I'm worried he's just not attracted to me, or maybe to girls in general (I've been down that road and not looking for a repeat). What the heck is going on?? He's great in every other way but this. I tried to drop some hints during our last conversation...I wanted him to know he's got a green light. But truthfully I don't think it hit home. How do I get through to him without flat out jumping him? Or should I even bother, if he's just not into it for whatever reason? Link to post Share on other sites
Mad Max Posted December 8, 2010 Share Posted December 8, 2010 What's stopping you from making a move? You're playing games by "dropping hints". Just because he's not moving at your pace doesn't make him gay. Link to post Share on other sites
deebeechrisyo Posted December 8, 2010 Share Posted December 8, 2010 He might be shy/inexperienced, or more likely he's trying to court you the right way and might think you aren't ready for sex. I'm very traditional like him, where I have no problems saving sex until down the road when we both really get to know each other. The fact that you guys are "official" now, however, and he still isn't making a move might lean my analysis towards him being pretty shy. Link to post Share on other sites
nice-easy-day Posted December 8, 2010 Share Posted December 8, 2010 Yeah it's no big deal. Pounce him one night if you have to. It's a small minority but some men like to take it slow for various reasons. It doesn't mean he's not getting emotionally attached to you. Here's the thing. When I really like a girl I prefer to hold off on sex and build something of quality. If I'm not that into her I'll screw her and let the chips fall where they may. I don't think you should be too disappointed. Give it more time and relax. Link to post Share on other sites
isdn00789 Posted December 8, 2010 Share Posted December 8, 2010 Several years ago I had a girl dump me, and a while later I found out part of the reason was almost exactly what you're describing here: I took too long to "make a move" as she put it. My point: I wanted to make a move sooner, but I was trying to be respectful, and it screwed me. Other girls had preferred more time, and she didn't make it absolutely clear to me that I should do anything any sooner than I did. You said you tried dropping some hints... What were they? You'd be surprised what a guy can miss, or what he might dismiss because he thinks he's reading into it. I sincerely doubt he is not interested in the sexual aspect of the relationship, he is probably just trying not to push you. I would say you should do something that can't possibly be misconstrued. You don't have to be extreme, but be direct. Just push that side of the relationship a bit yourself, and I bet he'll follow. This is my personal opinion, of course, so do with it what you like. =) Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted December 8, 2010 Share Posted December 8, 2010 I hate to say his being respectful and a gentleman could ever be a problem, but he's barely touched me! Another example of "nice guy" syndrome Link to post Share on other sites
musemaj11 Posted December 8, 2010 Share Posted December 8, 2010 (edited) I know maybe it's old fashioned but it's a turn on for me to know he wants me, and to feel like "the girl." Isnt it a turn on for everyone to feel wanted? If you want it then do it. Stop expecting others to do it for you. Women are incredible creatures. They want people to understand everything they want without having to tell them and they also want other people to do everything for them. Edited December 8, 2010 by musemaj11 Link to post Share on other sites
Jannah Posted December 8, 2010 Share Posted December 8, 2010 Because ya'll wouldn't raise the same question if the shoe was on the other foot? Right... Link to post Share on other sites
BobSacamento Posted December 8, 2010 Share Posted December 8, 2010 I'm 26, he's 28. We've been dating about a month and a half, two weeks of which have been "official" on his suggestion. I agreed to the exclusivity thing even though I'm feeling a little gun shy after my last relationship, and wasn't sure yet where I saw the whole thing going. The more time I spend with him, the more I like him. He's sweet, funny, and a perfect gentleman. I hate to say his being respectful and a gentleman could ever be a problem, but he's barely touched me! We cuddle, hold hands, etc, but he only ever kisses me at the end of a date. So no making out, no sex, no sleepovers. While I really appreciate his willingness to take things slow, I'm feeling a bit disconnected and like my romantic/sexual feelings toward him are waning. It wasn't that way in the beginning but I'm afraid that the lack of the physical aspect is pushing us into "just friends" territory. I realize I could make the move myself - but I think his awkwardness makes ME feel shy. Honestly, I also like a man to be the aggressor in the beginning stages. I know maybe it's old fashioned but it's a turn on for me to know he wants me, and to feel like "the girl." On top of that, I'm worried he's just not attracted to me, or maybe to girls in general (I've been down that road and not looking for a repeat). What the heck is going on?? He's great in every other way but this. I tried to drop some hints during our last conversation...I wanted him to know he's got a green light. But truthfully I don't think it hit home. How do I get through to him without flat out jumping him? Or should I even bother, if he's just not into it for whatever reason? Do you invite him upstairs? Link to post Share on other sites
musemaj11 Posted December 8, 2010 Share Posted December 8, 2010 Because ya'll wouldn't raise the same question if the shoe was on the other foot? Right... What shoe are you talking about? In every corner of the world, men generally go for what they want without expecting others to do it for them. Thats why every little thing around you has the word 'Created by a man' written on it. Link to post Share on other sites
Jannah Posted December 8, 2010 Share Posted December 8, 2010 In every corner of the world, men generally go for what they want without expecting others to do it for them. Thats why every little thing around you has the word 'Created by a man' written on it. Well perhaps that is why OP raised the question... Link to post Share on other sites
Surrealist Posted December 8, 2010 Share Posted December 8, 2010 Another example of "nice guy" syndrome Yes but for all we know he might of made a move on a woman or two in the past and they called 'rape!' You just cannot be too cautious these days. Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted December 8, 2010 Share Posted December 8, 2010 True................ Link to post Share on other sites
musemaj11 Posted December 8, 2010 Share Posted December 8, 2010 Well perhaps that is why OP raised the question... Some men are less assertive than others and some men are just sick of doing all the work. Yes but for all we know he might of made a move on a woman or two in the past and they called 'rape!' You just cannot be too cautious these days. You just can never win as a man. Link to post Share on other sites
Mad Max Posted December 8, 2010 Share Posted December 8, 2010 Some men are less assertive than others and some men are just sick of doing all the work. This. I noticed once I hit 20, I didn't have to. Of course I'm probably the exception, but it is unreasonable and hypocritical to expect the man to do everything. Link to post Share on other sites
Jannah Posted December 8, 2010 Share Posted December 8, 2010 Some men are less assertive than others and some men are just sick of doing all the work. Sick of doing what work... Making a physical move on a woman where it may lead to more physical interaction with said woman? Link to post Share on other sites
musemaj11 Posted December 8, 2010 Share Posted December 8, 2010 Sick of doing what work... Making a physical move on a woman where it may lead to more physical interaction with said woman? Did you miss the part where I said "Everyone wanna feel wanted"? Link to post Share on other sites
Mad Max Posted December 8, 2010 Share Posted December 8, 2010 Sick of doing what work... Making a physical move on a woman where it may lead to more physical interaction with said woman? And the woman making the move can lead to more physical interaxtion with said man. Link to post Share on other sites
Jannah Posted December 8, 2010 Share Posted December 8, 2010 Agreed. But, in case you haven't read up on how the majority of women function on an emotional level, this might explain it better: I'm feeling a bit disconnected and like my romantic/sexual feelings toward him are waning. It wasn't that way in the beginning but I'm afraid that the lack of the physical aspect is pushing us into "just friends" territory. Link to post Share on other sites
Mad Max Posted December 8, 2010 Share Posted December 8, 2010 Agreed. But, in case you haven't read up on how the majority of women function on an emotional level, this might explain it better: It's not his job to cater to her emotional needs. There are plenty of girls that will not hesitate to show they're interested and be physical. Link to post Share on other sites
Jannah Posted December 8, 2010 Share Posted December 8, 2010 It's not his job to cater to her emotional needs. I do not believe that is what the OP is suggesting.... Link to post Share on other sites
musemaj11 Posted December 8, 2010 Share Posted December 8, 2010 Agreed. But, in case you haven't read up on how the majority of women function on an emotional level, this might explain it better: Maybe she should make it happen herself before the feeling really disappears then? Why expect the guy to do it for her? If she only cares about what she wants then I believe the guy should find someone else. I have read up on how the majority of women function on emotional level, and the only way to describe it in one word is "NARCISSISTIC". Link to post Share on other sites
Mad Max Posted December 8, 2010 Share Posted December 8, 2010 I do not believe that is what the OP is suggesting.... Of course she's not going to suggest that. Her actions show that. Maybe she should make it happen herself before the feeling really disappears then? Why expect the guy to do it for her? I have read up on how the majority of women function on emotional level, and the only way to describe it in one word is "NARCISSISTIC". I don't think narcissistic is the right term. I think entitled would be more accurate. Link to post Share on other sites
musemaj11 Posted December 8, 2010 Share Posted December 8, 2010 I don't think narcissistic is the right term. I think entitled would be more accurate. Both words are synonymous. Link to post Share on other sites
Jannah Posted December 8, 2010 Share Posted December 8, 2010 Maybe she should make it happen herself before the feeling really disappears then? Why expect the guy to do it for her? I have read up on how the majority of women function on emotional level, and the only way to describe it in one word is "NARCISSISTIC". Now you're throwing NPD into the mix? Come on now... Link to post Share on other sites
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