some days my FWB tells me he loves me, some days he's cold? is he in love with me?

[zz11]

I am with my FWB 24/7, so i guess you could say we are unofficially dating. (can't openly date due to other reasons atm) When this FWB started, we both agreed that we didn't want anything serious, but of course that never works out and here we are now.

 

One night he called me after he had been drinking, and told me that he loved me, and that he wished we could be together. He said he had had feelings for me for a really long time. He wasn't slurring his words, and he had just driven himself home, so it's not like he was totally out of it drunk. We never spoke about this night ever again though.

 

Now that isn't the first time he's thrown the L-word around. He'll always ask me "are you in love with me?" in a joking way...and a few times he has added it in to situations..."sorry, didn't mean to bump into you, i love you" And all those times, i just kinda ignored it. Since we both agreed to keep this casual, I don't know how to respond to those small things. (i'm really shy) And what if he's just joking around? Would a FWB even go near the L-word if he didn't have feelings??

 

I want to question his drunken words, but I don't know how to bring it up again. I am SO shy, and I never share feelings. I don't even care if he doesn't want to commit to a relationship...i am just so curious about whether or not he really does love me. How can I word it to make it seem like i'm okay with whatever answer he gives me? I'm not asking for him to be my boyfriend or anything, but I do love him too. And, I really think i'm too shy to straight up ask "Do you love me?"

 

Also, even though he dropped the L-word, somedays he's really distant...won't even kiss me like he always does...and it makes me feel like just a friend again. I'm always hugging and kissing him, so I feel like he has to know that I'm not just using him as a FWB...maybe he doesn't get the hint though? I just really don't want him to think I don't love him back, but I also don't want to scare him away...

[carhill]

Insufficiently shy to have NSA sex but too shy to communicate. Color me

 

You share more intimacy than some marriages and it's 'FWB'? Time to re-examine that label and its meaning, IMO. There's a whole bunch of emotional attachment here but no one is talking about it.

 

Take a week off from each other and see who talks first.

 

How old are you? If you're so shy you *never* share feelings, you will unlikely ever be able to have a mature adult intimate relationship. I was married to such a person who 'laughed inside' for ten years. Whoa...

[zz11]

I don't think anyone would use that phrase, especially more than once, if it wasn't what they were feeling. And since you haven't responded, it may leave him feeling kind of embarassed, or even hurt. This would probably explain his distance...he might have the idea that this is how you want it, as "friends".

 

You should really tell him how you feel because I think he's confused. Drunk or not, he said that he wishes you could be together. You should try to step outside of your shyness some to communicate. When the time is right you can just say hey, when you say you love me is it true? Or if he randomly throws it out there again, just shoot I love you back and he will be pleasantly surprised.

 

yeah, it seems like in this situation the guy would want to stay as far away as possible from the L-word. i'm really embarrassed that i've ignored him so many times it's just every time he says things, i end up going into joke mode to avoid serious talk. i don't even do it on purpose, it just happens. :\