No sexual attraction for partner

[Pleco]

In the beginning of our relationship, my partner did a number of things that caused me to lose my sexual attraction to him. Long story MUCH abbreviated: he put sex first, above everything (even my health), and it killed my attraction to him. He has since changed, done a complete 180 and I am happy now.

 

Well, almost happy. My sexual desire for him has not come back. He is nearly perfect now, but I still do not like to have sex with him. I am not naturally a low libido person: I masturbated every day from about the age of 4 until 17-18 (had to slow down a little at some point, ha). Now, I might masturbate 1-2 times a week when he is not home. I feel desire when I use porn to masturbate, I get aroused very easily. But later that night when he approaches me for sex, I feel ZERO desire. And it kills me. I know it hurts him too.

 

It is not a physical thing with him - he is gorgeous and I have always thought so. Perfect body and face. But when it comes to having sex with him...I dread it.

 

I would hate to give up on what we have worked on so hard and have now turned into a truly great relationship. But this issue HAS to be resolved before I will consider marriage.

[TaraMaiden]

In my opinion, you need individual and relationship counselling.

 

I think the way he was, has put a physical block on making you feel great about the way he now IS.

 

The past won't go, in your subconscious.

I think there may be some latent or hidden resentment.

 

You need to work through this, on your own, and with him, with professional counselling.

 

Or it could just be that actually, you just don't fancy him any more.

 

I know plenty of guys with hot bods and good-looking faces, but they do nothing for me....

They just don't float my boat.

I even wonder what I saw in my exes, although at the time they pushed all the right buttons.

Now?

Er.....no thanks......

[starryeyed12]

I feel desire when I use porn to masturbate, I get aroused very easily. But later that night when he approaches me for sex, I feel ZERO desire. And it kills me. I know it hurts him too.

 

I think you should try laying off masturbating to porn during the day, and see if that helps. It sounds like you are taking the wind out of your sails before he even gets a chance.

 

Maybe you could watch the porn, but just don't finish the job. Then, you'll be ready to go, without actually drainning yourself.

[elemental1]

is there a specific thing that he does or says - or a certain way he acts that repulses you when it comes to sex?