When and why women go for the nice guy

[griffinchicken53]

At some point I assume women get tired of hot guys that treat them bad. Not meant towards all hot guys, I'm sure some of them are nice.

 

So women, do you start having a physical attraction to more average guys? Or is it more of a tradeoff for a good guy and still want the hot guy?

[TaraMaiden]

I have a good hot guy, so I can't comment......

[musemaj11]

If you can, stop being a nice guy.

 

Either you put them down or they put you down.

 

Perhaps due to hundreds of thousands of years of conditioning, women value men who put them in their place. Dont let anyone try to convince you otherwise.

 

Most women are like dogs. They respect authority and they get uncomfortable when they have to be in charge.

Edited December 8, 2010 by musemaj11

[TaraMaiden]

That's just sad,

If those are the kinds of relationships you've always been used to, no wonder you think this way.

 

This isn't a fact of life, it's a fact of you.....

 

as a Dog behaviourist, you're talking bull.....

[musemaj11]

as a Dog behaviourist, you're talking bull.....

Everything I know about dogs, I learned from watching my favorite show the Dog Whisperer.

[TaraMaiden]

I'm better than the dog whisperer.

[musemaj11]

I'm better than the dog whisperer.

Of course you are. But Cesar Milan is awesome so I will take his words over yours anytime.

[TaraMaiden]

:pI sent you a PM.

This is going off-topic too quickly!

 

(Oh, and I'm as tall as he is.....)

 

EDIT:

 

It's MILLAN.

 

(Pay attention!)

[musemaj11]

:pI sent you a PM.

This is going off-topic too quickly!

 

(Oh, and I'm as tall as he is.....)

 

EDIT:

 

It's MILLAN.

 

(Pay attention!)

Lol, Cesar MiLLan may be short and sometimes you can barely understand him, but he is still awesome!

[denise_xo]

At some point I assume women get tired of hot guys that treat them bad. Not meant towards all hot guys, I'm sure some of them are nice.

 

So women, do you start having a physical attraction to more average guys? Or is it more of a tradeoff for a good guy and still want the hot guy?

 

I find this whole logic to be teenage-ish. But I notice that people go on and on about it here on LS. Maybe I'm just in a different social circle. I just don't buy the crude good guy/bad guy distinction and it's associated dynamics in the way it's often laid out here. I don't like men that treat me badly, and my attraction to men isn't only based on looks [and before someone comes along to tell me that I'm spewing out politically correct bs from some kind of position of false consciousness: YES looks matter but it's most definitely not enough on it's own].

 

I like men who are 'strong' in that they have a life, they have their own ambitions and goals, and they have a healthy confidence and sense of self. But I DON'T need a man who treats me badly, an alphamale who thinks he needs to dominate in a relationship to be 'a man', or who thinks he needs to play games to keep me hooked. No, thank you.

 

That doesn't mean I go for 'average'. Every man I've been interested has of course been really special but that's defined out of a multitude of factors, not just a sexy butt or whatever.

[musemaj11]

Denise, this bad boy epidemic is largely an American phenomenon.

 

In most other countries, especially the ones with humble cultures, women are turned off by cocky alpha men.

 

And not being racist, but according to my observation, white American females tend to be the ones who favor the bad boy types the most.

Edited December 8, 2010 by musemaj11

[zengirl]

At some point I assume women get tired of hot guys that treat them bad. Not meant towards all hot guys, I'm sure some of them are nice.

 

So women, do you start having a physical attraction to more average guys? Or is it more of a tradeoff for a good guy and still want the hot guy?

 

I think it depends what you mean by "hot." I'd never ever date someone who I didn't want to jump all the time---who I didn't think was dead sexy. I've never really dated a bad boy either. I think my boyfriend is dead sexy, and he's shy, kind, smart, nerdy, and treats me fantastic. I'm not sure if the world would consider him "hot" but I sure do.

 

I think a woman is doing a man a disservice if she dates him despite not having much physical attraction. However, if a woman finds herself only attracted to bad guys, maybe there's something she needs to address within herself. Never had that issue.

[Alma Mobley]

This is another one of those threads meant to bash on women. Of COURSE all women date bad boys and then later date the average dudes and deceive them into thinking they are "good girls" when they were previously "horrible sluts." Don't you all know this LS narrative by now?

 

If you are happy in your relationship or marriage, then that means you are with a low-quality "beta" male -- that's why you married him. Come on, you girls know this already, don't you?

[AlektraClementine]

I was never attracted to the "mean guy". Always the nice guy. And hot doesn't = mean. Nor does Nice = average.

 

The absolute worst type of guy I've ever come across though, is the average to below average looking guy with a chip on his shoulder due to insecurities who proclaims that he's a nice guy while at the same time he has a horrible attitude toward women. Calls them derogatory names, bitches about hotter guys, etc., Refuses to change himself. He'd rather the world around him change to suit his perceptions. This is a very dangerous type of person.

 

You see him all over LS. Griping about the harlots and complaining about other peoples' preferences.

[GoodOnPaper]

So women, do you start having a physical attraction to more average guys? Or is it more of a tradeoff for a good guy and still want the hot guy?

 

Not a woman, but I'm wondering if this is another way of asking your question:

 

When women have an interest in more average-looking guys for relationship purposes, how does the associated physical attraction compare to that which they have for hotter-looking or "bad-boy" guys in more casual situations (ONS, FB, etc.)?

 

In my experience, relationship dedication doesn't seem to translate into the bedroom -- if you can judge by how "nice" a woman is there. I assume there must be some attraction issue -- probably the same reason(s) I was never able to attract any women for casual sex when I was single.

[Mellisa]

At some point I assume women get tired of hot guys that treat them bad. Not meant towards all hot guys, I'm sure some of them are nice.

 

So women, do you start having a physical attraction to more average guys? Or is it more of a tradeoff for a good guy and still want the hot guy?

 

 

I dont think being hot is the reason for not treating a woman well.There are also average looking guys that dont treat you well.That's what they do when they are not into you.To me, being treated bad is a deal breaker.No matter how hot the guy is,i wont settle for it.Most women go for hot guys that dont treat them well under that "i'll change him" fantasy.But if you go from jerks to jerks that dont treat you well,then the problem might more be about the low self esteem and lack of self love.

 

We all want someone who can phsically attracts us,have good mental and emotional connection with,but it can be hard to find such a person.That's why we spend a long time searching and failing and searching again in the hopes of eventually find one.I'm sure them are out there somewhere,but you just dont know if you'll be lucky enough to find one in this life time or in your best dating years.

[Gypsy_Soul]

This is another one of those threads meant to bash on women. Of COURSE all women date bad boys and then later date the average dudes and deceive them into thinking they are "good girls" when they were previously "horrible sluts." Don't you all know this LS narrative by now?

 

If you are happy in your relationship or marriage, then that means you are with a low-quality "beta" male -- that's why you married him. Come on, you girls know this already, don't you?

 

I totally agree with you Alma:) I've learned this myself by reading alot of these LS threads.

[fishtaco]

Women don't go for the nice guy period.

 

My definition of a "nice guy" is the guy that has nothing to offer a woman except nice. People use all these other distinctions, doormat, fake nice, etc. But in the end the bottom line is a "nice guy" can't get women because he thinks being nice by itself is a quality enough to get women. So when he is rejected, he gets angry because he has invested so much nice in her and she didn't even want it. And to him, it's counter intuitive because people are supposed to like nice people right? He doesn't realize nice = platonic like; it does NOT build romantic like. The women that say they like nice guys, they're thinking of guys that already have a romantic spark they feel, in that case nice is icing on the cake.

 

Jerk isn't the way to go either. It's an indication of their mad skillz, and nothing more. There are plenty of jerks out there that can't get women. And they can't get friends either. At least the nice guys have friends. But the ones that know how to appeal to women, they know how to generate that romantic spark, they can afford to be jerks as a handicap. If a guy is 8 sexy, he can be 7.5 jerk and still get women. But it's because of the 8 sexy, not the 7.5 jerk. If he were a 4 jerk he'd be even a better catch. But why would he want to be a better catch when he's already getting what he wants?

 

So the nice guy, first being rejected even though he busted out his ace card of 10 niceness, then sees this 7.5 jerk guy get all the chicks, thinks that's what he needs to do... be a 7.5 jerk. Because his concept is wrong, he's seeing nice/jerk when it has nothing to do with anything. Plus he doesn't see the 8 sexy because, well, he's not gay. And so he heads down the wrong path.

 

Being nice is slightly worse than being good at math when it comes to dating. For most women, being good at math isn't a turn on. But it's not a bad thing either. Most of the time it's just an interesting side note and a positive quality, but largely irrelevant, just like being nice. However being nice opens yourself up for abuse, hence I say it's slightly worse. Also being nice takes energy, being a jerk is convenient.

 

So this is my nice guy theory. It's purely from the perspective of the courtship phase. The LTR phase is a different beast with different requirements.

[carhill]

Another perspective is one of perception. Even a balanced individual can be perceived as being 'nice', dependent on the observer's perspective borne of life experience. When it comes to attraction, perception is king (or perhaps queen in this case).

 

IME, women go for 'nice' when jerk is ruling their current relationship. Why? For balance. Also, 'nice' is a convenient filler between 'real' relationships for similar women who are single. Again, it's all about perception and it's her perception which controls. Oh, the stories I could tell

[Mad Max]

If you're hot, it doesn't matter how nice you are. Sad, but true.

[fishtaco]

If you're hot, it doesn't matter how nice you are. Sad, but true.

 

Beautiful people generally have an easier life. Over all they even get paid more salary. The world is not a fair place. Do what you gotta do.

 

Paraphrasing. Life is a combination of beauty pageant, popularity contest, and blind luck.

[Mad Max]

Beautiful people generally have an easier life. Over all they even get paid more salary. The world is not a fair place. Do what you gotta do.

 

Paraphrasing. Life is a combination of beauty pageant, popularity contest, and blind luck.

 

 

Yes and no. They do get paid more overall and are often more popular, but you're also more likely to get used. I wasn't popular in school, but once I hit 20 and my looks matured, everything changed. People are shallow. Doesn't get any simpler than that.

[carhill]

If you're hot, it doesn't matter how nice you are. Sad, but true.

I purposely did not control for looks, but, yeah, *generally*, that's been my experience. Still, even with the 'hotness', such a man, if 'nice', can be used up and spit out by 'pump and dump' women with an agenda. Seen it happen plenty. We tend to correlate aspects of appearance with aspects of personality in stereotypical ways but life is nothing if not a purveyor of exceptions and ranges.

[Mad Max]

I purposely did not control for looks, but, yeah, *generally*, that's been my experience. Still, even with the 'hotness', such a man, if 'nice', can be used up and spit out by 'pump and dump' women with an agenda. Seen it happen plenty. We tend to correlate aspects of appearance with aspects of personality in stereotypical ways but life is nothing if not a purveyor of exceptions and ranges.

 

 

True. I've come across such women. It was pretty obvious they didn't give two s*its about my personality. Needless to say, they were kicked to the curb rather quickly.

[sumdude]

Beautiful people generally have an easier life. Over all they even get paid more salary. The world is not a fair place. Do what you gotta do.

 

Paraphrasing. Life is a combination of beauty pageant, popularity contest, and blind luck.

 

Yeah it's funny. You go through elem school, mid school, high school, college then your 20's always thinking everyone is growing up. One day you open your eyes in your 30's and realize it's just high school again, only with more money.