When and why women go for the nice guy

[SteveC80]

True. I've come across such women. It was pretty obvious they didn't give two s*its about my personality. Needless to say, they were kicked to the curb rather quickly.

 

Tht's happened to me numerous times

 

Contrary to popular belief women use Men as trophies more then vice versa

[Mad Max]

Tht's happened to me numerous times

 

Contrary to popular belief women use Men as trophies more then vice versa

 

 

I don't know about that. But I don't take too kindly to being used as a trophy considering what I went through in high school.

[Surrealist]

Wow you learn something new every day.

 

Today I learnt that:

 

Nice guy = average

Jerk guy = hot

[musemaj11]

Wow you learn something new every day.

 

Today I learnt that:

 

Nice guy = average

Jerk guy = hot

Where have you been all this time man? Hiding under a rock?

[DollWelch]

Nice guy = average

Jerk guy = hot

This makes so much sense now.

 

Nice girl = average

Sl*t girl = hot

 

Is that how it's supposed to go?

[Surrealist]

Where have you been all this time man? Hiding under a rock?

 

May as well have been.

[Surrealist]

This makes so much sense now.

 

Nice girl = average

Sl*t girl = hot

 

Is that how it's supposed to go?

 

 

No certainly not, though there will always be exceptions, or rather generalities, I guess.

 

But where are all the nice chicks to meet us nice guys?

 

See I'm doing this ----> in an attempt to be a jerk, and a man's man. Anyone interested?

[DollWelch]

See I'm doing this ----> in an attempt to be a jerk, and a man's man.

You're a nice guy, Surrealist!? Oh my! I should've known.

 

And here I thought you were a jerk. Since you (and the other nice guys) have come out of hiding, mind to tell us where you've hidden all this time?

 

Women have been searching all over to find you guys.

 

[/sarcasm]

[Surrealist]

You're a nice guy, Surrealist!? Oh my! I should've known.

 

And here I thought you were a jerk. Since you (and the other nice guys) have come out of hiding, mind to tell us where you've hidden all this time?

 

Women have been searching all over to find you guys.

 

[/sarcasm]

 

 

Lol we're probably at home playing play station (or playing with something else ) and commenting on LoveShack! No wonder youse can't find us!!

[D-Lish]

I'm head over heels for a hot guy that's nicer than any guy I've ever dated.

 

Something I've learned about dating bad boys is that at the end of the day, you never feel secure- and that's such a horrible place to be.

 

I've actually embraced my vulnerability with this new guy because he makes me feel safe. Maybe some people associate "safe" with "boring"- and perhaps that is something I believed to be true in the past. I'm certainly embracing it now.

[griffinchicken53]

i'll have to rephrase what i was saying. i had alot of people to use for quotes so i don't have names that go with them but i'll try to sort them out.

 

"[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]Not a woman, but I'm wondering if this is another way of asking your question:[/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]When women have an interest in more average-looking guys for relationship purposes, how does the associated physical attraction compare to that which they have for hotter-looking or "bad-boy" guys in more casual situations (ONS, FB, etc.)?"[/FONT][/sIZE]

 

That is how i meant the question. say i'm with a girl who used to only go for hot guys, is she really attracted to me, an average guy, or did she settle and still lusts for the hot guys?

And I don't mean that all attractive males (and females) are bad. it is a bad analogy. there are ugly people that are mean, beautiful people that are nice.

[griffinchicken53]

and i'll add this too. sometimes the roles are reversed. i had a friend, better than average in the looks department, all through high school and college he dated hot girls, really hot girls. then a few years ago i ran into him and he's married to an average woman.

i don't mean to say, i'm average looking therefore i'm a nice guy. i've made the mistake of having been a doormat in the past. i try to take other people's feelings in consideration before my own.

But i'm not a perfect nice guy. i have faults and weaknesses. Put two women side by side with same personality but one plain, one hot, i'm probably gonna go for the hot one.

maybe on a scale of 1-10 with many determining factors

guy is hot 7.5 personality 1 bedroom performance 1.5

guy is average 4 personality 4 bedroom performance 3

below average 2 personality 3 bedroom performance 5

 

just meaning maybe there is some sort of balance that can be achieved.

[kiss_andmakeup]

I'm 23 and I don't think I've ever dated a stereotypical "bad boy." I've never dated a guy who treated me poorly. The guys I've dated have been mostly in the average to slightly above range looks-wise, but have had certain features which attracted me to them.

 

I find my current boyfriend extremely sexy and he treats me wonderfully.

 

I don't think all women need to go through a "bad boy" stage.

[griffinchicken53]

Maybe I need to put a picture and find out where I stand on the looks dept.

[Mad Max]

Maybe I need to put a picture and find out where I stand on the looks dept.

 

 

Looks have nothing to do with being nice or not. Most would think I'm a player at first glance, but I'm the farthest thing from it.

[zengirl]

Maybe I need to put a picture and find out where I stand on the looks dept.

 

There are things that are classically or contemporarily attractive, per general society, but it doesn't really correlate exactly to what each and every woman (or man!) will find attractive. Not to mention there's a difference between pure aesthetic appeal and sexual compatibility as well.

 

You shouldn't have any question or worries about whether a girl finds you sexy once you're actually dating her and she's comfortable. If she's initiating sex with you---which most women I know will do once they get past the initial stages and first few sexual encounters at least, if not sooner---then she finds you sexy. Not a difficult thing to judge.

[denise_xo]

[quote=griffinchicken53;3138285

That is how i meant the question. say i'm with a girl who used to only go for hot guys, is she really attracted to me, an average guy, or did she settle and still lusts for the hot guys?

 

I think it's about maturity. When one is fifteen, one might be socialised into believing that what matters most in the world is to shag the hottest guy/girl in high school. Then thankfully most of us grow up a bit and we see that there's a bit more to relationships than that. That's not about 'settling for less', it's about understanding the complexities of life and of human relationships and reassessing our values based on that. My take on it, anyway.

[Alienist]

Denise, this bad boy epidemic is largely an American phenomenon.

 

In most other countries, especially the ones with humble cultures, women are turned off by cocky alpha men.

 

And not being racist, but according to my observation, white American females tend to be the ones who favor the bad boy types the most.

Hello to all. This is my first post here.

I live in another country, which Westerners characterize as having 'cruder' life, which meas being more emotional, less planning, yet we have a 'humble' culture where there's some of the Western approach to sex, yet the church is strongly against this and many share this belief.

 

I can reassure you that even here, bad boys really get more attention.

 

Of course, if by 'cocky' you mean violent and dangerous, I believe this turns many women off (not all, by the way). Still, bad boys show the masculine trait of character that nice guys don't. And it doesn't depend on a culture, I believe.

Edited December 9, 2010 by Alienist

[sominret]

The absolute worst type of guy I've ever come across though, is the average to below average looking guy with a chip on his shoulder due to insecurities who proclaims that he's a nice guy while at the same time he has a horrible attitude toward women. Calls them derogatory names, bitches about hotter guys, etc., Refuses to change himself. He'd rather the world around him change to suit his perceptions. This is a very dangerous type of person.

 

You see him all over LS. Griping about the harlots and complaining about other peoples' preferences.

This is interesting. I know a guy that is veryyyyyyyy below average looking (and that is put nicely) and is exactly like you describe it. He acts like he's IT and women should be at his feet, and whatever poor woman he's been able to get he's treated them badly and speaks badly about them. Yet he complains all the time that he's SUCH a nice guy, how come he can't find ONE good woman out there? Is he just unlucky or all women today bitches? I've never understood why he would think of himself as HOT. Like "dude, haven't you seen yourself in the mirror?" You can't fool anyone.

 

On the other hand, my husband is very good-looking and he's one of the humblest people I've ever met, so he's living proof that not all gorgeous men are mean or bad. He actually dislikes it when I tell him how beautiful he is or when he gets too much attention from ppl.

 

The only way I can explain it is that good-looking people tend to be treated better because of their looks, therefore don't need to get an "attitude" or prove anything. Being treated nicely by ppl will result in them treating ppl nicely back. But below average ppl need to work on their personalities if they are to "compete" with the "beauties", and this unfairness makes them upset or arrogant, and thus the bad-ass attitude? Don't know.

[scatterd]

I got tired of the hot bad guys I like the nice guy and the average guy is not so average anymore the better the personality and nicer the man is the better looking they become you can take a good looking man thats acts horrible and the uglier they become.

[Hopeful30]

I will be completely 200% honest with you.

 

None of the men I have ever had relationships with was hot. I wasn't attracted to any of them...not ONE. They kept pursuing and pursuing, and eventually I grew an attraction to them when I got to know them.

 

So physicality has nothing to do with "bad" or "good" guys. At least not in my experience. The first was controlling and manipulative. The second was a cocky a**hole. And the third was a pushover.

 

I used to think I had a pattern, but now i'm starting to realize i'm just all over the place lol!

[phineas]

Looks have nothing to do with being nice or not. Most would think I'm a player at first glance, but I'm the farthest thing from it.

 

I seem to attract they type of insecure women that chase after player / bad boy types.

 

But, by the time I get to know them a little and realize what type of guys their ex's were it's over because i'm not that type of guy & they loose interest.

 

Perhaps because I don't waste time on a woman unless their actually going on dates with me they confuse me for the bad boy type?

 

Also, a lot of the women I meet seem to think they have lots of competition.

I neither confirm nor deny those suspicions I just ask for their number.

 

I don't consider myself good looking. I do have a build but I also got some padding on the mid section & am balding. but i'll be 39 next month so maybe my age range has something to do with it.

[phineas]

I will be completely 200% honest with you.

 

None of the men I have ever had relationships with was hot. I wasn't attracted to any of them...not ONE. They kept pursuing and pursuing, and eventually I grew an attraction to them when I got to know them.

 

So physicality has nothing to do with "bad" or "good" guys. At least not in my experience. The first was controlling and manipulative. The second was a cocky a**hole. And the third was a pushover.

 

I used to think I had a pattern, but now i'm starting to realize i'm just all over the place lol!

 

This. Most of the horror stories i've heard of about women falling for A-holes is that these guys were "just friends" with them for a while.

 

These guys never hit on them & always had a GF that they complained to their female friend about.

 

And these women fell for them & into a relationship of bad treatment.

These guys were also not "hot" just average looking.

 

I don't know if it's a you want what you can't have thing or what?

[ascendotum]

This is another one of those threads meant to bash on women. Of COURSE all women date bad boys and then later date the average dudes and deceive them into thinking they are "good girls" when they were previously "horrible sluts." Don't you all know this LS narrative by now?

 

seems like it is, and here I am propagating it.

 

That is how i meant the question. say i'm with a girl who used to only go for hot guys, is she really attracted to me, an average guy, or did she settle and still lusts for the hot guys?

 

I wonder this as well. I suspect its the case for many women who use to only have time of day for those guys. There's a trade off in characteristics that we seek in a partner. You would have to assume you have traits that the woman finds desirable that offset your lack of a 'sexy look'.

A factor would be for how long the women dated/shagged stereotypical 'bad boy'/'looks over substance' guys for. Some girls go through a phase in their early 20s, while for quite a number of women I know or have known there is a shift in the type of guy they go for around about the time they start wearing clothes that hide their figure as opposed to showing off it off. Can be from 30 all the way to 40s if they got the milf look. I think denise_xo got it when she talked about maturity.

 

For many people, While they are hot they will expect their partner to be hot as opposed to nice but not so hot looking (making the assumption here). By no means do all hot guys treat women bad (and like wise with hot babes), its just that with so many more options its easier to be cavalier with your relationships or treat them with a STR mindset or be a bit of an ******* and get away with it, or in some cases with the women I know, have it interpreted as a alpha characteristic.

[griffinchicken53]

my whole life i've been surrounded by women who want nothing but hot guys. i've gotten resentful.

i figure i'm gonna be someone's second (or third choice) once they hit a certain age and their biological clock is ticking. so i didn't get the young vigorous woman, i get the version that kinky sex means twice in a month on a weeknight with the lights on.