TheGrimSweeper Posted December 8, 2010 Share Posted December 8, 2010 I'm posting this cause im torn on whether or not I can possibly give this girl a third chance. I dont even know for sure she will come back but I just have a gut feeling she might. We dated for a year and 4 months, everything was amazing until she got really tied up with school and didnt get to see each other as much. For reference when we started dating she was 18, i was 22, now im 24 and shes 20. She broke it off the first cause she said she didn't know if she was ready yet, but still loved me and wanted to have me as a friend at first (it was classic grass is greener syndrome, which at her age wasnt all that surprising). I did at first stay friends cause it came out of nowhere and hit me really hard but then I stopped and a few weeks later she came back. I found out when she was drunk she fooled around with another guy when We were together for another 6 months, which for the most part went pretty well. Until about Sept when she got really busy with school again, and I had just finished University and starting work. And I'm not gonna lie, I kinda got depressed about being done school and had more free time now which she didn't have. I became a bit more needy I realize now (I never was before) and have a feeling that might be why she ended it again. At the same time her parents are also going through a seperation which has hit her incredibly hard, even though ive been there trying to support her through the whole thing, she just has this image in her head since childhood (it almost happened then) that all relationships are going to fail. Anyway she was very hot/cold for about a month, then one day as I was going to plan a weekend trip we were going to take for our 2 year anniversary, she texted me saying she might want a break as she was sick of how she was treating me (the cold days) and needed some time to figure things out. I replied and said we needed to talk in person and we will once I get back as I was going home that wknd. 2 days later she was messaging me saying she missed me, but I didnt really say that much. We had the talk in person, she cried a lot, wrote me a letter saying the nicest things about me, that she loves me and always will love me and thinks shes making the biggest mistake of her life, she just needs some time to get over her parents (she was going to start therapy). She wanted to be friends again, I said no this time, told her to come talk to me when shes ready and to have a good christmas if I dont see her and left it at that. She cried a long time and it broke my heart but stayed strong. 8 days ago, havent said a word since, she sent me a message today about her friends who does massages saying "thought you might like this", wow thanks, thats not getting resonded too. What do u guys think? My head says no just cause of how she fooled around with someone else the first time. Link to post Share on other sites
DustySaltus Posted December 8, 2010 Share Posted December 8, 2010 In her language: Busy with school = busy with other dudes She doesn't like the way she was treating you = Wow, I thought he would breakup with me and let me off the hook already. Guess, I'm going to have to do the dirty work myself. Let's be friends = let me off the hook Your healing = Complete and Utter Silence Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me....fool me 3 times...well they never came up with a saying for that because no one let's it get to that point. You need to maintain NC, no matter how hard it is. You have to focus on your needs OUTSIDE of the relationship...be selfish. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheGrimSweeper Posted December 8, 2010 Author Share Posted December 8, 2010 Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me....fool me 3 times...well they never came up with a saying for that because no one let's it get to that point. You need to maintain NC, no matter how hard it is. You have to focus on your needs OUTSIDE of the relationship...be selfish. Thats exactly what I'm doing. Being through it once before I know exactly what to do now, and I'm just going out partying and having a good time with my buddies to get my mind off it and not saying a word to her until she comes begging. She legit is incredibly busy with school and work though and doesn't have much free time, though she could have broke it off to make more free time to hang out with other dudes who knows. One thing I know for sure, is I did stop being a man for a bit which before I realized it was too late. I gave in too her wishes way too easily and stopped doing things I wanted to do myself over her, which will never happen again. Its confusing as hell though as we have talked and she still talked about spending the rest of her life with me. Answer this one though, we had talked about moving in together in the summer, during the breakup she said she'd still want to but in seperate rooms as friends. WTF? Why would you ever want to do this, to keep tabs on me or something? Link to post Share on other sites
DustySaltus Posted December 8, 2010 Share Posted December 8, 2010 Answer this one though, we had talked about moving in together in the summer, during the breakup she said she'd still want to but in seperate rooms as friends. WTF? Why would you ever want to do this, to keep tabs on me or something? Never heard that one before. Maybe she wants to keep you in the background to mess around with between breakups and school..... Link to post Share on other sites
UnsureinSeattle Posted December 8, 2010 Share Posted December 8, 2010 I'm probably not a good one to ask as my old lady's on her like 5th or 6th chance with me... See? It gets better! Eventually, you'll be too downtrodden to care and you'll be able to joke around, too! Seriously, I think you probably made the right call in regards to telling her no and going NC with her. If she's serious about getting into therapy and stuff, who knows about what the future holds. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheGrimSweeper Posted December 9, 2010 Author Share Posted December 9, 2010 Never heard that one before. Maybe she wants to keep you in the background to mess around with between breakups and school..... Maybe, but if she was fooling around with another guy wouldn't the gig kind of be up if she wanted to do this? I mean that'd be impossible to hide if your living with the person. I'm probably not a good one to ask as my old lady's on her like 5th or 6th chance with me... See? It gets better! Eventually, you'll be too downtrodden to care and you'll be able to joke around, too! Seriously, I think you probably made the right call in regards to telling her no and going NC with her. If she's serious about getting into therapy and stuff, who knows about what the future holds. I think I can confirm she did start therapy so she wasn't lieing about that. I didn't respond to her earlier msg she just sent me another one asking for some contact info for a cleaning person I used.. Link to post Share on other sites
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