LadyD06 Posted December 9, 2010 Share Posted December 9, 2010 so i'm not sure if anyone has read my post in friendships..but you should check it out. [re:she want's me dead...] MY DILEMMA: me and "mr.BIG" have been dating for almost four months, he broke it off once because he said he "BROKE HIS RULES" for me, and he couldn't handle it basically. >rule 1: not going to date someone who hooked up with one of his friends[i slpt with his friend two yrs ago once] >>rule 2: he'd never date or be serious with someone who has kids [i have a three yr old son] >>>rule 3: he insist on no drama!!!! [one incident- my son's father found me and him at a restaurant and told him to meet him outside cops called no one got punches in] after the week "break up" we got back together but the crazy thing is we don't have a TITLE!!! he refuses to say we are boyfriend and girlfriend- even though we do everything together, act like it and i sleep over... so my question is what the hell do i do??? Link to post Share on other sites
AverageJoe Posted December 9, 2010 Share Posted December 9, 2010 You get out is what you do. Why do you find this acceptable to you? Is this really how you want things to be? Of course not, get out asap. You should have some rules of your own, shouldnt you? Do you really think this is the best you can ever do? Link to post Share on other sites
Madgick1 Posted December 9, 2010 Share Posted December 9, 2010 What are your rules? Play by those--not his. Link to post Share on other sites
fishtaco Posted December 9, 2010 Share Posted December 9, 2010 His rule #2 says it all. You have a kid, he's not serious with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LadyD06 Posted December 9, 2010 Author Share Posted December 9, 2010 i completly agree! i tell myself the same thing..i'm guessing it takes someone else to verify, but idk if you guys read about how i obtained this relationship [in the friendship forum under 'she wants me dead'] i think i kinda screwed myself over........which is why i believe i want to hold on the relationship, but he has told me to give him time and eventually he'll come around Link to post Share on other sites
Jynxx Posted December 9, 2010 Share Posted December 9, 2010 You can't blame someone for following his own rules, and the 3 you posted seem very reasonable. Haven't read the previous chapter, but it appears he forgave you for breaking 2 of his rules, and is even not dumping you right after strike 3. What you need to see is you put him in a stressfull and uncomfortable spot with the thing with your ex. Rule 3 is there for a reason: he doesn't like stressfull and uncomfortable spots. You brought it onto him (not saying it was your fault, but it certainly wasn't his), and I hope for the sake of your relationship that you're not making anywhere near as much drama about your "title" than on this forum. My advice to you is to give him some space, move out for a bit longer and get back in contact when this is all blown over a bit. If you stay and keep going on about your title I guarantee you the relationship will not last long. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LadyD06 Posted December 9, 2010 Author Share Posted December 9, 2010 You can't blame someone for following his own rules, and the 3 you posted seem very reasonable. Haven't read the previous chapter, but it appears he forgave you for breaking 2 of his rules, and is even not dumping you right after strike 3. What you need to see is you put him in a stressfull and uncomfortable spot with the thing with your ex. Rule 3 is there for a reason: he doesn't like stressfull and uncomfortable spots. You brought it onto him (not saying it was your fault, but it certainly wasn't his), and I hope for the sake of your relationship that you're not making anywhere near as much drama about your "title" than on this forum. My advice to you is to give him some space, move out for a bit longer and get back in contact when this is all blown over a bit. If you stay and keep going on about your title I guarantee you the relationship will not last long. I completly agree.... i've let it blow over but he's the one who broke it off and mended it back together...... i'm not to wrapped up on the title ppl know we're together all the time anyway [we don't live together i just spend weekends overnight when my son is with his father] BUT WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THE KID SITUATION...he claims he'll come around, should i believe time will help?? and we need to strengthen our relationship first? because i don't want my son to meet this guy if he's not serious, i would never put my son in that position. Link to post Share on other sites
Seamless74 Posted December 9, 2010 Share Posted December 9, 2010 sounds like he should have stuck by his rules.. but you a strong, independent, intelligent woman probably should have realized that a man who breaks his own rules and principles is one worth being around.. if he can break his own rules hell have no problem breaking those that you and him decide upon.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LadyD06 Posted December 9, 2010 Author Share Posted December 9, 2010 sounds like he should have stuck by his rules.. but you a strong, independent, intelligent woman probably should have realized that a man who breaks his own rules and principles is one worth being around.. if he can break his own rules hell have no problem breaking those that you and him decide upon.. but u have to say the rules he had for himself were a little ridiculous. majority of females my age have children, the friend thing he slept with one of mine also; doesnt make it right but comeon, and drama thats understandable i had no say in that it wasnt myyy fault nor his. Link to post Share on other sites
phillyfan Posted December 9, 2010 Share Posted December 9, 2010 so i'm not sure if anyone has read my post in friendships..but you should check it out. [re:she want's me dead...] MY DILEMMA: me and "mr.BIG" have been dating for almost four months, he broke it off once because he said he "BROKE HIS RULES" for me, and he couldn't handle it basically. >rule 1: not going to date someone who hooked up with one of his friends[i slpt with his friend two yrs ago once] >>rule 2: he'd never date or be serious with someone who has kids [i have a three yr old son] >>>rule 3: he insist on no drama!!!! [one incident- my son's father found me and him at a restaurant and told him to meet him outside cops called no one got punches in] after the week "break up" we got back together but the crazy thing is we don't have a TITLE!!! he refuses to say we are boyfriend and girlfriend- even though we do everything together, act like it and i sleep over... so my question is what the hell do i do??? Girl no offense but I wudnt have stayed with u afta that drama either. I want a girl who is cool, chilled, calm and has her s*it togetha and that includes no crazy ex in the picture. Hes tellin u he is happy havin fun wit u, finds u hot, but he doesnt see u as a girlfriend and neva will. Simple as that. Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted December 9, 2010 Share Posted December 9, 2010 but u have to say the rules he had for himself were a little ridiculous. majority of females my age have children, the friend thing he slept with one of mine also; doesnt make it right but comeon, and drama thats understandable i had no say in that it wasnt myyy fault nor his. I find his rules pretty reasonable. The kid thing -- eh, I disagree with all the aspersions cast on single Moms (or Dads) around here lately, but that doesn't mean it's not legitimate to decide what you're up for, personally, or not. I wouldn't personally be up for dating a guy with kids either, but I am on the younger side (mid 20s). Not sure what your age is, as you write like my high schoolers. But I wouldn't date anyone who'd slept with one of my friends or had a lot of personal drama in their lives. I'm not saying it's about "fault" so much as it's about the life you want to lead. That said, he sounds like he's got plenty of drama himself, if he goes around making personal rules/principles and then breaking them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LadyD06 Posted December 9, 2010 Author Share Posted December 9, 2010 I find his rules pretty reasonable. The kid thing -- eh, I disagree with all the aspersions cast on single Moms (or Dads) around here lately, but that doesn't mean it's not legitimate to decide what you're up for, personally, or not. I wouldn't personally be up for dating a guy with kids either, but I am on the younger side (mid 20s). Not sure what your age is, as you write like my high schoolers. But I wouldn't date anyone who'd slept with one of my friends or had a lot of personal drama in their lives. I'm not saying it's about "fault" so much as it's about the life you want to lead. That said, he sounds like he's got plenty of drama himself, if he goes around making personal rules/principles and then breaking them. i resent that zengirl... i'm in my early 20's. another thing is i'm the most calm and worry free person there is all this drama spurred from how me and this guy got together. in a nutshell, my 'bff' had been obsessed over this guy for almost four years, and i barely met him 2 yrs ago and we just hit it off...became friends and things escalated from there. and she found out through ppl who had nothing to do with our situation. for example ppl think theyre still in high school, i wanted to tell her on my own time but it didnt work out that way. what's happened has been the most stressful and drama filled 4 months in my life. but i have, HAD, high hopes for me and this guy.....i'm just seeking out opinions, thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
BackUpOrGetStung Posted December 9, 2010 Share Posted December 9, 2010 If you spend as much time as you say you do together, then whats the problem with him giving you the title? Personally, titles don't mean dick to me, but in your situation, I think you could use it to have him show where you really stand. Distance yourself from him, and don't initiate any contact, until he comes to you and asks what's going on. If he doesn't, then you have your answer right there, leave. If he does bring it up tell him that you don't think he's serious about making your relationship work long term and you're starting to have doubts. I think you also need to remember that if you're not his girlfriend, you're free to do what you want. You should go out without him and have fun with your girlfriends. Whatever you do, you need to spend a lot less time with him, and if he really wants you around, then he'll give you what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
Jynxx Posted December 9, 2010 Share Posted December 9, 2010 ... If he does bring it up tell him that you don't think he's serious about making your relationship work long term and you're starting to have doubts ... This is terrible advice. The guy obviously likes her as a person, but the total package includes so many things out of his comfort zone that he is doubting the relationship. If he's doubting if the relationship could work and she tells him she's not sure about it either, don't you think that could trigger him to call it quits? I think you also need to remember that if you're not his girlfriend, you're free to do what you want. You should go out without him and have fun with your girlfriends. Whatever you do, you need to spend a lot less time with him, and if he really wants you around, then he'll give you what you want. No. Just no. If she moves out and they decide to take a break and not see eachother for a while she's free to do what she wants. If they're living together and she starts going out without him more often he will not be manipulated into giving her what she wants, but it will be one extra negative element about her. If they decide to not take a break she should be on her best behaviour until the drama and the stress are worn off a bit. But as I said taking a break is the way to go here. Link to post Share on other sites
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