this just doesn't seem right

[SarahRose]

I lost my job a little over a month ago. I have run out of money and now the car payment etc are getting behind.

 

I keep telling my husband this but he isn't taking the hint to give me some money. I mean I don't even have any money for food. He has probably 12k in savings.

 

I am very close to getting another job but still that takes time to start getting paid.

 

I feel hung out to dry.

[RyanBigDog86]

I lost my job a little over a month ago. I have run out of money and now the car payment etc are getting behind.

 

I keep telling my husband this but he isn't taking the hint to give me some money. I mean I don't even have any money for food. He has probably 12k in savings.

 

I am very close to getting another job but still that takes time to start getting paid.

 

I feel hung out to dry.

 

 

I'm assuming you don't live together. How long have you been married, and prior to that how long have you been together?

 

Now that you're married, you two are RESPONSIBLE for each other. That's just how it is. I'm not saying he's obligated to go buy you a new car just because your current one pulls to the right a little... but helping with food, bills, other necessities.. that is a part of being married. And if it were him in this situation, you should help him, and I'm sure you would.

 

 

Don't bother "talking" it out. I get the feeling that this guy may be kind of a dick, no offense. You need to, as nicely as possible, tell him that he needs to help you. That you're not trying to be a burden, but need assistance and he, as your husband, NEEDS to help. And if he doesn't want to then he can have fun sitting through divorce court and watch you take half of everything that was acquired while you were married.. including his money.

 

Good luck.

[UnifiedFieldTheory]

I'm assuming you're both married and together... doesn't he think you both share a certain degree of dedication to each other's lives? That's what marriage means to me. When my wife and I got married, all the money went into a joint account.

[carhill]

As this past thread illustrates, it seems that this marriage isn't a healthy team effort. I'm sorry to read that. Educate yourself as to what a personal bankruptcy might do to the marital partnership and present that potential to your husband for perusal. Unless he's been exceedingly careful, that 12K of savings and whatever other assets he/you own could be assigned in a divorce action and/or to satisfy the conditions of bankruptcy.

 

Also, contact your creditors and advise them of your situation. You apparently have a consistently good record of managing your financial obligations in the past and most creditors will want to work with you instead of taking adversarial action. Be proactive.

 

My now exW and I ran our businesses and finances completely separately but we still helped each other out over the rough spots. Marriage is a partnership and a team. I'm not hearing that from you, neither in the linked thread nor here. Up to you what you want to do about that. Good luck

[SarahRose]

yes we do live together in the same house and are married.

 

there are no joint accounts other than our mortgage.

 

there doesn't seem to be much team work. I feel that if anything needs to be done, I have to do it.

 

I'm feeling a little bit secretly smug today and I shouldn't because we are supposed to be a team but his actions of not taking care of me when I am having a hard time leaves me resentful.

 

I sit here and look around the house and 95% of the things in it, I have paid for and bought.

 

I passed another round for an interview for a job in another state but he tells me he won't be able to find another job. I said you just have to practice interviewing. He said well you have to help me, meaning I have to write his resume, send it out, and help him practice interviewing. I don't want to even take the job if all he is going to do is sit around the house and moan he can't find a job when he isn't even looking. When I lost my job, I spent a couple days moping and was out busting my hump looking and improving my skills!

 

Umm hello did anyone help me with any of that? Heck no. I asked him to read some interview questions to me so I could practice saying them out loud but he was too busy with some stupid video game.

 

I feel nobody helps me in this life but I am expected to help everyone else!

 

So I get this big check in the mail yesterday for a job I did and nearly forgotten about. I didn't tell him I got it either! So I got an unexpected windfall but that doesn't change the fact he went to the grocery and bought a bunch of crap for himself and got me nothing and wants me to drive him around everywhere but the car payment can fall behind because after all he doesn't drive and doesn't need a car and it is my car and not his.

[hoping2heal]

yes we do live together in the same house and are married.

 

there are no joint accounts other than our mortgage.

 

there doesn't seem to be much team work. I feel that if anything needs to be done, I have to do it.

 

I'm feeling a little bit secretly smug today and I shouldn't because we are supposed to be a team but his actions of not taking care of me when I am having a hard time leaves me resentful.

 

I sit here and look around the house and 95% of the things in it, I have paid for and bought.

 

I passed another round for an interview for a job in another state but he tells me he won't be able to find another job. I said you just have to practice interviewing. He said well you have to help me, meaning I have to write his resume, send it out, and help him practice interviewing. I don't want to even take the job if all he is going to do is sit around the house and moan he can't find a job when he isn't even looking. When I lost my job, I spent a couple days moping and was out busting my hump looking and improving my skills!

 

Umm hello did anyone help me with any of that? Heck no. I asked him to read some interview questions to me so I could practice saying them out loud but he was too busy with some stupid video game.

 

I feel nobody helps me in this life but I am expected to help everyone else!

 

So I get this big check in the mail yesterday for a job I did and nearly forgotten about. I didn't tell him I got it either! So I got an unexpected windfall but that doesn't change the fact he went to the grocery and bought a bunch of crap for himself and got me nothing and wants me to drive him around everywhere but the car payment can fall behind because after all he doesn't drive and doesn't need a car and it is my car and not his.

 

How long have you two been married? When did it become this bad?

[WonderingWhatIf]

It is definitely time to have a very direct, very serious conversation with him. A marriage is a partnership, and he is definitely not contributing this to your partnership.

 

If he won't help, then you need to seriously consider what you are getting from this marriage as a whole. I read some of your previous posts, and it doesn't appear that a lot is going your way.

 

Please take everything into consideration and make the right moves for you. It sounds like he is draining you dry... emotionally and financially.

[KikiW]

Wow, I feel very badly for you. Your relationship sounds more like a boyfriend/girlfriend thing in the VERY early stages (actually, it sounds closer to a couple in the middle of a DIVORCE!), nothing like a marriage. Marriage should be a partnership, not a "this is mine, that is yours... YOU need to do this, but I did THAT yesterday so I don't need to do it again."

 

It sounds incredibly frustrating and if I were in your shoes I would have long ago grown very resentful.

 

If you plan on spending the rest of your life with him, I would suggest seeing someone to help get you two on the same page. You are living separate lives at this point, and eventually one of you (I predict YOU) will get sick and tired of it and end up leaving.

[musemaj11]

You are married and you cant even ask your partner for financial help?

 

Why do people get married if they remain like a unmarried couple in practice?

[giotto]

how's your sex life? I bet it's gone downhill... sorry, but he really is inadequate, but you keep putting up with him...