sumdude Posted December 9, 2010 Share Posted December 9, 2010 (edited) I've posted about it before but just need to vent again... Yep, that's about what's up with me. Not your stereotypical husband buys new Porsche, leaves wife and kids for the 24 year old secretary either. It started when my Mom passed away, then my wife left me, then dad goes. Then my ex GF who is my age (42) ends it with me only to get into a year long push-pull relationship with a 25 year old player/bad boy. Yeah, felt great to see that.. Yeesh.. I work my job because I have to pay the mortgage etc etc, the joy has pretty much gone out of it. At least I work with good people or it would be torturous. I still go out and play gigs with my band.. but oh the price I pay for those late nights the next day. Last year I bought new skis wanting to get back into skiing. Naturally I managed to eff up my shoulder which kinda took me out for a a few months. yeah... yeah I'm bitchin' for the moment. I should be able to say that life is good right? I have most everything I need and then some which is pretty great in this world where so many are hungry and homeless. But here I am at 42, I'm single again, no mate, no kids, what family that's left is spread out and not especially close. Nothing makes much sense and there's a lot of why bother thinking. It gets old doing things just for myself and by myself. Many of the dreams of youth have become missed opportunities in the past. blah,,,, I know it'll get better but today it just sucks ba!!$ Edited December 9, 2010 by sumdude Link to post Share on other sites
Crusoe Posted December 9, 2010 Share Posted December 9, 2010 All a bit sh*t isn't it. Remember this YouTube - Supertramp_ The Logical Song Link to post Share on other sites
Author sumdude Posted December 9, 2010 Author Share Posted December 9, 2010 All a bit sh*t isn't it. Remember this YouTube - Supertramp_ The Logical Song Oh great.. thanks soooo much. I remember when that song came out.. made me feel old again!! gotta laugh I guess... Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 9, 2010 Share Posted December 9, 2010 It's nice to be alive when the alternative is.... Being single and alone is a great time to reflect upon that, IMO. Hey, I bought myself this year's Christmas present - new clothing for the bed. Nothing like fresh flannel sheets and a nice comforter in the style that *I* like to keep myself and the cat warm on a cold winter's night. Now it's time for some hot split-pea soup that a friend's wife made for me and then back out into the cold to work awhile. Like I said, being alive is its own reward. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author sumdude Posted December 9, 2010 Author Share Posted December 9, 2010 It's nice to be alive when the alternative is.... Being single and alone is a great time to reflect upon that, IMO. Hey, I bought myself this year's Christmas present - new clothing for the bed. Nothing like fresh flannel sheets and a nice comforter in the style that *I* like to keep myself and the cat warm on a cold winter's night. Now it's time for some hot split-pea soup that a friend's wife made for me and then back out into the cold to work awhile. Like I said, being alive is its own reward. Good luck Yeah, I know and get it Carhill. I've had plenty of alone time over the last four years. I'm kinda done with it. Never been much of the solitary type. When I catch myself talking to myself I start to worry. Link to post Share on other sites
Crusoe Posted December 9, 2010 Share Posted December 9, 2010 gotta laugh I guess... I guess. Whats the alternative, jack it all in, rent out your home, buy a campervan and spend the next 20 years on the road? Free, carefree, just like you used to be, once upon a time... Link to post Share on other sites
Author sumdude Posted December 9, 2010 Author Share Posted December 9, 2010 I guess. Whats the alternative, jack it all in, rent out your home, buy a campervan and spend the next 20 years on the road? Free, carefree, just like you used to be, once upon a time... Oh I've come close to blowing up my life and takin that kind of path. But I also know reality.. the money WILL run out.. and then what? Find a nice cardboard box and a shopping cart with the one wobbly wheel? Link to post Share on other sites
Cee Posted December 9, 2010 Share Posted December 9, 2010 Hey, sumdude, you aren't alone. I hit a midlife crisis at age 38 and I'm still in it (I'm 41). Basically, I decided that life was short and I was going to live in the moment. I was going to make every moment count. And I have for the most part. The problem with living in the moment is that pretty much I am without a future. I have no partner and not much in the way of savings. But I have a job that pays decently and more friends than I deserve to have. My life is good for today, but I do picture myself single and 70 and worry about that. I came on LS because I wanted dating advice, but the truth was, I wanted to find other single 40-somethings to relate to. I'm glad you posted. That's helps me because I don't know what the **** I'm doing. One of things that I try to remind myself is that my life is good for today and that's all that matters. We only have today. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sumdude Posted December 9, 2010 Author Share Posted December 9, 2010 The problem with living in the moment is that pretty much I am without a future. I have no partner and not much in the way of savings. But I have a job that pays decently and more friends than I deserve to have. My life is good for today, but I do picture myself single and 70 and worry about that. I think about that too. When my parents health really went south they had me, my sis and my brother around to help them and just keep them company. Can't help but imagine myself in the same state with no one there. Link to post Share on other sites
Cee Posted December 9, 2010 Share Posted December 9, 2010 Oh I've come close to blowing up my life and takin that kind of path. But I also know reality.. the money WILL run out.. and then what? Find a nice cardboard box and a shopping cart with the one wobbly wheel? There are so many alternatives to the cardboard box I work in the nonprofit sector so I know that there are many ways to travel and live cheaply. If you want to travel, I suggest going to Couch Surfing and you can go around the world meeting people. You could be a volunteer somewhere in the world and have your living expenses paid. The money WILL run out regardless unless you die young. I looked at my Social Security and at this rate of earning, I will be near destitute at age 70. But I know other people will be too and somehow we will manage even if I'm living in a group house and on food stamps. I don't let money fear dictate my life although I do admit I have a lot of anxiety around health. Didn't mean this post to be a downer. I was trying to cheer you up. Hah! Link to post Share on other sites
Crusoe Posted December 9, 2010 Share Posted December 9, 2010 Oh I've come close to blowing up my life and takin that kind of path. But I also know reality.. the money WILL run out.. and then what? Find a nice cardboard box and a shopping cart with the one wobbly wheel? I think you would make a super tramp Nice to dream though, remember it, carry it with you throughout the day and tell yourself, "oneday". Two men look through prison bars, one sees mud, the other stars. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sumdude Posted December 9, 2010 Author Share Posted December 9, 2010 There are so many alternatives to the cardboard box I work in the nonprofit sector so I know that there are many ways to travel and live cheaply. If you want to travel, I suggest going to Couch Surfing and you can go around the world meeting people. You could be a volunteer somewhere in the world and have your living expenses paid. The money WILL run out regardless unless you die young. I looked at my Social Security and at this rate of earning, I will be near destitute at age 70. But I know other people will be too and somehow we will manage even if I'm living in a group house and on food stamps. I don't let money fear dictate my life although I do admit I have a lot of anxiety around health. Didn't mean this post to be a downer. I was trying to cheer you up. Hah! You took a different fork in the road. This year I ended up buying my first house. So a new mortgage, it was kinda forced on me since I had to either buy the house I was renting or move out. I happened to have $$ from selling my folks house. Now I wonder if I made a rash decision there. But decision made and ride the ride I chose for now. So far I've taken the safer route. Still have the job, the retirement plan, house and equity. But a cage of gold is still a cage. I guess time will tell because I can always make a change later. I just miss having a copilot on this flight.. never been into being a solo traveler. Link to post Share on other sites
Surrealist Posted December 9, 2010 Share Posted December 9, 2010 Yeah I feel pretty much the same way. 40 years old. Can't afford to live on my salary yet I find it difficult to get jobs, or get promotions. Live in an area where I have no friends except for my ex (stbxw), who is my only friend. Seperated for almost 5 years pending divorce. Can't get dates. Feeling burned out. Goals I had when I was younger didn't turn out and reality has hit very hard. Been struggling one way or other for the past 12 years and so the thought of it "it will get better one day" is becoming very vague. Still love going to the gym though and smashing the weights, which I'm about to do now. It's therapy, much better than at the end of a bottle or bong, and with a pretty good diet, keeps me looking pretty good at least. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sumdude Posted December 10, 2010 Author Share Posted December 10, 2010 The more I think about it the more I know it's time for a career change. Took some online assessment tests last night and today. Just thinking about new things, options and change lifts my spirits. Very high risk, high reward but all I have to lose is money right now... scary but I think if I don't start to make a move I'll just die inside. Link to post Share on other sites
michaelk Posted December 13, 2010 Share Posted December 13, 2010 I'm not single (came damned close to it, though), but I can totally relate to the mid-life morass. My 39th birthday was the worst, for some reason, and the real crisis started a couple of years after that. I looked at all the obligations I've taken on and realized that the freedom I had in my 20s had evaporated. I'm not alone and lonely, but its not much better being in a relationship you don't really want with no real way out. The other day my W was sorting through some old papers and found a couple of things of mine from when I was in grad school. A few draft chapters from a book I was co-authoring with one of my professors, and an outline of a computerized science course I wanted to create. It reminded me that there was a time when I was full of ideas and energy to act on those ideas, and honestly it made me feel depressed. I wish I could be that person again, instead of the one whose options have narrowed to almost nothing because of the need to pay the mortgage and put food on the table. Over the past few years, I've come to terms with my situation more or less, and so I keep putting one foot in front of the other. But I keep wondering when the mid-life crisis really ends. At 46, I'm still not out of the woods. I know this is depressing and won't cheer you up, but maybe it will give you a sense that you're not alone in having trouble dealing with this time of your life. MK Link to post Share on other sites
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