Taucher Posted December 10, 2010 Share Posted December 10, 2010 I am 4 weeks into my LDR and it has settled into a pattern now; the emotions are up and down but I am usually ok. But I have had days where I just feel desperate and worried and then the naext day it is like it never happened. I try not to tell my SO. But these down days just seem to come from nowhere. I can be happy one day and then wake up the next morning and suddenly everything is terrible and she is going to leave me and I think I will never see her again etc. I am not sure what triggers this, I have one or two ideas. T Link to post Share on other sites
Phoenix01 Posted December 10, 2010 Share Posted December 10, 2010 Well I think in your case what triggers it that it's a fresh relationship, in the begining everyone is uncertain and feels like it might end any time. But if you 2 carry on a bit longer the feeling will disappear. What can help is also meeting but I think 4 weeks are quite early for that. I don't think you have to worry about this moodiness I'm in a LDR for 2,5 years now and still happens every now and then, but it only means that you really love her ^^ Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted December 10, 2010 Share Posted December 10, 2010 This isn't a new r/ship, they were together before she went away Well I think in your case what triggers it that it's a fresh relationship, in the begining everyone is uncertain and feels like it might end any time. But if you 2 carry on a bit longer the feeling will disappear. What can help is also meeting but I think 4 weeks are quite early for that. I don't think you have to worry about this moodiness I'm in a LDR for 2,5 years now and still happens every now and then, but it only means that you really love her ^^ Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted December 10, 2010 Share Posted December 10, 2010 Does she ever sound like she has doubts? Any doubts I have, which are quite rare at the moment, are just from low self esteem, and from being broken up with last year after 18 years, so I have a little cynical voice in my ear sometimes! I also worry he wanted to talk about the future early on before I was ready, I worry a bit he might not really mean it, that he just said it as he was excited about being in a new r/ship, time will tell. He said he wants to hear anything which is troubling me, so I do tell him, which helps put my mind at rest. He has doubts himself sometimes, mostly as he worries I won't be able to handle the distance-he's been in a LDR before, so more used to it. What triggers yours, or don't you want to say? I am 4 weeks into my LDR and it has settled into a pattern now; the emotions are up and down but I am usually ok. But I have had days where I just feel desperate and worried and then the naext day it is like it never happened. I try not to tell my SO. But these down days just seem to come from nowhere. I can be happy one day and then wake up the next morning and suddenly everything is terrible and she is going to leave me and I think I will never see her again etc. I am not sure what triggers this, I have one or two ideas. T Link to post Share on other sites
Phoenix01 Posted December 10, 2010 Share Posted December 10, 2010 This isn't a new r/ship, they were together before she went away well when I read this thread it only said about the LDR part so obviously I didn'T know, but still the same goes what I said. it's a new situation, and it takes time to "get used" to it unfortunatelly ^^'' Link to post Share on other sites
aerogurl87 Posted December 10, 2010 Share Posted December 10, 2010 I have days like that as well and I know where it comes from. One of my past relationships was a LDR in which I was left out of the blue quickly. Sometimes, although I know my boyfriend is a way much better person than my ex, I fear the same thing happening again and go into a panic of sorts. But it wears off after him and I talk usually. Link to post Share on other sites
folieadeux Posted December 10, 2010 Share Posted December 10, 2010 I think our past relationship experiences (both good and bad) eventually carry over into our current relationships inevitably in one way or another. So, to some extent, I think that affects us all. I honestly don't have any doubts in my relationship, but I get to be a real pain in the ass when me and my SO can't speak as much as we would like. But as soon as I hear his voice I'm over it. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted December 11, 2010 Share Posted December 11, 2010 When he forgets my birthday. Like today. That is horrible. :( Happy birthday. Link to post Share on other sites
folieadeux Posted December 11, 2010 Share Posted December 11, 2010 When he forgets my birthday. Like today. I'm so sorry. Happy Birthday, I hope he makes it up to you! Link to post Share on other sites
aerogurl87 Posted December 11, 2010 Share Posted December 11, 2010 When he forgets my birthday. Like today. Aww, happy birthday! Link to post Share on other sites
Phoenix01 Posted December 11, 2010 Share Posted December 11, 2010 When he forgets my birthday. Like today. you should remind him what he has forgotten, he better feels bad Happy Birthday Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted December 11, 2010 Share Posted December 11, 2010 Aw Most men are pretty crappy when it comes to birthdays in my experience. Hopefully he remembered/s in the end? When he forgets my birthday. Like today. Link to post Share on other sites
blugirl Posted December 13, 2010 Share Posted December 13, 2010 awwww Happy birthday Lisa!!! Link to post Share on other sites
folieadeux Posted December 13, 2010 Share Posted December 13, 2010 Ahhh, thank you, guys! ^_^ And he did end up remembering. I knew it was on his mind because he had mentioned it twice earlier in the week, so I was surprised when he neglected to say happy birthday. I found out later he was thinking my birthday was the 11th instead of the 10th. He felt horrible, and he had such a sad look on his face when he realized. I got some orchids and sunflowers that he sent me. They are so pretty! But as soon as I set it on the coffee table my cat took a swipe at it and knocked out a baby's breath. To answer the OP I am insecure enough that the littlest things can trigger my doubts. But whether it is something he does or something he says, he never fails at easing my anxiety. Just the fact that he has put up with me as long as he has must mean he loves me. Glad everything worked out. I've been an anxiety-ridden basket case lately (especially with our impending visit coming up in a few weeks) and I really don't know how my SO puts up with it either. It's gotta be love. Link to post Share on other sites
creighton0123 Posted December 14, 2010 Share Posted December 14, 2010 I broke my garbage disposal last night by way of a missing fork. I got upset because I've always cooked (great chef) and he's always done the dishes. In his absence and my having to clean my own dishes, I had a pang of doubt. Little things make a difference. Doubt usually happens in down time when your SO is unreachable. The best thing I've found is that LDR's help you learn how to be alone without being lonely. -Creighton Link to post Share on other sites
mercedesgirl Posted December 14, 2010 Share Posted December 14, 2010 In am in a LDR and I find it hard when he has to go home at the end of the weekend. I only see him at weekends and I find that during the week at my worse times. I worry who he is talking to or even seeing during the week! How do people in LDR's deal with this? I am generally a confident person, but when someone gets close, I realise how easily I could get hurt. It is only with people who get close to me that I have negative thoughts about. We talk every evening and text during the days, but I still have my anxieties. This has all come about because of prev relationship that ended when I found out he had been having an affair for 3 years of the marriage and that the last 3 years of our marriage where lies. I dont think I have gotten over this. Any advice guys? Thanks for reading Link to post Share on other sites
creighton0123 Posted December 14, 2010 Share Posted December 14, 2010 "In am in a LDR and I find it hard when he has to go home at the end of the weekend. I only see him at weekends and I find that during the week at my worse times. I worry who he is talking to or even seeing during the week! How do people in LDR's deal with this?" Negative thoughts are always rough to deal with. As anyone in an LDR knows, we don't like being told to "keep busy". How far away is your partner from you? To save on money/minutes for cell phone usage, best bet to help you feel better is to replace phone calls with video chat. Link to post Share on other sites
mercedesgirl Posted December 14, 2010 Share Posted December 14, 2010 He lives 1 and 1/2 hours away Link to post Share on other sites
folieadeux Posted December 15, 2010 Share Posted December 15, 2010 The best thing I've found is that LDR's help you learn how to be alone without being lonely. -Creighton This is beautiful. Thank you for that. Link to post Share on other sites
folieadeux Posted December 15, 2010 Share Posted December 15, 2010 In am in a LDR and I find it hard when he has to go home at the end of the weekend. I only see him at weekends and I find that during the week at my worse times. I worry who he is talking to or even seeing during the week! How do people in LDR's deal with this? I am generally a confident person, but when someone gets close, I realise how easily I could get hurt. It is only with people who get close to me that I have negative thoughts about. We talk every evening and text during the days, but I still have my anxieties. This has all come about because of prev relationship that ended when I found out he had been having an affair for 3 years of the marriage and that the last 3 years of our marriage where lies. I dont think I have gotten over this. Any advice guys? Thanks for reading Unfortunately it seems that alot of your apprehensions stem from your past. You just have to try to let that go and not let it affect your current relationship. You're lucky in that you're able to see your SO alot more frequently than most of us do. You just have to trust each other. I see from another post that he's only an hour and a half away. Is it possible for you to meet up at all during the week? Link to post Share on other sites
folieadeux Posted December 15, 2010 Share Posted December 15, 2010 I find that the closer we get to a visit the more anxious he gets and I relax. I think that has to do with me working extra so I have spare cash for the visit and being too busy to think while he gets anxious in terms of he's horny and he can't wait for me to come. Something that really triggers my doubts are reading the affair stories in this forum. He tells me I shouldn't look in those forums, and focus on the happy posts here at LS, but those are sometimes hard to find. I'm relieved to see I'm not the only one that gets this way. I'm the more "anxious" one anyway between my SO and I but I notice it definitely gets worse the closer a visit gets. I think it's even more magnified when he visits me, which he'll be doing now...I just want to make sure everything's perfect. When I go there, being the one who's doing the travelling, I feel I have less on my plate to get organized, if that makes any sense. Blah. I definitely try to stay clear of that part of the forum...or just in life in general if I can avoid it. I need to surround myself with positive things as much as possible. Link to post Share on other sites
aerogurl87 Posted December 15, 2010 Share Posted December 15, 2010 Ahhh, thank you, guys! ^_^ And he did end up remembering. I knew it was on his mind because he had mentioned it twice earlier in the week, so I was surprised when he neglected to say happy birthday. I found out later he was thinking my birthday was the 11th instead of the 10th. He felt horrible, and he had such a sad look on his face when he realized. I got some orchids and sunflowers that he sent me. They are so pretty! But as soon as I set it on the coffee table my cat took a swipe at it and knocked out a baby's breath. To answer the OP I am insecure enough that the littlest things can trigger my doubts. But whether it is something he does or something he says, he never fails at easing my anxiety. Just the fact that he has put up with me as long as he has must mean he loves me. Yay he remembered! :bunny: Yeah sometimes guys don't remember things that well. My boyfriend has a horrible memory and for the first 2 months couldn't remember the exact date of our anniversary. We argued about it for awhile till I pulled out the proof that it was on the 30th of January as I keep evidence of all the little sweet things he says/does for the most part, lol. Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted December 15, 2010 Share Posted December 15, 2010 Ditto to this! >To answer the OP I am insecure enough that the littlest things can trigger my doubts. But whether it is something he does or something he says, he never fails at easing my anxiety. Just the fact that he has put up with me as long as he has must mean he loves me.< Link to post Share on other sites
creighton0123 Posted December 15, 2010 Share Posted December 15, 2010 My boyfriend has a horrible memory and for the first 2 months couldn't remember the exact date of our anniversary. Heh. Any advice for that? Both my boyfriend and I forgot exactly when it was we decided to date exclusively. We're currently using the first day we met and only remember the exact date because of facebook :-P Link to post Share on other sites
mercedesgirl Posted December 15, 2010 Share Posted December 15, 2010 Unfortunately it seems that alot of your apprehensions stem from your past. You just have to try to let that go and not let it affect your current relationship. You're lucky in that you're able to see your SO alot more frequently than most of us do. You just have to trust each other. I see from another post that he's only an hour and a half away. Is it possible for you to meet up at all during the week? Not always possible because I work during school times, but when school hols are here, and he is working during the week, I have popped down to his workshop to spend the day with him. Link to post Share on other sites
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