moimeme Posted March 13, 2004 Share Posted March 13, 2004 In your life, do you feel free to be yourself? How much of your personality remains stifled in different situations? Let's leave aside work, because work is pretty restrictive in most cases. However, what about your friendships? Your relationship? How much of the 100% genuine you must remain under wraps? What aspects of yourself must you stifle? i.e. are you lusty? Sardonic? Do you have an irreverant sense of humour? Are you a closet soap watcher? Do you have any relationship in which you can be your whole self? Sign in as a 'guest' to answer if you think you can't be you on LS! Link to post Share on other sites
gaia Posted March 13, 2004 Share Posted March 13, 2004 i can't think of anything I stifle with my husband or my best friend. Guess I'm very lucky! Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted March 13, 2004 Share Posted March 13, 2004 Yes I feel free to be myself but not with everyone, all of the time. For a start I am usually responsible, mature Mummy - until the kids are in bed when I become someone entirely different I don't stifle anything but different aspects of my personality come out with different people. That's one of the reasons I need close friendships to feel totally happy. A few of my closest relationships have evolved from fairly stifled beginnings to encompass most areas of my life. I find people who are very different to me sort of fascinating. There are a couple of minor things I think of as untapped potential which LS has helped me pinpoint - so I wouldn't say I was 100% fulfilled. I do get more happy and fulfilled over time but people change so the goal posts move. If I had to name a figure I'd say there's 5% of me waiting until I can find a way of unwrapping it. I'm sure when I get round to sorting that out there will be something else that occurs to me would make for a more fulfilled life. Life would be boring otherwise. How about you Merry? Link to post Share on other sites
Author moimeme Posted March 13, 2004 Author Share Posted March 13, 2004 How about you Merry? Meanon - I usually answer my own posts later in the thread and I'll do the same with this one! I don't want to colour or influence people's answers in any way, you see... Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted March 13, 2004 Share Posted March 13, 2004 Ooooo anticipation! I'll check in later Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted March 14, 2004 Share Posted March 14, 2004 Good thread Merry. Lucky for me, I am myself with my partner. He sees all of me, the good and the bad (!...obsessing me ). It took a while to reach that stage, but now I would say I am more myself with him I have managed to be in any other previous relationships. There are of course, certain aspects of me which don't always get a chance to be show within my relationship with him. I tend to find they can be shown in the relationship I have with my best friend for example. Absolute honesty is so important to me, and to him. Sometimes I am almost too honest for my own good....but no hidden secrets. My best friend- I am myself with her. But things have only really been that way over the past year or two. She now knows about my obsessing etc, and other things which I previously felt so embarassed about I kept quiet. Certain things we don't discuss, because she gets a little embarassed for example talking about sexual stuff....so I never go into details (not that I would anyway)..but for the most part, we can tell each other anything. My mum- she knows me...she is my mum and my friend. Obviously there are certain aspect she doesn't know...but not much! The rest of the time, I tend to put out what I want people to see. Lots of people who don't know me well, think I am this happy go lucky, easy going kinda girl! I am not that way at all in reality! I am serious, intense, sensitive, and I THINK all the time! At work, I work closely with one person and I think he knows me pretty well, after years of working together. Noone else would have much idea I don't think. I will be the person who appears calm under pressure, when inside I am freaking out. I have found that as I have grown I have felt more game to reveal more of myself more of the time, within the boundaries of my close relationships. The rest of the time, I keep the inner me well under wraps. I do not form close friendships easily, so I only have a few people I am close too. I like it that way, it's just who I am . The rest of the time I prefer to be alone, or with my partner or family. That is why I sometimes find Lshack so theraputic and that it can provide extra contact, without threat! Although, I think now I do sometimes edit what I say on here too...or feel embarassed. I have something for example I would like to post on (to do with my issues) but I am hesitant, as I don't want to look even crazier! Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted March 14, 2004 Share Posted March 14, 2004 I think now I do sometimes edit what I say on here too...or feel embarassed. I have something for example I would like to post on (to do with my issues) but I am hesitant, as I don't want to look even crazier! You do yourself a disservice, Thinkalot. I know few people as open as you are on LS, that's why you are so well liked . Case in point - you posted that problem! Link to post Share on other sites
subtitled Posted March 14, 2004 Share Posted March 14, 2004 This is something that's really had me thinking the last few years and especially since i've started dating people. It's my job to be confused at age 18, but i feel like i should have who i am sorted out by now, and feel less inclined to modify myself for other people. Sadly, this isn't the case and i'm still wondering... who am i? I have 4 extremely close best friends, and i find slight variations between my interactions with all of them. One of them makes me defensive more than the others, another makes me say more lame jokes. I often wonder who 'the real me' is? Is there such a thing? If a person is like a text, then it is not just the author who informs meaning, but the audience. In this way, who i am should be influenced by me but also who i am surrounded by, so maybe acting differently around different people is healthy and positive as long as it isn't forced. What i want to know is.. what constitutes knowing "who i am". Is it when i feel completely comfortable? Is it when i'm not trying to entertain or impress (in the "leave an impression" sense) anyone? but what if i have a personality that enjoys entertaining? I can be either a vocal, loud, leader or a quiet, withdrawn brooder. I love joking around and making light of situations, but it takes a lot of effort sometimes. When i'm surrounded by unfamiliar people and i'm not in the mood to make the effort i will be withdrawn, surrounded by friends and in a carefree mood, i'll usually steal the show. There are people with whom i mostly socialise one on one as i met them in isolation away from my usual social group. Around these people, i interact on a middleground between being vocal and brooding, and i sometimes think this is myself. Perhaps because there is no large group to entertain, and there is only a single person to engage with on a deeper level. I look forward to the day when i meet a person of the opposite sex with whom i can be loud, rude and ignorant around and yet quiet, thoughtful and withdrawn too, and it all still make total sense. This is the case with most of my best friends, but i hope one day i meet a male who i will share the same sort of bond. so here's my question - what constitutes knowing 'who you are'? how do you know who you are? Link to post Share on other sites
Author moimeme Posted March 14, 2004 Author Share Posted March 14, 2004 i feel like i should have who i am sorted out by now Goodness! That's way too high an expectation, IMHO. Leaves you nothing new to discover about you for the rest of your life - how dull! Once you do have a fairly good idea of who you are, the rest of the work is re-examining your conclusions periodically to see if they are still valid. what constitutes knowing 'who you are'? how do you know who you are? Well, now there's a good question! I think you're on to something when you describe it in terms of comfort. There's more to it than that; it's got plenty of other elements, but certainly it has to do with knowing what your values are and, to some extent at least, what your goals are as well. It's knowing about your weaknesses and strengths and even your limits and breaking point. Another important piece for me is understanding my own motivations; and it can take a fair bit of work to figure out why you feel the way you feel and why you do the things you do. Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted March 14, 2004 Share Posted March 14, 2004 It's my job to be confused at age 18 LOL that's exactly how I felt at 18. If you settle for a version of yourself too early you'd be bothered by all the limitless possibilities out there to be tested. You'd get bored. Experience changes your view of yourself, enjoy the ride Moimeme is right, you know yourself when you are comfortable with yourself. For me that's when you know and understand how to meet your own needs and can make adjustments to be happy in pretty much any circumstance as a result. But you'll always have the capacity to surprise yourself - people change throughout their life time. Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted March 14, 2004 Share Posted March 14, 2004 subtitled, I am 30, and it still stuns me how much I have grown in the past 10 years! I can see different phases in that growth, times when my learning curve really peaked. My early 20s I had my first real love relationship and sexual experiences. I was also VERY ambitious. Mid twenties I lived and worked overseas for 18 months, and boy did I grow a lot then! And change my perspectives on life and my priorities. Late twenties...entered my current relationship. Made drastic changes in the way I act and relate within that relationship, and within the unusually close relationship I have with my mum (a lot of letting go had to take place, and it was HARD for mum and I). I also began reading lots of self help books, spiritual books, started meditating, and learning about what motivates my actions. Probably came to really understand myself, mature and gain some wisdom. Now- still learning, unravelling my obsessing issues, and learning to trust and love fully and enter the next phase of life. You have so much in front of you to explore and experience. Have fun getting there! You sound like a really smart girl,and a bit of a thinker too. Link to post Share on other sites
Trixie49 Posted March 14, 2004 Share Posted March 14, 2004 Are you doing a report or a case study for school or something? Just wondering what possesed you to post such a thread. It's a little strange. Oh well.... just curious. I think it's important to remember that sometimes other people stand in the way of you being your true self. Take, for example, this website. You can't fully express your true opinons or your posts will be edited or deleted or in worse cases, you will be banished or something. (I am sure that only happens in extreme cases, but still.) So sometimes there are consequences to being your true self. It sucks that it's like that, but that's just how it is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author moimeme Posted March 14, 2004 Author Share Posted March 14, 2004 Are you doing a report or a case study for school or something? Nope. Just part of my general interest in learning more about people and relationships. Sometimes I ask this sort of questionto run the answers against my own assumptions/ideas to see if it's time to rejig my thinking. Sometimes it's to compare my experience with that of others. All in the name of insatiable thirst to learn stuff Link to post Share on other sites
Trixie49 Posted March 14, 2004 Share Posted March 14, 2004 Yeah, it's real interesting to hear what other people think about certain things. There's so many different opinions out there, it's neat to find out what fuels people to think the way they do. Link to post Share on other sites
NatoPMT Posted March 15, 2004 Share Posted March 15, 2004 i dont fully know who i am, and i am happy with things that way. i have different friends who bring out different sides of me, not every one of my friends knows the same me. i dont see this as being stifled, i see this as having part of a complex personality as everyone does, if i feel that i cant be myself, whoever that may be at that time, i dont consider that person a true friend. i used to wrestle with it, but now i feel content to have friends for different occassions, usually if the person is a true friend, as i get to know them their 'function' becomes more multifunctional as trust and friendship grow, and they need me for differing reasons that extends beyond the context in which we originally knew each other. i have just read downwards, i didnt read everyone elses response before writing my own, i have just said pretty much what meanon said. regarding relationships - never been myself because i think that ive never felt worthy of acceptance so have always hidden parts of me for fear of rejection or judgment. i didnt even realise how easy that was for me to correct - just needed a period of time on my own which took away the fear of being on my own therefore the bulk of the reason to hide aspects of myself. those aspects i tried to hide manifested themselves in resentments and then as traits id rather not have had - and therefore tried to hide. Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted March 22, 2004 Share Posted March 22, 2004 Merry, we are still waiting for YOUR answer to your question Link to post Share on other sites
Author moimeme Posted March 22, 2004 Author Share Posted March 22, 2004 Oops! Thought you'd forgotten about me LOL. I posted earlier about my LS postings. Mostly I'm not nearly as facetious in posting as I really am. It's fun when we can fool around the way we did earlier today, but I'll not feel free to joke unless someone else starts it. Similarly, in 3D life, I keep my humour under my hat until I know people can handle it. Sometimes they can't so it has to stay stifled. In the rest of life, like most folks, I have different friends that I can explore different ideas and interests with but most of them wouldn't be comfortable with the whole me. There is more of me on LS than many of my friends know. Some would be uncomfortable with my raunchy side and others with my spiritual self. Then there are ones who aren't the least bit interested in things philosophical and others that I have to reel in my vocabulary for. They are all dear to me all the same but I won't be giving out the LS addy LOL. I have recently had the great good fortune to find one soul with whom I can discuss anything and everything and this is a great blessing. BigBelm said: dont see this as being stifled, i see this as having part of a complex personality as everyone does, if i feel that i cant be myself, whoever that may be at that time, i dont consider that person a true friend. I think it's about being comfortable, as some people suggested. I would prefer not to censor myself, to feel free to discuss any and every subject with some folks, but I understand that everyone has individual tastes, interests, and values and I still can enjoy the interactions we do have. Link to post Share on other sites
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