Vivid_29 Posted March 13, 2004 Share Posted March 13, 2004 Friends - What would you do if your mate passed away? Could you move on? What I mean by 'move on' is, could you or would you go out and find someone else and settle with them? ~V Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted March 13, 2004 Share Posted March 13, 2004 In time, yes. It'd take a hell of a long while, though. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted March 13, 2004 Share Posted March 13, 2004 i don't have a mate, but i think that if my life-mate died, i wouldn't settle with anyone else, although i may go 'round and have some fun out there. -yes Link to post Share on other sites
reasontosigh Posted March 13, 2004 Share Posted March 13, 2004 I'd be the same as yes, though it would take me a real long time before the "fun" started. (I'm also single) That has been what my dad's been doing since my mom passed away in 1985. He did get really serious with a woman once, though, but that ended when she turned down his proposal. She was a widow who ultimately decided she just couldn't see herself getting married again. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted March 13, 2004 Share Posted March 13, 2004 i think the stories you see in your family really make a difference. all the couples in my family are lifers - no divorces, no second marriages, nada - together for life, and nobody else if one dies. doesn't mean there's never any cheating going on, o'course. -yes Link to post Share on other sites
ladyangel Posted March 13, 2004 Share Posted March 13, 2004 My mate has told me that if he dies before me, he would want me to eventually remarry because he wants me to find happiness again. I think I probably would eventually move on, but like everyone else said, it would take quite a while for me to be ready again. Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted March 13, 2004 Share Posted March 13, 2004 I used to tell my ex that if she ever died, I'd have her picture put on a button with 1982-2003 on it and wear it to clubs to get sympathy poon. Jokingly. Ha...ha? Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted March 13, 2004 Share Posted March 13, 2004 I'm fairly sure I wouldn't want to marry again, maybe I'd feel differently if I didn't have kids. I'm sure I'd move on to the extent that I'd have other relationships, but I can't see them being as significant as the one I'm in now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vivid_29 Posted March 13, 2004 Author Share Posted March 13, 2004 Nice picture, Meanon! Is that the English Channel behind you? ~V Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted March 13, 2004 Share Posted March 13, 2004 Ta Viv No it's the Med. Link to post Share on other sites
gaia Posted March 13, 2004 Share Posted March 13, 2004 Eventually, I'm sure I would. What I know is that it would have to be very good. It'd have a lot to live up to and I wouldn't be prepared to stay with just anyone out of loneliness. Link to post Share on other sites
GeorgiaSongbird Posted March 13, 2004 Share Posted March 13, 2004 I could move on in time (and only heaven knows how much time it would take).. and by move on, I mean I could probably date and have semi-serious relationships but I would probably not marry again.. I got lucky this time around. I don't think I would be so lucky again.. Link to post Share on other sites
DerangedAngel Posted March 14, 2004 Share Posted March 14, 2004 *If* I ever marry, and my spouse were to pass away before me, I seriously doubt I would date again. I definitely would not remarry. I would feel like I was betraying their memory perhaps. I only want to truly 'belong' to one person in this lifetime. I'm not sure if it's a matter of "I wouldn't if I could" or "I can but I won't"... either way, I don't imagine me being able to part so easily at their death. -Deranged Link to post Share on other sites
Samson Posted March 14, 2004 Share Posted March 14, 2004 Vivid, I'm quite sure I'd be able to recover. Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted March 14, 2004 Share Posted March 14, 2004 I honestly don't know...it would depend on so many things, including my age, whether I had kids etc etc. It would take a long time to recover....but I guess many people do successfully at least date again, so perhaps that would happen. I know a lady who lost her husband about 6 years ago. Recently she began seeing someone and said it was the first time she had ever felt any strong feelings for another man. She and her husband had been childhood sweethearts and he was the only person she had ever had sex with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vivid_29 Posted March 14, 2004 Author Share Posted March 14, 2004 Thanks for the replies - The reason I ask, is because I've actually went through this, about 7 years ago. And also, my grandmother and grandfather were married for 4 years, when she lost him back in the 50's. My mom told me that she screamed and wailed hysterically through night. She NEVER dated or fell in love again. She felt that if she couldn't have him, she didn't want anyone else -- talk about a cast iron heart. I find it fascinating that she is willing to wait for him, until she reaches the afterlife. I'm weak compared to her. I'd go nuts with no sex or intamacy! ~V Link to post Share on other sites
GeorgiaSongbird Posted March 14, 2004 Share Posted March 14, 2004 Oh, Viv That's terrible. I'm sorry for your loss. Like you, I don't think I could stay alone.. and you were young enough when it happened I don't think it would be realistic either. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vivid_29 Posted March 14, 2004 Author Share Posted March 14, 2004 Originally posted by GeorgiaSongbird Oh, Viv That's terrible. I'm sorry for your loss. Why thank you. That was 7 years ago. You know what's weird? I never shed a tear. My friends did, but I didn't. Like you, I don't think I could stay alone... The ones that do, I don't know how they do it. ~V Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted March 14, 2004 Share Posted March 14, 2004 I wondered why you posted this Viv - you have my sympathy. There are no right or wrong ways of getting over a loss of this kind. I don't think you are weak at all. It sounds like you did get over it and that takes courage. I lack that in dealing with the death of a friend and as a result it still bothers me 2 years after her death. Not all the time. I am happy. But when it hits it's the same as just after her death. Now that's weak. Hat's off to you Viv, you are a survivor Link to post Share on other sites
GeorgiaSongbird Posted March 14, 2004 Share Posted March 14, 2004 Yeah, Meanon is right.. You're a survivor. Like your grams.. not weak just different. Link to post Share on other sites
reasontosigh Posted March 14, 2004 Share Posted March 14, 2004 My sympathies, Viv. You truly are a survivor. I only want to truly 'belong' to one person in this lifetime. This sums it up perfectly for me - not just about not remarrying, but I also believe it is the main reason that I have never married. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 14, 2004 Share Posted March 14, 2004 I only want to truly 'belong' to one person in this lifetime. My own little idiosyncracy on this; but I far prefer the idea of 'belonging with'. I doubt there are lots of people who don't want to belong with only one person for a lifetime. That was certainly my plan. My ex and I married on his grandparents' anniversary because they were married for 60 years and we hoped we could follow their example. However, Life had other plans. Sometimes, it seems, failed relationships are direction-finders and markers on our paths. Had I not married him then, who knows where I'd have ended up or even if I'd still be here. If Fate decides I've learned whatever lessons I've needed to learn and that I'm now allowed to have my 'lifetimer', I will go forward with every intent of making it 'til death do us part'. Link to post Share on other sites
reasontosigh Posted March 14, 2004 Share Posted March 14, 2004 .....Sometimes, it seems, failed relationships are direction-finders and markers on our paths.... I think that's how I've been able to go through as many as I have, with all that they've put me through, without going totally stir crazy. Seems Fate needed a mapmaker capable of circumnavigating the relationship globe.... Link to post Share on other sites
fragileone Posted March 14, 2004 Share Posted March 14, 2004 I like to believe I would die of a broken heart right by his side. Link to post Share on other sites
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