My girlfriends past 0_0

[rhurhu901]

I'm with a girl right now i have been with for almost a year now, and still can't seem to get her past off my mind.. i love her more then anything but i just don't know what to do.. first off she's 20, i'm 19 about to be 20. And she had sex with 17 other men besides me within a year.. This is almost a year ago because she stopped all that before we started dating, I have been with 16 women including her over the course of 7 years. I honestly after a year still don't know how to feel, I love her more then anything but i just wish i could get it all off my mind but it haunts me to know that there are so many guys out there that can say they have had her.. And they all got her without having to take her to dinner or anything.. She also told me that she was sober for only about 7 of these guys, but that's still a lot in my opinion. She said she was going through a rough patch and regrets it all and wish it never happened and she wants me and only me but i swear she only says that because it bothers me.. she's horny 24/7 more then any girl i have ever met and i may be leaving for the Marine corps reserve soon and I just so badly want to trust her too.. I just don't understand how to feel about it.. I love her so much and never gotten along with anyone this well but i don't know if i should let it go? or get rid of her?

[TaraMaiden]

It always seems to be guys who cannot get over their GF's past....

 

If I had a pound for every time a guy has come on here complaining about this, I could die a rich woman.....

 

 

The only difference between you and her, is the time over which this took place.

You don't believe her assurances because you don't trust her, therefore, this mistrust is feeding your doubt and disbelief.

 

She's already explained she was "in a bad place" regrets it, and wishes it hadn't happened. She stopped all that about a year before you guys ever got together, and so she has basically proved that this is something she at least, managed to put behind her.

So you wish it wasn't so, and hadn't happened.

 

But it did.

Get over it, or dump her.

Those are your choices.

 

Right now all you're doing is making the both of you insecure.

 

I've had 7 partner/lovers in my entire life. I'm 53.

My partner, who's 48, had over 100 one-night-stands in a little under a year,

up to about 8 months before we met.....

 

I give a damn.

I really do.

 

After 6 years, we're together, and strong with it....

[mr.dream merchant]

Bro I'm going to tell you right now, this girl is not good news. I'm sorry. You've got to call it like you see it man. She's had 17 partners in a damn year. Ok. She's horny 24/7. Ok. She's blowjob betty and Mrs. Puts out Easy when she's not sober. Ok.

 

Those are three major major MAJOR red flags you should not be ignoring.

 

There's going to be men and women, mostly women, who come on this thread and tell you to look past her past. **** that. You can do alot better than this. She's damaged bro, and pretty used up. You can do better than this chick...

[Bryanp]

17 in 1 year? How could you not be fearful of picking up some STD from her?

[TaraMaiden]

Bro I'm going to tell you right now, this girl is not good news. I'm sorry. You've got to call it like you see it man. She's had 17 partners in a damn year. Ok. She's horny 24/7. Ok. She's blowjob betty and Mrs. Puts out Easy when she's not sober. Ok.

 

Those are three major major MAJOR red flags you should not be ignoring.

 

There's going to be men and women, mostly women, who come on this thread and tell you to look past her past. **** that. You can do alot better than this. She's damaged bro, and pretty used up. You can do better than this chick...

 

Well obviously in that case, nobody is entitled to messing up and taking the wrong route.

So you think by this measure this girl should never have the chance of happiness, never have the chance to meet a man who will love her for who she is, not what she does....?

You think she deserves to always be alone and shunned by people, simply because of her sexual past - a past that was over a year before she met this guy?

You think she deserves to be lonely and "judged, juried and executioned" because of something even she regrets?

 

Wht if this guy were asking how he could develop a relationship with a wonderful girl, because of HIS sexual past?

What if he were saying what her history is, from his side, and he wanted to date her, and was fearful of his past getting in the way?

Would you tell him, 'Bro, you're in no fit state to have any happiness of forgiveness for your past. You're Mr Horny and PutOutEasy, and you're just one big red flag, I hope she never dates you and that she realises you are bad news...."...?

 

I doubt it.

I think you'd be telling him to forget his past, focus on her and just enjoy the fat that he's found someone he wants to be with for the long-term.

 

So why should she lose out on the potential happiness this situation might bring?

How long has she got to wait before, in your eyes, she becomes 'respectable'?

 

17 in 1 year? How could you not be fearful of picking up some STD from her?

 

Because this was over a year before they met.

She stopped sleeping around a long time ago.

She was young, very probably vulnerable and in a bad place.

but for a year she's been fixing herself and taking care.

I'm sure if an STD was involved, the OP would be aware of it by now.....

[Untouchable_Fire]

You think she deserves to always be alone and shunned by people, simply because of her sexual past - a past that was over a year before she met this guy?

 

I think you'd be telling him to forget his past, focus on her and just enjoy the fat that he's found someone he wants to be with for the long-term.

 

Because this was over a year before they met.

She stopped sleeping around a long time ago.

She was young, very probably vulnerable and in a bad place.

but for a year she's been fixing herself and taking care.

I'm sure if an STD was involved, the OP would be aware of it by now.....

 

Did you not read the original post? She clearly has no problem pointlessly sleeping with random men... and OP is about to leave for the marines. You would have to be a complete fool not to see the writing on the wall here.

 

He will go off to the marines, and she WILL cheat on him. End of story.

 

Does she deserve happiness... of course... but not at someone else's expense.

[Bryanp]

To Tara,

 

You are kidding me right. She has screwed around with 17 random guys in a year just 1 year ago and you think all STD's would show up immediately? Many STD's remain dormant for a period of time longer than a year.

[reservoirdog1]

Did you not read the original post? She clearly has no problem pointlessly sleeping with random men... and OP is about to leave for the marines. You would have to be a complete fool not to see the writing on the wall here.

 

He will go off to the marines, and she WILL cheat on him. End of story.

 

Does she deserve happiness... of course... but not at someone else's expense.

She has no problem pointlessly sleeping with random men WHEN SHE'S SINGLE. That's the determinant here. Lots of people have pointless NSA (no strings attached) sex when they're single and feeling down on themselves. Men and women. And yet somehow, for men that's acceptable. For women, it makes them sluts. Most guys would willingly give one of their balls to be able to bang 17 random women in a year.

 

I agree with MCL865 -- if you were single and had the opportunity to sleep with 17 girls in one year, NSA, you'd probably have done it. So at least start by acknowledging the double standard you're operating under.

 

How long are you going to be away from her, anyway?

 

You've been with her for a year. Do you have any reason to believe she's cheated on you in that period?

 

If not, then you basically need to make a decision: do you trust her, or not? If you do, and if she's willing to wait for you, and if you still want to be with her, then continue things with her.

 

If not, break up with her.

 

But either way, her past is her past, and she doesn't owe you either an explanation or an apology for it. If you can't deal with it, then you should break up with her.

[aerogurl87]

If it's a girl, she's a slut and if it's a man it's ok because he's just sowing his wild oats.

 

Come on guys, it's time to realize that women actually have a sex drive and do things to fulfill it. She was in a bad place when this happened and has changed. It's not like she was screwing everyone in sight while they were together. And what's more the OP didn't mention that she had cheated on him ever or led him to believe she had. It all comes down to insecure and for some reason most men are insecure when it comes to being with a woman who has a sex life before him.

[reservoirdog1]

Here's something for you to think about, OP.

 

I'm guessing your sex life with your GF is pretty good, no?

 

Each of those other guys during her "rough patch" only got to be with her once. You've gotten to be with her continuously for the last year.

 

From her past experiences, she's probably learned a few things about her sexuality. What things turn her on, what positions she likes, how to make it good both for her and for the guy she's with, etc. I.e. she's developed a bit of sexual self-confidence, which is an incredibly hot trait in a woman.

 

And guess who's the beneficiary of all that knowledge? YOU. Not those other guys. YOU. You're the lucky bugger she lavishes all that on. Not them. Their loss is your gain.

[lkjh]

It always seems to be guys who cannot get over their GF's past....

 

If I had a pound for every time a guy has come on here complaining about this, I could die a rich woman.....

 

 

The only difference between you and her, is the time over which this took place.

You don't believe her assurances because you don't trust her, therefore, this mistrust is feeding your doubt and disbelief.

She's already explained she was "in a bad place" regrets it, and wishes it hadn't happened. She stopped all that about a year before you guys ever got together, and so she has basically proved that this is something she at least, managed to put behind her.

So you wish it wasn't so, and hadn't happened.

 

But it did.

Get over it, or dump her.

Those are your choices.

 

Right now all you're doing is making the both of you insecure.

 

I've had 7 partner/lovers in my entire life. I'm 53.

My partner, who's 48, had over 100 one-night-stands in a little under a year,

up to about 8 months before we met.....

 

I give a damn.

I really do.

 

After 6 years, we're together, and strong with it....

 

 

The first bolded section: is a big difference not a small one like you try an make it out. Im not saying that the OP is a saint but 20 guys under a year is pretty skanky.

 

 

The second bolded section: and if she cheats she will think of some other bs excuse

[lkjh]

OP, look a lot of people jump on the double standard feminist PC bullsh**. But the fact is be careful about dating a woman who values herself so little that she is willing to let 20+ random men inside of her. This is not a person in a rough place, it is a person that does not value herself or sex enough.

 

And yes everyone I hold a double standard and don't care what Dr Phil or Oprah has to say about it

 

 

Also, OP the number is most likely higher than 20. This will surprise all of the shewarriors but women lie about their numbers(as do we but we go up)

[TaraMaiden]

I still don't understand what a person has to do to redeem herself in a man's eyes.

Is this a burden of guilt she's going to have to be condemned for, for....how long, exactly?

 

Does she deserve happiness... of course... but not at someone else's expense.

 

What the hell does that mean?

She deserves happiness - as long as she isn't with anyone?

 

If you men were in exactly the same situation - how soon do you think we ladies should put the facts aside, and enter into a meaningful relationship with you?

Come on - put yourself in her shoes.

 

Don't avoid this:

Say that you had done exactly the same thing yourselves, in exactly the same circumstances.

 

Now - how long is it a decent enough time for us to forget your past, put it aside, and give you serious consideration as a partner?

Because as you state it right now - we shouldn't touch you with a barge-pole.

OK, fair enough. It's your evaluation.

 

So, when can we get together?

What's a decent time-lapse?

Under what circumstances?

When is it time to forgive, and move on?

 

or have you no right to happiness at our expense?

[aerogurl87]

Like I said this type of mentality is just insecurity on a man's part unless he holds this standard for everyone as my boyfriend does. He wasn't happy about my number but he also got over it as there were two options. I walk or we deal with my past and he learns to get over it. We ended up talking about everything and he learned to deal with my past, and now we're happy together.

 

So OP either you can break up with your girlfriend and hope to find someone who is "pure" or you can get over your insecurity and man up and face the fact that your girlfriend is a sexual woman who went through a rough patch in her life where she had lots of casual sex. The decision is really up to you.

[sally4sara]

And she had sex with 17 other men besides me

 

I have been with 16 women including her

 

but it haunts me to know that there are so many guys out there that can say they have had her

 

If you can go without screwing other women while you're gone even after having been with only two less people than her, I'm not sure why you doubt she cannot. You trust her less because she wasn't "paid for" by these guys? Well fella then run out and find a prostitute to date - they always get paid for! How much did those 16 girls you've been with pay you for the sex you had?

 

Does she still drink like a fish and rely on you to keep her from getting caught up in stupid choices? When you go out, do you always have to play babysitter to prevent her from going home with anybody who smiles at her?

If she goes out without you, does she end up back at home with her clothes on inside out and moments of no memory over the night's events?

[lkjh]

Like I said this type of mentality is just insecurity on a man's part unless he holds this standard for everyone as my boyfriend does. He wasn't happy about my number but he also got over it as there were two options. I walk or we deal with my past and he learns to get over it. We ended up talking about everything and he learned to deal with my past, and now we're happy together.

 

So OP either you can break up with your girlfriend and hope to find someone who is "pure" or you can get over your insecurity and man up and face the fact that your girlfriend is a sexual woman who went through a rough patch in her life where she had lots of casual sex. The decision is really up to you.

 

More bs! Calling this insecurity is just tossing a buzz word on it. The truth is it grosses most guys out when girls are slutty. Ya, we will have fun with those girls but nobody wants them long term. Now of days and especially with the age groups 20-35 women do not value themselves and they try an trick themselves into believing that their loose lifestyle is just "being a strong woman".

 

We don't value women who sleep with just about anyone not because of our insecurities but because those women that do this do not value themselves. Sleeping with 20+ strangers in one year is gross, plain and simple. You can make up any excuses you want, but that is the truth.

 

 

there is an interesting group called what happen to the old fashion date and another one that says why is chivalry dead? I can answer both of these question, we don't date girls anymore because we don't have to. There was a time when you literally had to court a girl just to get a kiss, today all you have to do is invite a girl over to play beer pong and you can bang her. Heck you don't even have to buy expensive beer

 

 

Congratulations ladies this generation has become a bunch of Lady Gaga's

[loverofloveandstuff]

The truth is it grosses most guys out when girls are slutty. Ya, we will have fun with those girls but nobody wants them long term.

I don't know how you could bring yourself to sleep with somebody you thought was "gross".

 

Sleeping with 20+ strangers in one year is gross, plain and simple. You can make up any excuses you want , but that is the truth.

Would you say the same about a guy mate who slept with 20 strangers in a year? Would you lose all respect for him?

[Woggle]

You can stop seeing her now or regret it later when she does cheat on you. People can complain all they want about double standards but women like this are damn near incapable of staying faithful to a man. I know because I paid the price in the past for being as open minded as women say men should be. If you give her a chance you will be on here in a year or two crying about how she cheated with some guy she met at a bar.

 

Also the fact that says it was a bad place shows that you are somewhat her knight in shining armor and we all know how some women treat men who rescue them from a bad situation. I know I will be called a misogynist but what is so wrong with men protecting ourselves?

[loverofloveandstuff]

You can stop seeing her now or regret it later when she does cheat on you. People can complain all they want about double standards but women like this are damn near incapable of staying faithful to a man. I know because I paid the price in the past for being as open minded as women say men should be. If you give her a chance you will be on here in a year or two crying about how she cheated with some guy she met at a bar.

I really don't understand this mentality. When girls (and guys) are single, they are free to sleep and date with who they want. When girls (and guys) are in an exclusive relationship, they don't act like they are single.. because they're not. Ofcourse there are exceptions but why do you think women are not capable of distinguishing the difference between being in a relationship and being single? We are not idiots. Do you think the probablity of one cheating increases if they have had more sexual partners? Does this apply only to women?

 

Would you say the same thing about guys who have slept with a lot of women... should I protect myself from them? Or are they somehow more capable of exclusive behaviour when they arein a relationship than women?

[Woggle]

It is not politically correct but I would rather men protect their heart than be PC anyday. Women can do what they want but there are certain behaviors that determine whether a woman is good longterm material or not and sleeping around is certainly not one of them.

 

This is a woman who had substance abuse problems and was promiscious and somehow the OP should believe that she will all of a sudden be able to deal with a healthy relationship? My ex had the same issues this woman does but I overlooked it because I was supposed to not judge a woman for it and she put me through hell. I advise all men not to make the same mistake I did.

 

Also male players do not make good partners either and men try to tell women this all the time.

[TaraMaiden]

I see all the men have neatly avoided answering my questions, so for thiose who do not wish to scroll back to page #1, post#13,

 

here it is again:

 

I still don't understand what a person has to do to redeem herself in a man's eyes.

Is this a burden of guilt she's going to have to be condemned for, for....how long, exactly?

 

 

Does she deserve happiness... of course... but not at someone else's expense.

What the hell does that mean?

She deserves happiness - as long as she isn't with anyone?

 

If you men were in exactly the same situation - how soon do you think we ladies should put the facts aside, and enter into a meaningful relationship with you?

Come on - put yourself in her shoes.

 

Don't avoid this:

Say that you had done exactly the same thing yourselves, in exactly the same circumstances.

 

Now - how long is it a decent enough time for us to forget your past, put it aside, and give you serious consideration as a partner?

Because as you state it right now - we shouldn't touch you with a barge-pole.

OK, fair enough. It's your evaluation.

 

So, when can we get together?

What's a decent time-lapse?

Under what circumstances?

When is it time to forgive, and move on?

 

or have you no right to happiness at our expense?

[NoLongerSad]

I see all the men have neatly avoided answering my questions, so for thiose who do not wish to scroll back to page #1, post#13,

 

here it is again:

 

No one's bothered to answer your questions because they are basically irrelevant/ a t/j to the OP's issue, which is, what should he do about this particular girl?

 

She has all the characteristics of a drunken, promiscuous, unstable bar slut. She may not be one, but if she weren't, how come she had all that sex while drunk in such a short period of time?

 

In any event if you want to ask abstract questions you should start your own thread rather than derail this one, which is about someone in a real relationship who needs to make real decisions of real importance.

 

Any honest poster, man or woman, knows that the OP's gf would be very risky for him to get into a LTR with and you know it too.

[TaraMaiden]

yeah, right.

 

Avoidance, and neatly side-stepped.

 

Thanks for making my point so well.

Double standards.

 

I rest my case.

[Woggle]

Maybe she has redeemed herself but that is not a man's problem. When a person applies for a job they do backgound checks to determine whether or not to hire a person and if somebody has loads of baggage it is much harder for then to get hired. That is life. The same concept applies here. Men don't have time to waste on women who are dishonest and have the signs of a cheater so why should he risk his heart and maybe even more over a woman with a bunch of red flags?

[aerogurl87]

More bs! Calling this insecurity is just tossing a buzz word on it. The truth is it grosses most guys out when girls are slutty. Ya, we will have fun with those girls but nobody wants them long term. Now of days and especially with the age groups 20-35 women do not value themselves and they try an trick themselves into believing that their loose lifestyle is just "being a strong woman".

 

We don't value women who sleep with just about anyone not because of our insecurities but because those women that do this do not value themselves. Sleeping with 20+ strangers in one year is gross, plain and simple. You can make up any excuses you want, but that is the truth.

 

 

there is an interesting group called what happen to the old fashion date and another one that says why is chivalry dead? I can answer both of these question, we don't date girls anymore because we don't have to. There was a time when you literally had to court a girl just to get a kiss, today all you have to do is invite a girl over to play beer pong and you can bang her. Heck you don't even have to buy expensive beer

 

 

Congratulations ladies this generation has become a bunch of Lady Gaga's

 

I didn't say sleeping with lots of people makes a woman "strong" but hey it's her body so she's free to do whatever she wants with it like a man is free to stick his penis in whoever will open her legs to him. And yeah it is a sign of insecurity UNLESS you hold this standard to both men and women. My boyfriend holds it to males and females which I respect. But calling a girl a whore because she went wild for a bit but then keeping your mouth shut when a man does the same thing, is pure bs. Don't hold others to a standard you yourself can't live by.