My girlfriends past 0_0

[loverofloveandstuff]

The key word is "would've" -- there is no double-standard at play unless the guy's casual sex past is actually as extensive as the woman's and he still has issues with her past.

 

Okay, let's leave "double standards" out of this for a second. This applies to men and women for all situations: Anybody who feels they are exempt from the same moral principles they believe others should apply to their own life, is someone I would not trust. This way of thinking also demonstrates entitlement and a sense of superiority. I would be uneasy around anybody with such a hypocritical and inconsistent mentality.

 

How would you feel about your partner admitting she would cheat on you given some amazingly hot guy showed interest in her, although she hasn't done it yet because the opportunity has not arisen?

 

What about somebody, whom given the chance would steal from a store but hasn't yet at the risk of getting caught?

 

I don't know about you, but these are not the kinds of people I would want to spend my time with.

 

Anybody who uses the 'but chicks love players' argument: If you don't have respect for women who act promiscuously, that is fine. However, your values should be consistent... it shouldn't matter if you can get away with this very same behaviour and be praised for it, if you don't believe that it is the respectable thing to do, then don't do it. Live up to what you believe in.

 

I agree that people should not be hypocrites but players of either gender do not make good relationship partners.

I totally respect that. It's not so much about WHAT you think is right or wrong, just that there is consistency in what you believe. Edited December 17, 2010 by loverofloveandstuff

[Negative Nancy]

Men don't have time to waste on women who are dishonest and have the signs of a cheater so why should he risk his heart and maybe even more over a woman with a bunch of red flags?

 

Didn't you display the same "red flags" as you went thru a "player" phase in your life as well? Should your wife have dumped you because after your divorce you went through that stage?

 

These double standards in this thread here are nauseating....

 

Thank god my partner is different...i've had more partners than him and when he found out, he showed the same reactions as all the guys in this thread...but luckily he got over himself and realized what a great catch i am and that past behavior does not determine future behavior (or else all YOU guys need to be alone the rest of your lives) and chose us over his insecurities....that's cos he's mature...

 

to all the guys dealing with their madonna/whore-complexes and their retroactive jealousy, here's a reply which we women have to hear so often when we show another form of our own insecurities, namely porn:

 

GET OVER IT. It's nothing to do with you. blah blah blah...

 

now the shoe is on the other foot...

[Negative Nancy]

You can criticize OP all you want for ALSO being promiscuous, but that doesn't CHANGE the fact that HIS GIRLFRIEND is likely to be an unreliable relationship partner because of HER track record

 

Then it's a fact that he too is likely to be a very unreliable partner because of HIS track record.

[Negative Nancy]

The key word is "would've" -- there is no double-standard at play unless the guy's casual sex past is actually as extensive as the woman's and he still has issues with her past.

 

Well, guess what - his casual sex past actually IS as extensive as her's - so he should suck it up and not judge her.

 

He needs to get over himself.

[NoLongerSad]

The thing is that the same notion is not applied to men and women are the main ones enforcing this view. Don't blame men because players who get a lot of action are considered the cream of the crop by many women in the dating world. I tell women all the time not to chase after players and that they are no good as boyfriends but they do not listen. Don't get mad at men when we apply logic and reason to our love lives.

 

Yes this point is critical.

 

Remember: In the vast majority of cases, when a woman has sex, it's because a woman made the decision to allow it to happen. But it's equally true that when a man has sex, it's also because a woman made the decision to allow it to happen.

 

That's why it's not "hypocritical" to hold men and women to differing standards when it comes to promiscuity.

 

It's not a "double standard," unless you can make the argument that both men and women have equal control over when sex happens. They don't. Women have vastly greater control. Therefore, they are more "responsible" or "culpable" as compared to men.

[NoLongerSad]

And how do you feel about men who do it? Think it's ok because he's a guy, I think not. It is an issue of insecurity for most men. If most women held men to the same standards they hold for women, many would still never end up in a relationship. I personally don't care how many people someone sleeps with, it's not my business as long as they are STD free and that goes for everyone in my opinion.

 

This statement is demonstrably false.

 

If your prospective bf told you that he had a past history of having slept with hundreds of men, having been bisexual in orientation, but has now decided to be completely straight, and was disease free, are you seriously saying his sexual past would have no bearing on your decision?

[loverofloveandstuff]

This statement is demonstrably false.

 

If your prospective bf told you that he had a past history of having slept with hundreds of men, having been bisexual in orientation, but has now decided to be completely straight, and was disease free, are you seriously saying his sexual past would have no bearing on your decision?

 

I can honestly say that would have no bearing at all on my decision.

 

EDIT: is there a reason you made him bisexual? (This would not be an issue for me). Are you against having a relationship with bisexual women too?

Edited December 17, 2010 by loverofloveandstuff

[Negative Nancy]

This statement is demonstrably false.

 

If your prospective bf told you that he had a past history of having slept with hundreds of men, having been bisexual in orientation, but has now decided to be completely straight, and was disease free, are you seriously saying his sexual past would have no bearing on your decision?

 

apples and oranges.

[loverofloveandstuff]

This statement is demonstrably false.

 

If your prospective bf told you that he had a past history of having slept with hundreds of men, having been bisexual in orientation, but has now decided to be completely straight, and was disease free, are you seriously saying his sexual past would have no bearing on your decision?

Actually, do you know this makes me think of? Russell Brand. Yum.

[NoLongerSad]

I can honestly say that would have no bearing at all on my decision.

 

EDIT: is there a reason you made him bisexual? (This would not be an issue for me). Are you against having a relationship with bisexual women too?

 

My statement was not directed at you. Also if you have slept with hundreds of people yourself it would be understandable if you wanted to overlook same in a potential serious relationship.

Edited December 17, 2010 by NoLongerSad

[loverofloveandstuff]

My statement was not directed at you. Also if you have slept with hundreds of people yourself it would be understandable if you wanted to overlook same in a potential serious relationship.

 

I don't really care, I gathered you wanted to know a woman's opinion so I thought I'd chip in. That is what a public forum is for, sharing and learning. Sharing is caring. Sorry you didn't hear what you wanted to hear.

 

BTW, if you were implying I have slept with "hundreds of people," I haven't.

[Woggle]

Didn't you display the same "red flags" as you went thru a "player" phase in your life as well? Should your wife have dumped you because after your divorce you went through that stage?

 

These double standards in this thread here are nauseating....

 

Thank god my partner is different...i've had more partners than him and when he found out, he showed the same reactions as all the guys in this thread...but luckily he got over himself and realized what a great catch i am and that past behavior does not determine future behavior (or else all YOU guys need to be alone the rest of your lives) and chose us over his insecurities....that's cos he's mature...

 

to all the guys dealing with their madonna/whore-complexes and their retroactive jealousy, here's a reply which we women have to hear so often when we show another form of our own insecurities, namely porn:

 

GET OVER IT. It's nothing to do with you. blah blah blah...

 

now the shoe is on the other foot...

 

 

I am not proud of this. I was a mess after my divorce and I had no desire whatsoever to ever trust another woman again so I thought it was the answer. If a woman went through a similiar phase instead of wearing it like a feminist badge of honor it would be different.

 

I want to ask you what you think of women who cheat. Do you think it is justified? That last comment you made speaks volumnes about your mindset.

[aerogurl87]

This statement is demonstrably false.

 

If your prospective bf told you that he had a past history of having slept with hundreds of men, having been bisexual in orientation, but has now decided to be completely straight, and was disease free, are you seriously saying his sexual past would have no bearing on your decision?

 

If I wasn't with my boyfriend, then no I could care less about his sexual past as long as he got tested and was 100% disease free. I don't judge people based on their past, I judge them based on how they treat me and how they are when they're in a relationship. But that's just me.

[NoLongerSad]

If I wasn't with my boyfriend, then no I could care less about his sexual past as long as he got tested and was 100% disease free. I don't judge people based on their past, I judge them based on how they treat me and how they are when they're in a relationship. But that's just me.

 

 

Are you sure about that? this is something you wrote back in september:

 

Well chelle21689, one of my boyfriend's best friends is his ex girlfriend. So I can see what you're going through. I was admittedly super jealous and suspicious of him being friends with her when I first found out that they were still in contact so I asked for a very detailed story of their relationship, break up, etc.

 

It sounds to me like you were very concerned about your current bf's past sexual relationships.

[aerogurl87]

Are you sure about that? this is something you wrote back in september:

 

 

 

It sounds to me like you were very concerned about your current bf's past sexual relationships.

 

Haha, yeah his nonexistent past sexual relationship. Umm no I wasn't worried about his past sexual history as he had none, I was jealous of him spending time with his ex girlfriend. But good try.

[NoLongerSad]

Haha, yeah his nonexistent past sexual relationship. Umm no I wasn't worried about his past sexual history as he had none, I was jealous of him spending time with his ex girlfriend. But good try.

 

LOL you claim not to care about the sexual history of your partners yet very conveniently picked someone who had none.

 

Oh the irony.

[aerogurl87]

LOL you claim not to care about the sexual history of your partners yet very conveniently picked someone who had none.

 

Oh the irony.

 

I picked someone who I felt a connection with and no I really don't care. He could've had sex with 20 different girls and I would have cared less. I care more about who a person is when they're in a committed relationship with me, than what they did before they knew I existed.

[Untouchable_Fire]

I still don't understand what a person has to do to redeem herself in a man's eyes.

Is this a burden of guilt she's going to have to be condemned for, for....how long, exactly?

 

Really? How hard is it not to be a whore?

 

I'd love to go around punching people who make me mad... but I don't. Why? Because I have some self control.

 

So... the answer is don't redeem yourself. Instead show some discernment and restraint from the start.

 

What the hell does that mean?

She deserves happiness - as long as she isn't with anyone?

 

That means she WILL cheat while he is away. Her happiness will be cake eating and it isn't right.

 

[quote=TaraMaiden;3143709If you men were in exactly the same situation - how soon do you think we ladies should put the facts aside, and enter into a meaningful relationship with you?

Come on - put yourself in her shoes.

 

I get it. But as a guy who is about to be gone for a while. This is clearly not the type of woman who can be faithful.

 

I suppose it would not hurt too bad to give it a shot... but I'd expect her to cheat within 1-2 months.

 

Don't avoid this:

Say that you had done exactly the same thing yourselves, in exactly the same circumstances.

Now - how long is it a decent enough time for us to forget your past, put it aside, and give you serious consideration as a partner?

Because as you state it right now - we shouldn't touch you with a barge-pole.

OK, fair enough. It's your evaluation.

So, when can we get together?

What's a decent time-lapse?

Under what circumstances?

When is it time to forgive, and move on?

or have you no right to happiness at our expense?

 

Look... guys who have a bad past usually don't mind women who have a bad past.

 

It's the former prostitutes actively chasing the former religious guys that have problems.

 

This situation however is just simply a mentally unstable woman who is a guaranteed cheat in an LDR.

[aerogurl87]

Wrong thread, lol

[dreamingoftigers]

I am not proud of this. I was a mess after my divorce and I had no desire whatsoever to ever trust another woman again so I thought it was the answer. If a woman went through a similiar phase instead of wearing it like a feminist badge of honor it would be different.

 

I want to ask you what you think of women who cheat. Do you think it is justified? That last comment you made speaks volumnes about your mindset.

 

This statement would tell me that you were "in a bad place" which is exactly what this girl has said.

[Negative Nancy]

This statement would tell me that you were "in a bad place" which is exactly what this girl has said.

 

that's exactly what i was getting at too, but none of these guys here understand cos it's always "different" when they're the ones in that position...

[Woggle]

that's exactly what i was getting at too, but none of these guys here understand cos it's always "different" when they're the ones in that position...

 

I get what you are saying but I have a knee jerk reaction because I have seen so many men including myself get burnt by giving women like this a chance.

[mr.dream merchant]

I always say that if a guy is sleeping around, it's sort of the biological and socially accepted norm. But if a woman is sleeping around, more often than not, she's got some underlying issues.

 

All of the women who were easy to put out that I've known have all cheated on their man, and have caused alot of emotional distress.

 

It's not a matter of them not deserving love, and happiness. It's more of a matter of the male who's going to do it, and if he's willing to take such a great risk with his emotions. Most aren't up to the risk...for statistical reasons.

[dreamingoftigers]

What I dont get is why he would date her for a year and pursue a relationship if he was so concerned about her past.

[PegNosePete]

Yes if she has been faithful for that year then obviously there is nothing to worry about...