A happy thread for the Happy Other Woman/Man

[KarmasTestDummy]

Some of us are okay with who we are, who we choose to love, and what all that entails. Let's have one post for all HOW/M to check in and celebrate the little joys we get out of being with MM or MW without being told we are delusional or wasting our lives away. I've found a great solace in acceptance and am happy with my choices as they stand.

What about your R makes you happy?

[OWoman]

Can I play too? I was a happy OW, am now a happy W...

 

What about the R made me happy, as an OW?

 

Having complete control of where, and when, I saw my lover.

Having my life, my space, my independence, my priorities.

Having the full-on passion when we saw each other, and a break when we didn't.

Not having to do emotional laundry, or anything I didn't want to do.

Getting to know someone really really well, with no pressure or expectations.

The surprise of falling in love.

The way things always worked out.

 

I won't go on too long - it's been said before anyway. And I won't list what all makes me happy about the R now, as I don't want everyone heaving over their keyboards at too much schmaltz.

 

But nice thread

[KarmasTestDummy]

Can I play too? I was a happy OW, am now a happy W...

 

What about the R made me happy, as an OW?

 

Having complete control of where, and when, I saw my lover.

Having my life, my space, my independence, my priorities.

Having the full-on passion when we saw each other, and a break when we didn't.

Not having to do emotional laundry, or anything I didn't want to do.

Getting to know someone really really well, with no pressure or expectations.

The surprise of falling in love.

The way things always worked out.

 

I won't go on too long - it's been said before anyway. And I won't list what all makes me happy about the R now, as I don't want everyone heaving over their keyboards at too much schmaltz.

 

But nice thread

 

I say bring on the schmaltz...some if us wanna hear it and know all potential outcomes...not just the negativity in abundance. If I may ask, how long were you in the affair before he made the decision to leave? Did he make promises? Mine does not promise anything, especially to know what the future holds, but does say with all certainty that he has never felt more hope for a better life now that he has met me. His w has spent so much time belittling him into believing nobody would want him if he were a divorced man with 4 kids. He now knows, yes somebody would...somebody who can love me for all I am and am not.

And I ditto all your reasons for being happy as is. I love my freedom, independence, ability to call the shots, etc. He doesn't dictate my life, just merely a part of it.

[greengoddess]

KTD I'm not believing you. You are trying to convince yourself to be happy. You don't want to be the other woman. I know you don't and I am sad for you.

 

Oh and wait till he has to pay child support for those four kids.

[desertIslandCactus]

KTD I'm not believing you. You are trying to convince yourself to be happy. You don't want to be the other woman. I know you don't and I am sad for you.

 

Oh and wait till he has to pay child support for those four kids.

 

KTD, I believe that for now - you are content to be his Happy servant.. And being able to touch the hem of his garment - is better than not.

 

But tomorrow? Well that is a different thing..

[jennie-jennie]

Some of us are okay with who we are, who we choose to love, and what all that entails. Let's have one post for all HOW/M to check in and celebrate the little joys we get out of being with MM or MW without being told we are delusional or wasting our lives away. I've found a great solace in acceptance and am happy with my choices as they stand.

What about your R makes you happy?

 

I so agree with the bolded above. I was happy as an OW even before my mind and heart made peace, but once they did life as an OW was so much easier.

 

There is so much about our relationship that makes me happy. My MM is all I ever dreamed of. :love:

 

We are so compatible when it comes to so many things: intellectually, socially, emotionally, sexually... and he is always there for me. :bunny:

 

I am so happy to have him in my life, and I am happy I know to appreciate it. :)

 

KTD I'm not believing you. You are trying to convince yourself to be happy. You don't want to be the other woman. I know you don't and I am sad for you.

 

Oh and wait till he has to pay child support for those four kids.

 

I guess this just goes to show once again that you can't understand what it is to be an OW, and in this case a happy OW, if you have never walked in those shoes.

[greengoddess]

I so agree with the bolded above. I was happy as an OW even before my mind and heart made peace, but once they did life as an OW was so much easier.

 

There is so much about our relationship that makes me happy. My MM is all I ever dreamed of. :love:

 

We are so compatible when it comes to so many things: intellectually, socially, emotionally, sexually... and he is always there for me. :bunny:

 

I am so happy to have him in my life, and I am happy I know to appreciate it. :)

 

 

 

I guess this just goes to show once again that you can't understand what it is to be an OW, and in this case a happy OW, if you have never walked in those shoes.

 

as is i think the case with most women. I think very very few women would actually be happy being a hidden secret on the sad. It's sad. It's not fair and not at all happy. I'm sure the mm is really happy and relieved now that all is well and he can keep both his ow and his wife. How nice for him.

[jthorne]

KTD I'm not believing you. You are trying to convince yourself to be happy. You don't want to be the other woman. I know you don't and I am sad for you.

 

Oh and wait till he has to pay child support for those four kids.

Oh now, GG, you're being too hard on KTD.

 

She did say "celebrate the little joys" didn't she? She didn't say celebrate big joys or expectations- you know, like EXCLUSIVITY? To me, that would be a huge given expectation, looks like not so much here.

 

It's the OW board! If she and others wants to rejoice in the fact that her happiness comes at the expense of someone else's, how can you deny her that?

 

I think you're being mean, GG.

[desertIslandCactus]

Oh now, GG, you're being too hard on KTD.

 

She did say "celebrate the little joys" didn't she? She didn't say celebrate big joys or expectations- you know, like EXCLUSIVITY? To me, that would be a huge given expectation, looks like not so much here.

 

It's the OW board! If she and others wants to rejoice in the fact that her happiness comes at the expense of someone else's, how can you deny her that?

 

I think you're being mean, GG.

 

And J, the M's are always in trouble .. So they're actually saving these guys ..

[OWoman]

I say bring on the schmaltz...some if us wanna hear it and know all potential outcomes...not just the negativity in abundance. If I may ask, how long were you in the affair before he made the decision to leave? Did he make promises? Mine does not promise anything, especially to know what the future holds, but does say with all certainty that he has never felt more hope for a better life now that he has met me. His w has spent so much time belittling him into believing nobody would want him if he were a divorced man with 4 kids. He now knows, yes somebody would...somebody who can love me for all I am and am not.

And I ditto all your reasons for being happy as is. I love my freedom, independence, ability to call the shots, etc. He doesn't dictate my life, just merely a part of it.

 

It seems so long ago now, I don't really remember... but I think about three years? Or at least, that was when he left... so we must have decided before that...

 

But no, no promises. That wasn't on the agenda. It was only at the point where we fell in love, and acknowledged it to ourselves and each other, that we discussed a full-time together future, and how to go about getting it.

[OWoman]

She didn't say celebrate big joys or expectations- you know, like EXCLUSIVITY? To me, that would be a huge given expectation, looks like not so much here.

 

My H was sexually exclusive with me during the A, as he has been ever since. But of course no one believed that here, even though I had the evidence

[greengoddess]

My H was sexually exclusive with me during the A, as he has been ever since. But of course no one believed that here, even though I had the evidence

 

 

You are such a truely lucky woman, OWoman. Bless you my dear.

[OWoman]

I wonder if grumpy, bitter or plain nasty posting would be considered off topic, given that this topic is "A happy thread for the Happy Other Woman / Man"? I wonder why people who are neither happy, nor OWs / OMs, feel the need to come and piss on other people's chips? Are their own lives so empty that the only happiness they can generate is by dissing other people?

[greengoddess]

I wonder if grumpy, bitter or plain nasty posting would be considered off topic, given that this topic is "A happy thread for the Happy Other Woman / Man"? I wonder why people who are neither happy, nor OWs / OMs, feel the need to come and piss on other people's chips? Are their own lives so empty that the only happiness they can generate is by dissing other people?

 

 

I hope you are not speaking to me. I just stated how truly lucky you are to have not only married your prince but even when he was married to another he was exclusive to you. You got the fairy tale. I'm sure all the ow admire your life and aspire to be you.

[jennie-jennie]

Well, I have walked in those shoes and this time I agree with Greengodess. KTD's posts are all over the place and I think she's not happy with being an OW either. She's trying to convince herself she is, but even her post back to OWoman shows she's still hoping for something different. Her focus still seems to be on the end result and not the journey. It's when you can enjoy the journey and let thoughts of the end go that you can truly be happy in this situation IMO.

 

To me there is a difference between being happy to be in a relationship with my MM and being happy being the other woman. That's why I prefer to call myself an unapologetic OW, rather than a happy OW. I love the man, but I don't love that he's married.

 

I choose to accept what I can not change, and change what I can, and to apply wisdom to know the difference. I can't force my MM to get a divorce, but I can change my perspective and be happy for what I have instead of sad for what I don't have. That makes a world of difference when it comes to being an OW.

 

Were you a happy OW, sadintexas?

Edited December 13, 2010 by jennie-jennie

[jthorne]

I wonder if grumpy, bitter or plain nasty posting would be considered off topic, given that this topic is "A happy thread for the Happy Other Woman / Man"? I wonder why people who are neither happy, nor OWs / OMs, feel the need to come and piss on other people's chips? Are their own lives so empty that the only happiness they can generate is by dissing other people?

I'm bitter, that's for sure. But I'm bitter because it's Monday and it's way too cold outside.

 

Sarcasm aside, to answer your real question, I'm grumpy because I think KTD's thread is very sad. I think it's sad that she has settled for so little. And not only that, she has fooled herself into thinking she is HAPPY about being some man's OTHER woman. Seems a little proud about it, even.

 

Maybe she (and you and others who have claimed to be happy) are ok with sharing a man with someone else.

 

Maybe some think it's okay with them that they are a secret.

 

Maybe they think it's okay that someone else in the triangle is missing some very pertinent information about their lives and what their spouse is doing.

 

Maybe it's okay with them that virtually the only place they have to "brag" about their relationship with A MARRIED MAN is an anonymous internet forum, instead of being public about how happy they are with their boyfriends.

 

I personally, find that very very sad.

[KarmasTestDummy]

I think it is unfair to say that my situation is sad and that I'm fooling myself and just in denial. Yes, I have been all over the place...this is a rollercoaster. I have never done anything like this and I came here happy and allowed all the negativity and worst case scenarios to scare the crap out of me. And then, I proceeded to let people convince me that my mm was a liar and insincere. So you bet, all that made me second guess. An almost d-day where he felt forced to choose between a 10 year marriage or a woman he'd known just a couple of months shook things up. Of course he wasn't ready to make that sacrifice yet but he also wasn't ready to just walk away from the possibility either. I don't care anymore. I'm not letting other opinions on how may R should proceed or what timeline I should set for it to muddy up my perspective. I think the second I started listening to my head and heart instead of the negativity I started giving it my all and it's making all the difference not having my emotions all over the place. So nobody can decide if I'm happy but me. Maybe Jennie has a point...I am more unapologetic than happy, but all the same I'm with a man I love and it's good enough for me...imagine that.

Edited December 13, 2010 by KarmasTestDummy

[donnamaybe]

he felt forced to choose between a 10 year marriage or a woman he'd known just a couple of months shook things up. Of course he wasn't ready to make that sacrifice yet

So, in your estimation, how long is long enough for him to have known you before he SHOULD make a choice? A year? Five? Forever?

[jthorne]

But you're not with a man you love. He goes home to his wife and kids.

 

Regardless, my apologies if I have seemed overly sarcastic or overly critical. I perceived your OP to have a tone of braggadocio to it.

 

I don't think being an OW is anything to brag about at all.

[BB07]

I think it is unfair to say that my situation is sad and that I'm fooling myself and just in denial. Yes, I have been all over the place...this is a rollercoaster. I have never done anything like this and I came here happy and allowed all the negativity and worst case scenarios to scare the crap out of me. And then, I proceeded to let people convince me that my mm was a liar and insincere. So you bet, all that made me second guess. An almost d-day where he felt forced to choose between a 10 year marriage or a woman he'd known just a couple of months shook things up. Of course he wasn't ready to make that sacrifice yet but he also wasn't ready to just walk away from the possibility either. I don't care anymore. I'm not letting other opinions on how may R should proceed or what timeline I should set for it to muddy up my perspective. I think the second I started listening to my head and heart instead of the negativity I started giving it my all and it's making all the difference not having my emotions all over the place. So nobody can decide if I'm happy but me. Maybe Jennie has a point...I am more unapologetic than happy, but all the same I'm with a man I love and it's good enough for me...imagine that.

 

Karma, you must like the rollercoaster since you are going to keep on riding it. Also I find it odd in your post above how you say "you LET" people here convince you that your mm was a liar and you let people scare the crap out of you. Are you a grown woman or just someone who is that easily influenced in that you'd let a bunch of strangers convince you of what you were sure of. Perhaps you are doing a little blame shifting yourself and you weren't sure at all? And come on..........you came here all happy uh? Most don't come here happy as evidenced by the majority of the posts and hell no I'm not reading anything into them, it's pretty clear and I don't think you were happy, you had doubt right? Maybe your institution was trying to tell you something? Just stuff maybe you should mull over but of course you don't want to hear anything negative now as it might mess up your perception of that wonderful relationship you have with the man who is still with his wife and plays happy family with you when he comes over and oh yeah that man who is cheating his REAL family out of his time and attention among other things. Notice the empthasis on plays cause that is all it is RIGHT NOW, but if you are OK with that then so be it.

[jennie-jennie]

Karma, you must like the rollercoaster since you are going to keep on riding it. Also I find it odd in your post above how you say "you LET" people here convince you that your mm was a liar and you let people scare the crap out of you. Are you a grown woman or just someone who is that easily influenced in that you'd let a bunch of strangers convince you of what you were sure of. Perhaps you are doing a little blame shifting yourself and you weren't sure at all? And come on..........you came here all happy uh? Most don't come here happy as evidenced by the majority of the posts and hell no I'm not reading anything into them, it's pretty clear and I don't think you were happy, you had doubt right? Maybe your institution was trying to tell you something? Just stuff maybe you should mull over but of course you don't want to hear anything negative now as it might mess up your perception of that wonderful relationship you have with the man who is still with his wife and plays happy family with you when he comes over and oh yeah that man who is cheating his REAL family out of his time and attention among other things. Notice the empthasis on plays cause that is all it is RIGHT NOW, but if you are OK with that then so be it.

 

Are you okay, BB? The tone in your posts has changed a lot lately.

 

It takes time to come to terms with being the OW. Karma's relationship is still new. It is not at all surprising to me that it has taken her time to get her thoughts and emotions in order. In fact she is moving pretty quickly through this process compared to the time it took me.

Edited December 13, 2010 by jennie-jennie

[donnamaybe]

To me that would signify a period during which KTD finally becomes resigned to being the OW.

[desertIslandCactus]

Well I'm happy too. Happy that finding LS and reading stories, assisted me in making a complete turnaround..

 

Also, LS members put time and thought into their comments - trying to help the hurting OW to make the change and to renew their lives.. ..

[BB07]

Are you okay, BB? The tone in your posts has changed a lot lately.

 

I'm fine Jennie.......in fact I'm the best I've been in a long time.

BTW......why didn't you just come out and say what you really meant? lol

 

It takes time to come to terms with being the OW. Karma's relationship is still new. It is not at all surprising to me that it has taken her time to get her thoughts and emotions in order. In fact she is moving pretty quickly through this process compared to the time it took me.

 

Why should someone have to come to terms? Doesn't that imply that you are accepting less than you want? Why should someone accept less than that want on the most important aspects of a relationship?

[woinlove]

I think it is unfair to say that my situation is sad and that I'm fooling myself and just in denial. Yes, I have been all over the place...this is a rollercoaster. I have never done anything like this and I came here happy and allowed all the negativity and worst case scenarios to scare the crap out of me. And then, I proceeded to let people convince me that my mm was a liar and insincere. So you bet, all that made me second guess. An almost d-day where he felt forced to choose between a 10 year marriage or a woman he'd known just a couple of months shook things up. Of course he wasn't ready to make that sacrifice yet but he also wasn't ready to just walk away from the possibility either. I don't care anymore. I'm not letting other opinions on how may R should proceed or what timeline I should set for it to muddy up my perspective. I think the second I started listening to my head and heart instead of the negativity I started giving it my all and it's making all the difference not having my emotions all over the place. So nobody can decide if I'm happy but me. Maybe Jennie has a point...I am more unapologetic than happy, but all the same I'm with a man I love and it's good enough for me...imagine that.

 

KTD, you say you came here happy but your very first post described what I think is a living nightmare of a MM misleading you about his marital status, jerking you around repeatedly. And here is how you described your feelings before anyone at LS had a chance to scare the crap out of your happy self.

 

So here I am. A broken woman again. Lost in love that I once again can't escape but can't obtain. I feel disgusted yet I can't look away from the trainwreck in front of me. I'm counting on his return. I cant imagine my life without it. My past tells me' I clearly will survive, be strong, overcome. But today is not that day. I must remain a woman that he respects though. A woman he finds strong, even when I'm not. I can't allow him to watch me' fall to pieces or beg him to pick me' over his children. He will only return to me' if the memories are great, if in his mind I am that powerful independent woman he fell in love with in the first place. He must NEVER see this side of me'.

 

How do I get that woman back? How do I let go and quit pretending he'll be right back? As different as the two scenarios of my life stories are, I have found myself right back in that same place. Desperate, alone, and scared

.

 

You've described more horrible situations with MM since that first post. I am certain that it is not LS that has made you unhappy and I don't see how you can give yourself a better life if you don't admit that.