A happy thread for the Happy Other Woman/Man

[OWoman]

You're on the wrong forum if you want to badmouth OW. There's another forum on the internet for that.

 

Yes - but you need to remove your brain first, and replace it with the South Park character of your choice, on speed, and its maturity level set at 3 years old. Tantrums and fart jokes are obligatory, as is sustained petulance.

 

It's quite an ask, for any but the most devoted...

 

This is a support forum "for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner". There is no requirement that you need to want out.

 

Nor any that you subscribe to a particular religion, culture or nationalism, nor drape yourselves in the righteous robes of any particular moral framework.

[pureinheart]

LOL...it's not for those in a "committed" relationship. The exact forum definition is, "Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner."

 

HUGE difference.

 

Ok, I screwed up...still I ask am I in the right forum? You made my point much more clear, thank you.

[donnamaybe]

I think the thing that resounds with so many who have posted on this thread is that KTD may claim to be happy (putting on a brave face), but her posts thus far have completely belied that. It's clear what's really going on. However, I wish her the best - whatever happens. She's always been a nice gal here on LS. I feel for her.

[jennie-jennie]

I think the thing that resounds with so many who have posted on this thread is that KTD may claim to be happy (putting on a brave face), but her posts thus far have completely belied that. It's clear what's really going on. However, I wish her the best - whatever happens. She's always been a nice gal here on LS. I feel for her.

 

It is horribly insulting to be told by others how you feel. It is so abusive to me.

[pureinheart]

Then please extend others the same courtesy, thanks.

 

Please do not take my quotes out of context, thank you.

[donnamaybe]

It is horribly insulting to be told by others how you feel. It is so abusive to me.

I would never insult KTD. She's always been very kind. And I didn't tell ANYONE how THEY feel. I merely said what OTHERS' beliefs are or may be. Don't tell us what to believe and what not to believe. That WOULD be insulting.

[jennie-jennie]

I would never insult KTD. She's always been very kind. And I didn't tell ANYONE how THEY feel. I merely said what OTHERS' beliefs are or may be. Don't tell us what to believe and what not to believe. That WOULD be insulting.

 

Could you please point out where I told anyone what to believe and what not to believe? Certainly not in the post you quoted.

 

I said to me it is abusive and very insulting to be told by others how you feel. I am very sensitive to this, since I have been a victim of this myself in real life. Nobody is more expert on their own feelings than the person in question.

[donnamaybe]

Then I guess there's never any reason for ANYONE to go to counseling.

 

We are free to believe what we choose, regardless what someone may say, and that goes for the OP and EVERY PERSON IN THIS THREAD. It's normal for anyone to weigh EVERY bit of information when coming to any type of conclusion, not just the last thing that is heard or seen.

 

KTD (since this thread IS mainly about you, after all ), like I said earlier, I wish you the best regardless which path your life with this man takes.

[pureinheart]

Some of us are okay with who we are, who we choose to love, and what all that entails. Let's have one post for all HOW/M to check in and celebrate the little joys we get out of being with MM or MW without being told we are delusional or wasting our lives away. I've found a great solace in acceptance and am happy with my choices as they stand.

What about your R makes you happy?

 

To get BACK on topic...

 

Hi KTD,

 

As you might know, I have severed ties with exDM...I miss certain things about him greatly and others I can definitely do without:), BUT, this is the HAPPY things. There were many good things about him, and I was quite dependant upon him...he was a genious in many areas. Had we met back in the day, with my drive and his intelligence well I might not be on these boards and would be in the Carribean...who knows, right!

 

What makes me happy is the fact that I got to meet a very good person, and I hope he is ok, meets a good person that will take care of him, and vice versa.

[jennie-jennie]

Then I guess there's never any reason for ANYONE to go to counseling.

 

I certainly wouldn't go to a counselor who told me how I feel. A counselor is supposed to support me in sorting through my emotions, not tell me how I feel.

 

We are free to believe what we choose, regardless what someone may say, and that goes for the OP and EVERY PERSON IN THIS THREAD. It's normal for anyone to weigh EVERY bit of information when coming to any type of conclusion, not just the last thing that is heard or seen.

 

KTD (since this thread IS mainly about you, after all ), like I said earlier, I wish you the best regardless which path your life with this man takes.

 

I believe I have read most all of Karma's threads on LS plus I have personal experience to compare her experience with. My own experience gives me a deeper understanding of what she is going through than if I had never been in the position of being an OW, and a happy/unapologetic OW at that.

Edited December 14, 2010 by jennie-jennie

[donnamaybe]

I certainly wouldn't go to a counselor who told me how I feel. A counselor is supposed to support me in sorting through my emotions, not tell me how I feel.

 

I believe I have read most all of Karma's threads on LS plus I have personal experience to compare her experience with. My own experience gives me a deeper understanding of what she is going through than if I had never been in the position of being an OW, and a happy/unapologetic OW at that.

Then you may feel free to post what YOU think about it all, just as the rest of us are free to do so. When you're done, I won't insult your post. Promise.

 

Now, back to KTD...

[someday]

Could you please point out where I told anyone what to believe and what not to believe? Certainly not in the post you quoted.

 

I said to me it is abusive and very insulting to be told by others how you feel. I am very sensitive to this, since I have been a victim of this myself in real life. Nobody is more expert on their own feelings than the person in question.

 

My only comment to you, JJ, is that you do this all the time. You, it seems, want all BS to *feel* a specific way about all A's (and yours in particular)....so much so that you imply all sorts of horrible things to the BW that happen to post here, and your MM's BW. It really and truly amazes me that you want everyone else to respect your choices and at the very same time you disrespect those who do not agree with your view of reality 100%.

 

KTD, I wish you all the best to truly be happy in whatever you decide.

[donnamaybe]

My only comment to you, JJ, is that you do this all the time. You, it seems, want all BS to *feel* a specific way about all A's (and yours in particular)....so much so that you imply all sorts of horrible things to the BW that happen to post here, and your MM's BW. It really and truly amazes me that you want everyone else to respect your choices and at the very same time you disrespect those who do not agree with your view of reality 100%.

 

KTD, I wish you all the best to truly be happy in whatever you decide.

WORD, BABY!!!!!

 

By the way, not a BS, but concerned for KTD's well being.

[desertIslandCactus]

Then I guess there's never any reason for ANYONE to go to counseling.

 

We are free to believe what we choose, regardless what someone may say, and that goes for the OP and EVERY PERSON IN THIS THREAD. It's normal for anyone to weigh EVERY bit of information when coming to any type of conclusion, not just the last thing that is heard or seen.

 

KTD (since this thread IS mainly about you, after all ), like I said earlier, I wish you the best regardless which path your life with this man takes.

 

I would not want to pay $$$ for someone to merely sit there in complacency .. and without input and guidance as to how to procede in a positive Forward direction..

[whichwayisup]

So once again, an OP's thread turns into who gives better advice and why, depending on one's experience and where they are in life. Unbelievable..

 

Karma, hope you're having a great day and depending where you are, keep warm!!

[donnamaybe]

I would not want to pay $$$ for someone to merely sit there in complacency .. and without input and guidance as to how to procede in a positive Forward direction..

Yup. They hear what you SAY about something, and then they start asking you questions designed to help you really analyze how you truly feel.

 

I may have missed it, but KTD do you have a professional who can help you sort things out? Sometimes a "disinterested" third party can be helpful.

[BB07]

Amazing.........that old abuse card gets pulled out again.

 

Anyway.....KTD.....I wish you peace of mind because to me having the peace of mind that I have now is a very good place to be.

[AlektraClementine]

So once again, an OP's thread turns into who gives better advice and why, depending on one's experience and where they are in life. Unbelievable..

 

Karma, hope you're having a great day and depending where you are, keep warm!!

 

I agree. It's like Karma tossed a piece of raw meat out into an open field and a pack of ravenous wolves pounced.

 

Thing is, she didn't toss it into an open field. She tossed it out to other happy OW. I realize that it's everyone's "right" to say what they want, but did they really need to on this one?

[KarmasTestDummy]

I am thanks!!!!! Just taking it all in and using what's useful. That's what we're here for, right? Lol

 

Again, I appreciate the passion and compassion of all. I've clearly sparked special concern and interest to certain posters. Surely nobody wishes me ill will so each voice is merely in my best interest. Nice to feel so loved.

[donnamaybe]

Surely nobody wishes me ill will so each voice is merely in my best interest. Nice to feel so loved.

Exactly! Thank you for seeing what some of us actually intend. I do hope things work out for you, one way or another.

[Dexter Morgan]

Some of us are okay with who we are, who we choose to love, and what all that entails. Let's have one post for all HOW/M to check in and celebrate the little joys we get out of being with MM or MW without being told we are delusional or wasting our lives away. I've found a great solace in acceptance and am happy with my choices as they stand.

 

even at someone elses expense? if the answer is yes, the god help the good people out there who are getting crapped all over.

[Ellin]

If you are insinuating that I don't have compassion and empathy then I beg to differ. WHAT THE HELL about saying that I will no longer post to KTD in a thread about changing her mind is not respectful of her choice? Geez........:rolleyes:

 

Frankly I see that your definition of empathy and respect is to only offer what YOU consider words that are supportive, but yet you want to pick apart mine.....

 

No, this is not my definition of empathy at all.

 

Neither did I intend to insinuate that you have no comapssion and empathy.

 

I did notice that you stated more than once that you won't be spending your time trying to convince KTD to change her mind and I think it's reasonable and I also noticed that it was done in a nice enough way - you do not support her decision, but at least you refrained from placing a sting in your posts like many would be tempted to do, saying something like "I won't waste my time on this".

 

My "rant" was in response to you equalling respecting one's decision to "blowing smoke one's ass" which are two completely different things.

[Ellin]

If people stuck to just helping out the original poster and stopped picking apart or disagreeing with other advice given, things would be calmer on here.

 

At the end of the day does it really matter who gives the "best" advice from whomever? Why poo-poo someone else just so ONE voice or ONE camp can be heard? That's what it seems like it's coming to on here.

 

K is a grown woman and can make up her own mind, read advice , take it or leave it.

 

But you see, she didn't start this thread to get advice, she started it to hear about other OW's good experiences.

 

So your point is not applicable to the circumstances.

[Ellin]

I agree with all of you who posted here in exactly this respect: extramarital affairs are messy, unkind, and are frought with uncertainty and terrible consequences. In most cases (including my fleeting experience with one) they are not worth the pain they may cause to all involved parties. In my case, as I hope is true with others, they serve a purpose. We learn more about who we are, who and how we love, and what we should aspire to be.

 

Despite the OP's difficulties in her own EMR, I think I know what she was trying to do here. Most of what we all read on this board is hard to read. All relationships are difficult. What we all encounter happens to be harder and more complicated.

 

I actually ended my EMR. But I clicked on this thread in hopes of finding that "Love Actually" (the movie, for those who don't know it) kind of effect. In the midst of so much grief and sadness, someone, somewhere, is finding what we all are hoping to find. Maybe the thread itself was "selfish" in the sense that she was looking to validate her messy relationship, even for the moment.

 

But maybe this exactly what this particular board needs from time to time...someone to remind us (or at least ask the question) that it might actually work out for some of us. We need some happy stories. Anyone who reads or posts regularly and is paying any attention knows better than to hold out any real hope.

 

So once in a while, it's nice to either suspend our disbelief, or just go for it and hope for the best. ...Or, if nothing else, be happy to cheer for our (virtual) friends who find it, even if only for now :-)

 

Sorry to be such a sap. It's so atypical of me. But I hope that we'll all find both peace and happiness in our relationships.

 

There definitely have been quite a few happy endings on LS that I know of and I haven't been here all that long. Some OW ended up M to their xMM, some were just happy with the R even though they were just OW.

 

Some of those are no longer posting, just getting on with their lives.

[jthorne]

But you see, she didn't start this thread to get advice, she started it to hear about other OW's good experiences.

 

So your point is not applicable to the circumstances.

I wonder if the Moderator agrees, since he has not shut the thread down for being off-topic (yet).