The truth came out! I can't resist breaking NC!

[suddendumpee]

So if you haven't read my initial story, it is here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t255195/

 

I have maintained strict NC since she ended our relationship 1 month ago. Some new things have occurred that may make it impossible for me NOT to send an e-mail.

 

During our relationship, there was a guy "friend" who did not seem to pose any threat. He was recently dumped by a girl he planned to marry, and used to call/text my GF for advice/therapy. He was a little crybaby to her. Certainly not a threat, right? Well, he began saying things to her like "If that guy ever hurts you, I'll take care of him." and "You've always had my heart. Too bad we're such good friends".

 

I knew this guy was trying to work his way in, but she always assured me that I had nothing to worry about. She said she's know him since high school and he was like a brother. He came to her town for a work event about a month before our breakup and I thought she was acting a little sketchy on the details of that weekend. She also suddenly stopped mentioning his name, which threw up some red-flags to me.

 

When we broke up, she assured me that there was nobody else. She promised that she simply needed some "me time" to find herself. On Sunday, the truth came out. One of her friends posted a facebook album which showed the 2 of them kissing and staring in to each others eyes like they were in love. Some of the pictures were just a week after we broke up. It was obvious that they did not intend for me to see that album. It was only up for an hour, then I was hidden from my ex's tagged photos. Also, the girl who posted the album befriended me. It was like they realized the album was visible to me, and quickly did everything to correct the problem.

 

Needless to say, I am heartbroken to find that our relationship was a lie. I don't think I can resist sending her a message letting her know that I saw the album. I need her to know that she was busted in a lie. I feel that she should feel the guilt for her lies. I do not plan on being mean in the e-mail. Just a simple:

 

"I saw the pictures, and while the truth may be hard, it is also a bit liberating. Now I can move forward with a realistic view of our relationship and I can stop idealizing our past memories. Regardless, I wish you the best. Take care of yourself"

 

I feel like I will feel better after doing this, but I want some input. I don't want her to feel like she successfully pulled the wool over my eyes. I think she should know she was busted. Should I do this? Why/why not?

[bl22]

If i was you I would....like in my situation she left me for someone else...a 'friend' who posed no threat so i thought...but it was premeditated and i found out.

 

If you do contact her , just say you know the real reason why you broke up, and im glad i finally no the truth. If you do contact her, do it under 1 condition....you do not reply to ANYTHING she says....trust me it was spiral into an argument. If you say 1 last thing then leave it, walk away....you will send out a bigger message than if you whine about it and go on about it non stop asking for answers etc.

 

Don't sound too bothred though if you do.

[eamherst14051]

The best secret is the one that is not divulged! I'd keep it to myself and wait to see if she wants back into your life. then let is loose with it in person when she and you are with a crowd of people.

[Leandro]

Well I found out too about the other guy. I haven't told her I know and I won't unless she brings it up. It doesn't really matter if I tell her or not. She's already with him.

[suddendumpee]

The best secret is the one that is not divulged! I'd keep it to myself and wait to see if she wants back into your life. then let is loose with it in person when she and you are with a crowd of people.

 

I could do this, but we were LDR (states between us), so chances are I will never see her again.

[suddendumpee]

Can anyone think of the the positive or negative repercussions are for a person realizing they have been busted in a lie? Will she feel bad, guilt, regret, remorse? Or will she just think "Wow, is he still thinking about me? What an idiot."

[PerpetualMotion]

At first, she might feel guilty, but then she'll probably rationalize it with this:

Wow, is he still thinking about me? What an idiot.

Anyway, if you decide to tell her, I think you should follow this advice:

If you say 1 last thing then leave it, walk away....you will send out a bigger message than if you whine about it and go on about it non stop asking for answers etc.

 

Don't sound too bothred though if you do.

[suddendumpee]

Wow, the pain is so great right now. I'm not not sure if I'm better of knowing or not knowing the truth.

 

In not knowing, I could at least move forward with good memories of the relationship and her as a person I trusted, BUT I may have held on to the hope of reconciliation.

 

In knowing, I can no longer think of the relationship in a positive light. Not one bit of it. I'm bitter, and I wonder how a person could be so evil, BUT maybe this is what I needed to move on?

 

Anxious to get more viewpoints on the final "I know the truth" e-mail.

[Chi townD]

personally, I'd do it. She thought she could leave you believing in a lie. I'd tell her how underhanded she handled everything and that you would have been hurt, but respected her more if she would have been honest.

Call her on her guilt.

 

Now, either expect more lies or just nothing at all.

[Chi townD]

Ouch dude! I just read your other thread. Are you sure the person she took on that cruise was her "girlfriend"?

[homebrew]

NO, NO, NO!!!!!!!!!

 

SuddenDumpee, You are doing so well and you are being very manly!

 

You wanted me to respond as to what I thought of your story... You need to keep up with what you are doing! You have been VERY STRONG and need to keep it up!

 

Right now, you have shown courage, strength and self-respect to your EX. You have 100% of her respect too. You do not want to lose this! That is exactly what you would do if you send her an email about anything at this point.

 

A real man does not email his EX and accuse her of things or ask questions about her behavior when the relationship is over all due to Facebook or gossip. You will come off looking weak, needy, jealous and childish.

 

Continue to be the strong man that you have been.

 

Trust me, the other guy DOES NOT MATTER! When she figures it out, do you think she will want some sissy (the other guy) or a man who respected himself while also respecting and honoring the "space" that she wanted / requested?

 

Go back and read my thread again and ask yourself this... Do you think someone like Clint Eastwood, John Wayne, The Gladiator, John McClain (Die Hard Movies), etc. would call up an EX and ask them questions or accuse them of something they saw on Facebook or through gossip? Heck No!

 

At some point, if you continue to man up, She will come back. Don't make it so she can't or won't.

 

Keep working on you... Get your "mojo" back... Date other people... I promise we will see a thread from you down the road called "She couldn't resist... The EX reached out to me!"

[bl22]

NO, NO, NO!!!!!!!!!

 

SuddenDumpee, You are doing so well and you are being very manly!

 

You wanted me to respond as to what I thought of your story... You need to keep up with what you are doing! You have been VERY STRONG and need to keep it up!

 

Right now, you have shown courage, strength and self-respect to your EX. You have 100% of her respect too. You do not want to lose this! That is exactly what you would do if you send her an email about anything at this point.

 

A real man does not email his EX and accuse her of things or ask questions about her behavior when the relationship is over all due to Facebook or gossip. You will come off looking weak, needy, jealous and childish.

 

Continue to be the strong man that you have been.

 

Trust me, the other guy DOES NOT MATTER! When she figures it out, do you think she will want some sissy (the other guy) or a man who respected himself while also respecting and honoring the "space" that she wanted / requested?

 

Go back and read my thread again and ask yourself this... Do you think someone like Clint Eastwood, John Wayne, The Gladiator, John McClain (Die Hard Movies), etc. would call up an EX and ask them questions or accuse them of something they saw on Facebook or through gossip? Heck No!

 

At some point, if you continue to man up, She will come back. Don't make it so she can't or won't.

 

Keep working on you... Get your "mojo" back... Date other people... I promise we will see a thread from you down the road called "She couldn't resist... The EX reached out to me!"

 

whilst i love your posts on this forum and find alot of it useful....the original poster said himself he wouldnt want her back now, and i think getting her back is the last thing on his mind. Hes basically realised shes lied to him to get out of the relationship. Shes clearly thinking 'phew that was a close 1' when she deleted the pics trying to hide to evidence. it was premeditated, she should feel guilt over what shes done not thinking shes got out of it guilt free by lying.

[suddendumpee]

Haha. I see your point, but this is only assuming that I want her back. I don't think I could ever take a person back who did this to me. Right now, I want her to know that her true-colors have been exposed. She actually had the nerve to blame the down-fall of the relationship ON ME! Shouldn't she know that I know better now? I'm not talking a long/sappy message. Tomorrow is her b-day and this would be a great time to send a message:

 

"Hey! Just wanted to wish you a happy birthday. There was so much more I wanted to say, but instead, please just thank XXXX for posting those pics on Sunday. They were very...educational. Take care of yourself. I wish you the best"

 

Would this not elicit the guilt she deserves? Right now she thinks she got away with something. Even if she did try to reconcile, I would never be able to forget this.

[bl22]

Haha. I see your point, but this is only assuming that I want her back. I don't think I could ever take a person back who did this to me. Right now, I want her to know that her true-colors have been exposed. She actually had the nerve to blame the down-fall of the relationship ON ME! Shouldn't she know that I know better now? I'm not talking a long/sappy message. Tomorrow is her b-day and this would be a great time to send a message:

 

"Hey! Just wanted to wish you a happy birthday. There was so much more I wanted to say, but instead, please just thank XXXX for posting those pics on Sunday. They were very...educational. Take care of yourself. I wish you the best"

 

Would this not elicit the guilt she deserves? Right now she thinks she got away with something. Even if she did try to reconcile, I would never be able to forget this.

 

 

As much as i said 'id do it'......dont do it on her birthday, that WILL make you look like a d1ckhead. Give it a few days first.

[Chi townD]

NO, NO, NO!!!!!!!!!

 

SuddenDumpee, You are doing so well and you are being very manly!

 

You wanted me to respond as to what I thought of your story... You need to keep up with what you are doing! You have been VERY STRONG and need to keep it up!

 

Right now, you have shown courage, strength and self-respect to your EX. You have 100% of her respect too. You do not want to lose this! That is exactly what you would do if you send her an email about anything at this point.

 

A real man does not email his EX and accuse her of things or ask questions about her behavior when the relationship is over all due to Facebook or gossip. You will come off looking weak, needy, jealous and childish.

 

Continue to be the strong man that you have been.

 

Trust me, the other guy DOES NOT MATTER! When she figures it out, do you think she will want some sissy (the other guy) or a man who respected himself while also respecting and honoring the "space" that she wanted / requested?

 

Go back and read my thread again and ask yourself this... Do you think someone like Clint Eastwood, John Wayne, The Gladiator, John McClain (Die Hard Movies), etc. would call up an EX and ask them questions or accuse them of something they saw on Facebook or through gossip? Heck No!

 

At some point, if you continue to man up, She will come back. Don't make it so she can't or won't.

 

Keep working on you... Get your "mojo" back... Date other people... I promise we will see a thread from you down the road called "She couldn't resist... The EX reached out to me!"

 

 

Sorry Homebrew, but Ummmmmm....she doesn't 100% respect the OP. She lied to him, cheated on him and started a relationship within a week of breaking up with him after she said she needed, "me time".

 

I would call her on her BS.

[dng]

Oh god.

 

Write her an email. Not too long, no emotions, no sentences likes:

 

"I tried XXX you but you wouldnt XXX".

 

In brief, no accusations. Just state the facts, tell her you're happy you found out the real reasons why she left and you respect her decision, but not her ways.

 

She feel feel guilty, and then later when the new guy turns out to be a douchebag she will miss her big man.

 

Like someone else said, you can't contact her after that.

 

This will be your last stand so word it correctly. You are a real man and you are voicing your dissappointment of her weak character and your happiness that you found out before you two were too deeply involved.

 

Make it short and think it over before you send it, because once you send it, its done and you can never contact her again.

[suddendumpee]

Ouch dude! I just read your other thread. Are you sure the person she took on that cruise was her "girlfriend"?

 

Yea, I'm sure about that one.

[dng]

Man, as a person who mostly give advice and opinions here now, like alot of others guys and girls...

 

The advice I give is what I wished I would have done, now that the cloud of feelings is gone and I can see clearly.

 

Almost like a dad pushing a kid to play hockey because he wished he would have been more perseverant...

 

Go kids!

[Lemontang]

I'd call her up on her doing this for sure, but don't drop her friend into it, also don't hope to get any response from it. She'd already checked out of the relationship before it had ended.

 

I did the very thing sitting on it for a number of weeks before I contacted an ex, calling her up on on her lies. I was actually pretty good about it too, kept it straight forward.

 

A few days later one of her friends contacted me and sent me the transcript of a facebook conversation they had. I never asked for it but she wanted me to know as she was in the process of writing herself off (she's an alcoholic) and her friends and family thought I could do something about it, which I couldn't (you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drinks, or in her case she drank the whole lagoon, lol).

 

Needless to say not an ounce of guilt from the Ex; "He just sent me an email saying he knows that I cheated on him I only told 1 person, should I tell them to get f**ked?"

 

As you can see she was more annoyed by the fact a friend she'd told had told me.

 

So dragging her friend into it is only going to change her focus from you to her friend. Just keep it short and to the point, if anything your probably just now realising all the puzzle pieces are coming together.

 

Good luck.

[suddendumpee]

I want to get the greatest effect out of this. Any recommendations of a message that will make her feel bad for what she did, while still taking the high-ground and being mature about it? Something like:

 

"Hey. I had a lot of unanswered questions regarding the sudden way our relationship ended. I am thankful that most of them were answered via Sunday's mini-feed on Facebook. I want you to know that I respect your decision, but the way it was handled lacked the honesty and respect I deserved after our time together. Regardless, I wish you the best. Take care."

 

Or just a simple:

 

"Hey stranger. Just wanted to let you know that Sunday's mini-feed was...educational. Hope all is well"

Edited December 13, 2010 by suddendumpee

[dk.bnz.chi]

"Just wanted to wish you a happy bday. thank XXXX for posting those pics. They were...educational. Take care of yourself. I wish you the best"

i would send it this way.when you mention there was so much more to say ,no there was NOTHING else to say. by saying "take care of yourself" you show indifference ,and that's the best ,opposite of love is not hate but indifference.

i wouldn't send her a bday wish either,but if you feel better by doing that,that's cool.

are you a man or a mouse?

[bl22]

there both too long

 

if i was you id put 'well at least i finally know the truth haha, good luck to you you'll need it '

[Lemontang]

Dude, I just think you hit the nail on the head with that. It's a peaceful parting shot that leaves it open ended to question and an invitation for her to respond....which you shouldn't expect but you won't answer none the less if she does, as your going back to NC having said your piece and moving on.

[suddendumpee]

Lemontang, which are you referring to?

 

Keep in mind I have to be somewhat civil since she works for the same company I work for (different job and state). Again the idea is for her to feel bad that she was busted. I'm sure she still has some feelings for me. I don't want to come across as an a-hole, because when/if she tries to come back, I want to feel the joy of denying her...

[Lemontang]

Your first one. It's concise, not condescending and puts it out simply that you have a lot of respect for yourself first and would expect the same in return. A very well played message.

 

"Hey. I had a lot of unanswered questions regarding the sudden way our relationship ended. I am thankful that most of them were answered via Sunday's mini-feed on Facebook. I want you to know that I respect your decision, but the way it was handled lacked the honesty and respect I deserved after our time together. Regardless, I wish you the best. Take care."