The truth came out! I can't resist breaking NC!

[Chi townD]

She had the pics removed because she wants to hide her lies! Yeah, maybe she wants him to think of her in a positive light. That they broke up on good terms and she's still a good person but it just didn't work out. But that's ANOTHER lie! She knows that she has to communicate with him on a professional level so she doesn't want to have to explain herself or see how much she possibly hurt another person. The fact is, she had those pics removed because she KNOWS it was wrong. She's a coward.

 

You can send the e-mail. But, I wouldn't expect her to respond because...well, she's a coward.

[dk.bnz.chi]

like i said,i wouldn't send anything but

you know what? send her that e-mail and finish the story.

if you really think that it will make you feel better,go for it,but don't be surprised if you'll feel a huge sucker after some reflection time.

[suddendumpee]

she doesn't want you to know she's a liar because she still cares for you.

 

While this may be true, there are other possibilities:

 

1) I know things about her work practices that could get her fired. She hid the album so as not to piss me off for job security and nothing more.

 

or

 

2) She hid the album for selfish reasons. She does not want to be exposed as a liar and a cheat. She does not want to prove my suspicions to be correct. And her ego remains in check because she still believes I think very highly of her.

[Chi townD]

If anything, it will make her think. If he does nothing, she'll feel like she got away with it, and she my do it to the next guy, and the next, and the next...

 

I feel that he doesn't call her on her BS, it would be just as bad as making him a cuckold.

[Lemontang]

Your threads obviously a hot topic of debate. To weigh in again I'd send it. From the experience of me sending one it made little difference to her as she's pretty self absorbed. Which is why I stressed earlier don't expect anything in return, but bonus if you do. It did make a huge difference to me mentally. If anything months later you'll come to realise that she had very different values to your own and that they didn't match.

 

I mean if her new guy knows and is ok with it what's that say about him? ...oh yeah that's right an arsehat, because she's only going to walk all over him.

 

I have no regrets sending mine as it gave me a sense of closure. But then what it gives each person is different I guess, especially since I have no need or want for this person in my life anymore.

[suddendumpee]

What type of message did you send? A complete a$$ ripping, or a short "I know the truth" type?

[suddendumpee]

And yea...it seems to be about 50/50 on the send it, don't send it viewpoints. I guess there is no rush. Maybe after a few days I will have a clearer picture as to what I should do. This is just fresh from yesterday!

[Rap17]

Im in the EXACT same situation as you OP. Found out she was sleeping with the "just friends" guy 2½ weeks after she broke up with me. Noone knows about it except myself and a couple of my friends, shes trying to get away with the lies because she has zero self esteem and is worried what everyone thinks of her. Has big fears of not letting her facade down since everyone thinks shes wonderful, but I now know better. I trusted her 100% in the past and I was fiercely loyal.

 

Im just waiting for them to become a couple officially, and I know she will wait it out until it all will seem like it was a natural thing that happened several months after breaking up with me. Trust me, Im in the vendetta mode too, and Ive pondered on confronting her with it for weeks now.

 

But a friend of mine is telling me not to do it. He reasoned that I would get nothing out of it in the end, that it would only serve to stroke my own ego, and that would only be temporary. But I totally get where youre coming from OP. Its a horrible thing to go through and the thing you want the most is just to pay back some of that hurt. Her "getting away with it", its like the ultimate betrayal, to you and the world around her.

[dk.bnz.chi]

her being scared of you finding out are reasons that only she knows. if it's that she still cares about you,she's scared to lose her job,whatever it is.

but what rap17 said,she might want to wait it out a couple of months to make it look like it was natural.that is a big possibility.

insecure girls who want everybody to think they're wonderful and put a big emphasis on what everybody thinks do that very often.

[suddendumpee]

Its a horrible thing to go through and the thing you want the most is just to pay back some of that hurt. Her "getting away with it", its like the ultimate betrayal, to you and the world around her.

 

This is exactly it. The feeling is driving me nuts!

[homebrew]

Sudden....

 

My advice is the same... Why create more drama and start a war that you will not / cannot win.

 

Don't rob her of the guilt and remorse that she has to live with!

 

If you come out and attack her...

 

She gets off scott free! You rationalize, justify and validate her actions.

 

DON'T STOOP TO HER LEVEL!!!! ALLOW HER FEEL 100% OF THE GUILT, SHAME AND REMORSE SHE IS SURE TO FEEL!

[Rap17]

This is exactly it. The feeling is driving me nuts!

 

Then you have to realise something. Ask yourself, is what she did selfish? Yes. Is it INSANELY selfish? Yes it is. Then what will the outcome be of you confronting her, knowing how selfish and insecure she is? Its highly likely she wont care what you think at all. But her being insecure, you know who´s oppinions she cares about? EVERYONE else!

 

If you want to get back at her, and you dont care what she thinks of you, then what will hit her the hardest is how the world sees her, not you. I prevented myself from going insane by talking to mutual friends about it, friends who wont tell her that I know, but will be able to see her for who she really is. It helps that youre not alone in this situation, that others will be able to see the madness as well. Just be sure its someone you can trust.

 

As soon as people in her surroundings sees through her facade of being an "angel" like my ex put it, then she will sense it too. At least thats what I believe. Then again, I didnt tell my friends because I want revenge, I told them because I needed to not be alone with the knowledge.

 

But like Homebrew says, best thing is to keep your chin up and avoid any drama. I know you want to, that you have this urge swelling up inside you. Its called anger, and its a perfectly natural feeling to have in our situation.

Edited December 14, 2010 by Rap17

[Lemontang]

What type of message did you send? A complete a$$ ripping, or a short "I know the truth" type?

 

I kept it above water. I've always held the belief of taking the high road because a slanging match is just like tennis... the ball keeps coming back. So even if they do fire at you repeatedly, the game gets pretty boring if your not lobbing the ball back.

 

I basically called her out on some pieces of the puzzle after some friends filled me in and that I'd been sitting on it for a number of weeks. If only so I could get my words right and not shoot from the hip (it's important you take the time out to think about these things before you shoot off).

 

I'd actually just brought a ring too so needless to say it was pretty tough trying to keep my cool. But this girl was and still is a train wreck where ever she goes. So I'm happy to be of the mind set where I regret not having the chance to marry her rather than regret actually marrying her.

[dk.bnz.chi]

you seem not to understand how much it matters to have dignity and walk away like a man.

you send it and you'll have what? what do you expect from that e-mail? you expose her to whom? to nobody

[GreenPolicy]

Nobody and no thing is worth sacrificing your dignity and self-respect. Get into a pissing match and you both get wet.

[suddendumpee]

Don't rob her of the guilt and remorse that she has to live with!

 

I guess I'm just questioning, how will she feel guilt or remorse if she thinks she got away with it?

[dk.bnz.chi]

he doesn't seem to understand that,not now at least.

lose dignity and self-respect and you'll lose your confidence.

what else will you have left? a stupid e-mail in your send folder

[Rap17]

Also keep in mind OP, that Im a heartbroken weakling who is hoping for a shot of reconciliation down the road. The guy she has abandoned me for, (or she is using at this point, no idea), doesnt hold a candle to myself anyway. Hes just been in the wings all along, ready to jump at the first sign of weakness. If thats who my ex chooses to be with, then Ill find comfort in the fact that she chose someone with lower morals than myself.

 

Im the better man, and Ill be damned if I give that guy any more ammo to justify her choice. Keep it cool, and believe that she will see the error of her ways in time. Even though my ex made the choice, any guy who stalks your girlfriend in secret, while you are together, is lower than the lowest. Trust me, actions like those tend to come back to bite them in the ass down the line.

[Defiler89]

Also keep in mind OP, that Im a heartbroken weakling who is hoping for a shot of reconciliation down the road. The guy she has abandoned me for, (or she is using at this point, no idea), doesnt hold a candle to myself anyway. Hes just been in the wings all along, ready to jump at the first sign of weakness. If thats who my ex chooses to be with, then Ill find comfort in the fact that she chose someone with lower morals than myself.

 

Im the better man, and Ill be damned if I give that guy any more ammo to justify her choice. Keep it cool, and believe that she will see the error of her ways in time. Even though my ex made the choice, any guy who stalks your girlfriend in secret, while you are together, is lower than the lowest. Trust me, actions like those tend to come back to bite them in the ass down the line.

 

 

Man , you really did help me with this post , u boosted my morale .

I know it wasnt ment for me but tnx .

[GreenPolicy]

I guess I'm just questioning, how will she feel guilt or remorse if she thinks she got away with it?

 

If she feels none, then she is a sociopath. In which case be glad this person is gone from your life.

 

If she's not a sociopath, then yes she will feel remorse. But not if you throw it in her face that you found out. Then you are letting her off the hook for her guilt.

 

The best thing you can do is nothing - both for your dignity and self-respect, and also to cause her the most consternation and pain.

 

The less you do, the more power you have. The more you do, the less power you have and the worse things get. Don't send the email.

[Rap17]

Man , you really did help me with this post , u boosted my morale .

I know it wasnt ment for me but tnx .

 

 

Hehe well Im glad it had that effect mate, in truth, I feel empowered when I vent like this. Helps me to focus on the things that matter, you know, thinking with the brain instead of the heart. Glad to help out mate.

[suddendumpee]

you seem not to understand how much it matters to have dignity and walk away like a man.

you send it and you'll have what? what do you expect from that e-mail? you expose her to whom? to nobody

 

I get it. Dignity is the reason why I've gone a month with zero contact. I was thinking there was a way to preserve my dignity AND expose her ways to herself. My e-mail seemed pretty level headed I thought.

 

 

Nobody and no thing is worth sacrificing your dignity and self-respect. Get into a pissing match and you both get wet.

 

I'm taking all of this in to consideration. It should be known though, that IF I do send anything. I WILL NOT respond to any of her responses. That will be the end.

[suddendumpee]

If thats who my ex chooses to be with, then Ill find comfort in the fact that she chose someone with lower morals than myself.

 

Im the better man, and Ill be damned if I give that guy any more ammo to justify her choice. Keep it cool, and believe that she will see the error of her ways in time. Even though my ex made the choice, any guy who stalks your girlfriend in secret, while you are together, is lower than the lowest. Trust me, actions like those tend to come back to bite them in the ass down the line.

 

Good ****. Let's hope there is such a thing as Karma!

[dk.bnz.chi]

there is nothing wrong with the e-mail,it's just the purpose that's wrong.

it will hurt you more than her

[fiat500]

Don't send it.