Argh, My Wife is so stubborn...

[StreetDog]

But, i knew that. She just worries so much about everything

and WILL NOT budge on her stance when it comes to particular

things.

 

Just somthing as simple as getting our Tire fixed on our car.

I chose to get the tire plugged since it's only 2 years old and

there was a small nail in it. Done it before, I've worked on cars before.

I let the auto shop handle it, they found the nail, the place is reputible,

they were efficient, the leak stopped. Done...

 

But My wife will nag and nag that we need a NEW tire. "Is just plugging

it safe? What if it pops? What if it doesn't work and goes flat on me

and the baby? I think we need a new one, I'm gonna ask my Dad. How

much to get a new one? Should i call around and ask?"

 

 

 

ugh. she can annoy me, as much as I love her...it insults me because

i feel like she doesn't trust my judgement.

[tinktronik]

OP it does sound as though she doubts your judgement. This would drive me nuts. Why don't you show her this post so that she knows how you feel.

[StreetDog]

it does drive me nuts, Tink...

 

My wife as great and fun as she is, can be so un-trusting...

She doesn't trust that I happen to know a thing or two about

cars. If i tell her that, her response is usually "but when was the

last time you worked on one, no, if the guy said we need a new

battery, we should get it"..

[tinktronik]

Is this mainstream in your relationship or mostly focused on certain topics? What I mean is it possible this behavior is just undermining of you in general?

[xxoo]

My spouse is also stubborn by nature, but I've learned that his stubborness only manifests when I am being equally stubborn

 

I hear her saying that she is concerned about the plugged tire. She is worried that it will fail while she is driving with the baby. She would feel much safer with a new tire. Considering her concerns, why do you insist on the plug?

[StreetDog]

hmm, that's a good question. Never thought of it as mainstream

but there definitely have been many, many occasions where she's questioned my judgement or knowledge of something. She's just a

big worrier and skeptic. Always has been. I'm close with her Dad and

he claims the same about her since she was a kid. So I try not to take it personal and realize that that's just her way... it's just very hard to get her to CHILL and trust me on things without it being a whole drawn out

conversation.

[Honorable_Venerable]

But, i knew that. She just worries so much about everything

and WILL NOT budge on her stance when it comes to particular

things.

 

Just somthing as simple as getting our Tire fixed on our car.

I chose to get the tire plugged since it's only 2 years old and

there was a small nail in it. Done it before, I've worked on cars before.

I let the auto shop handle it, they found the nail, the place is reputible,

they were efficient, the leak stopped. Done...

 

But My wife will nag and nag that we need a NEW tire. "Is just plugging

it safe? What if it pops? What if it doesn't work and goes flat on me

and the baby? I think we need a new one, I'm gonna ask my Dad. How

much to get a new one? Should i call around and ask?"

 

 

 

ugh. she can annoy me, as much as I love her...it insults me because

i feel like she doesn't trust my judgement.

 

I've seen something like this. As far as my wife was concerned, only her father's judgement counts. It's insulting and irritating and it means there's a third person in the marriage. I just had to wear her down by showing her my judgement was OK, and getting her old man to ask my opinion on stuff didn't hurt.

[StreetDog]

My spouse is also stubborn by nature, but I've learned that his stubborness only manifests when I am being equally stubborn

 

I hear her saying that she is concerned about the plugged tire. She is worried that it will fail while she is driving with the baby. She would feel much safer with a new tire. Considering her concerns, why do you insist on the plug?

 

 

oh, i see yer point...I'm sure i could be stubborn as well. I chose

the plug because we are kind of tight in the money dept right now and

i've done this repair myself before and know that it works. I trust the

auto shop as well, he's an old pal of mine.

[StreetDog]

My spouse is also stubborn by nature, but I've learned that his stubborness only manifests when I am being equally stubborn

 

I hear her saying that she is concerned about the plugged tire. She is worried that it will fail while she is driving with the baby. She would feel much safer with a new tire. Considering her concerns, why do you insist on the plug?

 

i might ad also that, we had a blow up matress once for when her

parents come down to stay...But once we blew it up for the first time,

Wife was FREAKED that it might pop and what if it pops when our toddler

is next to it and she even worries when our toddler has a balloon, what if

it pops in her face??

 

haha. other than that she's a lot of fun! She;s just a worrier and if she doesn't

trust me on something, she stands her ground and wont budge

[xxoo]

i might ad also that, we had a blow up matress once for when her

parents come down to stay...But once we blew it up for the first time,

Wife was FREAKED that it might pop and what if it pops when our toddler

is next to it and she even worries when our toddler has a balloon, what if

it pops in her face??

 

haha. other than that she's a lot of fun! She;s just a worrier and if she doesn't

trust me on something, she stands her ground and wont budge

 

Funny

 

I'm a worrier, too. If I'm anxious about something, it is really difficult for me to budge. It isn't personal. In these cases, it is ALWAYS better to work together to find a solution that works for both of you.

 

In this case, you also have a concern: finances. Have you shared that concern with her? Instead of labelling each other as stubborn (and I guarantee she thinks you are being stubborn!), why not listen to each other's concerns and try to see each other's pov.

 

I'm going to flip the script for a moment and give you an example that might help your wife see your pov, because I think it is a big potential issue if she is going to her dad instead of working things out with you. A lot of times this same scenario will happen with mothers wanting fathers to "trust their judgment" when it comes to baby/parenting issues. Dad's concern is disregarded in favor of mom's "superior" judgment. Maybe ask her how she would feel if you went to YOUR MOM to question your wife's parenting judgment, rather than keeping the issue between you and your wife. I'm guessing she wouldn't appreciate that very much!

[StreetDog]

Funny

 

I'm a worrier, too. If I'm anxious about something, it is really difficult for me to budge. It isn't personal. In these cases, it is ALWAYS better to work together to find a solution that works for both of you.

 

In this case, you also have a concern: finances. Have you shared that concern with her? Instead of labelling each other as stubborn (and I guarantee she thinks you are being stubborn!), why not listen to each other's concerns and try to see each other's pov.

 

I'm going to flip the script for a moment and give you an example that might help your wife see your pov, because I think it is a big potential issue if she is going to her dad instead of working things out with you. A lot of times this same scenario will happen with mothers wanting fathers to "trust their judgment" when it comes to baby/parenting issues. Dad's concern is disregarded in favor of mom's "superior" judgment. Maybe ask her how she would feel if you went to YOUR MOM to question your wife's parenting judgment, rather than keeping the issue between you and your wife. I'm guessing she wouldn't appreciate that very much!

 

thanks xxoo and all for the advice...

 

I see what youre saying...When she does go to her Dad, she doesn't

say "Because Husband doesn't know.." she asks on both our behalf,

she doesn't belittle but it annoys me because I don't want her Dad to

think i don't have things taken care of with his Daughter and Grandbaby,

ya know? It doesn't look good when she's goes over me to ask her Dad's

advice first...Aren't we a team here?

 

Cuz then i get her Dad trying to intervene and help us, asking me if I

need money for repairs, just that kinda stuff...

[allina]

Sorry OP but I agree with your wife when it comes to the tire example. I would be so hurt and insulted if my husband insisted on me driving with a damaged tire, during winter time, with our baby, just to save a few dollars

 

Your wife is clearly uncomfortable with this shortcut and I think you are being unfair.

[Distant78]

Sorry OP but I agree with your wife when it comes to the tire example. I would be so hurt and insulted if my husband insisted on me driving with a damaged tire, during winter time, with our baby, just to save a few dollars

 

Your wife is clearly uncomfortable with this shortcut and I think you are being unfair.

 

I agree regarding the tire, but as far as how his wife acts regarding both of them getting problems solved, I don't. I think that's insulting and really unfair if she has to run to Daddy everytime she gets picky over a petty issue. That behavior needs to stop IMO. When a woman goes to her father constantly, that really hurts us men because we are the ones that want to be the help our woman needs. He needs to let her know how he really feels when she does that.

[allina]

I agree regarding the tire, but as far as how his wife acts regarding both of them getting problems solved, I don't. I think that's insulting and really unfair if she has to run to Daddy everytime she gets picky over a petty issue. That behavior needs to stop IMO. When a woman goes to her father constantly, that really hurts us men because we are the ones that want to be the help our woman needs. He needs to let her know how he really feels when she does that.

 

I agree with you but I feel like I also understand the wife's side. Maybe the OP doesn't mean for this to happen, but if he often pushes his wife to ideas she isn't comfortable with she may need some reassurance from her father or other people she trusts.

[NoLongerSad]

OP, I just think your wife happens to have a phobia consisting of fear of inflatable objects potentially exploding on, in, or around her--the air mattress, the tire, balloons, etc. This fear stems from childhood according to her dad, no doubt, as a young child, at a birthday party, an evil birthday clown frightened her while making balloon animals. She has pushed this into her deep subconscious but it comes out every now and then.

 

To confirm my theory, please advise as to how your wife behaves when she observes a dirigible passing overhead. Does she run around in circles shrieking and tearing her hair out? That would be a big clue.

 

How is she around inflatable sports equipment, such as basketballs, footballs, rugby, Aussie rules, etc.? Do these also make her nervous?

 

Finally how does she behave when you take the good ol' inflatable love doll out of the closet for a little adult fun? Does she seem fearful of it, or does she fully participate?

 

 

Does she find this at all disturbing? If so--she could be suffering from "inflato-phobia".

 

 

http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/8/84/Hindenburg_burning.jpg&imgrefurl=http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Hindenburg_burning.jpg&h=559&w=707&sz=108&tbnid=p_VdDAJ1jth3VM:&tbnh=111&tbnw=140&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dhindenburg%2Bphoto&zoom=1&q=hindenburg+photo&hl=en&usg=__lkXlRzO3JzwVnhTVD5jm-c9B_64=&sa=X&ei=Dz8ITfW0I4SdlgeGkbm-AQ&ved=0CCMQ9QEwAw

Edited December 15, 2010 by NoLongerSad

[Distant78]

I agree with you but I feel like I also understand the wife's side. Maybe the OP doesn't mean for this to happen, but if he often pushes his wife to ideas she isn't comfortable with she may need some reassurance from her father or other people she trusts.

 

Well of course you're siding with the wife. You're a woman. From what he posted, it doesn't seem he's "pushing":confused: his wife to ask her father. She should learn to control her phobias/insecurities and think about how her husband may feel before she starts wailing all over the place. She should be reassured by her mate, not her father all the time. That's what her husband is there for.

[NoLongerSad]

Well of course you're siding with the wife. You're a woman. From what he posted, it doesn't seem he's "pushing":confused: his wife to ask her father. She should learn to control her phobias/insecurities and think about how her husband may feel before she starts wailing all over the place. She should be reassured by her mate, not her father all the time. That's what her husband is there for.

 

 

Actually, while I have no problem with using the tire repair, and have done so myself, I also understand the concern because the two most important things for safety on a car are 1) good tires and 2) good brakes.

 

In this case, being wrong doesn't just mean waiting by the side of the road for triple A. A tire failure at high speed could have catastrophic consequences.

[TaraMaiden]

Well of course you're siding with the wife. You're a woman.

 

What a stupid thing to say.

I'm a woman, and I side with his argument, so what's your point?

[NoLongerSad]

What a stupid thing to say.

I'm a woman, and I side with his argument, so what's your point?

 

 

Obviously, the other poster's point was that he thought another person was siding with the OP because they both were women, and had sympathy on that basis.

 

You seem to be drawing, from that, the inference that all women must necessarily also be sympathetic for the conclusion to be true.

 

Your inference is not implicit in the other poster's statement and is in fact a false inference/error of logic on your part.

 

It is quite possible for some women to be sympathetic to other women's problems because they are women, but that does not imply that, if that is true, then all women must also be sympathetic to other women, because they are women.

 

You should try to be a little more logical when making inferences before being so quick to jump up and criticize other posters by posting these kind of straw man arguments.

[TaraMaiden]

It's ok, you don't need to jump to his defence.

Distant78 and I have a 'seeing-eye-to-eye' history.

 

I know precisely what he means, and it's not what you think.

But that's ok.

My bad for jumping at him.

I should know better where our discussions go.

 

Forget I mentioned it.

Thanks for caring and sharing though.

[hoping2heal]

But, i knew that. She just worries so much about everything

and WILL NOT budge on her stance when it comes to particular

things.

 

Just somthing as simple as getting our Tire fixed on our car.

I chose to get the tire plugged since it's only 2 years old and

there was a small nail in it. Done it before, I've worked on cars before.

I let the auto shop handle it, they found the nail, the place is reputible,

they were efficient, the leak stopped. Done...

 

But My wife will nag and nag that we need a NEW tire. "Is just plugging

it safe? What if it pops? What if it doesn't work and goes flat on me

and the baby? I think we need a new one, I'm gonna ask my Dad. How

much to get a new one? Should i call around and ask?"

 

 

 

ugh. she can annoy me, as much as I love her...it insults me because

i feel like she doesn't trust my judgement.

 

I side with your wife on this ONE instance. Personally, if it was me driving my child around I would never feel safe with it plugged. That may be too my own naivete but when it comes to the safety of a baby, your instincts come on a little strong.

 

That said, My mom does exactly what you are talking about all of the time and it is the MOST irritating thing. She does it to my father and to me and my siblings. She acts as though we are all incapable of making decisions for ourselves without her input. She always uses these two very irritating sayings after/before injecting her own brand of "wisdom" "Well, I'm just saying.." and "I hate to say this but.." One time I told her "Okay, so don't say it." She started to talk and I said "No, you hate to say it so simply do not say it. Problem solved." That chapped her hyde

 

I love my mother but that is one of the most annoying traits in the world and she does it ALL of the time. I really do not know why or what her deal is and it may not be as severe as your wife's but it is annoying for certain!

[NoLongerSad]

That said, My mom does exactly what you are talking about all of the time and it is the MOST irritating thing. She does it to my father and to me and my siblings. She acts as though we are all incapable of making decisions for ourselves without her input. She always uses these two very irritating sayings after/before injecting her own brand of "wisdom" "Well, I'm just saying.." and "I hate to say this but.." One time I told her "Okay, so don't say it." She started to talk and I said "No, you hate to say it so simply do not say it. Problem solved." That chapped her hyde

 

I love my mother but that is one of the most annoying traits in the world and she does it ALL of the time. I really do not know why or what her deal is and it may not be as severe as your wife's but it is annoying for certain!

 

 

That's pretty normal mom behavior.

[Distant78]

What a stupid thing to say.

I'm a woman, and I side with his argument, so what's your point?

 

What a stupid thing to say. Just because you side with him doesn't mean you're not biased so what's your point?

[Distant78]

Obviously, the other poster's point was that he thought another person was siding with the OP because they both were women, and had sympathy on that basis.

 

You seem to be drawing, from that, the inference that all women must necessarily also be sympathetic for the conclusion to be true.

 

Your inference is not implicit in the other poster's statement and is in fact a false inference/error of logic on your part.

 

It is quite possible for some women to be sympathetic to other women's problems because they are women, but that does not imply that, if that is true, then all women must also be sympathetic to other women, because they are women.

 

You should try to be a little more logical when making inferences before being so quick to jump up and criticize other posters by posting these kind of straw man arguments.

 

I agree with you but that's okay. I can handle Tara and we do go way back.

[goingstrong]

 

Just somthing as simple as getting our Tire fixed on our car.

I chose to get the tire plugged since it's only 2 years old and

there was a small nail in it. Done it before, I've worked on cars before.

I let the auto shop handle it, they found the nail, the place is reputible,

they were efficient, the leak stopped. Done...

 

But My wife will nag and nag that we need a NEW tire. "Is just plugging

it safe? What if it pops? What if it doesn't work and goes flat on me

and the baby? I think we need a new one, I'm gonna ask my Dad. How

much to get a new one? Should i call around and ask?"

 

This particular situation is simple....just tell her it was broke and you fixed it.....no further detail is needed. As for the rest of your relationship....