IfiKnewThen Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 good job sirW. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sirweasles Posted January 3, 2011 Author Share Posted January 3, 2011 Thank you!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author sirweasles Posted January 3, 2011 Author Share Posted January 3, 2011 so I dont know if this means anything but 2 days ago I went 24 hours with no contact with my wife. I then left her a face book message to let her know I loved and missed her andthat I still care and later last night I texted her I thought her responses were cold so I was depessed most the night at work I acctually was able to laugh really laugh during this time becouse I have a really awsome coworker that has been through this and is really trying to help me out. anyways today my wife called and asked me if i had gotten some mail that she personally handed to me and knew that I had recieved and then asked a few other questions like do I have enough money and stuff like that. It seemed to me like she was just trying to make a reason to talk to me she was very pleasant and seemed alittle nervous like maybe she just wanted to here my voice but needed an excuse to call. Am I reading into this to much? Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 i dont think youre reading too much. it stands to reason you would miss you to some degree (and maybe more who knows). i think she probably did want to hear your voice. but dont assume more than that. at least she was being civil and more human and kind : ) Link to post Share on other sites
Author sirweasles Posted January 4, 2011 Author Share Posted January 4, 2011 we have always been civil. I guess it just feels like she is slipping away and I am having a hard time with it they say NC is the best way to heal but it feels so much worse. I miss talking to her and I dont want to loose her wat if she is tryin to go NC to get over me? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sirweasles Posted January 6, 2011 Author Share Posted January 6, 2011 ok so now Im starting to loose my temper all the time I guess its better than bein depressed but damn I am afraid im goin to cause problems at work I am just really easily pissed off. Is this normal? Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 we have always been civil. I guess it just feels like she is slipping away and I am having a hard time with it they say NC is the best way to heal but it feels so much worse. I miss talking to her and I dont want to loose her wat if she is tryin to go NC to get over me? Stop trying to read her mind Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 ok so now Im starting to loose my temper all the time I guess its better than bein depressed but damn I am afraid im goin to cause problems at work I am just really easily pissed off. Is this normal? Yep, totally, lots of anger, panic attacks, sleeplesness, you name it I had it, it's natural. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 . I then left her a face book message to let her know I loved and missed her andthat I still care and later last night I texted her ? Stop this. Switch of your computer, take the battery out of your mobile. Go for a run, read a book, go out to meet a friend, just tdo not contact your wife unless it's about kids or finances. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sirweasles Posted January 6, 2011 Author Share Posted January 6, 2011 Thats pretty much all we talk about anymore. I generally dont contact her she contacts me and I just respond. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 I just respond. Unless it's important and about the kids, don't bother responding to her texts, leave it a couple of days before responding to emails Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 I apologize but I didn't want to read everyone's post so I might be posting the same thing that has been said. I know this is hard, but no one should be able to have so much control over you. You said you have put everything into your wife. Now it's time to work on you. Yes it is hard, yes all those symptoms you are going thru are normal. Read up on grieving. Best thing you can do is change for you. Keep yourself busy to keep your mind from wondering, pick up old hobbies or find new ones. If you spend a lot of time in your vehicle get books on CD to listen to. For me what really helped me was getting connected with a good church that had some good programs (classes such as Boundaries & Chances that heal) with people that were or had gone thru the same thing I was. I know it sounds odd, but after a while she will miss you & she will contact you for crazy things, but that doesn't mean anything, it just gets your hopes up. My former wife & I were married for 28yrs. she was the one that left me, yet after 7 months she was the one that started doing all those things, contacting me for stupid things that she could have found the answer in other ways. I know it's hard to look at our own mistakes, but figure out what part you had in her leaving & work on those things. It takes 100% from both partners to make a good marriage, so even though she is the one that left you there are reasons or things you could have done different. I promise you if you work on you then it will make dealing with the relationship a lot easier. Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 I apologize but I didn't want to read everyone's post so I might be posting the same thing that has been said. I know this is hard, but no one should be able to have so much control over you. You said you have put everything into your wife. Now it's time to work on you. Yes it is hard, yes all those symptoms you are going thru are normal. Read up on grieving. Best thing you can do is change for you. Keep yourself busy to keep your mind from wondering, pick up old hobbies or find new ones. If you spend a lot of time in your vehicle get books on CD to listen to. For me what really helped me was getting connected with a good church that had some good programs (classes such as Boundaries & Chances that heal) with people that were or had gone thru the same thing I was. I know it sounds odd, but after a while she will miss you & she will contact you for crazy things, but that doesn't mean anything, it just gets your hopes up. My former wife & I were married for 28yrs. she was the one that left me, yet after 7 months she was the one that started doing all those things, contacting me for stupid things that she could have found the answer in other ways. I know it's hard to look at our own mistakes, but figure out what part you had in her leaving & work on those things. It takes 100% from both partners to make a good marriage, so even though she is the one that left you there are reasons or things you could have done different. I promise you if you work on you then it will make dealing with the relationship a lot easier. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sirweasles Posted January 7, 2011 Author Share Posted January 7, 2011 thats a tough one I get so excited when ever she texts or calls. I just want her to tell me she loves me. Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 thats a tough one I get so excited when ever she texts or calls. I just want her to tell me she loves me. When she calls let it go to voice mail, that way if it isn't an important reason to contact you then you don't have to respond. If it is something you need to respond it gives you time to get your thoughts together before having to respond & when you respond keep it short & simple. If you get the urge to call her or text her, pull out a notebook of paper, write down your feelings & thoughts & then after a day shred it. It really helps to journal your feelings & thoughts. Nothing wrong with having them, but what is wrong is trying to share them with someone that really doesn't care at this time. Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 are you looking for any work thats closer to your family? just wondering Link to post Share on other sites
Author sirweasles Posted January 7, 2011 Author Share Posted January 7, 2011 not right now I am waiting for a bit trying to get my emotions to a better place and using the support I have here then Im going to activly pursue a transfer to about 250 miles from home. right now I have a very good job and I need to show my wife that I can hold a job part of my problems are caused becouse I couldnt hold a job I drank too much and couldnt get up for work. things with me are getting better however I have no idea how things with me and my wife are going I know she ignors my texts alot still but she still trys to find out what im doing and how im doing I think she is probing to see if im getting better but I dont know where our relationship is going I try not to think about it. I am working on getting my self happy again all the time so that I can be better prepared for anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sirweasles Posted January 8, 2011 Author Share Posted January 8, 2011 So me and my wife havnt really talked since my last night there. I havnt tried to have any relationzhip conversations at all and she has been pretty unresponsive. I have been giving her space and have tried not to harass her. Last night she went to a mutual friends 30th birthday party and had a really good time and again was very unresponsive however this morning I sent her a good morning I Love you text and she became very talkative told me about the party and about her morning and what she is goin to do with the kids she also told me she would be back in a bit leaving me with the impression that she still wants to talk BS and what not. My wife is and always has been the type of person that will not beg will not plea I believe very strongly that NC would end any chance I have with her. As long as she knows that I still care and am working to get better as well as showing improvement things will get better. My wife gave her first husband a year of seperation to get his act together and only called it off when she had decided to give it another try becouse he cheated on her with her downstairs neigbor while they were in the process of reconecting. My wife is a very honest person and I believe that we have both made the last few years hard on each other her becouse she kind of distanced her self from me and me becouse I became depressed and lost my motivation to do anything but drink. both me and my wife love to go out and drink and we usually have a great time when we do before I left for this job we did everything together and my wife started disconnecting from her friends and her social life which she needs after I left she started reconnecting and has remembered how much she enjoys her social life. I believe that this is a big part of our problem that and me going completely insane ending up in a mental hospital accusing her of wanting to leave me then accusing her of cheating on me. I also have a problem with being pushy if i want somthing I tend to ask 100 different ways trying to get the answer I want. I am now fully aware of my failings and have been working on me I hope that my wife is seeing my improvements and will if not already come around so we can start to mend us. Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 you sound like youre taking a real hard look at yourself and are not blaming. thats a good sign. we can only control ourselves. i really wish you AND your wife were in AA or NA if you guys did any drugs. but it sounds like alcohol is a big part of the problem. please seriously consider AA. cutting back doesnt sound like it will be enough. i think you have to eliminate alcohol. one day at a time with a support system. i think youre right about N/C not being the best idea at this time. that's just my personal opinion. so the contact you have sounds just right and decent so far. you will definitely have to prepare though for any outcome and dont get your hopes up. but in the meantime, i do feel you are planting good seeds, by working on YOU and being kind and civil to HER. you have nothing to lose by doing these things. you can always feel good about YOU by acting like this. i don't know how she will begin to see that "partying" with her friends is not good and healthy..if she drinks like it sounds like she does. she needs to ditch that alcohol too. but you cant make her. all you can do or say is that you don't drink or party anymore...and REALLY quit doing it. maybe it will give her insensitive too. but don't expect it. save yourself first. you can't save her if you're drowning yourself...not lend her a working strong helping hand if youre in crisis. you cant afford to flip out anymore either. you MUST control your temper. a bad uncontrolable temper is a BAD thing and can never work for you and destroy your life. get rid of it . dont let it return EVER. anyway i think youre doing real good so far. you need to pat yourself on the back more and keep building up your self worth without her. she too is an addiction. i know you love her. we all love them...but some of us are really more dependant and addicted too Link to post Share on other sites
Author sirweasles Posted January 8, 2011 Author Share Posted January 8, 2011 the alcohol is no longer an issue I dont really drink much on my own so I havnt drank much in months. It was a big contributer to our situation in that I lost jobs over it I believe my wife is going through a stage in her life right now and is on the back side of it she is an addiction and I am completely addicted I am trying to prepare myself for any outcome but right now im not in a good place for anything more than making it work but I am working on it. I am working endlessly on me and will continue to improve day to day one step at a time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sirweasles Posted January 11, 2011 Author Share Posted January 11, 2011 I hate not knowing what she is thinking. I hate that I make a big deal out of small conversations with her (not to her in my own head). I somtimes feel that she is reconnecting only to feel that she is just trying to coparent later. It seems that when she is bored she starts to think about me and almost always contacts me but when she is doing anything else she pretty much ignors me. I know she is busy all the time. Why is this so hard why when I have a good day does it always base off of my interactions with her. today out of the blue she texted me telling me to enjoy work and I had a good day. the other day she was kinda mean and even though she tried to recollect and be nice afterwards I had a very bad day. I feel that im walking am razorblades and if i make one tiny slip I get cut only I would prefer to swim in razor blades over how It makes me feel Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 so many of us know the feeling. the hurt and how it cuts when you feel them slipping away or you hope and live on the edge everyday and they dictate your happiness. thats why its so so important to stat making even the littlest things in life OUTSIDE of them, make you happy...instead of depending on them to make you happy. and then if something good happens with them..all the better. but for now..make YOU happy in anyway you can and see good things around you. tell this to yourself mentally. give yourself daily affirmations to survive this pain..and come out the other side. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sirweasles Posted January 12, 2011 Author Share Posted January 12, 2011 I am honestly doing everything I can for me. I am possitive about life to the best of my current ability. It doesnt seem to get easier I just found out today that my dad has cancer but I have to look possative its the most currable cancer and they caught it early. when life throws you a fast ball you better believe its gointo curve. Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 my heart goes out to you. both my parents had cancer. perhaps let this time be to focus on yours and your dads relationship. i am rooting for you..that all comes together in your life. keep hanging in there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sirweasles Posted January 13, 2011 Author Share Posted January 13, 2011 Thank you!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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