casual hookup said he won't see me anymore

[andie8809]

So I kind of have the opposite situation of what normally happens (or so it seems) where a friend becomes a sexual partner. Sorry in advance if this post ends up too long...its a weird situation that I want to get opinions about.

I met this guy, "Luke", in January 2010 at girlfriend's bday get together. I first thought he was really cute and super nice but I was told (and observed) he was into my friend "Sarah". I backed off because of that and just kind of forgot about it.

 

Then during the fall, like September, I started hanging out with Sarah and our other girlfriend (the one who had the bday) at this local bar, where Luke always chills at. So I started seeing him more often but wasn't sure how to approach him, but I'd told Sarah how I thought he was pretty cool and she said to go for it (cause she thinks of him as a friend, not as a romantic interest). I ended up putting my number in his phone but a week later I had Sarah ask him if he'd called me and he apparently had been too drunk to remember I'd given him my number but after he found out I'd done that, he started acting giddy and excited. Then Halloween weekend, Luke finally decided to make a move and we went to his place together and started a sexual relationship. I stayed at his place nearly all weekend, only went home to clean up and change clothes.

We hadn't really known each other that well before we hooked up but when we started talking we had really great conversations (we both work in the same field and both of us are very easygoing).

 

Anyways, after two weeks of hooking up and getting to know each other a little more, Luke said he couldn't have sex with me anymore but asked if we could stay friends because he really likes hanging out with me. I told him probably not, but I'd try because I did enjoy the time we spent together too. I also started to cry a bit because I was so confused and hurt by the suddenness of it, and then he took me home that same night and we had what he called "goodbye sex". I didn't contact him after that.

 

Another couple weeks later I went out with my girlfriends and we ran into Luke and I let my sexual drive get the best of me and slept with him again even though he was resistant at first but eventually caved in to his desires, too. He texted me the following day saying he "feels guilty" every time after he has sex with me. I asked him why he felt that way and he said he felt like he "was leading me on" and I asked "leading me onto what?" since I had explained the day after we first had sex that I wasn't looking to start a serious relationship, just wanted to get laid basically. But he told me he "couldn't be casual" with me and I couldn't and still don't really understand why...except for the possibility that he started to really like me but felt unsure since I had said I didn't want a serious relationship. However, I then amended my previous statement to say that I was open to being casual (just having sex and hanging out) or to "something more if he were interested in that" because I really did like his personality, his intelligence, in addition to the awesome sex. He never really chose either option, just decided to end it to cut off both our growing negative feelings.

Anywho, I decided I'm not going to pursue him, I really dislike playing these guessing games and feeling rejected, and since I could never get a straight answer from him, I want to know if anyone out there could shed a little more light on why someone would not want a decently NSA relationship when they enjoy spending time with that person?

[Tressugar]

It sounds like you got a little more involved than he did. You and he got your rocks off and now it's time to move forward. You keep saying that all you want is NSA sex, but in your writings it is coming off as you wanting more...crying and asking for explanations. Maybe he picked up on this too.

 

In the future if you only want NSA I suggest that Craigslist is an excellent avenue to getting laid and moving on in life. This way no one knows anyone. Anyway "Luke" is a little too close for comfort in this situation. He was attracted to someone else, but he didn't get the girl he was interested in so the next thing for men in this case was free sex from someone who was giving it away. No man is going to turn down free sex from anyone who is throwing it his way.

 

Move on the both you got the NSA you both wanted. That's all it was. Que sara sara.

[andie8809]

It sounds like you got a little more involved than he did. You and he got your rocks off and now it's time to move forward. You keep saying that all you want is NSA sex, but in your writings it is coming off as you wanting more...crying and asking for explanations. Maybe he picked up on this too.

 

In the future if you only want NSA I suggest that Craigslist is an excellent avenue to getting laid and moving on in life. This way no one knows anyone. Anyway "Luke" is a little too close for comfort in this situation. He was attracted to someone else, but he didn't get the girl he was interested in so the next thing for men in this case was free sex from someone who was giving it away. No man is going to turn down free sex from anyone who is throwing it his way.

 

Move on the both you got the NSA you both wanted. That's all it was. Que sara sara.

 

Thanks for your reply...I am moving on (deleted his number, the pics and texts he had sent me, decided not to go to 'his' bar). I just can't wrap my head around the things he had said to me, "I can't be casual with you", which conflicted with his behavior (having me meet his cousin multiple times and introducing me to his close friends).

I admit I'm very easy to cry and it wasn't so much that I became really attached to him, but that I felt rejected. And no one enjoys that feeling regardless of how much you like or don't like someone.

I've tried Craigslist in the past and had a wonderful relationship with a couple who were very clear and forthright in their guidelines and expectations, as well as a one-time fling, but those had now been over a year and a half ago. I also moved to a large city where I don't feel quite safe hooking up with complete strangers.

So I guess it just comes down to not knowing what he really felt because he always dodged the issue...

[Ometeotl]

No man is going to turn down free sex from anyone who is throwing it his way.

 

Wrong

 

Have a nice day