I've done something beyond stupid and I'm in a really bad place right now

[thissecretgirl]

just leave and go back home. start anew and forget all your hurts in oz. you are in that place because of him. now he is gone. whats the point of staying?

 

just leave. i wish you strength. to be able to find the answers yourself. and to be able to move on. to be able to uproot yourself. he is not treating your right anymore. stop doing this to yourself. be strong.

 

I know people dont understand why I'm hanging on here but its simple to me really. This is my home. I want it to be my home. take him completely out of the picture and I still absolutely love it here.

I've had to start again twice now from scratch, the last time after my own divorce. I just dont want to again. I think when I am a bit stronger I might look into moving house and having a fresh start though.

 

Thanks for your words of support. I know its time for me to move on now.

 

I feel terrible that you are so far away from home and isolated. Is there anything at all you could do to get home to someone who can be some kind of support for you?

 

No one in an A wants to believe that they are one of the many who have fallen under the category of the "rule" e.g. having an affair with a selfish pig who just wants what he wants and when he wants and couldn't care less about who is harmed, not really. It's understandable that you didn't want to believe that was this man and that you were that woman.

 

Unfortunately, while there are exceptions -and some people have affairs because they are in bad M's and they don't know how to possibly get out (not that this excuses it) and end up in A's because people are human and sometimes we make bad choices - 9 times out of 10 that is not the case. It is often men who throw the OW under the bus from day 1- because they ask a woman to give them what they never will. It's selfish and disgusting and some women sadly end up stuck in it for years or decades. Telling themselves that their MM is a good man, that he is doing the right thing, that being an AP isn't really a bad thing.

 

Hindsight is 20/20 and I'm so sorry that you ended up in such an extreme case of mistreatment by your MM. I'm a firm believer that the same pig-ish and dishonest behavior they exhibit to their families in within the confines of an A is likely to be used in other areas of their life as well. This man was part of the church yet look at how he conducted himself? He was not a good man.

 

You can recover from this, hurtful and devestating as it was. I imagine your trust must be completely shattered right now - having seen the ugliness you have from someone you trusted implicitly. It's paradox really - when AP's give implicit trust, to men who already start off lying and cheating.

 

You've got to forgive yourself for the mistakes you've made and let it go. Don't let this define the rest of your life. Cut ties from that situation and PLEASE find a way to go home. You need to heal and you deserve to heal, despite the poor choices you've made.

 

Thankyou h2h you speak a lot of sense and have summed things up pretty well. I dont have much of a support system here although I do have a couple of people through work that know and have been very kind. I'm going to work on building new friends here. Infact I started yesterday.

 

I think you are spot on in your impressions of him and yes my trust has been completely shattered. Its stupid really isnt as you point out its a complete paradox to trust someone who is capable of lying and leading a double life for so long. Love and wanting to see the good in people tends to blind me to that I think.

I think the reason I trust him so implicitly is very much down to the nature of our relationship which I also think is why breaking the trust hit me even more. I havent gone into too much and wont except to say ours was largely based around a D/s dynamic with him the dominant partner. Those kind of relationships because of the power exchange demand trust or it cant operate.

 

I think you also hit the nail on the head with your comments about forgiving myself for the poor choices I made. I think I have beaten myself up about this and my poor lack of judgement. I was very wrong about someone again too andits knocked my confidence; perhaps thats why even until the other day I hoped I was right and he would come good.

 

But you are right; I can get through this. Thanks so much.

[thissecretgirl]

I've been feeling very stuck too. I can't move on and I want closure and answers and I am disgusted that my NC hasn't brought him back to me.

 

I WANT to move on and have a good life. I just keep getting stuck.

 

I finally broke down and got on an anti-depressant. I chose Lexapro, because in addition to being an anti-depressant, it also helps with anxiety.

 

I hope I don't have to take it forever, but if it helps me get over this hump, move on and live my life, then it's worth taking it.

 

I'm also rereading the book The Secret and have purchased the sequel, The Power. The techniques in these books are going to help me attract more positive into my life, as obsessing over my xMM is only going to attract more negative.

 

We will get through this!

 

Good on you Sunset for taking control back!

 

Yeah, I really didnt want to take anti depressants for personal reasons but I have resigned myself to for the next 6 months. My doctor pointed out there is nothing wrong with me except whats happened to me.

I need a hand getting over this hump too and the psychologist should help here aswell.

 

Those books sound good. I might look them up.

 

You have done the right thing with. Just stick with it and stay strong and things will get better for both of us *hugs*

[thissecretgirl]

Hey Secretgirl

 

Sorry to hear you are going through this. You know you are stronger than you think you are. You have the capacity to bear this and work through it and come out the other end a changed, but stronger, more loving, more compassionate woman. You will, I promise.

 

I'll try to PM you to see where you are in Aus.

 

Thankyou Kismetly for your lovely words.

 

They say what doesnt kill you makes you stronger and I hope too that I am able to emerge the other side having learnt some valuable life lessons and a better person. Although having said that I wasnt too bad to start off with!

 

I have a huge capacity to love, I hope that remains and I am able to in the future. I read another thread the other day and it made me think of things I amlooking forward to down the road; loving and being loved, sharing, waking up with someone in the morning...just the basic stuff lol.

 

I'm in WA btw, where are you?

[thissecretgirl]

Pertinent bits from the other thread:

 

 

Thus, the inadvisability of her attempting contact with him.

 

OP, I believe that at this point, you need to look at that undertaking as protecting you as much as it protects him/them. You need to stay away, you need to stay out of contact, to have any chance of beginning the long process of healing. So respect that court order, stay away. Being in contact with him will damage you, and not only because of the undertaking, but because of your fragile emotional state.

 

Disconnect, stay clear, stay away... This won't solve anything by itself, but it is an absolutely necessary first step, to be sure you don't get sucked back into the drama whirlpool.

 

Thanks Trimmer,

 

Yeah I made a huge mistake. its not actually an order from the court; more of an agreement between the two parties. Having said that its not something I wish to mess with.

[thissecretgirl]

What about you though? You KNOWINGLY slept with someone's husband who has a wife, family, and children at home.

 

Yes thats right I did. But I didnt just knowingly sleep with him, I knowingly shared his life and his love for four years. I absolutely loved and adored him with all my being and thats why I lived a half life for so long and ultimately the half life is why I ended it.

I even naively thought I would never endanger what he had, that I would simply be an add on part to his life.

But look my reasons and personal justifications are too involved to go into on here, even if I felt the need to and I dont.

I know the kind of person I am, as do my family and friends and apart from a few mistakes and bad choices I actually really like me.

 

 

If you took the time to read this thread you would find that here is a woman who is all but been destroyed by this affair and if you had taken the time to read it, you would find that this poster seems to be very fragile right now. So.............I find your attempt to beat her over the head with a truth she already knows pointless and it certainly shows your lack of compassion for her circumstances right now. To try to smack someone over the head when they are already at their lowest point doesn't speak too kindly of you, but yes we get it..........you don't care or else you wouldn't have posted to start with. You seem to thrive on picking on people who are at their lowest point........so I suppose you get your jollies doing that. Perhaps you have some issues of your own. :D

 

Thanks BB07 for pointing that out. Thankfully I am feeling a lot stronger but I think you make a really good point. Sometimeswhen people post here they are at their lowest ebb; some bordering on suicidal. Comments like that arent helpful and I think have the potential in someinstances to do a lot of damage.

It seem a bit of a throwaway remark; as you said if they had taken time to read i think they would also have seen me say that its not something I am proud of or aspired to.

I think as a general rule of thumb people should take a bit of responsibility when dishing out comments for the effect they could have on that individual.

If people feel that they need to be made and are of value to a discussion fair enough, but at least take the time to read the background story and take into account the emotional state of the person asking for support and advice.

 

Sometimes, bad things happen to good people, and sometimes, bad things happen to people who do bad things and brought them upon themselves. I have tons of sympathy and compassion for the former.

 

I'm happy with which category I fit into.

[thissecretgirl]

I just wanted to thank everyone so much for their posts and comments and to give you a bit of an update.

 

I'had a couple of days off work; its made me feel pretty ill but I actually think something good has come out of this. I think it took this to make me see things for how they are and to see him for the man he is.

 

I know, you would think the blackmail allegations and the court and a whole host of other things would have helped me reach that conclusion sooner lol but strangely it was simply, him hanging up on me that made me see.

 

I am feeling a lot better. Its weird! I mean i am feeling a lot better. I think I am moving on and I reckon this helped that process.

 

I am a bit scared of the repercussions and i think it will depend greatly on whether he is being completely transparent with his wife as to whether there are any.

I had a long chat with my lawyer yesterday who has been fantastic with me throughout this process. She told me not to worry and I know that if anything does arrive in the mail, she will assist me all the way. She really doesnt like him...she told me!

 

She also said that he is damaging and I need to get rid of him and that I wasnt to let the undertaking rule my life the way I had been letting it. She said rightly that I was the one who had applied its meaning to it and it wasnt logical.

After telling me not to have any more contact with him, which I promise I wont be she said you know I dont get it, you are so spunky and he is the dogs bollocks of a man!

 

It made me feel naughty to giggle, but I laughed anyway.

 

So yeah, I'm doing ok. Fingers crossed that it wont go any further and I can put the whole sorry mess behind me.

[thissecretgirl]

What do you mean? Didn't you know that he has a wife and children when you had sex with him over and over again?

 

No, I'm obviously not making myself clear. So let me be clear.

 

You said I ''knowingly slept'' with him. The point I was making was that the sex wasnt the half of it. I knowingly shared his life for years, even down to him picking my dry cleaning up. I knowingly shared all of it.

[Truly Lost]

Yikes, what a terrible dilema you've got yourself entangled in. I apologize, but I haven't read your entire entry, but acceptance of the situation you are in with this guy is what you really need to focus on.

 

This man is selfish and seems to be able to turn his emotions off like a switch. He turns it on when he needs to because he will get the best of your attention when he wants it and when he doesn't want your attention anymore he simply turns off his emotion chip and ignores you. That's not love. He's just a Pr**k.

 

I know you've strongly invested your emotions in this guy, but please love yourself more. You are just wasting your valuable time on him. When this finally blows over and he is no longer a part of your life...you WILL regret everything that happened, in a very different manner, and wish you had handled it very differently. Like wishing you had turned the other cheek and walked away. That really is the best thing you can do for yourself. It's gone too far. Too much has happened. I don't think there is anything to work out here because at this point, nothing will. Sorry. Just get this guy out of your life and focus on making yourself happy, for your sake....not his.

[thissecretgirl]

Why are you even trying to justify it or bringing in those additional facts? Ask yourself the following two questions:

 

1) Does that makes what you did better or more excusable?

 

2) Would his family be so much better off or his wife feel so much better knowing those additional facts in addition to the sex?

 

You made a comment. I answered it.

 

I'm not justifying it, as I've said I dont feel the need to. Just as I dont feel the need to rise to the bait and answer your questions.

 

I'm in a good place today for the first time in a very long time. Its still going be an uphill struggle for me especially with xmas and the personal significance that had. But for today I am going to let myself feel happy.

 

This means that with all due respect I'm not going to let you bring me down. I havent read your story but nevertheless feel that you are projecting some of your own feeling onto me.

 

I intend to stay happy for the rest of this day. Its beautiful outside and I am going to turn the computer off and am going to venture out there again for a while.

 

Have a great day yourself

[thissecretgirl]

Yikes, what a terrible dilema you've got yourself entangled in. I apologize, but I haven't read your entire entry, but acceptance of the situation you are in with this guy is what you really need to focus on.

 

This man is selfish and seems to be able to turn his emotions off like a switch. He turns it on when he needs to because he will get the best of your attention when he wants it and when he doesn't want your attention anymore he simply turns off his emotion chip and ignores you. That's not love. He's just a Pr**k.

 

I know you've strongly invested your emotions in this guy, but please love yourself more. You are just wasting your valuable time on him. When this finally blows over and he is no longer a part of your life...you WILL regret everything that happened, in a very different manner, and wish you had handled it very differently. Like wishing you had turned the other cheek and walked away. That really is the best thing you can do for yourself. It's gone too far. Too much has happened. I don't think there is anything to work out here because at this point, nothing will. Sorry. Just get this guy out of your life and focus on making yourself happy, for your sake....not his.

 

 

Yes you are absolutely right, there is nothing to work out.

 

I always knew he was an expert at compartmentalising his life and feelings, but you put it much better yourself.

 

I hope I dont regret everything. I actually hope there are some aspects that I will look back on fondly when all the hurt goes away, not least that I now live in the most beautiful place I could have imagined.

 

Thanks for your comment

[OpenBook]

Good, you sound much better now. So glad you have such a fabulous lawyer, and are making new friends... and I LOVED what your ex-partner said!:lmao: (And they're absolutely right.) I hope you will keep moving on this path. You are doing all the right things!

[Mme. Chaucer]

Why are you even trying to justify it or bringing in those additional facts? Ask yourself the following two questions:

 

1) Does that makes what you did better or more excusable?

 

2) Would his family be so much better off or his wife feel so much better knowing those additional facts in addition to the sex?

 

Please. The OP is in a terrible place and full of deep pain. She never said anything to infer that she's looking to excuse her own part of the bad situation she is in. She did what she did, she landed where she is - a messed up place - and she now needs help working her way out.

[thissecretgirl]

Good, you sound much better now. So glad you have such a fabulous lawyer, and are making new friends... and I LOVED what your ex-partner said!:lmao: (And they're absolutely right.) I hope you will keep moving on this path. You are doing all the right things!

 

Thankyou, I am trying really hard.

 

I love my ex's comment too. Infact I printed it, cut it out and stuck it on my fridge

 

Please. The OP is in a terrible place and full of deep pain. She never said anything to infer that she's looking to excuse her own part of the bad situation she is in. She did what she did, she landed where she is - a messed up place - and she now needs help working her way out.

 

Thanksyou so much Mme.Chaucer for getting it. I have been trying so hard to drag myself out from the depths of despair and its really not easy. When you are that low, seriously, its a uphill struggle to stay positive. Today I have had many wobbles and cried a couple of times but each time I cry or wobble I stop, collect myself and focus my mind on where I want it to be: positive thoughts, not him.

This is an improvement and I am giving myself credit for that.

 

I am really worried incase I end up being dragged back to court and I have many intrusive thoughts to deal with about him and our relationship. But rather than give in to them I am trying a new way of exorcising the demons: music.

 

I've stopped listening to songs that make me think such as Beyonce's "If I were a Boy" and instead "I am woman" has become my anthem.

If I feel really wobbly, like a few minutes ago I put on flo ryder "the club cant handle me" or the black eyed peas "I've got a feeling", turn it up REALLY loud (so I cant hear my thoughts) and dance round the kitchen til I've burnt off my sadness

 

The neighbours will think I am mad but strangely this might be the thing that helps save my sanity.

[thissecretgirl]

I can normally tell how I am doing from the number of 'infidelity' sites I look at in a day. So far today its been a lot

 

God knows what I am looking for eh.

 

Anyway I think it could be because I am feeling a bit nervous. If there are repercussions to the call they will happen this week.

 

If I can get to Friday without having received anything in the post I will be ok, until then everytime I open the mailbox my heart will be in my mouth.

 

My ex emailed me last night he said that he doesnt think anything will happen as he thinks my xmm will keep it to himself so as not to upset the applecart at home as he will want to get his life back to 'normal' asap.

I know what I think but I am too scared incase I tempt fate.

[OpenBook]

It was just the one phone call you made to his office, right? You haven't done any drive-by's? No emails? No letters? No nothing?

 

If not, I think you're OK - as long as you never contact him again, ever!!! For anything!!! Stay away from him on all counts. They will be watching and listening for evidence to take to the police. Then it would get REALLY bad for you. But right now, all he's got is that one phone call (and you didn't even converse with him in it). I don't think that's enough to do anything about.

[OpenBook]

And I hear ya about the infidelity sites. I trolled OP sites obsessively when I was presented with my second MM situation (my first happened decades ago). They helped me gain insight into the MM's mind ("oh THAT's why he does/says that"), what long-term marriages are like, why MP seek affairs, and what many other OPs go through - and it ultimately helped me avoid getting involved with that second MM. Even though it was painful having to constantly turn away from it over a long period of time, and I'm still in love with him (and probably always will be), I am SO DEEPLY GRATEFUL that I never did anything about it. It's just Bad Ju-Ju to get involved with a MM!!

 

So you just keep on digging into those sites to your heart's content. I hope they will help you as much as they helped me.

[IzzyB]

From everything you've written it sounds like that phone call was worth its weight in gold, it was the thing that is helping you see clearly! I also dont think they will do anything about it. But even if you do get something in the mail about it, your lawyer isnt concerned and she would have told you. Also, if it does come to that, cant you just say you hit redial or speed dial by mistake? lol. Especially if it was from your cell phone. I cant tell you how many times my cell has "pocket called" people I dont want it to!

 

Hugs and I hope you are doing okay:D

[phillyfan]

If you took the time to read this thread you would find that here is a woman who is all but been destroyed by this affair and if you had taken the time to read it, you would find that this poster seems to be very fragile right now. So.............I find your attempt to beat her over the head with a truth she already knows pointless and it certainly shows your lack of compassion for her circumstances right now. To try to smack someone over the head when they are already at their lowest point doesn't speak too kindly of you, but yes we get it..........you don't care or else you wouldn't have posted to start with. You seem to thrive on picking on people who are at their lowest point........so I suppose you get your jollies doing that. Perhaps you have some issues of your own. :D

 

Yea, nobody has the rite to kick someone when they r down.

[thissecretgirl]

Yea, nobody has the rite to kick someone when they r down.

 

You couldnt tell this to the xscumbag could you?

 

I cant say too much right now except to say I received a letter today from their lawyers. Yeah to be honest the timing is predictable...xmas eve.

 

I will only say this; my biggest regret right now is ever trusting a man like this. The letter is also driven by her, from reference to that in the body of the letter.

 

Yanno I was stupid to trust this man initially, I was even more stupid to reach out to him in the hopes of finding some compassion. he knows I was in such a bad place emotionally after court and that I have post traumatic stress and yet he is willling to put this on me at christmas of all times.

 

I wish I had never let him come near me, infact if I knew he shagged everything that moved I wouldnt.

 

When the time comes he does it again...well, lets see who look like the idiot then.

[pureinheart]

I'll start by saying I am an idiot and get it out of the way. I havent stopped crying for 7 hours and am in a pretty bad headspace so I thought best come here.

 

If you dont remember this is me http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t255509/

 

 

I have been feeling really ill by all this and have been off work again. Its the combination of no contact/no answers and the undertaking I agreed to that have pretty much seen me off and resulted in the post traumatic stress.

I am finding it so difficult to cope. I cant cope anymore

 

This morning I was trying desperately to get in contact with my lawyers to try and get some advice about how to lift the undertaking or cancel it as the effect of it on me has been terrible.

I left message after message overa few days and today it was engaged all morning. I dont know what the hell possessed me but I found myself thinking if I called him I could appeal to his sense of decency and compassion and that hopefully the four years would count for enough that he would listen.

I'm stupid. He answered, he probably didnt recognise my home number and all I managed to say is ''hello its me, please would" and he hung up.

 

I am devastated and scared. He obviously hates me now or has bought all his lies about me. I dont know why I didnt expect it after everything.I guess I kept thinking/hoping he would come through and do something decent.

I'm petrified that now if thats how he is feeling towards me I will find myself back in court.

This is a nightmare. I wish I could wake up. It's killing me, seriously.

 

I cant stop crying, just animalistic howls and sobs. I am so frightened.

 

I cant do court again. It will kill me.

 

I should have listened to everyone who ever told me that he is a cruel man.

 

OMG...you have got my undivided prayers and thoughts...I have been where you are at...long story short, exDM's exW and kids all came after me, threatened me, tried to get me fired, harrassed me...and I was physically ill also at that time...very ill BTW. I could go into details, although what you need is hope.

 

ALL of their attempts to discredit me failed miserably...I could have taken them to court and also my family was not happy and I'll leave that one at that.

 

I know right now all you can see is the torment of some very dimented people...they will not prosper...they need a scapegoat to continue their existance, the mirror will turn.

 

This is not for you TSG, although I take a very strong stand on not telling the W, or having communication with any of the parties for this very reason...you don't know what you are dealing with...when dealing with the unknown...do nothing because everything you do can and will be turned against you.

 

This happened to me Nov/Dec of 2006...the outcome: Their dynamic was completely disintigrated and dispersed. I wanted revenge so bad I could taste it and I'm sure my tone shows that. I was told in my heart to do nothing, and quite frankly that worked at the time because I was a mess emotionally and physically.

 

My apologies for my angry tone. I am angry. I am angry this is happening to you, I am angry it happened to me. I know that nothing in the world will remove the stress right now...I could speak peace over you from here to eternity and you mostlikely will still stress.

 

I would ask you to try to see the outcome in your favor. They are painting a very distorted picture of you, their plan will fail...this is insanity....(((((((((((hugs)))))))))) please pm me if you need to talk or if you want the threads of when all my junk was taking place...it was more in depth than I could communicate on an open board...it was much worse.

Edited December 24, 2010 by pureinheart

[pureinheart]

From everything you've written it sounds like that phone call was worth its weight in gold, it was the thing that is helping you see clearly! I also dont think they will do anything about it. But even if you do get something in the mail about it, your lawyer isnt concerned and she would have told you. Also, if it does come to that, cant you just say you hit redial or speed dial by mistake? lol. Especially if it was from your cell phone. I cant tell you how many times my cell has "pocket called" people I dont want it to!

 

Hugs and I hope you are doing okay:D

 

 

I can't understand why the courts would be bothered with such trivial matters...I am speaking a good outcome!!!!!!

[jj33]

I have to second what Izzy said so long as he doesnt haul you back into court the call was the best thing for you

 

In fact the undertaking is the best thing for you.

 

You need to NEVER have any contact with this man again.

 

There is nothing he can say to explain why he is such an azzclown.

 

Nothing he can say to make up for all the hurt he has caused you.

 

You have not until now felt strong enough to end it with him but the undertaking forced you to sever your ties with him. Its a silver lining.

 

Im so glad you are feelling better about things and seeing things more clearly.

 

Have a lovely Christmas. Broke or not, you still have your job. The new year is upon us. Think of all the things you are grateful for. Think of all the possibliities ahead. Its a great big world out there. You never know what the universe has in store for you.

 

Take good care

[thissecretgirl]

OMG...you have got my undivided prayers and thoughts...I have been where you are at...long story short, exDM's exW and kids all came after me, threatened me, tried to get me fired, harrassed me...and I was physically ill also at that time...very ill BTW. I could go into details, although what you need is hope.

 

ALL of their attempts to discredit me failed miserably...I could have taken them to court and also my family was not happy and I'll leave that one at that.

 

I know right now all you can see is the torment of some very dimented people...they will not prosper...they need a scapegoat to continue their existance, the mirror will turn.

 

This is not for you TSG, although I take a very strong stand on not telling the W, or having communication with any of the parties for this very reason...you don't know what you are dealing with...when dealing with the unknown...do nothing because everything you do can and will be turned against you.

 

This happened to me Nov/Dec of 2006...the outcome: Their dynamic was completely disintigrated and dispersed. I wanted revenge so bad I could taste it and I'm sure my tone shows that. I was told in my heart to do nothing, and quite frankly that worked at the time because I was a mess emotionally and physically.

 

My apologies for my angry tone. I am angry. I am angry this is happening to you, I am angry it happened to me. I know that nothing in the world will remove the stress right now...I could speak peace over you from here to eternity and you mostlikely will still stress.

 

I would ask you to try to see the outcome in your favor. They are painting a very distorted picture of you, their plan will fail...this is insanity....(((((((((((hugs)))))))))) please pm me if you need to talk or if you want the threads of when all my junk was taking place...it was more in depth than I could communicate on an open board...it was much worse.

 

Thanks so much PIH. I would actually be really grateful to takeyou up on your offer and PM (once I've worked out how to do it! )

 

As for the bolded bit, I hope this is right.

 

It sounds like a very similar situation. I cant believe the callousness of the man. I understand her drive. They obviously both want to completely destroy me. He knew I had thought about ending things and the ptsd and yet was still happy to risk the outcome of delivering a threatening letter to me on christmas eve, of all days.

 

I feel angry too; at him and her and at myself for being so stupid to love and trust him.

 

Revenge? I wont do it. I couldnt even if I wanted to. I just have to hope that what goes around comes around. I hope they have a miserable future, apart. Really I do. I hope he loses everything after what he has done.

I would never have said that before all the court stuff and the lies and accusations. Until then I wished them well and i had meant it. I wish to god I had never told her and with hindsight I would have handled things very differently. I also would advice anyone who is thinking of telling the bs to show caution. I honestly did it in the best, most decent way I could and this is what happens. You hit the nail on the head pih, you dont know what you are dealing with sometimes.

 

But no I dont wish them well anymore, either of them. Not now. I hope they reap the misery they seem so willing to sow.

[thissecretgirl]

I have to second what Izzy said so long as he doesnt haul you back into court the call was the best thing for you

 

In fact the undertaking is the best thing for you.

 

You need to NEVER have any contact with this man again.

 

There is nothing he can say to explain why he is such an azzclown.

 

Nothing he can say to make up for all the hurt he has caused you.

 

You have not until now felt strong enough to end it with him but the undertaking forced you to sever your ties with him. Its a silver lining.

 

Im so glad you are feelling better about things and seeing things more clearly.

 

Have a lovely Christmas. Broke or not, you still have your job. The new year is upon us. Think of all the things you are grateful for. Think of all the possibliities ahead. Its a great big world out there. You never know what the universe has in store for you.

 

Take good care

 

Thankyou jj33 and thanks to Izzy and Openbook too for their helpful comments.

 

Sorry I would have replied individually but obviously events shifted between now and then.

 

You are right JJ in everything you have said.

 

I need to try and look forward now. I just hope karma bites him on the ass.

[bentnotbroken]

Thanks so much PIH. I would actually be really grateful to takeyou up on your offer and PM (once I've worked out how to do it! )

 

As for the bolded bit, I hope this is right.

 

It sounds like a very similar situation. I cant believe the callousness of the man. I understand her drive. They obviously both want to completely destroy me. He knew I had thought about ending things and the ptsd and yet was still happy to risk the outcome of delivering a threatening letter to me on christmas eve, of all days.

 

I feel angry too; at him and her and at myself for being so stupid to love and trust him.

 

Revenge? I wont do it. I couldnt even if I wanted to. I just have to hope that what goes around comes around. I hope they have a miserable future, apart. Really I do. I hope he loses everything after what he has done.

I would never have said that before all the court stuff and the lies and accusations. Until then I wished them well and i had meant it. I wish to god I had never told her and with hindsight I would have handled things very differently. I also would advice anyone who is thinking of telling the bs to show caution. I honestly did it in the best, most decent way I could and this is what happens. You hit the nail on the head pih, you dont know what you are dealing with sometimes.

 

But no I dont wish them well anymore, either of them. Not now. I hope they reap the misery they seem so willing to sow.

 

 

Don't forget what you sowed will also be reaped by you. All the hoping bad things on them....I would be very careful. The thought process should be you don't know what you are dealing with "when" you get involved with a married person...not waiting until you have to deal with the BS. MY thought is if you are a big enough person to do the deed, you should be big enough person to deal with the crap that comes with it.