Any ideals

[ctrl alt delete]

My wife and I are now separated for 3 months. We have been married for 5 years and lived together for 20 years prior to getting married. There is a 16 year difference in our ages. There are no children involved. As with all couples we had our differences. All ways verbally, never any violence or touching of one another. In the arguments I said things that I was really sorry for saying later. And yes I did apologize for the things that I said. For over a year she has slept on the couch while I slept in the bed. She said it was because I rolled in my sleep and would crowd her out. As for sex it became a thing of the past. About 4 months ago she started traveling 60 miles one way spending the week ends with her parents taking care of her dad who had surgery. Each Saturday she would call me when she arrived to let me know she had made the trip safely. At the end of Sept. I left that morning to work. Nothing out of the ordinary. I ask her to please call to let me know about the trip. After several hours had passed with more than enough time to make the trip, I called her to ask why she had not called me. She advised that she was not coming back, to sell the house, and she wanted a divorce. This was a total shock. I let my temper get the better of me and accused her of cheating. I then hung up. Since then we have talked in person and on the phone regarding bills and her coming to get personal things like clothes. I have noticed that she has changed her hair style, new nails( which she very seldom ever wore before) and advises that she now goes to the gym to lose weight. She states that there is no one else and that she did not leave for that reason and another man is the last thing on her mind. A few days ago she came to pick up more clothes and told me that she did not love me anymore and that she did not know what she felt for me. She did not know what the future held for us but she did not want to be married anymore. She said that I was verbally abusive to her and would not talk about our trouble. I ask why I wasn’t given a second chance which she said that I had been given chances before, this being untrue. I have a very dry sense of humor and probably said things that were meant as a joke, but were taken the wrong way. She never said that I hurt her feelings or that wasn’t funny . She just never said anything. I love this woman with all my heart and can’t stand the thought of living without her , I’ve tried the NC, the longest has been 10 days, but we have to talk about bills. When I call she always sounds like I woke her up and I’m always apologizing and that I will call back tomorrow. Sorry for the rambling. I guess what I’m trying to find is do you think she is seeing someone else and is there anyway love can be rekindled again. I don’t want to sound like a wuss but given my second chance she would not want for anything and past mistakes would never be made again.

[delajoonal]

wow! that must have been a really scary phone call...

did u c it coming tho?

the separate beds, etc.?

anyway, don't feel too bad for saying something then u regret now...u were in shock and hurt and angry and the whole gammet of emotions...20 years is a long time.

 

my xh did leave me for his EA...it's been nearly 2 years now..

8 months after my xh left me, i jumped into a relationship...

i guess after being married for 15 years, i just needed to feel a part of someone's life, i like being a wife and a partner...so i jumped too fast maybe?

 

anyway, my point, is this relationship after my divorce, i actually broke IT off awhile ago..and there is NO other man...

 

just wasn't there...

 

i guess what i am trying to say, is, sometimes, we just dont' feel IT anymore and just need out of a relationship, even if there is NO one else waiting in the wings.

 

gosh, i am truly sorry for your sadness and being abandon..especially this time of year.

 

please keep us posted, OK...and reading...there r so many wonderfully kind people here on LS...it's like home to me...i don't always post, but i always read...kind of a lurker...so sometimes if that is all u can do...at least read other stories, OK, so u know u r not alone.

 

take care ctrl alt delete...keep posting :~)

[ctrl alt delete]

No did not see it coming. Was a total shock. The seperate beds always had an excuse. Most of the time it was I rolled to much in my sleep. Kinda of new to this, what is EA? We talk on the phone now about every two weeks now but it is just about bills. Thanks for the encouraging reply.

[edb9818]

EA = emotional affair, such as one that may have started via long-distance over the internet where PA (physical affair) or physical contact wasn't made yet. EA's can be locally also, where the emotional bond has been established; however, they haven't been physically intimate yet. The MOST the other person may ever learn of an affair usually appears to be EA, because the cheater usually won't admit anything physically happened... but will sometimes leak that they had "feelings". This temporarily lifts the weight of guilt off the cheater's shoulders w/o them spilling ALL the beans.

[TaraMaiden]

I hate to say it, ctrl alt delete, but I think I'd have seen this one coming...

I'm afraid I'm going to sound harsh, but -

you were together a long time before you got married.

A long time.

You've been married only a quarter of that time, and I think sometimes, women get married in the hope it will make whatever isn't quite right, better, whereas some men get married and then take things for granted, that now it's all legal, no effort required....

That's how it became with me and my ex-....

 

From what you write (and it's both honest and candid) you both got into a rut, of taking each other for granted, until life became a habit.

You were not as nice as you could have been, and you seem to admit that you often spoke without thinking.

25 years is a long time to put up with somebody's dry humour, so she must have known your kind of humour for a long time.

I guess she thought 'there's many a true word said in jest', and you just weren't funny any more.

I'm also of the opinion that even with her own self-made 'makeover', there is nobody else.

But if she is much younger than you, she's discovering a new her, and is blossoming out of the same-old same-old she's known all this time.

She's a born-again woman, and is out to make the best of herself.

She stopped making those efforts for you because my guess is - looking at it purely from her Point of View - you never noticed her, and she felt unattractive and taken for granted.

The courage to tell you it was over, was easier to find in the bosom of her own family, and far away from you, where she didn't have to actually be in the same room as your anger. Which you admitted you gave vent to on the 'phone when you accused her of cheating.

perhaps the age gap has just become too much, and she wants to spread her wings.

Whatever the reason, I see two chances of you getting her back: Slim, and none.

I'm sorry, but I think you're going to have to come to terms that things have moved on.