kaygato Posted December 16, 2010 Share Posted December 16, 2010 (edited) Hi, I'm a college student during finals week, and was just thinking over this subject in my head. I'm pretty weird, I know. Anyway...my first real boyfriend broke up with me 6 and a half weeks ago, and I'm not doing so great. I was already feeling depressed because of my school performance, but now I'm even worse. I think I may have undiagnosed mild, chronic depression and I'm quite pessimistic nowadays. Even though we are only 18 and 19...I didn't think my ex boyfriend and I were too young for it to be "true love" or whatever. To me it was the real deal...but I didn't really show it. We were together for a year and 3 months in total, and it was amazing till right before it ended. To be honest, I'm starting to suspect that I really do have a serious problem with mild depression... because along with getting anxiety over schoolwork I also do over relationships. When I met my ex bf through a mutual friend, i wasn't attracted to him initially. But honestly I've never been initally attracted to any guy I had a crush on...that always came after the crush. I went with my friend to her youth group's work camp where you fix up houses and stuff...and over that week and a half I really bonded with with my ex. By the end of the trip I definitely was in the crush phase with him. 2 weeks after the trip and after hanging out twice in groups I asked him if we were dating and he said he'd love to say we were. We were official by the end of our first real date together. Anyway, he was leaving for college so we had to decide whether to continue going out in an ldr or not, and for both of us it was a definite yes. I was his first gf and he was my first bf. I haven't felt right for a while now, though. I'm not talking about in the relationship... I mean with myself. Ever since I was 14 I've felt like I just didn't care that much anymore. My school performance went down and I started to get anxious about that. Honestly, I've only made 2 close friends since this time- a girl I met through a mutual friend and the ex bf I met through a mutual friend. During this time I had a ridiculously obsessive crush that I just fed into all my insecurites about myself. This was during my early high school years. It was one of those unrequited love things, but honestly how can it be love if I never even was friends with him? I feel like it's gotten hard for me to truly let people in over the last 4.5 years. I actually started an antidepressant year or so ago, and it was about a month after I met my ex. I truly did open up to him...but I never felt like I could reciprocate his desire to want to be with me forever. Even though I loved him...I don't think I feel control over myself and I was scared that our relationship could go from really great to not so great one day. Life has shown me that my emotions aren't consistent enough to really allow me to make promises to people. So I pushed him away till he got tired and broke up with me. Sorry...I know this must be incredibly depressing. And sorry it's so long. I really just wanted to know if you believe that love can last a lifetime? (I know people don't always feel as "in love" as they did in the beginning but I still think they should be happy in the relationship.) Do you have any real life stories of this happening? Do you think that someone who isn't in the best mental state is in the right mindset to fall in love? I think part of me was scared that since I was somewhat insecure/depressed when I met my bf that our relationship was ultimately going to end up a failure. Edited December 16, 2010 by kaygato Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaygato Posted December 16, 2010 Author Share Posted December 16, 2010 Oh and I know this isn't a specific thread about marriage or anything, but I thought this was the best place to put it. Since our relationship was fairly serious the topic of the future and marriage was casually brought up, and that scared me away. Since thinking about it towards the end of our relationship and after it ended, I realized that marriage and a family is something I'd like down the line. I realized that my anti-marriage ideas were related to my own insecurities about myself and my ability to sacrifice in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Perhaps Posted December 16, 2010 Share Posted December 16, 2010 Oh and I know this isn't a specific thread about marriage or anything, but I thought this was the best place to put it. Since our relationship was fairly serious the topic of the future and marriage was casually brought up, and that scared me away. Since thinking about it towards the end of our relationship and after it ended, I realized that marriage and a family is something I'd like down the line. I realized that my anti-marriage ideas were related to my own insecurities about myself and my ability to sacrifice in a relationship. I'm your age as well and went through (roughly) the same experience and I, like you, got pretty pessimistic thinking about life, love and how school is slipping and all that.. and then I realized that I don't really know anything about life or love... and that's okay. I'm only 20 and well, the world is your oyster. Life is filled with opportunities and it's not the time to sit and think about all that. Go out and try to enjoy it. One year and 3 months doesn't necessarily mean that was it. We have much to learn. Look forward to the possibilities; don't be saddened by the past Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaygato Posted December 16, 2010 Author Share Posted December 16, 2010 I'm your age as well and went through (roughly) the same experience and I, like you, got pretty pessimistic thinking about life, love and how school is slipping and all that.. and then I realized that I don't really know anything about life or love... and that's okay. I'm only 20 and well, the world is your oyster. Life is filled with opportunities and it's not the time to sit and think about all that. Go out and try to enjoy it. One year and 3 months doesn't necessarily mean that was it. We have much to learn. Look forward to the possibilities; don't be saddened by the past Thanks. I know you're right. I don't think my ex boyfriend is the only guy I could ever be with, but it's still hard for me to accept that I really caused it ending. I hate that I hurt him at the end. Honestly if I wasn't so insecure I probably wouldn't feel so bad about myself right now. I guess i just need to take things one day at a time and realize I deserve to feel happy and excited about life. I want my ex back still, but it's looking like that may never happen or if it does it will be after a long time has passed. I tend to be too hard on myself, I guess. I'll try and not let the way our break up happened affect my belief in my ability to form relationships with people in the future. I'm sure it was meant to happen and I just gotta learn from it. Whether the next guy I get with is my ex or someone else, I'll have learned a valuable lesson from all of this. I just tend to take things a lil too seriously....gotta live in the moment more I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaygato Posted December 16, 2010 Author Share Posted December 16, 2010 ^ Bump I know I'm really young, but I really wouldn't mind some insight from people who are married/have a life partner. I'm just curious, and wish I didn't feel so pessimistic about life. I used to believe fully in marriage, and possibly my pessimism is just a reflection on how I feel about my life right now, but I wish I could be more hopeful. My parents are still married, but they rarely seem affectionate with each other anymore. I just wondered if romance dies in marriages. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted December 16, 2010 Share Posted December 16, 2010 My father recently died, and my mother misses him desperately. She refers to him as her constant, her point of reference, her anchor and her rock. As far as I know, he had an affair during their marriage, but that was when I was in my teens, and I know little of any relevance about it. They remained together, and it was one of the strongest relationships I've ever known. They truly were a mirror for one another. Intellectually, emotionally and in every way possible, they had established a connection which is as rare as hen's teeth. If soulmates do exist, then they were a shining example. IMO, soulmates are rare. A soulmate is someone with whom you stay, through whatever life brings, because you both realise that Life would be hopeless without the other. That sums them up. My mother was 11 years younger than my father, and he was the first - and only - man she had ever 'known'. He was three months off his 90th birthday when he died, on October 28th. They had been married 57 years. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts