Ganderson Posted March 14, 2004 Share Posted March 14, 2004 This is a synopsis of my situation: We have gone out for about a year. For the past two weeks, we have not had sex or gone out , which were pretty unusual. We used to have sex on a daily basis. For the past two weeks. we constanly had arguments on trivial matters and we lost mutual respect of each other. Actually, I was angry that she failed to satisfy my needs. On the other hand, she demanded me to pay part of her rent and car payments even though we do not live together and I have my own car. She might spent her own money on another guy. I ignored her request because I assumed she must slept with other guys to take care of her sexual needs. It was impossible for her to change her sexual habit from getting laid on a daily basis to nonexistence. She told me that I must "prove myself" to her again and I did not deserve sex at the moment. She told we that our relationship is over and I can not contact her anymore. Guess what! She broke her own promise in just 8 days and asked me to go to Starbucks with her because she felt depressed (I don't her depression is related to me or her new boyfriend). I waited for three hours to reply her message and told her that I could not make it. I guess I should always wait for her to initiate the call in the future. But I do not know her motive behind the call. I do not know whether she tried to get back to me or she just tried to regain her power of manipulation over me. i was the one begging her to go back to me and now she realized that she has lost her power. Link to post Share on other sites
monkey Posted March 15, 2004 Share Posted March 15, 2004 Ganderson, you say 8 days. Well we seperated in November & i denied her request for space & she said she wanted 1 a week mail contact because we are in different countrys now. She seperated because i have a anxiety problem & it hurt her, so she said 1 a week, but in times of panic & missing her, i mailed more & annoyed her & she said she wants to see me in the future, just not now! She wants space, i do all she says now, but how long i wait! who knows, i just hope she becomes inquisitive as to how i am. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ganderson Posted March 15, 2004 Author Share Posted March 15, 2004 your situation is totally different from mine. If your girlfriend has the intention to call you, it means that she wants to reconcile. On the other hand, I suspect my Ex just wanted to check if I my life is miserable without her George Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted March 15, 2004 Share Posted March 15, 2004 I don't want to burst your bubble, but do you really want to go back with someone who's treated you like this? She could be giving you the biggest sob story, only to have a happy life, but just needing some money. You need to start to move on and find someone who treats you like a person. Link to post Share on other sites
monkey Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 me or him! Link to post Share on other sites
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 no contact does work indeed Ganderson, i did it myself with my ex and yes it is her that keeps contacting me! if i had been calling her etc. there is no way she would have the current interest she has in me now i agree with jmargel, feelings aside and using your head, why do you want her back? and yes she may be contacting you just to manipulate you anyhow you sound like a smart level headed guy so you should be able to handle your situation well without being made a fool in no way should you ever initiate contact with her as you will be handing her a lot of power Link to post Share on other sites
dario Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 Are we listening Monkey? Link to post Share on other sites
sinkerswim Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 Ok, then I have a question... My boyfriend is a very shy person in general....If you know my story here, he still hasnt broken up with me. He just needed space to figure out IF he wants to break up. I havent talked to him since Valentines Day. We are going out for 8 years. We are engaged...but no date was set. If someome is shy in general and WANTS to get back, but doesnt know what to say...do you think they will still contact you? Like in my case...if I leave him alone and stop sending him letters? I mean, he always said in all these years that nobody else would treat him as good as I do. and he also told me he wouldnt leave me hanging for an answer when I spoke to him last. So..In my case, I dont know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 sinkerswim i doubt shyness would stop your bf communicating to you that he wants you it doesn't sound like he wants you anymore and perhaps you are looking for reasons other than what is going on here, i think we all initially search for reasons other than what we know is the real truth stop sending him letters, this never is good for you! start the no contact rule now, it is bloody hard but ultimately this is the best thing you can do your bf has also disrespected you in leaving you hanging for an answer which he said he wouldn't do, he probably doesn't have the b**** to tell you i'm sorry about your situation and my heart goes out to you, it is a horrible feeling i know just read the good advice here on loveshack and as hard as it is try and follow and implement it we are here to try and make you feel better and get you through this situation Link to post Share on other sites
shopgrl Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 sinkerswim- I've read through a lot your posts and your fiance's ignorance is frustrating the sh** out of me, I cannot image how you feel. I'm in a similar situation and I do know it sucks. After 8 years and a proposal, he needs space and just cuts contact!?!?. You haven't spoken in 1 month and are engaged-- I don't understand. What a jerk. What the hell is he thinking? I know the whole no contact rule and totally agree with it. But girl-- in your situation, I think there can be an exception. After 8 years, he owes you an explanation. It's not fair to keep you hanging on like he is. You have to be fed up by now. Gosh if I were you, I'd probably call him up and tell him to hit the road, if he hasn't already. End the engagement and give back the ring. Maybe once he realizes that you're done with him and not hanging on, he'll think twice about "needing space". Take control away from him. If he loves you, he'll come back crying. Do you think he just got really cold feet? How old is this guy? Link to post Share on other sites
abc Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 Cold feet is a VERY REAL possibility. It happened to me. Link to post Share on other sites
sinkerswim Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 HI Shopgrl Yeah..I am frustrated...but yet Im NOT mad at him. Hes the type to go into his "cave" and not come out until HE is ready. We didnt have a wedding date set yet. I know there is nobody else..I think he just truly needs his time and space away from me for awhile. I am going to call him soon, if I dont get a phone call by next weekend. He is 30 years old. We never had any major problems but this one with me being very controlling and possessive. It just finally blew up. He knows I am getting help for the situation. Im not breaking up with him unless HE tells me. I know he owes it to me to talk to me. I know he knows it as well. Well, he better. Link to post Share on other sites
shopgrl Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 ABC- I have a question for you--- did you go through with the marriage or proposal despite your cold feet? My brother recently married and told me that he had serious doubt when he was buying his now wife a ring but went through with it and couldn't be happier today. I'm just curious because my ex and I just broke up after 3 years. My story is posted on here so I won't get into it but basically, we were very serious and talked about marriage, kids, the whole nine yards. He was looking for a ring for me in February and we were also looking for a house. I became curious in the beginning of March when I hadn't received the ring so I brought up the marriage and "us" issue. We ended up breaking up because he began having "doubts" about "us", marriage and everything I guess. He said that he loved me and wanted to continue to date and see what happens but he couldn't guarantee marriage in the next few years, which is something I want. Of course, I wouldn't stand for that so we decided to go our separate ways. I just don't understand what happened to him. I wonder if he got cold feet b/c he's never been close to an engagment/marriage before or what the hell's wrong with him. sinkerswim-- I understand what you're saying about your fiance. He sounds a lot like my ex--- he doesn't want to talk until he is ready. I don't know about your fiance but my ex is very stubborn and I know he's expecting me to call him... But it's not going to happen this time. I think it's good that you're going to call him soon. You owe it to yourself and he owes you an explanation. Be strong and things will work out for the best, they always do... Link to post Share on other sites
monkey Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 Dario, Shopgirl tells sinkerswim that the ignorance of her s/o is terrible & childish, but me, our love was equal in ways of future talk, she lies to me & f**ks me around , but hey , it's my faoult , huh ! Cheers. Ok they're engaged, but never the lessthat is just words & a ring, we talked of children & building a life, no difference at all. Anyway, as you will read in my next thread, i've had a moment of clarity, temporary may it be! Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 I say screw the no contact thing. Screw "if you love them, set them free." Screw all of that. True love will transcend all that stupid BS and none of it will be necessary. If there's a point where you have to have no contact to test things out...yeah, I'd wager to say THINGS DONT LOOK GOOD. Link to post Share on other sites
monkey Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 Quite true Kev, i've had a moment of clarity, although one day, who knows! Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 Hopefully one day we'll all be better off with someone else who's incredible and amazing, and an ex will call or write or show up and want to try things out and all we'll have to say is, "Sorry. Should've thought of this years ago." Link to post Share on other sites
sinkerswim Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 Hey Kev..you are pretty cute! Anyway, yeah no contact just blows, I hate this more than anything. But I cant wait forever. Even though I would for him..I have to call him soon and get an answer. I am going out of my mind. Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 The fact that you are not given an answer immediately and that you must wait and be tortured like this speaks VOLUMES. It happened to me. The outcome wasn't good. I have to assume that the outcome rarely is. Someone who could do this to you, or me, there is no true love there anymore. It's just friggin' cruel to do something like this. Link to post Share on other sites
sinkerswim Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 Thats what everyone keeps telling me that its very cruel. Oh God..I feel like I want to die. Link to post Share on other sites
Dixiecron Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 I'm finally starting to see some anger from you. Give in to the Dark Side, Luke... that means you're almost ready for a decent woman. But don't freak out the first few times you go out with women that aren't messed up like the ex. Damn I wish I was your age again and headed to Southern California... Sinkerswim, Yeah its tough, but hang in. No contact is for you as much as it is for him. What he did, and is doing, is cruel. Eventually if you stay away from him long enough you'll see this cruelty with your head, instead of letting your heart drive. Link to post Share on other sites
monkey Posted March 17, 2004 Share Posted March 17, 2004 Sinkerswim, Like me, i love her with all my heart, but, at times of giving sh*t back, sometimes helps. Like i say i feel like sayin on an sms "F*ck you" & see what happens, reverse psychology! I t can't do any worse! Link to post Share on other sites
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted March 17, 2004 Share Posted March 17, 2004 that sounds like a great idea monkey... she'll be on the first plane home to see you after you sending her that message go for it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ganderson Posted March 17, 2004 Author Share Posted March 17, 2004 Once our ex broke herown "no contact rule" and initiated the first call, do you think it is ok now to call her if she has not called after a while? Maybe our ex gave us a chance to make a move again by abandon the no contact bull sh*t. George Link to post Share on other sites
Dixiecron Posted March 17, 2004 Share Posted March 17, 2004 Ahhhhh, can you feel the love now Monkey? F**k that B***h!!!! Feels good to say it, doesn't it? F**K that W***e!!! Just let it out and say it again. Louder this time. Now you're getting somewhere. But whenever you feel like sending that FU SMS, just start doing pushups, situps, whatever. Just don't send the message on the phone. F**k reverse psychology. Suck it up and do more pushups. Go rent Fight Club and watch it over and over. And then laugh. You don't need to think so hard about playing games to get someone to like you. Either it is, or it is not. Either a woman wants to be with you, or she does not. There is no in-between. Your silence will speak volumes. Link to post Share on other sites
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