no contact rule works!!!!!!!!

[Dixiecron]

Did your ex say in her message that she wanted to get back together or talk about the relationship? If not, delete it and continue with no contact.

[julieg]

me ex used it on me and it almost drove me out of my mind. everytime the phone rang and it wasn't for me i sunk a little and thought a bit more about why broke it off. then when i heard he was dating a new woman it made me wonder even more. but i was stubborn and wouldn't call him- i figured that i broke it off and had to stay put with my decision lest i run the possibility of breaking his heart twice. to this day i regret the way things ended.

[sinkerswim]

I will tell you what though..I honestly dont think he is doing this to be malicious as in 'HA HA, look what Im doing to you'

He is just thinking of only himself right now. Fine whatever. Im not mad at him though.... I cant change his feelings.

He is VERY stubborn.

You would have to know my boyfriend and the way he is sooo self centered at times.

In all honesty, he is a great person and this is why I am sooo damn hurt.

We had 8 wonderful years together and he knows better than to do this to me. He knows he wont get away with it either way.

[shopgrl]

What do you guys think of the no contact rule when the break up is more or less mutual?

 

sinkerswim--- I highly doubt your fiance is being malicious toward you. I wouldn't agree with the way he's handling himself but maybe he seriously, seriously needs this time to think. Again, he sounds alot like my boyfriend, very stubborn and self centered! He probably doesn't realize how bad he's hurting you right now, or, he's probably concentrating on himself! Hang in there though, what's meant to be will happen.

[Ganderson]

My ex initiated the first call two weeks ago to see if I was depressed because she dumped me. what a bit*h! I have not heard from her since two weeks ago, so I called her yesterday just to satisfy on my curiousity of her current life. It was a huge mistake. Move on!!!!!! everyone. Forget about the ex. It's no gonna work out in the future anyway.

 

i know I am a hypocrate because I can not even do it myself.

[Dixiecron]

OK, FOR ALL OF YOU FOLKS: Quit making excuses for your exes!

 

If you were the one that was dumped, given the "I need space" speech, whatever... It is not your place to restart that relationship, no matter how stubborn your ex may be. Notice the word EX. You were not the one that quit the relationship, THEY were. You don't owe them jack. You don't owe them another try on your part (as in sending them a message that says I love you I need you). If they want it, they need to come get it. If you happen to heal up and move on and find someone else in the meantime, tough s**t for them. They should have thought of that before they kicked you to the curb.

 

Ganderson,

 

You're doing fine. Everyone has that last "I love you" bit. No big deal. Sounds like you are about to sack up for real. No contact.

 

Shopgrl,

 

Though i realize you don't have a sack, I'm going to tell you to sack up anyways . No contact.

 

sinkerswim,

 

You guessed it, NO CONTACT.

 

julieg,

 

You got what you deserved. Maybe you won't make the same mistake twice. Sorry to break it to you, but if you broke his heart once than your remorse over your lack of trying things again or trying to make things right is your own fault.

[tenderhearted]

I agree with Dixie.

 

NO CONTACT.

 

Stick to it.

 

It's not for the EX's sake. It's for yours! Your time to get over the person that dumped you. It's your time to step back and see the BIG picture. An EX is an ex for a reason. If during the no contact period they figure out that they made a mistake, then fine, but other than that NO CONTACT is suppose to be about you, not about them. Some people think it's to get back at the ex as revenge or to play reverse psychology but I don't see it that way at all.

 

Move on!

 

I have more respect for dumpers that dump you and leave you alone to recover rather than continuing to stick around and play mind games and give false hope OR they use the "let's be friends" approach to ease their guilt about them breaking up with you. In some cases, it's genuine and the dumper has no idea the problems that trying to be friends can cause for the other person. Even so, I'm not the one to wait around for someone to decide if they want to be with me or not. Nine times out of ten, it's their loss anyway. And not only that, while you're sticking around waiting for them to change their mind and come back to you, they have moved on!

 

Sometimes I think people who want to remain friends (read: keep in contact with the ex) immediately after a breakup are only fooling themselves and secretly hoping for a reconciliation.

 

Some may disagree with the No Contact rule and say fight for love but I just can't see why anyone would want to? You can't force people to want to be with you. You can't make them change their mind. Love is not enough. It takes more than love to make a relationship work. If you use NO CONTACT as a game to see who will give in first, then you won't reap the benefits of it. It WILL be a game because you are making it that way.

 

On the other hand, if remaining in contact with an ex as a friend doesn't cause you confusion, emotional turmoil, false hope, "HELP I NEED ADVICE" loveshack posts and you are truly comfortable with it, then I see no reason why you shouldn't have contact with an ex.

 

That's just my opinion.

[dario]

Well, the way I 'played it' to avoid waiting and the intent for her never to talk to me again was to basically say, 'You've lost a good one.' And left it at that. I don't want any hope - false or otherwise. Just over and out.

[tenderhearted]

That is the best way.

 

Remaing in contact only prolongs the pain, especially if the other person is being wishy washy and sending you mixed signals<------If you want to call it that. When someone breaks up with you, that is LOUD and CLEAR if you ask me.

 

With time, the right attitude and real self preservation, you will be fine and out there again ready to meet someone else and do it all over again----->

[dario]

I think when someone asks for space to sort themselves out - this is all fine and dandy. Provided it's just for that.

I mean, hell, we all need time to ourselves. But if it's a question of space with the intent on deciding whether they should continue the relationship...gee, you really can't put someone through such torment.

 

Do you know what I mean?

[tenderhearted]

I think when someone asks for space to sort themselves out - this is all fine and dandy. Provided it's just for that.

I mean, hell, we all need time to ourselves. But if it's a question of space with the intent on deciding whether they should continue the relationship...gee, you really can't put someone through such torment.

 

I agree.

[julieg]

dixiecon, you are right but can't a person admit they may have been wrong. plenty of people never look back and admit their failings and mistakes in life

[sinkerswim]

Oh My God you guys... I seriously need advice.. I need it quick.

I know what you are all going to say.. and I guess I need to hear it..No contact.

 

But I finally called my boyfriend this morning... and he wasnt very receptive to me.

He just kept saying "What do you want Renee, I have to get ready for work"

I said 'did you forget about me?' and he didnt give me an answer...just that he had to get ready for work.

I said "Will I talk to you again?" and he said "I dont know..let me go..I have to get ready for work"

He was being very cold towards me.

 

You guys....I HAVE NO CLOSURE!!!! NO CLOSURE!!

In all the years we have been together...hes going to end it this way? WHY??????

HE HAS NEVER ACTED THIS WAY BEFORE...

I feel like did I do something bad to have him act this way towards me? Does he think I cheated on him or something? I know I have always been controlling and possessive and thats what the initial fight was about...but it makes me feel like I did something worse to deserve this.

I DIDNT.

I quickly told him.. I would never lie or cheat on you why are you doing this to me? I was ready to cry..but I was strong and he said

"Renee, I have to get ready for work"

 

I let him go for a MONTH by not contacting him. I thought today would have been a good day..I just had the urge to call... And hes not giving me answers?

I love him with all my heart and soul and hes going to do this? Hes not telling me what he wants. Last month he didnt know if he wanted to break up with me and now he doesnt want to talk to me? Is that my answer?

He said he wasnt going to leave me hanging..but yet he did.

This is NOT HIM. This is NOT the boyfriend I was with for 8 years. Thats what hurts the most. This is NOT like him.

How can things be fine with him and then in 2 days so different after a blowout?

 

Right now..I just want to die. I need answers. What do I do?

[Dixiecron]

Well, I'd have to say no contact. It is -very- hard at first, but then it gets a lot easier. They say it takes about 6 weeks for you to break a habit (like calling all the time). So maybe you can set a goal of 6 weeks no contact and then decide how you feel at that point. The manner of his response to you this morning made it pretty clear how he feels right now.

[shopgrl]

Gosh sinkerswim, I'm so sorry you got such a sh*tty response from your fiance. I'm very surprised that I almost don't know what to say. It sounds like he is very immature and needs to grow up. For goodness sakes, he is 30 years old, why is he acting like a child? What happened to him?

 

If I were you, I wouldn't call him again. You tried and tried and there's nothing more you can do. He "doesn't know" if he's going to talk to you again!!!?? What, is he joking???

 

Screw him. He has some nerve to treat you like this. Do yourself a favor, take off the ring and go out and enjoy yourself. Try to get this jackass out of your head.

 

Trust me, I know it's easier said than done but you don't deserve to be treated like this, no one does.

[Ganderson]

I encountered a similar response from my ex when I assumed that she has changed her mindset after she initiated the first call. what a mistake!! the bi**h still behaved in the same manner and I was devastated.

 

 

Forget about it!!!!! Why do we need to invite any more insult from our ex's? they are the ones that initiated the break up and demanded us to get the f**k away from them. It's time to rebuild our self-esteem and move on. I can gurantee that our ex's and their friends must look down upon desparate suckers like us.

 

Sign on to Match.com and meet some hot chicks or hansome guys, that's the method I use to make myself feel better. You will soon realize that there are so many qualified individuals out there and you do not need to embarass yourself and beg endlessly in front of your ex.

[shopgrl]

Dixiecron-- Thanks for your advise. I am "sacking up" if that's what you call it.

 

I have no intentions of contacting my ex because, frankly, I just don't want to right now. He and I made the decision to go our separate ways. Right now I'm questioning whether or not that was the right decision, but whatever. Yeah, I'm hurting bad and I hope he is too but by no means am I going to stoop down and cry to him. I would never beg someone to be with me.

 

I wasn't trying to make excuses for my ex by saying he is stubborn, it is simply a fact. Actually, we both are quite stubborn, he being just a little more than I.

 

At any rate, please know that I do agree with you and appreciate your input.

[Durden]

I havent heard from my ex for over a week now. Last I heard from her was a SMS asking how I was, and how my job was going. Looking back now, I think she was hoping I was going to reply i miss her and i hate my new job. I didnt , I said my job was good, and it is. Told her I was fine and a lot happier Havent heard from her since! I'm not contacting her, she dumped me! At the end of the day its her loss, i treated her well. I'll just find someone oneday who appreciates it!