Difficult situation

[gasperm3]

I am 25, about 2 months ago I met this 24 yr old girl playing tennis. We have become great friends. We have hit many times, and gone out to eat a few times as well. She is originally from a west coast city and moved here (the east coast) temporarily to live with her parents for about 18 months. In 5 months she is planning on moving into her own place. Since there family runs their own business out of their home her job allows her to live anywhere she wants. Her initial plan was to move back to the west coast city because of friends there and she misses it. But she is not 100% sure she will indeed do that.

 

Another problem is that she currently has a boyfriend. They have only been together for the last 4 months, and I think he is more of a fill in. Also, she has told me a few times that she is uncertain about the future of it because he is currently in grad school and after he finishes up in 5 months he will probaly move back home to NY and she is uncertain she can do the same.

 

She seems to enjoy this area more and more and she would love to continue living close to her parents. She enjoys all the activites that there are to do here, she is very athletic and active (so am I). She has made a lot of friends (including me). She invited me out rock climbing with her and her boyfriend last weekend. I suspect that in the next 5 months she will end up splitting up with her boyfriend as he moves, and continue to live here as it would be too hard for her to move anywhere, especially far away. I am going to offer anyway that I can to help her stay here for the future.

 

I am about to tell her the feelings I have for her. I hope that she does not say anything about just being friends. My plan is that she will decide not to move and stay here because she likes it so much. Also, if she does end up splitting from her boyfriend because he moves I am hoping she will get into a relationship with me.

 

Obviously, I am currently in the friend zone. But it has only been 8 weeks; I considered this as valuable time to get to know her and for us to realize we have a lot in common. After I tell her my true feelings I plan on getting out of the friend zone. To do this everyone says I should just stop seeing her all together to try to avoid the friend zone and hope that she realizes that she misses me. Or should I continue to be great friends while she is still with him, in hopes that in 5 months after they do indeed split up she will be happy to get into a relationship with me? I personally want to stay close because I feel in the time doing so I will be able to convince her not to move, because if she does its over. But the way everyone talks, it sounds like once you’re in the friend zone your stuck there. Again, right now we have been friends for 8 weeks. In 5 months it will have been 7 months. Would it be impossible to get out of the friend zone at that time or should I stop seeing her after I tell her my feelings?

Edited December 17, 2010 by gasperm3

[WTRanger]

I think you've got a prefabricated reality that will only ever exist in your mind as a castle in the sky. Think about it. In 5 months or so, she'll deal with a lot of pressure that you hope will destroy her current relationship, so if she has that much pressure then why on Earthy would she jump into another relationship with you? What if that just drives her and her current bf closer? All of your "plans" only involve benefit for you.

 

Think about her current situtaion. She is going to move to her new place in 5 months, her current boyfriend graduates in 5 months and will probably need a new place to live. Can you guess the similarities?

 

You shouldn't tell her your feelings. You'll just look like a dope. Realistically, you need to just ease up on seeing her until you are completely away from her. You can't just drop off the face of the planet, but you need to stop being around her so much. You will never get out of the friendzone by telling her your feelings.

[gasperm3]

I understand what your saying, but if she were to end up staying here it would be because she wants to, I don't think she would do it and then be disapointted about it. She loves this area, she loves all that she can do here, she is very active and so am I. She wants an active partner.

 

I am just trying to figure out why she would be telling me about the uncertainty of her relationship.

[WTRanger]

I understand what your saying, but if she were to end up staying here it would be because she wants to, I don't think she would do it and then be disapointted about it. She loves this area, she loves all that she can do here, she is very active and so am I. She wants an active partner.

 

I am just trying to figure out why she would be telling me about the uncertainty of her relationship.

 

Because she is using you as an emotional tampon. She needs reassurance from you so she can feel better about herself, so in turn, she can go screw her boyfriend's brains out. Her confessing to you about her relationship problems is generally NOT a good sign. She's got an active partner, that's you. She's supposed to that with her girlfriends, which makes you a girlfriend with a penis.

 

This is a bad situation. She's telling you things because they are uncertain, but that doesn't mean she's going to break up with him. Even if she does, that still doesn't mean she'll come running to you.

 

To quote your original post:

I personally want to stay close because I feel in the time doing so I will be able to convince her not to move,

Really? That's her choice? Doesn't sound like it to me. It sounds like you will berate her into staying for your own personal gain.

 

Sorry bud, but this one is dead in the water. Ask her if she can set you up with a date with one of her female friends.

[LoveAintEverything]

I would keep being friends with her because down the road when that boy does move a way and she does not know anything about her future, she will need you and she could very well realize you are her future

[gasperm3]

I know what your saying. And believe me thats what I want to do. But the problem is that if I keep hanging around her for the next few months, especially doing things with her and her boyfriend together. I am afraid its going to feel weird for her to all of the sudden get into a relationship with me after he leaves. I am going to have to take the chance to get into a relationship with her instead of being her best friend and convincing her not to move. I would feel more weird being around her as her best friend in the future while she is single.