Open Marriage and very happy

[Lovinhimlovinher]

There are very few sites where I see people that post the positive side of having an open marriage. I have been in an open marriage for over 7 years. I can't imagine a monogamous relationship after having such a wonderful open relationship. Now don't get me wrong like all marriages there will always be ups and downs. The one part of our relationship that has never been a problem is the fact that we are open and honest about how we are feeling and who we are feeling it for. My husband and I have been through about every stage of an open marriage. We started out just wanting to spice things up a bit with adding another female to the mix. We then graduated to having sex with another couple, as long as we were in the same room. After we were comfortable we moved onto being able to go into separate rooms. The whole time we had rules that we felt, at the time, should be rules we should always follow. No kissing, it's to personal. No actual sleeping and cuddling, it too was to personal. When our children got older and life got more complicated it was almost impossible to find time to go out together. We then started going out on our own. Keep in mind we didn't sleep with just anyone. There was always a discussion and risk factors to consider. It wasn't something that we did too offten and it was almost always a repeat partner. Just like most people in "open marriages" we realized that life is nothing with out love. We trust and love eachother so much that we allow ourselves to truly live. Although it wasn't expected he started to fall for a very wonderful woman. They hadn't even had sex yet and he came to me and told me how he was feeling. It was hard for him to tell me he was having feelings for her. We talked about it and as much as I surprised my self, I realized that it would be wrong for me or anyone else to tell them the feelings they were having were wrong. It isn't. It is a natural part of life. We discussed the "what ifs" of the situation. His girlfriend understands that no matter what happens he will not leave me for her. She wouldn't want him to do that anyway. It is hard for her coming into a situation like this. One of the questions we asked our selves were, what if my husband and his girlfriend fall completely in love and can't live without each other? Well in that case we thought if she was comfortable with it she could live with us as a family. They would have to have a separate bedroom. She wants to have kids one day....then what? Just like love if it was meant to be then it was meant to be. We would raise the baby just like millions of parents do everyday and we would do it together.

 

I am sure some of you are thinking I am insane or there is something wrong with me. I may not fit into the"norm" mild but I am happy. I am sure there will be issues that arise that we have yet to think of but that's ok. We will talk about them and work through whatever we need to. If things don't work out with her in particular I am sure it will be painful. The things we learn about other people and about our selves while in this relationship will make us the people we will be if or when one of us meets someone else. I was given the ability to love so great and so deep. Why do we feel the need to limit that love? I agree 100% that this life is NOT for everyone. It is not for most people actually, at least not from what I have personally seen, but it does work great for some. So to all of you out there who wonder if being in an open marriage is right for you, I say, take it slow and always stay open to new experiences. Life is short and if you stay honest and talk about what is going on it could work. However I beg of you if you ever have any doubts about your primary relationship stop, just stop because if the foundation is not strong it will all come falling down around you.

[musemaj11]

Im a proponent of 'open marriage'.

 

To me its extremely foolish that countless of what otherwise perfect marriages ended just because someone conjoins a limb with someone else other than his/her spouse.

 

As long as I can still feel her love for me, I could care less if she bangs the entire human population.

 

Of course regular STD test is required.

[woinlove]

I think open marriages can be a good choice for couples. It all starts with open and honest communication, and requires respect and compassion to work well. And when it works well, it is really, really good - as is any long marriage with love and respect that works well for both spouses.

[JustJoe]

Why marry at all? This is the main question that you swingers fail to grasp. This is the 21st century, marriage isn't the be-all and end-all of human relationships. Many men and women have kids and live with their SO without the benefit of a marriage license and do just fine. Marriage, originally , had to do with property rights, inheritance and political/social alliances. All of these considerations and all parenting issues can be settled by open and honest communication between the two principles, involved. I think it is hypocritical and deceitful to pretend to be a couple. All you are doing is trying to make people believe that you are what you aren't, which is a nuclear family. JMO.

[woinlove]

Why marry at all? This is the main question that you swingers fail to grasp. This is the 21st century, marriage isn't the be-all and end-all of human relationships. Many men and women have kids and live with their SO without the benefit of a marriage license and do just fine. Marriage, originally , had to do with property rights, inheritance and political/social alliances. All of these considerations and all parenting issues can be settled by open and honest communication between the two principles, involved. I think it is hypocritical and deceitful to pretend to be a couple. All you are doing is trying to make people believe that you are what you aren't, which is a nuclear family. JMO.

 

First, swingers is not synonymous with open marriage. More typically, an open marriage means that each spouse may have other romantic relationships. These may be true love relationships spanning many years or less serious attachments. They may or may not involve sex. Second, many people do not marry in a church. A civil marriage is a legal contract which does not specify anything about monogamy where I live.

 

Hypocritical? Deceitful? Are you implying that you think you have a right to know the inner workings of other people's marriages and if they are not the way you think they should be, then those married couples are deceiving you? Please explain what you mean. Because between the two married spouses it is usually the opposite of deceitful and hypocritical. Successful open marriages require continual, intimate, open communication. Often even the most minor flirtations, along with more serious issues including one's dreams, hopes and fantasies, are discussed.

 

Many couples in open marriages are a nuclear family, with two spouses and children and a lifelong commitment.

[JustJoe]

I'm simply stating my own experiences. Your "open marriage", might be " the All-American ", ideal, but I've know a great many of these , and they usually end in divorce. If you both are free to play around, then what purpose does a marriage license serve except maybe to salve your guilt at not having a successful monogamous relationship? The main reason for these open marriages is that one or the other person is not having their needs met in the bedroom. Be honest......isn't that usually the case? Also, a lifelong commitment to what? Sounds to me as if you are cake-eaters. JMO.

[woinlove]

I'm simply stating my own experiences. Your "open marriage", might be " the All-American ", ideal, but I've know a great many of these , and they usually end in divorce. If you both are free to play around, then what purpose does a marriage license serve except maybe to salve your guilt at not having a successful monogamous relationship? The main reason for these open marriages is that one or the other person is not having their needs met in the bedroom. Be honest......isn't that usually the case?

 

Well, ours is almost two and a half decades, has been open from day one, and we both think it will last till death do us part. Marriage is a symbol of our firm commitment and deep love for each other, as well as a symbol that connects our larger family, with children, together.

 

Guilt? Why would we have guilt? We are living exactly the life we want to lead, true to our values of honesty, openness, loyalty, compassion...

 

I wouldn't know about usually the case, but, after all these years, it is still an unusual day that I don't make love with my husband. Our other relationships sometimes don't even involve sex, and we've actually gone as long as a decade without either of us having an additional sexual or emotional (romantic) attachment to another, despite that freedom always being there.

 

I don't usually discuss this with others, because they usually don't understand, and there is no problem or issue that I need any outside input on. Somehow this thread sucked me in (probably big mistake ) My marriage is the most important connection of my life, it has helped me develop into the person I am and want to be. It has taught me how to truly and deeply love. It has far exceeded all expectations I had when I said "I do". But, if you don't understand it, that is fine. It is not something that is easily reduced to a few paragraphs or even a few pages.

 

ETA: Perhaps monogamy is important to you. Monogamy isn't important to my H and I. Openness and honesty and treating ourselves and others with compassion and respect are what is important to us.

Edited December 18, 2010 by woinlove

[JustJoe]

Well, ours is almost two and a half decades, has been open from day one, and we both think it will last till death do us part. Marriage is a symbol of our firm commitment and deep love for each other, as well as a symbol that connects our larger family, with children, together.

 

Guilt? Why would we have guilt? We are living exactly the life we want to lead, true to our values of honesty, openness, loyalty, compassion...

 

I wouldn't know about usually the case, but, after all these years, it is still an unusual day that I don't make love with my husband. Our other relationships sometimes don't even involve sex, and we've actually gone as long as a decade without either of us having an additional sexual or emotional (romantic) attachment to another, despite that freedom always being there.

 

I don't usually discuss this with others, because they usually don't understand, and there is no problem or issue that I need any outside input on. Somehow this thread sucked me in (probably big mistake ) My marriage is the most important connection of my life, it has helped me develop into the person I am and want to be. It has taught me how to truly and deeply love. It has far exceeded all expectations I had when I said "I do". But, if you don't understand it, that is fine. It is not something that is easily reduced to a few paragraphs or even a few pages.

 

ETA: Perhaps monogamy is important to you. Monogamy isn't important to my H and I. Openness and honesty and treating ourselves and others with compassion and respect are what is important to us.

Monogamy isn't as important to me as honesty. Marriage is a very specific action and comes with very specific responsibilities and freedoms, I get that. You may have the "marriage", made in heaven, but most "open marriages ", aren't even close, and if you were honest you would admit that. I've seen too many go to divorce court, to feel that they aren't anything more than a band-aid for a failed marriage and a symptom of insecurity. If you were so sure of your H or he of you, and are so blissfully in love, why the need for an Open marriage , at all? By admitting that you and him aren't capable of exclusivity, aren't you admitting failure from the start? An open marriage is no marriage. Be honest and don't call it one. Open relationships are great, I have one myself, but I'm not a hypocrite, I believe in calling a spade, a spade.

[woinlove]

Monogamy isn't as important to me as honesty. Marriage is a very specific action and comes with very specific responsibilities and freedoms, I get that. You may have the "marriage", made in heaven, but most "open marriages ", aren't even close, and if you were honest you would admit that. I've seen too many go to divorce court, to feel that they aren't anything more than a band-aid for a failed marriage and a symptom of insecurity. If you were so sure of your H or he of you, and are so blissfully in love, why the need for an Open marriage , at all? By admitting that you and him aren't capable of exclusivity, aren't you admitting failure from the start? An open marriage is no marriage. Be honest and don't call it one. Open relationships are great, I have one myself, but I'm not a hypocrite, I believe in calling a spade, a spade.

 

We have something in common then, because I value honesty very much. I can't speak for open marriages in general, because I only know my own very well, and a couple others not so well. Sounds like you know of more examples in general. From my own experience, I think open marriage only works if both people value honesty and openness, and are capable of great intimacy and love. LS is filled filled with examples of married people who quite obviously do not value honesty and openness. So I am not surprised to hear from you than many open marriages fail.

 

I feel confident that my H and I would both be capable of exclusiveness, if that was desirable to either of us. It isn't.

 

It seems to me that you are projecting your own experience and feelings onto me. Do you know what it feels like to be with the same person for almost three decades, raise children together, to feel completely loved and understood by a spouse who is your lover, best friend, biggest supporter, and someone you so admire and respect for who they are? If you had that in an open marriage, I think you would feel very differently than you do.

 

I like to call a spade a spade too, but perhaps you are looking in a mirror, rather than trying to understand someone who has a different situation than you do.

 

btw, I'm not impressed with most of the cases of potential open marriages that are described on LS, where it seems one spouse is attracted to someone and consequently wants to open up their marriage. Admittedly, discussing that with your spouse is way better than cheating. However, it is far removed from my own case. We discussed our values, what was important, how we wanted our relationship to be then and how we imagined it in the future, and decided an open marriage was what we wanted. Neither of us even took advantage of this freedom for another 5 years after agreeing on what we wanted.

 

Unlike the OP, we were never interested in threesomes, swinging,etc. I wouldn't be surprised to learn that we are the most monogamous of anyone in an open marriage. Nevertheless, we have always had this freedom, we always discuss it periodically even when we aren't exercising this freedom, and we have continued to decide it is what we want. I can't relate to people who make such an important decision based on some infatuation or attraction to a third party.

 

As I said, I usually don't discuss this topic, because it can't be described briefly. I'm learning from this exchange, how right I was about that!

[Lovinhimlovinher]

I find it interesting that even though we are truly happy and successful in our relationship some people still think we are lying to ourselves. It is one thing to objectively discuss your ideas of the perfect marriage but there is no reason to think that we are lying to ourselves or anyone else. I don't care what kind of relationship you are in no one one can be 100% for sure that it will last forever. We can all hope and pray that the happiness you feel now will last forever. No one, I don't care what kind of relationship you are in, will be happy all of the time. Life doesn't work that way. If you talk about it and work on your relationship no matter what kind you are personally in then you stand a better chance at happiness.

 

My husband and I are capable of only having sex and relationships with each other but why do we have only be with each other? I married my husband because I love him and I will be with him till death do us part. Love isn't something that you only have so much of. Anyone with more than one child will tell you that. Each of your children brings you joy and love in different ways. I know there will always be people that would much rather tell us we will fail rather than ask us why we think we won't. To those people I feel sad that they are so ridged and set in their ways that they may miss out on so much life has to offer, and not just with this situation but everything in life is a learning experience.

 

To woinlove:

Thank you for actually speaking up on here. I know we are the exception to the rule but it is nice when you find someone else who has been through what you are going through and understands how woonderful it can be and how it takes so much more work than "normal" relationships to keep your marriage strong. I hear over and over again about how we are giving up on our marriage because we are sleeping with other people. This just is not the case at all. We work twice as hard to be honest with our feelings and to make our lifestyle work for us. I didn't get on here to start trouble or brag about anything. I made this post so other couples who are successful at this life can share their stories. Thank you again for speaking up.

[Kendrick]

To each their own. I have known 3 different couples who had open marriages. One being someone in my family. All three couples marriages ended in divorce and even though it wasn't mainly because of their open marriage choice, its did play a big role in the divorce. One couple had been married 22 years, and had an open marriage 18 yrs out of the 22 yrs. The husbnad just uped one day and told his wife he thought after all those yers of having a open marriage he would never attach to another person emtionally and it would just be a physical thing, but he was wrong, he did attach to another person emotionally, that was it for him. The wife acted pretty surprised, I'm not real sure why, there is always that risk. Guess she thought after doign that for so long it might not happen.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

Can't understand or fathom how it can work in the long run without guilt/jealousy or an eventual EA that drives a wedge some way somehow into your relationship......

 

I would also expect there to be a imbalance of power in all cases and when that has to do with sex that is so dangerous. How can one not have thoughts about other partners and skill, size, attractiveness???? Add to that you have to be always "on" for your partner.....

 

Now also sex is the "whole 9 yards"..... Rules like no kissing seems to take away from sex and makes it not "complete", so then why someone else when there is more at home?

 

Heck all we read here is about problems in the bedroom and "sexless" marriages, could one partner ever say no to the other without a barrage of "well you had no problem going out the other night and f#$!ing your boyfriend/girlfriend"? Add to that any fight you ever had could push the partner away to someone else....

 

The everyday pressure to me seems like it could be enormous....

Edited December 18, 2010 by Toodamnpragmatic

[woinlove]

Can't understand or fathom how it can work in the long run without guilt/jealousy or an eventual EA that drives a wedge some way somehow into your relationship......

 

Yes, I think jealousy can be a key issue. Not sure where guilt comes in, since we discuss everything openly, including feelings for others as they develop. How that works for us is that my H is very confident and not at all prone to jealousy. I am more prone to jealousy, but my H is always happy to respond to any concerns or worries I have. Any extramarital activity is always discussed in advance and we only act on it or develop an emotional connection if the other feels comfortable. There isn't any insecurity about sex, attractiveness, etc because we have always been very much in love with each other, have a lot of sex with each other, and that has never wavered.

 

I suspect people who have good open marriages would also have good closed marriages, if they wanted. I feel that is the case for my H and I. Conversely, if you don't have a good closed marriage, it definitely won't be a good open marriage.

[xxoo]

I suspect people who have good open marriages would also have good closed marriages, if they wanted. I feel that is the case for my H and I. Conversely, if you don't have a good closed marriage, it definitely won't be a good open marriage.

 

I think there is a lot of truth in what you've said here....

 

But then I wonder, why is an open marriage worth the inherent risk? By risk I mean the increased likelihood of exposure to disease, as well as the unknown variables of each personality being introduced into the marriage. I feel pretty darn lucky to have found ONE partner who is sane and reasonable and disease-free. Introducing new intimate partners seems like pressing my luck!

 

So that is my question for those in open marriages--what are the benefits, as you experience them? What are the risks? Do you believe that having an open marriage improves your relationship with your spouse? If so, how?

[Distant78]

Can't understand or fathom how it can work in the long run without guilt/jealousy or an eventual EA that drives a wedge some way somehow into your relationship......

 

I would also expect there to be a imbalance of power in all cases and when that has to do with sex that is so dangerous. How can one not have thoughts about other partners and skill, size, attractiveness???? Add to that you have to be always "on" for your partner.....

 

Now also sex is the "whole 9 yards"..... Rules like no kissing seems to take away from sex and makes it not "complete", so then why someone else when there is more at home?

 

Heck all we read here is about problems in the bedroom and "sexless" marriages, could one partner ever say no to the other without a barrage of "well you had no problem going out the other night and f#$!ing your boyfriend/girlfriend"? Add to that any fight you ever had could push the partner away to someone else....

 

The everyday pressure to me seems like it could be enormous....

 

I agree what's the point of going up to the altar and speaking vows, but besides pure selfishness, I suspect another reason why these couples in denial stay together is because they want their spouse to know that they're screwing someone else. That's what makes open marriages exciting to these freaks. They want their partner to know they're having sex with someone better than them. They like the safety net of the marriage while sleeping with other people. Polyamory is nothing more than a "justification" to sleep around basically, and the spouses (cuckolds) that allow their partner to screw around are afraid to lose them point blank period, and even get off on knowing their spouse is being had by another. There's no way in Hell that these couples can not get mad or wonder if their partner is having sex with someone more efficient in the bedroom and emotionally. The rule that states no kissing is ridiculous and we all know it's a lie. You can't be in an open marriage, sleep with other folks and not kiss one of them at all. But in the end, most of these relationships fail anyway because of the resentment that builds inside.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

While I find it very off-putting, maybe swinging does work in a club, where there is little interaction outside a pure visceral connection. Don't understand it, but at least the partner is there and there is no more then a better lover/attractive person doing your spouse.

 

However in an Open Marriage, eventually something will happen, be it a trigger, a fight, boredom..... that will lead you to go too far with another man/woman in these situations. The constant pressure to then perform at home (because god help us, if you are not in the mood with your spouse when you've slept with someone else) I would expect to be enormous. What if the man (again sexist), on top of those shallow qualities of attractiveness/skill, also happens to be more successful then your spouse and an EA develops?

 

My question to women in this situation is "Do you fake it with your spouse every once in a while to make sure he doesn't feel neglected or inferior"?

 

For a male "do you make sure your spouse knows the other woman is not as good and not as attractive?"

 

Frankly I find the STD's to be the least of worries (yes it is there).

Edited December 18, 2010 by Toodamnpragmatic

[sally4sara]

If its working for you that is fabulous. But even you can see that adding more people as permanent romantic members of a committed relationship means more individual wants/needs and a higher instance of struggle to find a compromise that all can agree to. That's the part that has me saying no thanks; not for me. But I don't think less of people who are making it work and finding success. Just that I suspect that no matter how great it is for some, it won't be great for everyone.

[Lovinhimlovinher]

To each their own. I have known 3 different couples who had open marriages. One being someone in my family. All three couples marriages ended in divorce and even though it wasn't mainly because of their open marriage choice, its did play a big role in the divorce. One couple had been married 22 years, and had an open marriage 18 yrs out of the 22 yrs. The husbnad just uped one day and told his wife he thought after all those yers of having a open marriage he would never attach to another person emtionally and it would just be a physical thing, but he was wrong, he did attach to another person emotionally, that was it for him. The wife acted pretty surprised, I'm not real sure why, there is always that risk. Guess she thought after doign that for so long it might not happen.

 

 

You can never say you won't get attached it is human nature. If you are not willing to risk it then No you should not be in an open marriage. Any time someone is with each other physically or just as friends there runs the risk of falling in love. It isn't a bad thing in my mind but I love my husband more that life and if he loves someone that it is just as likely I will too. If it happens I don't then we will cross the bridge when we get there.

[Lovinhimlovinher]

While I find it very off-putting, maybe swinging does work in a club, where there is little interaction outside a pure visceral connection. Don't understand it, but at least the partner is there and there is no more then a better lover/attractive person doing your spouse.

 

However in an Open Marriage, eventually something will happen, be it a trigger, a fight, boredom..... that will lead you to go too far with another man/woman in these situations. The constant pressure to then perform at home (because god help us, if you are not in the mood with your spouse when you've slept with someone else) I would expect to be enormous. What if the man (again sexist), on top of those shallow qualities of attractiveness/skill, also happens to be more successful then your spouse and an EA develops?

 

My question to women in this situation is "Do you fake it with your spouse every once in a while to make sure he doesn't feel neglected or inferior"?

 

For a male "do you make sure your spouse knows the other woman is not as good and not as attractive?"

 

Frankly I find the STD's to be the least of worries (yes it is there).

 

 

 

If we were to live together and I wasn't in the mood I would see if she wanted him to stay with her that night. Why worry about if he is going to sneak down the hall to get him some? Why wouldn't you have them please each other. Just because I am not into it doesn't mean she wouldn't be.

 

I do not fake it if I am not in the mood and he is I will admit I will just lay there. Better than telling him no or faking anything. I don't know what most of the letters mean on here (EA) I don't usually get online and talk about this but I was looking up stuff trying to figure out how my husbands new girl friend might be feeling. and realized no one tells the good side. All mariages run the risk of breaking up. I also know that I see a lot of people on here giving different statistics about the rate at which open marriages fail. Why not just enjoy life. There doesn't have to be so many rules.

No my husband is not afraid to tell me how hot she is or how funny she is or sweet. We really do talk about everything but I also know that he is coming home to me after his night away tonight. He loves me and I love him. This works for us it really does. I could go into the list of people in monogamist marriages that have failed. I have seen all kinds of marriages fail. There is usually lying and betrayal behind it. I personally think it is better to be willing to hear the truth and see what life brings. I would rather be happy like I am now then wonder if he thought some chick looked better than me.

[Lovinhimlovinher]

If its working for you that is fabulous. But even you can see that adding more people as permanent romantic members of a committed relationship means more individual wants/needs and a higher instance of struggle to find a compromise that all can agree to. That's the part that has me saying no thanks; not for me. But I don't think less of people who are making it work and finding success. Just that I suspect that no matter how great it is for some, it won't be great for everyone.

 

 

I agree completely!! It doesn't truly work for most people as far as I have seen. The first couple we were with is in the middle of breaking up their marriage because he fell in love and lied about it. She could not accept the lying not the fact that he fell in love. There was no reason to lie about anything but he did. I wish all couples, no matter what kind of relationship they were in, were more open and honest with each other.

[Lovinhimlovinher]

Can't understand or fathom how it can work in the long run without guilt/jealousy or an eventual EA that drives a wedge some way somehow into your relationship......

 

I would also expect there to be a imbalance of power in all cases and when that has to do with sex that is so dangerous. How can one not have thoughts about other partners and skill, size, attractiveness???? Add to that you have to be always "on" for your partner.....

 

Now also sex is the "whole 9 yards"..... Rules like no kissing seems to take away from sex and makes it not "complete", so then why someone else when there is more at home?

 

Heck all we read here is about problems in the bedroom and "sexless" marriages, could one partner ever say no to the other without a barrage of "well you had no problem going out the other night and f#$!ing your boyfriend/girlfriend"? Add to that any fight you ever had could push the partner away to someone else....

 

The everyday pressure to me seems like it could be enormous....

 

 

I stated this a min ago too but I am not always "ON". I am a female lol and have been married for a long time. If the two girls in the relationship are willing to be there for the man and not have secrets between the two of them then your right it won't work. But if I got in a fight with my husband I would expect that he would go to her. Not only are they friends but lovers. They are supposed to be there for each other. Even though it hasn't happened yet I am sure her and I will fight too. It is just a part of life. In order to be involved in a relationship like this you can't think in the "norm". Rules like that simply don't apply to this. If they did then no open marriage would work.

[JackJack]

Yes, deffo to each their own. I love my wife and she loves me. There is no sharing amoungst other people. IMO, our marriage is sacred between the bond we share between myself and her. That includes bodies in the physical sense and the emotional sense.

[xxoo]

My question to women in this situation is "Do you fake it with your spouse every once in a while to make sure he doesn't feel neglected or inferior"?

 

For a male "do you make sure your spouse knows the other woman is not as good and not as attractive?"

 

Frankly I find the STD's to be the least of worries (yes it is there).

 

TDP, who do you think your partner would choose, hypothetically?

 

I know who my partner would choose, and he knows who I would choose (not like we have people picked out, lol, but we've always shared attractions to others). Hypothetically, I could imagine being threatened by another woman--but in reality, when H is attracted to a woman, I think she's cool and am not threatened at all. That's something I admire about my partner--his taste in women

 

As for the woman faking it once in a while....I don't have to fake it now, so can't imagine why I'd fake it then. True fact: multiple sex partners can increase a person's drive for BOTH partners! I sometimes wonder if that is a benefit of open marriages--keeping things fresh WITH the partner, with the sexual energy of new partners.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

I stated this a min ago too but I am not always "ON". I am a female lol and have been married for a long time. If the two girls in the relationship are willing to be there for the man and not have secrets between the two of them then your right it won't work. But if I got in a fight with my husband I would expect that he would go to her. Not only are they friends but lovers. They are supposed to be there for each other. Even though it hasn't happened yet I am sure her and I will fight too. It is just a part of life. In order to be involved in a relationship like this you can't think in the "norm". Rules like that simply don't apply to this. If they did then no open marriage would work.

 

is he the one with multiple partners and you are just the one he lives with??? Sorry if I sound crass. The point I said is if you had a male partner, went off to get "some", came home and he wanted some too, what would you do? Do you know everytime he is with someone else? Does this not intrude ever on time you want with him? Sounds like he has two other females, what happens when it is 4 or 5, or a few one-night stands? I could go on and on, but these are the questions that are foremost on my mind.

 

BTW (by the way), EA is Emotional Affairs, and by what you have written, that is what he has and eventually the other females may want more from him too.....

[aerogurl87]

I have to agree with JustJoe, if you want an open marriage, why get married in the first place? Why not just live together and be committed to one another completely with the option to go have sex or cultivate a relationship apart from your partner. I'm not saying this type of relationship won't work (you and your husband are a testament that it can) but I don't see the point in getting married if that's what you want.