The Pleasure was all mine.

[alwayshoping]

Okay. Where to start! The past 48hrs, after over 100 days NC have left me feeling like I'm back at day 1. I cried last night?! But why? I know she didn't love me as much as I loved her. I know I can do so much better. I know she didn't treat me like anyone else (her friends or ex's) just because she knew I wouldn't care as long as she still loved me.

 

I am nice, pretty good looking, funny person. Yet I feel like a shell of the man I was prior to meeting her. I feel drained, emotionally and physically.

 

Why do I miss a girl that treated me like a wally, and only acted nice when I was annoyed or it suited her?

 

Yet I do, I miss her. I realise at the end I pointed out her faults (such as texting random guys, and receiving texts from them, telling her she was hot and they didn't care she had a boyfriend). I pointed them out to her all the time, in the hope she would change. In the faint hope she would show me some respect. I guess I didn't warrant such respect and it just drove her further away from me.

 

I just cant believe after 100+ days NC I am left still missing her. I know its just a cycle and I will feel better tomorrow. Nevertheless my best friend in the whole wide world is gone and Im left here all alone and it hurts. I just wish she didn't leave me for some other guy, if she didn't do that, perhaps forgiveness could be on the cards. She knew I hated cheaters, and I guess thats why she always stuck up for the people that cheated. I baffled me at the time, but I guess now I know why.

 

I just wish she cared. She was always so heartless with everyone else, I never thought she would do it to me. My mistake.

 

I really do wish her the best. I just miss her, like a dog would miss its tail.

 

Im not really asking for advice. Just wanted to vent a little. I'm so jealous other ex's showed people that they cared by initiating a little contact. Why the frick doesn't she miss me?

 

She made me buy my own birthday present last year, and paid me back later. She could have easily afforded it but went out way to much. Oh well. She didn't even get me any christmas presents last year so I know I'm not missing out this year, again she was out with her mates too much. It just made me wonder, my friends gf's all save up before xmas and their birthdays, even the unemployed have techniques to acquire money to show their loved ones they care. Why couldn't she do the same. I know I did, and really treated her like a princess.

 

I guess what Im asking is why do I miss someone who didn't make me feel special?

I know I can do better but I was content.

 

When having a smoke last night I realised I should have quit smoking for her (and also for myself) and I couldn't help but shed a tear that perhaps I could have done more. I guess I just thought she's not making the effort so why should I?

 

I guess it doesn't matter, she back with her ex who treated her like crap. Im left wondering what I did to deserve her cheating on me and then dumping me like faecal matter.

 

I guess the main lesson I can take away is if the relationship isn't 50-50 or close to that then it probably wont work out. You should both want to try make the other person happy, or at least try.

 

Sorry for the long rant I guess I just needed to get that off my chest! Right time to do some revision and I guess I can check back with LS this evening when I can actually say I've done some work!

 

Thanks for reading guys, I really appreciate it x

[homebrew]

Buddy... You are far to hard on yourself! The simple fact is you truly loved and cared about your EX... that my friend, takes time to get over.

 

100 days of No Contact is something you should be very proud of! However, in the grand scheme of things... it isn't a long time in the healing process timeline.

 

You are okay to miss her, to even long for her! You wouldn't be human if you did not feel or think that way after only 100 days.

 

You know all of this... like you said you are having a bad day.

 

One thing to think about / consider:

 

If you are dating or in a relationship with someone (not married), whatever the reason you two break up, it is a SUCCESS, not a failure!

 

You want to see failure? Go spend sometime in the divorce thread! You will thank God, that you were only dating or in a relationship when you take into account having to deal with dividing assets, child support and custody battles, life arrangements, lawyers, etc, etc.

[alwayshoping]

Homebrew, thank you so much for the reply.

 

I know things could be 1000 times worse. I thank god everyday for my health etc and that I wasn't married to her as that really would have made things a million times harder. I just thought it would get a little better. I still for the life of me can't understand why I miss her. My sisters tell me I'm crazy and can do better but I guess they have to say that!

 

I just feel like after 2 1/2 years to go completely NC is crazy. I know it's what's best but going without your best friend in the world is so hard! I guess she's no longer my best friend and that's what hurts. What hurts the most is a post a read on LS last night, someone said after 3/4 months NC your pretty much dead to your ex. I think that's what made me get all emotional as I really thought she would try prove to me we could at least be friends.

 

I can't wait until I can go on holiday and try forget about all this mess! Oh homebrew I just wanted to add that I love reading your threads, they really do help.

[strangeways]

I'm right there with you mate. 80+ days of NC, no attempted contact from either side. From the last time I saw her when she moved out she's never tried to get in touch.

 

I think Homebrew was pretty much spot on. Hard to see it sometimes I know. I think I underestimated how long all this s**t would take to play out. There's a way to go yet.

 

I think I'm just coming to the realisation that I will never see or hear from her again and that's tough to comes to terms with, but I will even though I thought I already had! I don't know why, but I did expect her to at least ask how I was doing. I also feel that after almost 3 months NC I'm pretty much dead to her but I try and not dwell on it however hard that may be.

[alwayshoping]

Strangeways! I knew you would understand.

 

I think the hardest thing is when you realise you maybe dead to them. I honestly thought I was over this too but I guess the rollacoaster will continue playing with my emotions for a little while longer. I guess it just hurts and makes me wonder how I'm going to be able to trust someone with my heart again. Afterall I honestly thought she would protect it with her life. Turns out she didn't really care what happened to it.

 

Let's hope time heals our wounds because right now I'm struggling to see a light at the end of this long, dreary, winding tunnel.

[SithLord]

 

. What hurts the most is a post a read on LS last night, someone said after 3/4 months NC your pretty much dead to your ex. I think that's what made me get all emotional as I really thought she would try prove to me we could at least be friends.

 

 

Thats not true man. not to give out false hope or anything. My X from Fl was still very much in love with me after 3 years of no contact and she dump me, got pregnant and married in a matter of 5 months after we broke up. If anything she remember everything about us to the tee man and wish stuff were different, after i spent years wondering if she even cared, still loved me. Time has to do its thing.

[strangeways]

I guess it just hurts and makes me wonder how I'm going to be able to trust someone with my heart again. Afterall I honestly thought she would protect it with her life. Turns out she didn't really care what happened to it.

 

Same here.

 

I think a lot of people here on LS feel the same way.

[alwayshoping]

thanks guys it's true we are all feeling like this. I just wish I could make things easier. Im sure she isn't having nearly as hard a time!

 

I thought me and her were "ross and rachel"! O'well.

[alwayshoping]

Thats not true man. not to give out false hope or anything. My X from Fl was still very much in love with me after 3 years of no contact and she dump me, got pregnant and married in a matter of 5 months after we broke up. If anything she remember everything about us to the tee man and wish stuff were different, after i spent years wondering if she even cared, still loved me. Time has to do its thing.

 

thanks Sithlord, Maybe she isn't as heartless as I think she is.

[starryeyed12]

Hey always,

 

I'm sorry to hear that you are down today. You genuinely seem like a kind and thoughtful man. I think it's pretty normal to be feeling down, especially with the holidays so close. It's the time of year when relationships are kind of thrown in your face. But just try and stay positive. You will eventually meet someone very special, I just know it!

 

Remember that not all women will treat you the way that your ex did. There are lots of good women out there, and you don't have to give one your heart right away either. Keep putting your best self out there, and good things and people will come to you. It's the law of attraction, you know.

 

Be kind to yourself.

[SithLord]

Use the force and focus on yourself. Time heals all wounds. Why think negative when you know those feelings are going to pass anyways. Start thinking positive and replace those negative imagines with good ones until it becomes second natural.

 

 

 

thanks Sithlord, Maybe she isn't as heartless as I think she is.

[alwayshoping]

Thanks starryeyed, I really appreciate it.

 

Just wanted to say Im glad you finally got things settled with the ex! Time to start NC again? I just know your going to find the perfect person too.

 

I think Im just going to take it easy this year, perhaps reconnect with myself and enjoy my youth, and remind all my friends just how much I have appreciated there help over the past 4 months.

 

I hope your being kind to yourself to young lady x

[Perhaps]

You want the girl who treated you like crap and she wants the guy who treated her like crap. Nothing hurts the ego quite like not being able to acquire the object of one's desire. I suspect if had stuck around, you would have eventually realized you deserve to be with someone who gives you the same respect. So, be glad that she did you the favour of ridding herself from your life. Your heart may not believe it but your brain knows you deserve someone better - who will come along when you're ready to meet someone better - which will happen.

 

Don't question the pain.. let it come and go.. it'll start to ease and it'll stop, I guarantee.

[coltsfan1]

Alwayshopping- I am right with you, I haven't spoken to my ex since august.. She has tried to get in contact with me once and I didn't respond, but I still miss her everyday. I can go days without thinking about her and something small will happen and I'm back at square one.

 

The thing that I do when this happens is try and tell myself that NC was thier choice not mine and that the other person is broken. I to thought me ex was my bestfriend and the truth is she wasn't and neither is your ex. They are selfish and self-centered. They may not be bad people but the way they handled our friendship and love was bad.

 

Good luck, just remeber that someone might crush them the way they crushed us and they may have to learn it the hard way..

[Gt.ooh]

You want the girl who treated you like crap and she wants the guy who treated her like crap. Nothing hurts the ego quite like not being able to acquire the object of one's desire. I suspect if had stuck around, you would have eventually realized you deserve to be with someone who gives you the same respect. So, be glad that she did you the favour of ridding herself from your life. Your heart may not believe it but your brain knows you deserve someone better - who will come along when you're ready to meet someone better - which will happen.

 

Don't question the pain.. let it come and go.. it'll start to ease and it'll stop, I guarantee.

 

I agree, as I'm in the same boat. We all are. I'm beginning to believe now that it's a cycle we all will deal with, and have to deal with. It's a part of being young, and so many unknowns. I believe the time factor is the ultimate healer, problem solver for us. Sitting at 3.5 months broken up, no regrets whatsoever, realising that people say things in spite...Let nature take its course..and you never know what's down the road.

 

Just remember, though they don't seem to give a flying hoot about us...look at all the people on here who try again, or hear from their exes down the road. We were a big part of their lives, and we did mean something to them... Right now we're old news, sometimes old news gets another shot at the headlines (lame comparison, but oh well). No false hope here, but just saying 85-90% of people on here go through the cycle of ups and downs and ups again...

[alwayshoping]

Thanks for your replies guys.

 

Perhaps: Your so right, she probably did do me a favour in the long run. I guess. I just knew that every time she did something that annoyed me, she would try acknowledge it (if I was upset) and try make it better if she could. She was just a girl who loved the attention, and being very good looking she got a lot. I just really thought the search was over and i had found the perfect girl, you know? I guess I was wrong and the search has only begun! I wanted to accept her for her faults, because she had so many positive traits and we genuinely appreciated all the same music, tv shows, movies, jokes etc. I felt like I found my soul mate and knew I had faults which she tried to accept so tried to do the same (although she had way more!)

 

I guess in the end she did me a favour, but I treated it like a trial marriage as I didn't want to give up no matter what, I just wanted to make her happy and no matter what obstacle or crazy thing she did wanted to forgive her and try get past her indiscretions. I then started to get a-little jealous of my other friends as they didn't require putting in half as much effort as me when it came to their relationship. Plus their gf's treated them with respect and it made me feel like I was missing out on being treated like an equal.

 

So when I stopped trying, she obviously got with someone else? maybe and then he told her to dump me, and she did just that......

 

Coltsfan1: I know, NC is hard. Im not really sure if I can think of it like its her choice. I texted her telling her everything I loved about her on Sept 12th (last time I ever contacted her) and she text me back saying to get over her, its been 2 weeks, and to go out with my friends and have fun and call her when I was ready to be friends. I felt so patronised that I decided I would go NC for life/until she contacted me.

 

I just feel sometimes that she thinks I don't want to be friends and she wont contact me as she is waiting for my call (considering she told me to call her when I was ready to be friends!). Maybe Im trying to rationalise her NC to make her seem like a better person, Im not sure. It was just really hard because I had driven over 6 hours to see her and when I got there with lots of presents etc and buying her favourite food so when she finished work she could enjoy my company she gets a text off a guy (she used to sleep with before me) telling her to break up with me!

 

I was just so shocked. I pleaded etc, no good so went NC for 2 weeks before breaking down and telling her I still loved everything about her. Oh well. She sent me that patronising text and its been NC ever since.

 

Gtooh: I loved the comparison. I just wish that she respected me enough to break up with me in a gentler fashion. I had already put up with so much of her crap. I just wish she could have given me that. Then perhaps a transition to friends would have been so much easier. Right now Im not sure I want her as a friend, weird I know considering I want her as my gf. But with friends like her why would I need enemies?

 

Hmmmm its weird. I want her as a gf yet not as a friend. Froyd would have loved this little puzzle...........

 

You are right though, it is a cycle, I just wish I could get used to the depression (aka being down) It feels like everytime Im down I seemingly feel worse than the last time. After 100 days NC I honeslty thought this was going to get easier.

 

I guess in the grand scheme of things 100 days NC after a 2 1/2 year relationship is nothing. I just need more time. I just wish I could meet some nice, normal people at uni. Everyone thats training to be a doctor I have met seems to have a screw loose. The ones that are normal just get kicked out, which leaves me alone. Come on time, heal me quickly please???

 

ps gtooh im loving the picture of your car! That must be a complete chick magnet!

Edited December 19, 2010 by alwayshoping

[Ajax]

alwayshopping, I can relate to how you're feeling. I last talked to my ex on September 2nd. She'd broken up with me out of the blue two weeks earlier and i went over to her place to get "closure." I told her that I wouldn't bother her, but when she wanted to talk I'd be here. Haven't heard a word. NC is tough, but when I look at people who still talk to their exes, NC looks so much more appealing.

 

I also thought of her as my best friend. I thought we were close. I was wrong. I would love to know if she ever thinks of me. But like you, I'm afraid that I'm dead to her.

 

There are a lot of great posts on this thread, and it helps me to know that I'm not alone either.

[bl22]

Hey guys

 

 

Im in the same boat here, going on nearly 3 months NC. I have to say im alot better than I was but i stil hve my moments, tonight being 1 of them. Just miss her like crazy, Im not longer in pain, just feel lonely and quite sad...but not hurting.

 

If i just knew she at least missed me too, and thought about me sometimes....it'd restore some of my faith in life itself. Stil love her to death, and I cant see that going away anytime soon. Havent heard anything from her in them 3 months apart from a 'Hope youre okay' at the start.

 

=/

[swfc_77]

always, you big girl - dont go going all soft on us now.

 

you do not want any contact from her at all, and you know this.

 

of course she loved you and wanted you, but that sentence about the xmas presents and b'day is disgusting, its not much to treat someone twice a year

 

as for the smoking, she asked me to stop so i did. got the patches and tablets and stopped for 2 weeks. i use to hide 10 cigs in my van and "pop out" to have a crafty fag. lol.

 

i remember 1 time all her family was there sisters, her mum, her grandparents all praising me for quitting.

 

i was there saying "oh cheers, yeah its hard you know.

 

even though i'd had 1 about an hour before. lol. goes with out sayin she hit the roof when she went behind my seat in the van and found my stash.

 

end of the day if i want to quit i will do of my own accord, i enjoy a smoke and a beer so its my choice, i could get hit by a bus tomorrow so why not enjoy your life and live it the way you want. f**k them

 

if your ex did contact you, it would do nothing but throw a spanner in the recovery. you would be on here asking us whether you should reply.

and then you'd be on here sayin your confused, upset and so on. like i'v been sometimes.

 

i could tx my ex now and she'd be here within the hour, i could play her like a flute and send her home thiking of me and wanting more, but i just dont want to know anymore, they dont change, they dont think they have done anything wrong so they see no reason to change.

 

trust me always your doin ok, try to stop asking yourself questions about her feelings.

[alwayshoping]

hey guys thanks for the replies, I'm feeling a lot better today. Damn this cycle of feeling good then bad, good, bad, good bad, good, bad! Will it never end! Oh well im going to ride this wave of good feeling whilst it lasts!

 

Ajax: Your so right that NC does always look better than if I had been friends with her or continued to speak to her, so I am thankful I have made it this far! I do sometimes sit and wonder what the hell is going through that little noodle of hers though and how 2 people could get so close and then just seemingly stop communicating over night for over 3 months! Its actually crazy!

 

Our situation is very similar in that I also got dumped late august and September 1st I drove back down to get closure. Needless to say I didn't get closure but at least I got to hold her one last time. Something Im really grateful for as I was shell shocked at the time.

 

Bl22: Hey bl22, Tell me about it. It would be lovely to have some justification for the time we spent with them. I know a text or call/voicemail wouldn't undo the damage that has already been done but then at least our faith in them could be partially restored and justify the time we spent making them feel like the most important person in the world.

 

Swfc77: Your right its not much to treat someone twice a year. I used to treat her every time we met or went shopping or whatever just to show her I cared and would do anything for her. I guess I always knew that she didn't reciprocate the love I gave her and was in denial. I don't want her to text me, your right, but one wouldn't hurt surely? I know I wouldn't reply, but it would make me feel a little better. I guess the old saying that "we don't know what we want, even when we have it" is completely true.

 

I guess we are all feeling the same. I know ex's coming back always put spanners in the works. I guess Im just waiting for the time when I can laugh out loud and think god Im a lucky man.

 

As for the old cigarette thing, I loved your story! I used to do that with my ex all the time. She was like a grey hound though and could smell smoke millions of miles away! Seriously if i smoked showered and brushed my teeth she could smell it! It was freaky! hmmm perhaps it was the clothes. I love the fact we think the same! I once gave her "my last pack" and snook out to the car were I had hidden a ten pack too! I paid for that though! She ignored me for like 5 hours! Jeeez! I would love to quit though! I just get so darn moody!

[WildNCrazy]

Dude.. its not worth putting your self through this for a tramp.. She is **** and like to be treated like ****..

 

Move on.. Every minute of life is adventurous.. Challenge it OR take it as it comes... The decision is YOURS !!!!

 

Good Luck !!!

Cheers

[swfc_77]

I don't want her to text me, your right, but one wouldn't hurt surely? I know I wouldn't reply, but it would make me feel a little better.

 

one txt wont hurt, but it will set your mind off thinking about how she's feeling or whats she's after. it doesn't do any good and eventually leads to you asking yet more questions about stuff.

 

look at me and my history of posts, she tx me last week twice. it left me asking questions on here, she told me she was hurting and it made me feel bad, but she's a c*nt.

 

the next step for you always is to not want her to tx for anything, your 80% there already mate.

[alwayshoping]

thanks swfc, So how far are you? Over 80%?

[swfc_77]

me, maybe 75%

 

different for me though, i know she'll be in touch again. sooner or later.

 

im in control of the situation now, she has nothing i want. i have things she wants. if she contcts me again i'll read it and delete, if she doesn't i dont care.

 

she cannot let go for some reason, maybe something went wrong, maybe she argued with friends/bf/family and im no longer there to back her up and ease the situation which i did before.

 

she is starting to realise she lost a good man in me, but thats the past im looking to the future now, where as she wil be looking at the past.

 

i know this girl like the back of my hand i know her emotions and game plans, only a matter of time before she turns up on my doorstep wanting to "see the cat"

 

if anyone knocks on my door i always check through the window to see who it is, when she comes i'll just not answer.

 

hopefully i can be away before that happens and i can begin the next chapter of my life.

 

sometimes i feel for her and think about things but, i dont like the girl, she's spoilt i want nothing to do with her and yes i feel i'v had a lucky escape, because whoever ends up with her will hear the same word every day MONEY. she is high maintenance, an attention whore and she isn't supermodel material so it doesn't fit.

 

this is how you need to start thinking always, dont be bitter, dont be sad and dont be upset.

 

just stop being bothered by it.

 

when you have visions about her or thought, just shrug the shoulders and think "oh well"

 

we'll get there lads

 

any comments on my avatar, yesterdays score

 

exeter 5 - 1 sheff wed

 

ooooouuuuccchhhhh, now thats pain i cant get over

[alwayshoping]

Thanks swfc. Im glad your finally in control. I will take your advice fully and start shrugging those shoulders like they have never been shrugged before!

 

Unlucky with the football yest, Im a leicester city fan myself and we lost 3-0 so not much better! I am loving the avatar though!

 

I personally think your doing better than me, if my ex knocked on the door I'm not sure I would be able to ignore it!

 

Good work getting the control back though, Im hoping to be there sooner rather than later!