The Pleasure was all mine.

[catgotyourtongue]

Okay. Where to start! The past 48hrs, after over 100 days NC have left me feeling like I'm back at day 1. I cried last night?! But why? I know she didn't love me as much as I loved her. I know I can do so much better. I know she didn't treat me like anyone else (her friends or ex's) just because she knew I wouldn't care as long as she still loved me.

 

I am nice, pretty good looking, funny person. Yet I feel like a shell of the man I was prior to meeting her. I feel drained, emotionally and physically.

 

HI THERE

i just wanted to say hang in there and sorry for your hurt/pain. Never easy to end anything. I am sure you know as time passes the pain will change, but be good to yourself and know you deserve better.

[alwayshoping]

catgotyourtongue: thank you, that means a lot x

[J0N]

I don't know if it was my post you saw about being dead to your ex, but when my sister said that to me it hit hard. The next couple days were quite rough but then I realized something, this whole $h!tty experience is really an opportunity in disguise. Your out of an unhealthy relationship, the issues are over. Imagine if this hadn't happened sure you wouldn't be lonely but it would have just kicked the can down the road and things could get a whole lot worse in the future. Then you could end up in a divorce situation. Now you are free to meet the right person. Stay strong and keep up the good work on NC!!

[alwayshoping]

hey JON, it was your post that I read! God I wish I hadn't read it! It destroyed me for a good 2 days and had me in tears! I immediately talked to all my sisters for advice and they pretty much confirmed what your sister told you. I was devastated. I kinda knew it but to read and then hear it really hurt me.

 

I do see it as an opportunity in disguise. Yet it still hurts. I just didn't expect to affect me the way it did. I kind of see how it must have affected yourself. Oh well, we can both do better and in time we will see it as a blessing in a really good disguise.........i hope...........

[vandelay]

I just wish that she respected me enough to break up with me in a gentler fashion. I had already put up with so much of her crap. I just wish she could have given me that. Then perhaps a transition to friends would have been so much easier. Right now Im not sure I want her as a friend, weird I know considering I want her as my gf.

 

Well, my gf broke up with me about 3 1/2 weeks ago. Among other things, I told her that I really wanted to be friends. She told me the same thing, although I'm pretty sure she could care less, because she booted me out of her life. But I told her I was really scared of losing her friendship. You know what? Less than a month later, I'm thinking to myself, why the **** would I want to be her friend? I want to marry that crazy woman, hold her, relive the intimacy and companionship, all that stuff. But what I DO NOT WANT is to be a silly chit-chatty friend. Its ridiculous to think that would do anything but frustrate me for the rest of my life. And so imagine that we are friends... What the **** happens in a couple of weeks when she shows up with some dude? Yeah, that might kill me. I know she's out there doing it already, despite a thousand reassurances that this is not why she broke up. Do I really want to hang around and see that **** happen? Nope.

[worlybear]

Hey Always. I really feel for you. Life truly sucks sometime. Hang in there and know that we are all here for you. Hugs:bunny::bunny:

[mgene15]

It's good to go on here, I find myself everytime I feel down or sad about my ex,I log in here, atleast I no I'm not alone in this battle

[alwayshoping]

Vandelay I know exactly what you mean. Do you not find it wierd we wanted to marry said ex, yet the thought of friendship makes us consider all their negative traits?

 

I personally would have loved to be friends with her. I still truly believe there is no one better for me in this whole world. Silly I know. But we had a connection that no one can ever understand. I know everyone on LS says this but I really knew her soul. I know everything about her and got her to comfront so many emotional bagages her family and past relationships had left her with. It brought us so close. She just seemed to change at the end. I knew she had potential to cheat, but just didn't think it would happen to me.

 

I really still believe if she apologised I would take her back! Before everyone slates me and says I'm stupid/can do better etc I know this but I really wanted my life goal to be making her the most loved, most adored, best treated woman on this earth. I did really well until the last month when she started getting distant and my surprise trip to see her proved she was cheating (although my intention was to fix the distance and give her little tokens of my love). This left things unrepairable at the time&i gather she wanted to see this guy as she wouldn't give me a 2nd chance.

 

All this aside, after nearly 4 months apart, I still love her. I know she still loves me too. No I'm not in love with you or whatever. She admitted she still loved me and always would. Her excuse was love was not enough, the distance was too hard, she needed a guy she could see after work etc not a guy who still has 2 years at med school left followed by being overworked 24/7.

 

That's fair enough but sometimes love can triumph. I will meet someone else. But she will always have my heart and perhaps in the future we can be friends (not normal but best friends).

 

Wierd feeling today as I've not felt like this before tbh.

 

Worlybear thank you, It means alot to know people are here for me, being single makes people feel so isolated and comments like yours really do make me smile x

 

Mgene very true. LS has been my saviour of late.

I would be dead without it!

 

 

On last thing, sometimes I feel like because we have all had break ups etc we are always looking at the negatives. I hope me and my ex grow over the next year or two and reconnect. Maybe this isn't the end for us but an intermission. I'm going yo be better next year. Stop smoking, work hard, and really make myself a person people want to be with.

 

On a side note: I'm so shy! Not sure how to meet women unless they get into a social circle I join! Plus I'm bad in groups unless I know people really well! It's hard to let my personality shine unless I'm really hyper or people take the time to get to know me! Hmmmm perhaps ask a stranger out when I feel ready? Ha not likely but perhaps I will give it a try.

 

 

One last last thing! Thank you to everyone that's commented I have tried to personally reply to everyone as it honestly puts a smile on my face when people take the time to hear my problems and reply x

[alwayshoping]

i retract that last post. I was tired and felt very emotional/idealistic. I wouldn't take her back. Although I do still miss snuggles. Hindsight is a wonderful thing and the girl took me for a mug. I will always love her and wish her the very best life has to offer but I need to take A LOT of time out, no women, just me and my friends and enjoy life. I need to get comfortable in my own skin.

 

Hopefully if i'm not looking then my dream girl will find me. For now its all about me and passing my exams and just loving my life again.

 

Oh weird story:

 

So an old friend and I fell out 2 years ago. He was taking advantage of my niceness and was treating me like crap and I told him that if he didn't appreciate me than to not be my close friend. Its the first time I have argued with a friend. He was acting out because I said he maybe homosexual (he told me he had always loved me when drunk, he repeated love a lot). The point is, I have never cut anyone out of my life. He deserved it though as he was really mean and I was very supportive. He started lashing out and getting wasted and feeling up girls and guys and getting thrown out of clubs, then calling me to bail him out. He once felt up a good friend of mine (girl) she told him to stop but he wouldn't. It was out of order but he was just confused. Nevertheless it upset me and my friend enough to cut him out. I explained to him I couldn't deal with this anymore.

 

I got an email from him last week saying good luck with exams etc and he is really sorry the way he acted and I was right about his orientation. I replied and said no worries and he wants to be friends again! I agreed and things are good again. People can fess up to their mistakes/indiscretions!

 

The point of all this? well if he can realise he was being a jerk to me, then perhaps my ex bf and also me ex gf will realise exactly why I had to go NC. They both really upset me and I was the one getting hurt not them! I leaves me with a sense of hope that people can realise their mistakes, I am very forgiving and a simple apology is enough. There maybe hope for mankind after all.......

Edited December 21, 2010 by alwayshoping

[alwayshoping]

Had lovely chat with all three of my sisters last night. They said I can do so much better, debateable was my reply. Then they said they would kick her arse if I ever took her back and brought her home! Apparently no one messes with their brother! Actually brought a tear to my eye!

 

Apparently I'm too nice to stay single and they reckon 12 -14 months before I'm madly in love again! Hmmmm I'm kinda hoping they are right for a change. Sisters, always know when to say the right things.

[strangeways]

They said I can do so much better, debateable was my reply.

 

Now, always, you KNOW that's not the attitude. New year, new opportunities. Who knows what's just round the corner.

 

Then they said they would kick her arse if I ever took her back and brought her home! Apparently no one messes with their brother! Actually brought a tear to my eye!

 

If my ex ever came back, can I borrow them to kick some sense into me:lmao:

 

Apparently I'm too nice to stay single and they reckon 12 -14 months before I'm madly in love again! Hmmmm I'm kinda hoping they are right for a change. Sisters, always know when to say the right things.

 

You're going to be a doctor (surgeon?). You'll be fighting them off.

[blover]

always shopping - just caught up on your thread. Sorry to hear it. Hang in there. Just wanted to point out that the whole xmas gift thing - similar experience here. I pretty much gave presents and gifts throughout the year and guess how many actual gifts i got in 2 years. 2 - and both of them hardly thought out as if they were an afterthought. And her profession was in that area.

I thought my story was unique but hell no. All of us here loved them with everything we had and got dumped in return.

[alwayshoping]

Thanks strangeways! You always say the right things!

Off course you can borrow all 3 of them to kick her arse! Although I think even if we did take them back things wouldnt be the same and we would probably dump them!

 

My sister was saying that I simply want her as she rejected me and I want what I cannot have, which is quite rightly the only explanation as she was terrible for me!

 

As for being a doctor, we shall see I have finals in January and if I fail my 4 years at med school will come to an abrupt end! But here goes, I'm trying really hard and my only breaks are to look at loveshack!

 

Just one additional comment, I really don't want a girl to date me because I'm nearly a doctor! I wouldn't care if my girl was a bin cleaner as long as she is really nice and finds me funny! I never tell girls that so they can judge me as person first (growing up in a very poor family has thankfully kept my idealistic morals in place!).

 

I hope you had s lovely Christmas Strangeways and your kids had a lovely time too x

[blover]

always shopping - you and I truly have a lot in common wrt exes. the whole connection thing, help with getting rid of emotional baggage, last month distance..wow..i thought i was all alone in this...guess the nice people are taken for a ride...although i understand when you say, you will take her back. I will mine too but will ask her to change a few things.

[strangeways]

Just one additional comment, I really don't want a girl to date me because I'm nearly a doctor! I wouldn't care if my girl was a bin cleaner as long as she is really nice and finds me funny! I never tell girls that so they can judge me as person first (growing up in a very poor family has thankfully kept my idealistic morals in place!).

 

I totally agree. But it cant but it can't hurt;).

 

Just New Years to get though now.

[alwayshoping]

Blover! I just caught up on your thread too! So much for my revsion but your story kind of spoke to me. I didn't comment as so many people had already offered amazing advice! I think it kind of shows we had Rose tinted glasses on during the relationship.

Hindsight proves there was a lack of equality in the relationship.

 

As for putting your heart and soul into a relationship, I truly believe everyone on this website has done such, otherwise we wouldn't be here pouring our hearts out! The problem is our ex's didnt give a damn and hence their absence from posting on here. If they really cared, getting dumped wouldn't have been so easy for them, and there most certainly would be no stories about ex's cheating!

 

Our stories are definitely not unique but they are all personal and that's were the problem lies. I'm glad I have found so many lovely people on LS that are like me and have had similar situations! It makes it easier knowing you are getting advice from people who are going through/have been through the exact (with one or two small differences) thing.

 

I think NC has really restored my self worth and that's what we all need tl do as we really can do so much better than our ex's! I can't wait until we all post on here we have met the most amazing women ever that actually show their affection in similar ways to us! I mean presents are all good but I would rather have 1 present that means something than the 3 off my ex that she picked up on sale and don't suit me at all! All her stuff took weeks of preparation to think of and get! She really didn't care!

[alwayshoping]

Yep new years is the last hurdle in my mind too ( with the exeption of my birthday which follows soon after). Although she didn't text for Christmas, so I won't be holding my breathe for anything then either. Time to try my best to actually meet new people and move on.

[strangeways]

Yep new years is the last hurdle in my mind too ( with the exeption of my birthday which follows soon after). Although she didn't text for Christmas, so I won't be holding my breathe for anything then either. Time to try my best to actually meet new people and move on.

 

Hmmm. Wonder if she'll text on new years:lmao:. Doubt it. I'll be paralytic so I probably won't notice anyway. My birthday is in January and it's the same day as one of her best friends. I think that will be the last hurdle also.

 

One thing I think we all have to remember is that after the end of a r/l we all have a bit of oneitis. Will we ever find another person that will take our breath away like our ex's? Well we met them, it's silly and irrational to think that we won't meet someone else that will do the same. Just hope the next ones have a bit more about them.

[blover]

agree with you always shopping. I dont care about the actual presents and never cared then too.. but what bothered me was the lack of thought and care that should have been there. Love should be returned with love. Not simply taken and used.

[alwayshoping]

Strangeways: if they don't text it's probably a good thing! I know deep down we want them too, but in the long run it's probably best they don't. If they do text us, it will be out of selfishness to ease guilt and try rebuild broken friendships. It will not be what we hope it to be. So it's probably a good thing and perhaps they know this? Or perhaps they just don't care, either way, strangley we benefit. Although I will be the first the first tl admit I don't necessarily see it this way all the time!

 

Blover: I bet you were told by friends etc you were too good for her and she didn't appreciate you! I know I was! Even over the summer working, girls I barely knew were telling me to find someone else and that I could do so much better! I refused to listen though and thought the world of her. I guess in the end she just realised I cared so much more and the guilt led to her break up with me (+ or - the cheating).

 

LS does make me wonder at times. We all seem so nice. We all have the same story, in essence. Perhaps our personalities are all similar and we seek out the relationship reatarded when dating?

 

Just a theory. But I thought I could fix my ex (I've heard this a lot from other posts too).

She was emotionally distant from the start and I tried to get her let loose. Be free of emotional baggage. For a time it worked. Then she digressed to her former self. Emotionally cut off but superficially no one could notice apart from me. I think I need tl stop finding girls that need help emotionally. Maybe there is some psychological study on this but I have learnt from my time on LS that it NEVER works. It may work for upto 20 years but sooner or later they revert back and emotionally cut you off.

 

Time to find a normal girl with a normal childhood, with no emotional bagage. Time to be selfish because I can't fix the girls who are broken, and broken girls eventually cheat with broken boys.

Edited December 26, 2010 by alwayshoping

[ByMyselfForNow]

@alwaysshopping, sadly when you mistakenly try to "fix" your ex to be more caring to youvto reciprocate to your feelings they feel that they are being forced and they will never change that way. This has to come from their own will.

[strangeways]

So it's probably a good thing and perhaps they know this? Or perhaps they just don't care, either way, strangley we benefit.

 

You sound just like my mum. That's what she says.

 

 

Just a theory. But I thought I could fix my ex (I've heard this a lot from other posts too).

She was emotionally distant from the start and I tried to get her let loose. Be free of emotional baggage. For a time it worked. Then she digressed to her former self. Emotionally cut off but superficially no one could notice apart from me. I think I need tl stop finding girls that need help emotionally. Maybe there is some psychological study on this but I have learnt from my time on LS that it NEVER works. It may work for upto 20 years but sooner or later they revert back and emotionally cut you off.

 

Been there, done that a couple of times (I am 41 though). Soon as they reach their emotional limit they're gone like s**t off a shovel and you're left thinking "WTF just happenned!". Never again.

 

Time to find a normal girl with a normal childhood, with no emotional bagage

 

Not always easy tell sometimes.

[vandelay]

Time to find a normal girl with a normal childhood, with no emotional bagage.

 

Yeah, good luck! I don't think they exist.

[alwayshoping]

Very true but I think girls will give you cue's if you listion. I must have received thousands during the 3 years with my ex. Even my friends and sisters told me! I didn't listen. Next time I will listen as they want to see me happy and wouldn't hate my gf if she was genuinely as into me as I was into her!

 

The trick is to listen for cues/red flags. Other signs include family, friends etc. My gut always told me something was wrong, I think!

 

Strangeways you are right though. You can never be 100 sure but these ways act as safegaurds, after which only a leap of faith will give you the answer!

 

I see so many old couples around my area holding hands and kissing etc! I want that! A girl I can grow old with and continue kissing and telling her she looks pretty! My mum and dad both in their 60's, whenever they go on holiday to se family

In different countries one will stay at home and organise a huge suprise for the other! My dad has been making a marble table for her for the past month! She gets back tomorrow and he is so excited to see the look on her face! She has wanted another table in the kitchen for ages!

 

Just a rant as I am inspired at times by people who are together for 30-60 years and love each other more and more. Yes they argue, but they work on themselves also and dont bail on a relationship for silly reasons.

[alwayshoping]

Imagine if someone gave you a penny every time you thought of your ex!

I was just thinking today, I would be a millionaire! Off course this form of positive reinforcement would make it 100 times harder to get over them. Still just a thought!