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The Pleasure was all mine.

alwayshoping

By alwayshoping,
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strangeways

strangeways

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All relationships are a leap of faith to some extent or another. Mine unfortunately was a leap into an abyss. I am a p***k for thinking it would end any other way. There were more red flags than a military parade in soviet era Moscow. Serious and obvious ones.

 

Sometimes you can't see the wood for the trees. When you get too emotionally invested too quickly you tend to ignore these things thinking it'll be different with you.

 

Trick is to take it slow and steady and listen to your gut. Look at actions and not words towards you (probably my biggest mistake). Actually listening to what they say about themselves is important too. My ex said she hates getting attached because its hard when people leave. Here's a good one, "I know I'll never be happy but I'm ok with that" These and a hundred other things should have had me running for the hills early on. Instead I tried to fix her by loving her even more.

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blover

blover

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meant to post this here but posted it in a different thread -

 

When i joined this site, i thought i would find a lot of teenagers. What i realize though is there are a lot of people my age (I am 30). And a lot of them are guys and are very much heartbroken. What i suddenly realized now is that for people in my age group (and i am in no way belittling other age groups in any way, so please dont take offense) its more than just heartbreak. Its the crushing of dreams of a life together, of having a family with the person.

just a random thought

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alwayshoping

alwayshoping

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All relationships are a leap of faith to some extent or another. Mine unfortunately was a leap into an abyss. I am a p***k for thinking it would end any other way. There were more red flags than a military parade in soviet era Moscow. Serious and obvious ones.

 

Sometimes you can't see the wood for the trees. When you get too emotionally invested too quickly you tend to ignore these things thinking it'll be different with you.

 

Trick is to take it slow and steady and listen to your gut. Look at actions and not words towards you (probably my biggest mistake). Actually listening to what they say about themselves is important too. My ex said she hates getting attached because its hard when people leave. Here's a good one, "I know I'll never be happy but I'm ok with that" These and a hundred other things should have had me running for the hills early on. Instead I tried to fix her by loving her even more.

 

Strangeways, there is a reason they say love is blind. You shouldn't think less of yourself for following your heart. Billions of people do it and have done it since the dawn of civilisation and many of them were hurt many times over.

 

Its true we need to look out for the signs, but sometimes thats easier said than done. I think the best gauge is talking with friends and family as they are generally good judges of character, a character compass if you will.

 

As for trying to fix her by loving her even more. Been there done that. Its hard but sometimes you really think you can help them with all their problems and make things better. Oh well maybe one of us will get lucky one of these days!

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alwayshoping

alwayshoping

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meant to post this here but posted it in a different thread -

 

When i joined this site, i thought i would find a lot of teenagers. What i realize though is there are a lot of people my age (I am 30). And a lot of them are guys and are very much heartbroken. What i suddenly realized now is that for people in my age group (and i am in no way belittling other age groups in any way, so please dont take offense) its more than just heartbreak. Its the crushing of dreams of a life together, of having a family with the person.

just a random thought

 

I feel exactly the same. I am shocked by how many people in our age group are hereon LS. It really is more heartbreaking the older you get. You pin your hopes of a family, kids, and most importantly the volvo/station-wagon on them (the last one was a joke). Then it all falls apart, it's what people in psychology call "biographical disruption" and your whole world falls apart and must be rebuilt brick by brick. Lets just hope our next efforts actually maintain their structure and don't buckle when the wind blows like our last efforts at relationships.

 

I also thinks it helps to know there are other men suffering the same thing and I am not being overly dramatic/irrational missing my ex after being treated like absolute poop! How are you getting along now blover? things any better? ready to date yet?

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blover

blover

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@alwaysshopping - Nope. Today is my last day with family. I'll be flying back home tomorrow. New years will be with a new group of friends so hopefully that should help. As to dating - no, i dont think i am ready yet. I made the stupidest mistake of buying an expensive new year gift for my ex. I know i know but it was a moment of weakness, i know she had asked for it in the last month before we broke up and i thought how nice it would be to see her happy..eh...i know she is not thinking of buying any gifts for me..i can bet on it... but ...I still pine for her, still want to get her back..today actually has been the worst in the last few days (crying in the bathroom,completly distracted), maybe cause i am also leaving my family..so no. No where close to dating, still a mess, still a long way to go.

I do have a plan in place though. I posted it on my thread, i have told part of it to a friend so hopefully i will stick to it.

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alwayshoping

alwayshoping

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Blover. I just took some time to fully read your thread. Wow. It's crazy how similar the girls we dates are. I asked my ex when she broke up with me if we should talk the day after. She said no. I asked why and she said tomorrow instead please and could not tell me why. She also refused for me to come to her house! Later she called and said it was okay if I had to come. I knew deep down she had the other guy (who sent her the text telling her to break up with me) over and that's why, also I'm sure her dad must have had words with her after I left (he seemed suprised to see me, no doubt as she had the other guy over). I could never prove any of this off course. She denied all of it and said they were just friends.

 

Sometimes I want to believe her, other times I laugh at myself for being s fool. Don't give her the present! She doesn't deserve it! Also it will not bring her back to you. The girl you loved is dead. I know it's easier said than done, afterall I'm still in love with the girl who perhaps cheated on me during the last week of our relationship if not more.

 

We know we deserve better so why do we put up with this crap?

 

Your plan seems good, however getting over her will help alot more if you cut Fb out, it used to rip open my heart reading how much fun she was having. I had to delete her and she kept sending me friend requests so I cancelled my fb. Too hard and too much love that I'm really not sure I'm ready to comfront at this particulat moment in time.

 

Well blover, new years sounds like it will be fun! Have fun and if you can help it, don't give her the present! It won't make her think any better of you. You will seem weak. Stand your ground, salvage some dignity. I know your still love her but she stamped on your heart and fed it to the dogs. You deserve so so so much better x

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Breakupguy12

Breakupguy12

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Alwayshoping, in this instance, you more or less used the forum as a journal, to kind of look at your situation from an objective perspective which is a healthy thing to do. Sometimes when you write things down or type them, it helps you step outside of yourself and view things objectively.

 

You already know the answers, to everything you asked in your message. Congrats on going 100 days on the NC, that's impressive.

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alwayshoping

alwayshoping

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Hey blover, unfortunately I will be spending new years revising for my final exam of the year! It's on the 5th and 6th of January and my clinical assessment is a week after! Lame I know but I need to focus on my future and my sister promised she would fly me to California if I manage to pass my exams! Extra incentives! Plus I hear the girls are super hot! Always a good pick me up.

 

On a side note. I remember after s huge fight my ex cried a lot (a month before our break up) and said she wanted to marry me and could imagine the rest of her life with me! Crazy what a month can do! Im pretty sure she cheated as when she broke up with me she kept crying and saying I deserved better than her. I just wish I knew, because I really would have liked to be friends with her eventually, but can you do that with someone that cheated on you?

 

I'm not too sure I can, although a part of me wants to try! Are you going to send the present blover? How's the crying going? I didn't stop for a good month, not constantly but just unpredictable intermittent bouts every now and again!

 

Anyways better get on with some revision! Have the loveliest new blover, remember you an amazing person and any girl would be lucky to have you. Just take your time to get over your ex and when your ready, you can have your pick of the litter!

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alwayshoping

alwayshoping

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Breakupguy: your so right, lately my posts are more of a journal! It really does help, writing things down has allowed me to almost answer my own questions whilst writing them on this thread! Perhaps I'm doing better than I thought! Ps I checked out your blog! Pretty good advice if I may say so. I hope you have a lovely new year.

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blover

blover

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thank you for your kind words alwaysshopping. It really really helps. I am 80% for giving the present, i bought it for her after all. Then i read LS and stabilize a bit and think maybe i shouldnt give it. Knowing myself though, if she calls and we meet I will mostly give it to her. I know it sounds pathetic (even to me now) but i have my weak moments and they are the worst. Like you said, the crying is not constant but in bouts which are completely unpredictable. Simple things trigger them.

 

Well, good luck with your exams, I hope you do really well.

If you do come to cali and are visiting SF, let me know and we can hang out. Drinks are on me for the fantastic advice and support you have given :)

 

@ hot girls, LA and SD are the places to be :)

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alwayshoping

alwayshoping

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It doesn't sound pathetic at all. It sounds sweet and romantic. The only problem is she may not see it that way. Sheet see it as someone who cannot let go. Either way think it over and see what your heart tells you to do.

 

If you have sisters I would definitely ask for their advice. My sisters have prevented me doing so many silly things post-break up. If that fails, LS is always here for you too. I always try to think of it as if the situation was reversed, would I the dumper want anything? The answer has always been no. It would just make me feel guilty and angry I had broken up with that person, and would make me feel that they deserve so much better than me. Plus my sisters tell me treating a girl amazingly well after she dumps you shows your insecurity and makes you seem like less of a man. Just thought I would pass on the advice. I'm not sure it will help, but if you do give her the present, just like I did, and still want too give her one last thing, at least you can look back with no regrets, regardless of the outcome.

 

I can believe your in California! Your comment about drinks really made my day! If I pass and my sister actually takes me I will definitely take you up on that offer! I feel we could have a long meaningful chat about the opposite sex haha.

Keep your chin up Blover, the next year will hold many a surprise for all of us. Just make sure your looking forward and seize your opportunities, looking back will only hinder your progress. Have a lovely new year and enjoy your night out with your new friends!

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blover

blover

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thank you alwaysshopping. Happy new year to you too.

@sisters - nope, no sisters and talking to family is out of the question.

I think i made up my mind to give the gift to her. I love her and thats that.

@sf - for sure alwaysshopping. just pm me or drop me a note on one of my threads and we can meet up :)

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homebrew

homebrew

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thank you alwaysshopping. Happy new year to you too.

@sisters - nope, no sisters and talking to family is out of the question.

I think i made up my mind to give the gift to her. I love her and thats that.

@sf - for sure alwaysshopping. just pm me or drop me a note on one of my threads and we can meet up :)

 

The rest of us are not invited?

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alwayshoping

alwayshoping

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Bless you blover!

 

Give her the gift, I think it's a good idea. After all if she doesn't feel the same, she will have something that will remind her of you, and will make the guys she dates in the future seem crappy in comparison to you.

 

Oh wow how amazing would it be if the whole LS cast could make it to calli for a huge chill out! That would honestly be awesome! Either way I will definitely PM you if I'm in the Sf area! When are you planning you planning to give her the gift? Let us all know how it goes. I really do wish you the best and hope your ex see's exactly what she is throwing away by letting you go.

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