1 year later...

[mikeymad]

hello to those who remember me, and welcome to you newbies, although I'm sad we're "meeting" under these circumstances.

I joined this site almost exactly 1 year ago. My wife had just told me she wanted a divorce, for some unbeknown reason (to me). I felt like my world was over. I wanted to kill myself because I had put all my faith and trust into one person. There aren't many people on here that were when I first started posting, which is probably a good thing, as you may find that in some ways this site becomes a soap opera in itself, as you begin "tuning in" to see what the latest development is.

This past year has been an interesting one to say the least. I have been penniless, homeless, lost a business, and yet HERE I AM. I realized that in the end the person who was really going to make the difference was me. No matter how much people wanted to help me, I had to first decide to help myself. I pined over my ex, gave way too much during the D to try and smooth things over, only to hold back my feelings of anger and resentment over this. It was a painful and emotional tug of war inside of me. I went to counseling, leaned on friends, and learned from here.

 

Although I am less naive now, I am much more aware of things around me, people's moods and attitudes, their backgrounds, and understanding human tendencies and psychology. Yes, I am analytical now, but it has served me well. I have made mistakes...I have given away my power to her, I started dating much too early as I was lonely, I broke hearts along with my own. I regressed, I cried, and eventually I got sick of it. I got tired of feeling bad and living a horrible existance. Although I am starting over from scratch, I have faith that I will end up better off.

 

Don't make the holidays as significant as you'd think, or any other date or holiday ( I got engaged xmas eve, got married on my birthday fyi), as you will soon make new memories to write over the old. Yes, pain still lingers, yes there is some regret, and yes she will always have a place in my heart, but it is different now. I respect the past, but have decided not to live in it.

 

My prayers and thoughts go out to each and every one of you, and remember, you only have one life to live....so live it well.

mikeymad

[imagine]

Hi Mikey, You haven't been gone long. I still keep learning from the articles on the MB site. This is not self centered but other centered.

 

Keep busy these holidays. Paramedics have major trauma here in SA. I hope its easier over there.

[worlybear]

Hi Mikey

Glad to hear that you're doing o.k. Peace and Best Wishes for Christmas and the New Year.:bunny:

[delajoonal]

mikeymad...

 

wow! i have to say, i LOVE your post...

it is right to the point, makes sense...and well, basically...i just really can relate....

 

i like the part about 'not putting too much significance on the holidays'...

 

i am not sure i am doing that..or it's just ALL those memories of family and xmas' gone by with family, tons of family and friends...and now my son is all grown and has been on his own for many years now, my xh left exactly 2 years ago, i have since been in and out of a relationship...

 

and THAT i think u hit the nail on the head as well..i did THAT way, the new boyfriend thing, too soon as well..

 

ok, so i think YOUR post has given me a bit of some kind of revolation..if u will?

 

i think i never really had enough time to grieve..i went from my marital home, to divorce ( xh left me for his facebook EA), to my first apartment on my own in 25 plus years, then to a serious relationship for exactly one year...so in essance, i never really had enough time to get thru this...divorce, life's changes, etc...

 

now i am finding myself alone, 4 hours away from family and friends, from where i lived my whole life...although my new home is quite amazing...man am i lonely!!

 

and IT ALL just hit me this past month...the divorce, missing my Xin~laws ( as i was bff's with my MIL),missing my son...just missing the heck out the LIFE I no longer have...

 

ok, maybe i am rambling...but anyway, hey, thank you for your post..

 

i TRULY hope u r doing well...u sound VERY clear headed, articulating your emotions and experiences this past year...very eloquently...THANK YOU!

 

u kinda lit a fire under my bum..so to speak...so thank you :~)

 

take care....

[FreeNow]

Hey Mikeymad! It's good to read an update. Believe it or not, while following Surfer's situation, I often wondered how things turned out for you.

 

Sorry to read of the hell you've been through but it's good to read that you are getting back to being you. As the years go by, it does get so much better; you've much to look forward to.

 

 

Happy Holidays Mikeymad and wishing you the very best in the future.