Need advice really bad!

[girl1130]

Ok here's the story, I'll try to make it as short as possible.

 

I was with my ex for about 6 years. We had lots of problems: money, cheating, fighting... but we always worked things out and never really thought breaking up was an option because we loved each other.

 

We have broken up like 3 or 4 times and always got back together. One time about 2 or 3 years ago when we broke up, I started seeing someone else and had feelings for him. Things didn't really end up working out with him because I still had feelings for my ex.

 

Well, me and the ex got back together and I got pregnant. We decided we would work things out and things would be different this time. So all was good for a while; we had the baby, I quit working to stay home with the baby and he worked.

 

When he came home, he would go out with his friends, leave me at home all the time... so this caused problems. In September I moved out and we broke things off. I started seeing the other guy again.

 

We are now engaged, he's wonderful to me. I still see my ex a lot since we have a daughter together, and he's a great father. Roles are kind of reversed now, since he has a seasonal job, he's had our daughter pretty much full time, and now I work. He now understands all the things I used to tell him when I stayed home all day with her. He now just understands everything I have always told him and he is finally just realizing things about himself that he never did before.

 

OK, to make a long story short, now that he understands all of this, in my mind, I feel like we could have a chance in making it work. I know I shouldn't be thinking that way, I am engaged to another man!

 

I love my ex, and when I see him, how he's making changes in his attitude; he's going back to school, being smarter about money, and trying to pay off bills...I can't help but wonder...what if? If we got back together, would it work this time?

 

I also wonder with my fiancee... will things work with us? He's in the military, I hardly ever get to see him. I'm afraid of getting married and not living together first to find out if we would really be able to handle living together. I know that living together definately changes a relationship BIG TIME!!!

 

I just don't know what to do. It still hurts me that my daughter will have a family that is split up and I don't want that. On the other hand, I don't want to hurt my fiancee, I love him too. I know that he loves me, and would help make a wonderful life together.

 

Please any advice would help and hope this makes sense!!

 

Thanks

[FreeMe]

You're in a situation that is difficult to give advice on. It's a decision you have to make alone. I can think of a couple of things to say but no advice really.

 

It sounds like your ex is finally growing up - maturity does help a relationship go more smoothly. Does he want to try again?

 

All the reasons you listed in your post seemed to indicate that you are leaning towards going back to your ex. Maybe you were trying subconsciously to get people to tell you to go back to your ex??

 

I would suggest writing down the pros and cons of each relationship to help you make a decision. Seeing things in black and white may be more helpful than having thoughts go around and around in your mind.

[SoleMate]

He now just understands everything I have always told him and he is finally just realizing things about himself that he never did before.

That's just words. You broke up with him because his actions were not conducive to a happy family life. You still don't know if you and your ex could ever have a happy family life. I would look for actions, not words.

 

I don't recommend marrying the other guy if yiu still have these feelings with your ex. Work it out with your ex - give hime a chance to PROVE with his actions (not words) that he will be the mean you want and need, for 6-9 months MINIMUM - before you consider marrying him. I doubt if he will be up to this, but I've been wrong many times before.