what do you think of insanely quick marriages? would you do it?

[yes]

I recently heard of a couple who got married less than a week after they met - and they're still together 50 years later! My parents got married less than half a year after they met - still together as well.

 

What do you guys think? Would you ever marry someone so quickly? Or you'd necessarily wait at least a year to see the "true colours"?

 

I personally think that while I wouldn't go for less than a week, but I'd marry someone after half-a-year or so if things were going very well and i felt i already know him well enough.

 

-yes

[moimeme]

Having almost made that mistake, and having read a couple zillion stories about people who did, allow me to caution you. Do not marry someone in less than a year. Your stories are sweet, but they are anomalies. For every couple that married in a short time and succeeded, there are hundreds that married in a short time and did not.

 

You may not be one of the lucky ones. In fact, some people with disorders are real good at pushing their partners to marry quickly - basically, they hope they can land a spouse before the spouse figures out that there are problems! People are such complex creatures that you can't really get to know them in two weeks or a month or six months. I also suggest that you live with someone at least six months before you decide to marry. Again, if there are no problems or secrets, waiting won't hurt whereas if there are, they will emerge in that time and, believe me, you REALLY want to be sure there are no such problems before you end up married to someone.

[Wolvesbaned]

I highly agree with moimeme. I had actually gotten married in less than one year of knowing my significant other. All we knew was we wanted to be "together forever" - that all we wanted was to live our lives with each other. After 4 years of marriage, we had just recently experienced a ground-breaking change that rocked our foundation.

 

No matter how much you think you know someone in less than a year, there is a lot more to them. Human beings are so complex, there's just noway anyone can summarize everything about a person in such a short period of time. Especially if you two are still young - beleive it or not, you're still getting to know yourselves.

 

As the saying goes ... change is the only constant in life.

 

Would I do it again? Given my circumstances, I probably would. But I would highly advise other against it.

[Thinkalot]

My love and I started talking about marriage when we had been together about 9 months. I was all for it. He was a little more hesitant, having been married before.

 

Then we encountered a number of issues/problems and put the whole thing on the backburner. It's now about 2 years since we started talking marriage and we can't believe how much we have changed and grown in that time. We are still together and in love and talking marriage. But we are glad we waited. Because now we know we will be choosing to be together, and not riding out the storms feeling an obligation to stay married. We have made it through things, and still want to be together forever.

 

It's probably a little less romantic rosy glow stuff now, but far deeper and more real.

[Karlise]

I have three friends who all did quickie marriages.

 

One after 6 months

One after 5 months

One after 1 year (and she was pregnant)

 

 

They are all divorced.

[meagara]

I don't believe that people should marry so early in a relationship, regardless if it is the noble thing to do. I have been with my boyfriend for two years and there are still things that surprise me about him. Now imagine not knowing your husband and getting married. Wouldn't it be really disgusting if he started picking his nose one day and ate it. Wow, I married a quality guy. Get to know someone before you jump on the wagon. They could also be a convicted murderer or something. My boyfriend's cousin is a marine and they got married after spending a total of three weeks physically together. The next five months he was away. He comes back on Christmas, gets engaged, New Years he is married. Mind yah, the whole time he was gone she is screwing the whole town. Now tell me he really knew her well? The funniest part of it all a; week before she hooked up with her "fiance" she was dating boning his half brother. I wonder if he will be invited to the reception? I know that not all quicky marriages end up this way, but here is a story of what could happen. It could be like Brittany Spears and be married for like an hour!

[Sundaymorning]

some work, some dont. Not all will end up just one way.

I dont know that i would do it. actually no i wouldnt

 

my bf's parents married in 6 months, they are still together after 20 something years.

[HokeyReligions]

I met my husband at work. I was in marketing and interviewed him about something.

He asked me to meet him after work and I did - at a Denny's.

We talked for hours.

I went home (mom and I were sharing an apartment) and my mom asked me how my last-minute date went.

I told her that if I ever decided to get married - he would be the one.

 

Two years later we got married.

 

It's 20+ years later now. We are divorcing, but still sharing a home because of financial reasons - but I have a sneaking suspicion that we will get back together again. We have gone through a lot together and just need some time apart. The divorce is more symbolic than anything because we do share the house right now, but I'm hoping to move later this year or next year--depends on my mothers health (she lives with us).

 

Anyway, even though I knew he was the one - we waited. I guess my way of measuring our love and readiness for marriage was to get through a couple years of holidays together. We broke up once during this time too. We broke up a couple times during the marriage, but we worked it out.

 

It is strange how that little piece of paper can make such a big psychological difference. With it we feel more bound to the other. Without it we feel more independent.

[GeorgiaSongbird]

In my first marriage, I knew him about 9 months. I married him for various reasons.. none of which had to do with "being in love." We lived together for about a year and half before I knew the marriage was over.. although it took us 3 more years to get divorced (long story).

 

With my current husband. I knew him in high school (he had a small crush on me then but I wouldn't go out w/him). After we bumped into each other again, we dated almost 4 years before we got married, even having known each other before. I love him and I'm very happy with my decision and our marriage now.. With four years of dating, the first year and half of our marriage was still a little rough and took alot of adjustment for both of us.

 

I could not imagine marrying someone after only a few weeks. Although that's what my parents did!

[Arabess]

Truth is....my marriage was such a DISASTER, that I would've done just as well putting an ad in Alaska as a mail order bride and married some backwoods pelt hunter....sight unseen. HAHAHAHA!

[GeorgiaSongbird]

Originally posted by Arabess

Truth is....my marriage was such a DISASTER, that I would've done just as well putting an ad in Alaska as a mail order bride and married some backwoods pelt hunter....sight unseen. HAHAHAHA!

 

At least then it would have been an adventure, eh?

[Arabess]

I can't think....I'm still laughing at the Dave1234 post! GAWD!!!!!

[meagara]

Back in the day of most of our parents or grandparents, they had no choice to marry. A woman needed to be taken care of, and was expected to deal with all the problems us woman today will not deal with. Times are different, money was a problem, and a woman had no choice but to stay married. Remember how society thought differently of a divorced woman?

[mintjulep]

my bf's parents married in 6 months, they are still together after 20 something years.

My boyfriend's parents married after six months, also. They've been together for thirty something years, but they are not *truly* happy. In fact, I would not want a marriage like theirs, and have heard their daughter say the same. I know they love each other, but I'm sure that they would have done things differently if they had known what it would be like. They just come from a time when someone "picking their nose and eating it" wasn't cause for a divorce.

[meagara]

I never implied that picking your nose and eating it is a reason for a divorce, what I meant was that there are many things you don`t know about a person when you marry so early on in a relationship. It would be best to get to know someone before you take on a commitment like that. Like everyone says there are good times and hard times in marriages, but do you really know so early on if your husband is going to abuse you? Get to know someones character, majority of men are prince charming when you first meet him.

[meagara]

Why is it that so many couples who are together for many years one day decide to get married. But when they do a couple of months later they break up. I have never been married and don't plan on for a long time, but are the problems that go along with marriage that un-manageable now aday? Is it really all about the money, ( mind you these couples have been in love for all these years) what is it really?

[mintjulep]

I was actually using your example to make a point. Like, as a source - not as an insult to you.

[Cariel]

I know people who got married within weeks of meeting and are still together 30 years later - happily! I have also know people who dated/were engaged for 6 or seven years (even lived together for years)...got married...and were divorced before the ink was dry on the marriage license.

 

To complicate matters, I know couples who did the exact opposite!

 

I have believed for some time that this is a question that will never have a pinpoint answer. I don't know that cohabitation really moves the odds in one direction or the other, BTW.

 

I do think the fulcrum of a good marriage is that either both partners are absolutely, bluntly honest with one another beforehand...or they are absolutely, bluntly putting their best foot (feet?) forward beforehand and continue to behave the same way after. In either cases, no surprises...no disappointments. My parents are of the "Everything's wonderful behind these rose-colored glasses!" variety. I'm the "Take me as I am or leave me be" type. Took me a full 46 years to find a man who feels exactly the way I do about that...and after a year I fully expect we'll be together until one of us kicks the bucket. Marriage? Can't say just yet. He wants to, I'm not sure.

 

Gosh, that really answered your question, didn't it?

[saintfrancis]

I like this old saying:

 

"Marry in haste, repent at liesure"