I told his wife last night...

[xxSRMxx]

I did it, I cannot believe I did it..... Just to quickly fill you in on my story I have been seeing my MM for a year, its been the most soul destroying thing ive been through if im honest! I felt like the only way I could free myself from him was through this, we didnt have an argument. I just had enough.

 

Last night i went to a party with some friends, round the corner from there house, I got really drunk and we got onto the subject of him, I had the usual ''oh hes just getting his cake and eating it, he shouldnt get away it etc'' silly old me agrees and decides to take a trip to the house and start shouting my mouth off outside like some kind of emotional loon! God knows what it mustve looked like, I seen the curtain twitch and someone come to the window, i think it was him. I was totally bang out of order for it telling her like that but alcohol! as i walked off i seen the bedroom light go on.

 

I went home and went to bed, opened my eyes this morning and prayed it was a bad dream! I woke upto an inbox off her on my facebook saying

 

''You came round to my house last night, did u wanna tell me details, go ahead''

 

were not friends, ive never met her, so he must of told her my name for her to find me on facebook. Weve sent about 50 messages between each other today, I was totally honest with her, she just asked me lots of questions, no abuse really. which makes me feel worse if im honest.

 

Hes also lied (was expected) and said i did all the chasing and that i wouldnt leave him alone and that he hadnt seen me for a month! even though i seen him wednesday! The pathetic thing is, he always said to me if it come out hed hold is hands up and admit it was his fault, he hasnt though! I know that now he hates me and will never be in touch with me again so hes finally out my life i guess. But if im honest, I do kind of regret telling her, but whats done is done. She asked me if i loved him, I said i did, she said she is asking me all these questions so she can decide what to do next, I have been honest with her, her last message just said ''thanks''.

 

I want to stress that i DID NOT do this because i wanted to be with him...I know that would never happen! I dont know wat i feel, I feel hollow, I cant even cry. I hope they work things out as stupid as it sounds.

[bentnotbroken]

At least she has the truth to make an informed decision. How do you feel now? I am curious to what you feel after conversing with her.

[xxSRMxx]

soo bad, but i answered her questions truthfully, i apologised to her even though i know it didnt mean anything... I wish I could cry but i cant.

[bentnotbroken]

The truth is what is required.

[xxSRMxx]

dont know what to do now

[fooled once]

I did it, I cannot believe I did it..... Just to quickly fill you in on my story I have been seeing my MM for a year, its been the most soul destroying thing ive been through if im honest! I felt like the only way I could free myself from him was through this, we didnt have an argument. I just had enough.

 

Last night i went to a party with some friends, round the corner from there house, I got really drunk and we got onto the subject of him, I had the usual ''oh hes just getting his cake and eating it, he shouldnt get away it etc'' silly old me agrees and decides to take a trip to the house and start shouting my mouth off outside like some kind of emotional loon! God knows what it mustve looked like, I seen the curtain twitch and someone come to the window, i think it was him. I was totally bang out of order for it telling her like that but alcohol! as i walked off i seen the bedroom light go on.

 

I went home and went to bed, opened my eyes this morning and prayed it was a bad dream! I woke upto an inbox off her on my facebook saying

 

''You came round to my house last night, did u wanna tell me details, go ahead''

 

were not friends, ive never met her, so he must of told her my name for her to find me on facebook. Weve sent about 50 messages between each other today, I was totally honest with her, she just asked me lots of questions, no abuse really. which makes me feel worse if im honest.

 

Hes also lied (was expected) and said i did all the chasing and that i wouldnt leave him alone and that he hadnt seen me for a month! even though i seen him wednesday! The pathetic thing is, he always said to me if it come out hed hold is hands up and admit it was his fault, he hasnt though! I know that now he hates me and will never be in touch with me again so hes finally out my life i guess. But if im honest, I do kind of regret telling her, but whats done is done. She asked me if i loved him, I said i did, she said she is asking me all these questions so she can decide what to do next, I have been honest with her, her last message just said ''thanks''.

 

I want to stress that i DID NOT do this because i wanted to be with him...I know that would never happen! I dont know wat i feel, I feel hollow, I cant even cry. I hope they work things out as stupid as it sounds.

 

FINALLY, someone being HONEST! I mean, you could have been honest with her from the start before you started the affair, but since you weren't you were now. I hope you told her ALL the truth and didn't "protect" him like so many ow want to do.

 

At least she has the truth to make an informed decision.

 

Agree.

 

As for what to do now, pick up the pieces of your life and go on.

 

Stop corresponding with her. You gave her the TRUTH, so let it go now. Let her go on with her life and make decisions.

 

This is exactly what should happen - the BS should be told so she can make decisions regarding HER marriage instead of 2 other people making decisions for her.

[thissecretgirl]

I told for pretty much the same reason; in order to end our capacity to maintain the affair. We both weak when it came to eachother and I couldnt put myself through a half life any longer.

 

Mine had a slightly different outcome than yours. His wife didnt want to converse at all and went on the attack and I ended up in court. This all resulted from an email...god knows what would have happened if I'd shouted outside their house.

 

I'm glad you told the truth and went about doing that it in a better way.

 

I imagine you are feeling a shocked right now, thats probably why you cant cry. You are probably going to go through a whole range of emotions in the near future. I too knew at that stage we wouldnt be together but knowing that and then the realisation that affair is over and I wont be with him again are two entirely different things.

At the moment its a bit of a waiting game in terms of the outcome and his reaction and coming to terms with the fact that your relationship is most likely over. Once this becomes a bit clearer the numb feeling will probably lift and it will probably hit you.

 

Try not beat yourself up about it, whats done is done. Look after yourself and stay strong.

[thissecretgirl]

 

The old saying: "Honesty is the best policy" still holds true.

 

 

I used to think this at one time. I'm not too sure anymore.

[xxSRMxx]

I was honest, just wish he did the same, instead of making me out to be some kind of stalker! I wish i had maybe timed it a bit better, so close to xmas and everything but i suppose there was never gonna be a good time to tell her.

 

and yno the most ****ed up thing, I dont want her to leave him because i dont want him to be on his own the whole thing has broke my heart but i hope hes okay as silly as it sounds! i wont protect him though, everything I told her was the truth.

[bentnotbroken]

I was honest, just wish he did the same, instead of making me out to be some kind of stalker! I wish i had maybe timed it a bit better, so close to xmas and everything but i suppose there was never gonna be a good time to tell her.

 

and yno the most ****ed up thing, I dont want her to leave him because i dont want him to be on his own the whole thing has broke my heart but i hope hes okay as silly as it sounds! i wont protect him though, everything I told her was the truth.

 

 

This is were we disagree. He should be on his own. He treated her like she was less than a wife. Like he was single...then I say he should be single. And if she broke her foot off in his ass it would be the least of what he deserves.

[xxSRMxx]

I told for pretty much the same reason; in order to end our capacity to maintain the affair. We both weak when it came to eachother and I couldnt put myself through a half life any longer.

 

Mine had a slightly different outcome than yours. His wife didnt want to converse at all and went on the attack and I ended up in court. This all resulted from an email...god knows what would have happened if I'd shouted outside their house.

 

I'm glad you told the truth and went about doing that it in a better way.

 

I imagine you are feeling a shocked right now, thats probably why you cant cry. You are probably going to go through a whole range of emotions in the near future. I too knew at that stage we wouldnt be together but knowing that and then the realisation that affair is over and I wont be with him again are two entirely different things.

At the moment its a bit of a waiting game in terms of the outcome and his reaction and coming to terms with the fact that your relationship is most likely over. Once this becomes a bit clearer the numb feeling will probably lift and it will probably hit you.

 

Try not beat yourself up about it, whats done is done. Look after yourself and stay strong.

 

Thats EXACTLY why i needed to finish it, because it would of just carried on and on! I did expect for her to come outside, but i think she was so shocked she couldnt, i also expected loads of abuse from her aswell, but she just wanted to know everything, I predict her shock will turn to anger soon though!!

 

They havent even celebrated there first wedding anniversary and ive dropped this on them, I didnt think id ever be in this situation, im still pretty young, 23, I always thought this was the kinda stuff that happens on tv. never thought id be shouting outside a womans house about her husband. But whats done is done, I'll miss him alot, silly me huh?

[BB07]

SRM.........we have quite a bit in common. Short little background FYI. I thought I was dating a separated man and his stbxw or what I thought was his stbxw and I were trading little barbs on F/B. I snapped....... and said enough for her to know that I didn't know he was with her. Woke up to an email from her that said we need to talk.......so we did. I answered every question she asked me honestly and she told me a lot of stuff about his lies to me.

Like you........I felt numb, in shock for several days and I couldn't even cry for at least a week. At first I felt like I had let him down.......and I even felt bad for him. It's a normal reaction but it's silly looking back. What he told his wife is much the same as what your mm told his. He said.......I chased him and get this, I was the ONLY woman who had ever flirted with him.

 

Hang in there..........you will make it through this.

[xxSRMxx]

did he ever get in contact with u again?

[spice4life]

I predict her shock will turn to anger soon though!!

 

...and your shock is going to wear off soon as well...so prepare yourself because it is going to hurt. Not saying this to be harsh. You said that you have no feeling at the moment and it's due to shock. The best thing you can do is not worry about what's going on their house - what's done is done and it's time to focus on you and your own healing. What ever is going on over there has nothing to do with you anymore, it is totally between them.

[BB07]

did he ever get in contact with u again?

 

He didn't know that her and I spoke for almost a month, it was his turn to be kept in the dark. After it all came out he and I had a couple of conversations.

[xxSRMxx]

I def know that soon i will start to be upset and hurt, and i miss him already, I want him to pay for whats happened though....im so confused, havent eaten all day and i cant sleep either

[BB07]

I def know that soon i will start to be upset and hurt, and i miss him already, I want him to pay for whats happened though....im so confused, havent eaten all day and i cant sleep either

 

 

Take care of yourself........try to eat something and maybe take a over the counter sleep aid OK.

You are going to go through a lot of different emotions when the numb wears off. You will be so angry that you are going to want to kill someone, so be ready for that.

 

The confusion is normal, but I for one think you did the right thing. What a ****e for throwing you under the bus.....right? Shows his true colors and really......what is up with this, he hadn't even been married a year and was already cheating uh. Same thing happened with me and xmm our first go around, but of course he lied back then too. He said they split up......guess what, they didn't. Didn't know that either until a few months ago.

 

You gave two women their life back.......his wife and yourself.

[Fieldsofgold]

Thats EXACTLY why i needed to finish it, because it would of just carried on and on! I did expect for her to come outside, but i think she was so shocked she couldnt, i also expected loads of abuse from her aswell, but she just wanted to know everything, I predict her shock will turn to anger soon though!!

 

They havent even celebrated there first wedding anniversary and ive dropped this on them, I didnt think id ever be in this situation, im still pretty young, 23, I always thought this was the kinda stuff that happens on tv. never thought id be shouting outside a womans house about her husband. But whats done is done, I'll miss him alot, silly me huh?

 

first, I'm proud of u for telling her the truth. That was the right thing to do, the best thing you could do, all things considered.

 

Then, the bolded - don't put all the blame on urself. He was fully responsible as well. You just did what *should* have been done by *him*. You did what he wasnt man enough to do. You did his dirt for him. Good for you!!!

 

It will be hard - big change always is. But you did the best for everyone involved. Take care of yourself, and keep moving forward.

[Heather1]

That's one way to immediately end it for sure....

 

All I can say is that if you didn't end it this way, it would go back & forth ad nauseum.

 

Hang in there, it's not going to be easy. I feel bad for her, but this is something he should have thought of happening (which he probably did, and came up w/ the lam-o stalker excuse). HE caused her pain. I think the majority of MM who do this if it wasn't you, it would be someone else.

[xxSRMxx]

all your comments have opened the floodgates, thank you for your advice.

 

Im dreading work tommorow, a few people i work with went to the wedding, one of my managers is one of his best friends (i met him through work but hes left now). His wifes best friends little sister works there too, but apparently shes known about the affair a while....

 

80% of people at my work know anyway, but now its open, How do i face everybody, not being bigheaded but im a popular girl at my work... ive ruined myself.

[whichwayisup]

all your comments have opened the floodgates, thank you for your advice.

 

Im dreading work tommorow, a few people i work with went to the wedding, one of my managers is one of his best friends (i met him through work but hes left now). His wifes best friends little sister works there too, but apparently shes known about the affair a while....

 

80% of people at my work know anyway, but now its open, How do i face everybody, not being bigheaded but im a popular girl at my work... ive ruined myself.

 

Own it. As hard as it's going to be, just put on a brave face and do your work. This isn't just on you, HE was a willing partner all this.

Unforunately, some people will take sides, and that's just part of the fallout and consquences you'll have to deal with, as well as him.

 

I do hope that you don't try to go back as the OW or try to be friends with him. It's OK to miss him, but just know that it is over and now you can truly begin to grieve the loss and heal. It takes time but you will get over him.

[BB07]

all your comments have opened the floodgates, thank you for your advice.

 

Im dreading work tommorow, a few people i work with went to the wedding, one of my managers is one of his best friends (i met him through work but hes left now). His wifes best friends little sister works there too, but apparently shes known about the affair a while....

 

80% of people at my work know anyway, but now its open, How do i face everybody, not being bigheaded but im a popular girl at my work... ive ruined myself.

 

Hon.........hold your head high and walk in there like nothing is different. Faking it until you get your head straight is perfectly fine.

You did something right.......yes your motives weren't pure but hey mine weren't either when I told the BS everything, but the point is, you did it and you have freed her and yourself. Now you've got to hold your head high and walk through this........and if mm contacts you, don't let him bs you about why he threw you under the bus. Remember it's indicative of the kind of man he really is........and it's not good.

 

You can get through this.....I'm prove that you can.

[MorningCoffee]

all your comments have opened the floodgates, thank you for your advice.

 

Im dreading work tommorow, a few people i work with went to the wedding, one of my managers is one of his best friends (i met him through work but hes left now). His wifes best friends little sister works there too, but apparently shes known about the affair a while....

 

80% of people at my work know anyway, but now its open, How do i face everybody, not being bigheaded but im a popular girl at my work... ive ruined myself.

 

xxSRMxx, I know it's hard. But may I suggest, you have not ruined yourself. You may feel a bit exposed and maybe embarassed. Yet, those feelings as uncomfortable as they are will not cause you any permanent harm.

 

So, just hold your head high, be pleasant, smile. Do your best. You may be pleasantly surprised at support coming from unexpected places, too.

 

Best wishes for your tomorrow(s).

[thissecretgirl]

all your comments have opened the floodgates, thank you for your advice.

 

Im dreading work tommorow, a few people i work with went to the wedding, one of my managers is one of his best friends (i met him through work but hes left now). His wifes best friends little sister works there too, but apparently shes known about the affair a while....

 

80% of people at my work know anyway, but now its open, How do i face everybody, not being bigheaded but im a popular girl at my work... ive ruined myself.

 

I'm in the same boat to a degree...lots of people at my work know also mainly because of the court case and the subsequent effect on my emotional and mental health. Although no one knows or is related to him in anyway.

 

I think I am pretty popular too and people tend to like me. That doesnt need to change if you handle it the right way.

I found the best way to handle it was to just be myself. Hold your head up but deal with it with humility and sensitivity. To my friends and closer colleagues I admitted I had made a huge error in judgement and made a mistake having an affair. It happens.

People have been great on the whole and shown a lot of support and compassion.

 

Good luck

[xxSRMxx]

Jus spoke to somebody i work with, apparently both sides of the family know, and hes disappeared??