I told his wife last night...

[spice4life]

I agree with the others, don't worry about work and what people think. You made a mistake that's all...you're human. Hold your head high and do your job and be professional and it will be fine. Hang in there. He is the one who should be feeling bad! I mean geez, he wasn't even married a year yet and he was cheating??? Be glad you are rid of him because he most likely would've done the same thing to you.

 

Take care of you now and focus on your own healing. Keep posting here - there are a lot of great people here who will help you through. And I hope I didn't come across harsh in my other post. I just wanted you to be aware that you are going to go through a lot of emotions during this, so take care of yourself. You are all that matters now.

[Hazyhead]

Jus spoke to somebody i work with, apparently both sides of the family know, and hes disappeared??

 

Hi SRM. I told for several reasons, one of which was that I needed to be freed, a couple of months ago. Immediately afterwards I felt completely cr@ppy, a total bag of nerves. I too wanted to know what was going on (though a lot of that was due to threats), but I now am just grateful to be finally distanced from it, and the less I know, the better. I'm free and I doubt he'll ever get in touch again. My life is my own again.

 

Well done for telling the truth. Now, step back as much as possible from them, don't ask questions about them and the wondering will fade if you don't act on it. I agree with the others, just keep your head high now.

[Woman In Blue]

Hes also lied (was expected) and said i did all the chasing and that i wouldnt leave him alone and that he hadnt seen me for a month! even though i seen him wednesday! The pathetic thing is, he always said to me if it come out hed hold is hands up and admit it was his fault, he hasnt though!

LOL. They ALL say that. They're oh so courageous until their asses are held to the flame - then YOU become a stalker, a psycho, an instigator, and everything else they can call you.

 

They all lie, deny, and minimize when they get caught. Are you really THAT surprised that he acted like a typical married man who gets caught with his pants down?

 

I know that now he hates me and will never be in touch with me again so hes finally out my life i guess.

Best thing you ever did for yourself. When it all hit the fan, you were suddenly nothing more than a stalker and a nutcase - and HE was the poor victim. I hope his wife doesn't believe his garbage.

 

Don't spend too much time grieving for a lying cheater who thought NOTHING of minimizing YOU in order to save his own worthless ass.

[Hazyhead]

LOL. They ALL say that. They're oh so courageous until their asses are held to the flame - then YOU become a stalker, a psycho, an instigator, and everything else they can call you.

 

They all lie, deny, and minimize when they get caught. Are you really THAT surprised that he acted like a typical married man who gets caught with his pants down?

 

 

Best thing you ever did for yourself. When it all hit the fan, you were suddenly nothing more than a stalker and a nutcase - and HE was the poor victim. I hope his wife doesn't believe his garbage.

 

Don't spend too much time grieving for a lying cheater who thought NOTHING of minimizing YOU in order to save his own worthless ass.

 

Totally agree. He's shown you what a pathetic excuse for a man he is and your lucky to be rid of him.

[fellhard4u]

SRM, I too had enough and took some action to expose MM to BW. I started a thread about it yesterday on this forum. When I get weak and start to feel sorry for what MM must be going through right now, I make myself remember that this is the person who thought nothing about throwing me under the bus on at least 2 occasions, who had zero compassion for my pain and heartbreak, who just took from me and never really gave anything back if it wasn't convenient for him.

I was also very upset by the fact that he didn't have the guts to tell BW about what happened and that he stayed in his M to maintain the status quo, further lying to BW and living a pretend life.

[Dexter Morgan]

dont know what to do now

 

nothing.

 

you gave his wife the truth she deserves.

 

you apologized, so you do nothing. you don't contact the jerk again, you don't hook up with him again, you do nothing.

 

other than unfriend him from facebook. you and MM did your damage to the wife, you let her know what her husband is, now you leave the marriage alone and let wife deal with it as she sees fit.

[Dexter Morgan]

Totally agree. He's shown you what a pathetic excuse for a man he is and your lucky to be rid of him.

 

she should have known that from the start since he was cheating on his wife with her.

 

a MM is only a pathetic excuse of a man later on when things don't go someone's way.

[xxSRMxx]

Thank you everybody for the comments. They really do help me. I went into work today, there are still a few people I need to face, one of my managers just looked at me and smiled and said ''cant believe what u did sat night'' he then put his arm round me and said u look like u avent slept i hope your ok. Sweet really.

 

Ive also found out that the wifes best friend is fuming about it (understandable though) and a couple of other people are annoyed. But i thought today, is it any of there business anyway???

 

I dont know about u, But i cannot stand people that are so quick to judge others (one of the things i love about LS, Im not being judged so harshly)

I know the gossip is going to get worse but ill ride it out, I had a little cry with my friend at work and she told me id done the right thing. With the important peoples support, who cares about the idiots i guess. I havent heard from the wife today, i dont expect to either, Ive also set my facebook so that u have to be my friend to inbox me. My MM isnt on facebook so its okay. I havent heard from him, dont expect to. I miss him terribly but your all right, he is wrong, and I have realised how pathetic he is. One of the many reasons I carried on the affair was because of the pedastal I put him on.. He meant alot to me, I needed to see first hand how much i DIDNT mean to him, which i have now.

[bentnotbroken]

Thank you everybody for the comments. They really do help me. I went into work today, there are still a few people I need to face, one of my managers just looked at me and smiled and said ''cant believe what u did sat night'' he then put his arm round me and said u look like u avent slept i hope your ok. Sweet really.

 

Ive also found out that the wifes best friend is fuming about it (understandable though) and a couple of other people are annoyed. But i thought today, is it any of there business anyway???

 

I dont know about u, But i cannot stand people that are so quick to judge others (one of the things i love about LS, Im not being judged so harshly)

I know the gossip is going to get worse but ill ride it out, I had a little cry with my friend at work and she told me id done the right thing. With the important peoples support, who cares about the idiots i guess. I havent heard from the wife today, i dont expect to either, Ive also set my facebook so that u have to be my friend to inbox me. My MM isnt on facebook so its okay. I havent heard from him, dont expect to. I miss him terribly but your all right, he is wrong, and I have realised how pathetic he is. One of the many reasons I carried on the affair was because of the pedastal I put him on.. He meant alot to me, I needed to see first hand how much i DIDNT mean to him, which i have now.

 

 

First, if it were my friend...I would be pissed too. I keep my inner circle pretty small so I can say without a doubt...I would be all up in my friends business...just as I allowed them into mine. Should you accept abuse from them, not at all. Do they have a right to hurt for the person they love...damn straight. That doesn't make them idiots. If it does thank God for the idiots in my life.

 

Secondly, I am sure you will catch some crap. Unfortunately women are viewed as more responsible for affairs than men in society. There is equal responsibility for actions that directly affect others.

 

Thirdly, humans should never be put on a pedestal. It just means they fall on you when they fall off.

[half_ofa_heart]

Thirdly, humans should never be put on a pedestal. It just means they fall on you when they fall off.

 

I love this Bent! I seriously needed a good laugh today and this did it in more ways than I can articulate.

 

Thank you

[ladydesigner]

Originally Posted by bentnotbroken

Thirdly, humans should never be put on a pedestal. It just means they fall on you when they fall off.

 

LOL this is great! That is the truth. No person is really ever that IMPORTANT. Just my kids are! They'll always be on a pedestal.

[Dexter Morgan]

Ive also found out that the wifes best friend is fuming about it (understandable though) and a couple of other people are annoyed. But i thought today, is it any of there business anyway???

 

well, yes and no. not really their business, but they have a right to be annoyed. people do like to know the character of those they choose to associate with, or not associate with.

 

 

I dont know about u, But i cannot stand people that are so quick to judge others

 

what judgement? if you were messing around with a married man...thats not a judgement, thats a fact. its their right to be put off by that kind of behavior.

 

 

I know the gossip is going to get worse but ill ride it out, I had a little cry with my friend at work and she told me id done the right thing.

 

with that I'll give you, you did do the right thing. you let the wife know information she deserves to have, although your reason for doing so is suspect, but I'll digress...at least the wife now knows.

 

 

With the important peoples support, who cares about the idiots i guess.

 

if it takes an idiot to be disgusted by a certain act or behavior...so be it.

 

if this is truly your view on it, then quit sweating going to work.

 

 

I miss him terribly but your all right, he is wrong, and I have realised how pathetic he is.

 

that he is, but since he was married and you decided to be with him, thats not really your call to make. you were saying what about judgement?

 

 

One of the many reasons I carried on the affair was because of the pedastal I put him on.

 

a man cheating on his wife you put on a pedestal?? I think you simply wanted him for whatever reason, and chose to ignore the fact he is a cheater until things simply weren't going your way.

[xxSRMxx]

I didnt actually mean about the best friend and that it wasnt any of her business, I totally understand her being involved. I was just talking about the ''other couple'' of people...who have no involvement....

 

Just woke up from a nap, feel lousy, have friends around me who are speaking to me but still feel lonely, wondering what hes doing, I know its pathetic!!!

[half_ofa_heart]

I didnt actually mean about the best friend and that it wasnt any of her business, I totally understand her being involved. I was just talking about the ''other couple'' of people...who have no involvement....

 

Just woke up from a nap, feel lousy, have friends around me who are speaking to me but still feel lonely, wondering what hes doing, I know its pathetic!!!

 

Not pathetic - more like human nature! You are doing great. Keep up everything you are doing. Having good friends is great and having them around in these trying times is even better. Hang in there.

[xxSRMxx]

everytime i cry, I feel guilty for crying...like that what right do i have to cry after i have just ruined christmas for a whole family? and god knows what the wife is going through. I feel like I have no right to be upset....But i really was in love with him, thats why I did this crazy ****ed up thing. I needed to be free from him.... im glad hes not in touch with me, but im sad that i know he hates me now. and yes hes sold me out, and yes hes lied and cheated, but I miss him? I know I have to be strong but at work Im just constantly reminded of him, and he doesnt even work there anymore, I think its time to look for another job

[half_ofa_heart]

everytime i cry, I feel guilty for crying...like that what right do i have to cry after i have just ruined christmas for a whole family? and god knows what the wife is going through. I feel like I have no right to be upset....But i really was in love with him, thats why I did this crazy ****ed up thing. I needed to be free from him.... im glad hes not in touch with me, but im sad that i know he hates me now. and yes hes sold me out, and yes hes lied and cheated, but I miss him? I know I have to be strong but at work Im just constantly reminded of him, and he doesnt even work there anymore, I think its time to look for another job

 

Get thru these next couple of weeks before making any decisions. Your emotions are going to be all over the place. take it one day at a time and try to digest everything that is happening.

 

Not that I'm in a good place to give advice but it sounds good

[bentnotbroken]

everytime i cry, I feel guilty for crying...like that what right do i have to cry after i have just ruined christmas for a whole family? and god knows what the wife is going through. I feel like I have no right to be upset....But i really was in love with him, thats why I did this crazy ****ed up thing. I needed to be free from him.... im glad hes not in touch with me, but im sad that i know he hates me now. and yes hes sold me out, and yes hes lied and cheated, but I miss him? I know I have to be strong but at work Im just constantly reminded of him, and he doesnt even work there anymore, I think its time to look for another job

 

 

He ruined Christmas by cheating. You gave her the ability to decide if she wants to spend another minute living a lie. That's the rest of her life. This Christmas is one holiday.

 

Tell me what do you miss the most? Do you miss his lies more than you miss his cheating ways? Or do you miss his disrespect of his wife, marriage and your feelings? Why do you miss being a secret lay? Think about those things and tell us again what you miss.

[BB07]

everytime i cry, I feel guilty for crying...like that what right do i have to cry after i have just ruined christmas for a whole family? and god knows what the wife is going through. I feel like I have no right to be upset....But i really was in love with him, thats why I did this crazy ****ed up thing. I needed to be free from him.... im glad hes not in touch with me, but im sad that i know he hates me now. and yes hes sold me out, and yes hes lied and cheated, but I miss him? I know I have to be strong but at work Im just constantly reminded of him, and he doesnt even work there anymore, I think its time to look for another job

 

What you are feeling is normal........you'll get through it. Don't take all the blame, as I happen to think the primary blame lies with your MM, hopefully that will be an XMM right? Yes you do have your part in it, but don't take it ALL on.

 

When your head gets clearer and it will if you don't let him offer up excuses, (please don't) you will see him for what he really is and it's not good. He threw you under the bus and would not own up to his part of it, please keep that in mind as that shows what the man really is about and hopefully you will see that no matter what he says or what kind of smoke he tries to blow up your ass about it.......he is not the kind of man you thought he was.

 

Even though what prompted your outburst was a meltdown, you did the right thing by answering her questions. Every woman deserves to know who and what she is REALLY dealing with.

 

Take care of yourself and be good to you, lean on your friends and family.

Hugs........

[xxSRMxx]

He doesnt have any children. But yes, I agree that it will probably stick with his wife.

[xxSRMxx]

She asked me things like how long?? when did i last see him? did i sleep with him the last time i seen him? she also asked how many times id slept in her bed (i never did that)

 

I told her the truth, I tried not to go into tooo much detail just to spare her feelings, she asked me if he loved me, i said no and that he loved her. she said she was asking me all of this so that she can decide what to do next.... she asked if i thought it wouldve carried on...I said yes, she said thanks.

 

Since then I haven't got a message from her, shes got the answers now so i suppose shes sorting her marriage out. I know this will have broken her though.... I was tempted to email him and explain why ive done this, my friends have strongly advised me against it. and how bad will it look if he says look she is emailing me. So ive decided to leave it.

[bentnotbroken]

She asked me things like how long?? when did i last see him? did i sleep with him the last time i seen him? she also asked how many times id slept in her bed (i never did that)

 

I told her the truth, I tried not to go into tooo much detail just to spare her feelings, she asked me if he loved me, i said no and that he loved her. she said she was asking me all of this so that she can decide what to do next.... she asked if i thought it wouldve carried on...I said yes, she said thanks.

 

Since then I haven't got a message from her, shes got the answers now so i suppose shes sorting her marriage out. I know this will have broken her though.... I was tempted to email him and explain why ive done this, my friends have strongly advised me against it. and how bad will it look if he says look she is emailing me. So ive decided to leave it.

 

 

 

Leave it where they both are concerned. You told her the truth when she asked and he will try to weasel his way out of the truth....let them figure it out on their own. I hope gives you more than a little pause and you never want to be in this position again.

[xxSRMxx]

Oh most definately...In my measly 23 years this is the biggest mistake i've ever made. It wont be happening again. I am fully aware that I WILL be judged, Im prepared for it. hell I know if it was my friend id be just as mad.

 

Ive had a rough year, my oldest and most precious brother was killed in march in a car accident, Thats when i kind of crumbled and went back to my MM...Ive spent the majority of this year probably in tears, and on saturday night I think something in me just snapped, and every emotion and horrible feelings id had all year just came flooding out.

[spice4life]

She asked me things like how long?? when did i last see him? did i sleep with him the last time i seen him? she also asked how many times id slept in her bed (i never did that)

 

I told her the truth, I tried not to go into tooo much detail just to spare her feelings, she asked me if he loved me, i said no and that he loved her. she said she was asking me all of this so that she can decide what to do next.... she asked if i thought it wouldve carried on...I said yes, she said thanks.

 

Since then I haven't got a message from her, shes got the answers now so i suppose shes sorting her marriage out. I know this will have broken her though.... I was tempted to email him and explain why ive done this, my friends have strongly advised me against it. and how bad will it look if he says look she is emailing me. So ive decided to leave it.

 

Whew..thank goodness you talked to your friends first. Emailing him would have been disasterous. He was married and he knows why you did it..no need to explain.

 

You've made some good progress and it has only been one day. That's great! Keep focusing on your own healing and leave the sorting out up to them. Any involvment with them will only prolong your mourning of this relationship. stay focused on you and it will help you move on faster than if you didn't. Keep up the good work!

[bentnotbroken]

Oh most definately...In my measly 23 years this is the biggest mistake i've ever made. It wont be happening again. I am fully aware that I WILL be judged, Im prepared for it. hell I know if it was my friend id be just as mad.

 

Ive had a rough year, my oldest and most precious brother was killed in march in a car accident, Thats when i kind of crumbled and went back to my MM...Ive spent the majority of this year probably in tears, and on saturday night I think something in me just snapped, and every emotion and horrible feelings id had all year just came flooding out.

 

 

Now that you have started to let the poison out can you get into counseling to help you deal with expelling the rest?

 

Sorry for your loss.

[xxSRMxx]

Yeah I considered counselling.....partly because of my brother, but ive always been a bit weird about going for therapy over an affair....Oh I need counselling because ive been having it away with somebodys husband (sorry for the bluntness) I duno...Its always made me feel a bit weird?? even tho i know i do need help for that. Its not like ive had good relationships, ive had a long line of bad ones to be honest.