Being single: not so bad... I guess

[foamy2001]

God, I hate the holidays.

 

It wasn't always like this, but my ex leaving in February (D was final in July) didn't help matters. For those who don't know, I also lost a child to a brain tumor nearly five years ago. My family used to be really close, but everything has fractured in the past 10 years and seeing happy families buying Christmas presents makes me wish that January would just hurry up and get here.

 

The past five months have been a roller coaster. I met a girl around September, but it was little more than a rebound type of thing. I kept my distance, and that might have been what doomed it. However, it kept me from getting hurt again. I feel like over cautious is the best way to go right now.

 

On the plus side, I am finally finishing up my degree at age 35. It is tough to sit in classrooms full of 18-year olds, but with less than a year to go, it feels good to be accomplishing something really big. No one in my father's side of the family has ever graduated college. I can almost smell it. I recently found out I was accepted for an internship - one of two I will need to complete - and I have already started looking at jobs out of state.

 

I've taken a couple trips since the split. Freedom feels good. I like loading up the car and just getting out of Dodge - no need to coordinate with anyone else or worry too much about finances.

 

I've started going to the movies alone a lot. It's really not as bad as it sounds. I get to pick every film and it's much cheaper to roll solo. I watch whatever I want on TV, play video games whenever I want, etc. If I want to go out with friends, it's not a federal case.

 

When the weather was nice, I was jogging all the time. When school starts back up in January, I plan on hitting the gym on campus several times a week. I was losing quite a bit of weight for a while, but I have been slipping since Ohio temperatures have lingered around the 20 degree mark for over a month now. I miss the endorphins pumping. It's amazing how much better it makes you feel. I guess I could be doing push ups and sit ups, but like I said - the holidays have kind of gotten me down.

 

I'm not really sure why I'm posting this. I know it is very long, and I'm not sure if anyone will even read it. I guess my point is this: life is what you make it. It's so easy to sit back and think about how "great things used to be," but that gets us nowhere. The past is gone, and that is not necessarily a bad thing. Do I miss my ex with all my heart? Absolutely. Does it sometimes feel like I will never be happy again? Sure. Am I ready to throw in the towel and give my remaining years away wallowing in self pity and doubt? Capital N, Capital O.

 

A friend recently posted something on facebook that put my head in a really good place.

 

"The only way is forward. There is no going back. Put on your armor, shoulder your shield, take up your weapon, and fight." Ephesians 6:10-18

 

[tiny_tot]

sounds like you are making it a step at a time. congratulations.

not all of those who leave want to see their exes drowning in misery..some of us really want the best for them so please don't think I am being sarcastic. I hope someday that in my situation, my stbx..will be making his journey to being OK..one step at a time and come to a place where he decides being single isn't so bad all the time either.

[just_some_guy]

I'm looking forward to Christmas, ALONE.

 

There's just be too damn much drama. STBX attempted suicide a couple of weeks ago. She is out of the hospital 2 days and then calls me for a ride to the urgent care because her meds were freaking her out. She went down her contact list and no one was around, so I got the call. Sigh. I want to leave all this mess behind. I made it clear to her that I wish to be left alone for Christmas, that I will indeed, relish the time alone and will be perfectly happy to have a TV dinner or whatever I wish to eat, alone.

[USCGAviator]

You will come to find as I did that...there is a life after divorce. And a good one awaits you. I'm also very sorry to hear about your loss.

 

Keep your head up and think positive..... in life god takes god gives.

[controlledchaos]

i like that scripture too! i was reading it just today infact. keep on keepin' on!!! the holidays are rough. i know that i just want to sleep through the next couple weeks and wake up after it is all said and done.

 

i was gonna spend it totally alone at a hotel with a spa and just be. but, i'm going to save that money for 2 full saturdays at the spa after the new year. a reward to myself for making it this far.

 

i don't think being single is bad. though i have no desire to meet new people and date.

 

i downloaded a bunch of funny christmas movies to preoccupy myself with next weekend. no mushy lovey stuff, just funny dysfunctional holiday stuff. i think it will be ok. i'll crash with a friend and just be a hermit and hang out alone.

 

i'm sorry to hear of the loss of your child. i worked pediatric oncology several years ago. (( HUGS))!!

 

congratulations on completing your degree. that is a wonderful accomplishment. keep you head up. take each day as it comes, and keep on keepin' on!!

[delajoonal]

foamy2001...

 

it's like u can read my mind...

your post really hit home with me..on SO many levels..

 

anyway, i DID make the mistake of letting my 'rebound' relationship get too serious and found myself breaking IT off a while back..we lasted 11 months to the DAY!

 

my XH left me for his OW/EA 2 years ago...

 

7 months ago, i moved 4 hours away from the ONLY Life have ever known,...friends family, everything...

 

so this year, this xmas is especially difficult.

 

and thinking about me sitting here alone, my 24 y/o son is working and lives 6 hours away, so he can't come see me...which is ok, i don't want him to travel this time of year...

 

but what get's me, as i sit and reminisce about holidays gone by...alone...some tears, some smiles...bitter sweet actually..

 

my XH is living with his OW and her 2 small children, as she divorced her H and kicked him out...they did this within one year of starting their A..nice huh..

 

so while my XH is doing the WHOLE holiday thing with his OW and her kids, in another man's house, in THE town i lived my whole life in and MISS so much...oh idk, i am just bitter i guess...so NOT fair:~(

 

i guess i am trying to get to the place u seem to be now...

i do LOVE being alone in so many ways...for the very reasons u listed...

but at the same time...at 45 y/o, i SO do not want to grow old alone..

THIS is what scares me and makes me cry ALL the time..

 

anyway, thank u for your post foamy, it is very clear headed and made alot of sense and really helped me as i took some notes and i will try harder...

 

c, this is y i love LS!

 

thank you again!

 

take care...

[worlybear]

Hey to all you singles- I wish you a very happy christmas and new year.

I'm getting used to being single again too. I have friends and family and I'm lucky with that. I don't ever want to go through the trauma of betrayal again, so I doubt I'll ever get close to someone again but who cares!

I'm doing o.k. Not great,but I'm getting there.

Festive Greetings to you all!