books that assist with healing???

[half_ofa_heart]

I am wondering if anyone knows of any books that helped with their healing from the A. I have seen some on the internet but would much prefer the advice of those who have read them and benefited from them.

[siuys]

heart, i have not read anything for 'healing' as such but i find "Forget Mr Married - how to break free from this toxic relationship and reclaim your life" by Sally Webb helpful. It's also in an e-book format. Thank you for this coz it just reminded me to re-read it again!!!! Good that you're already pro-active! Well done.

[half_ofa_heart]

Thanks Siuys... She also has a website that seems to be helpful as well. I'm going to the book store tonight to find it. It got good reviews on line. Thanks again.

 

Hopefully on the road to recovery.

[bentnotbroken]

The Bible. No matter what side of the triangle you are on.

[Heather1]

The "baggage reclaim" has been helpful. I downloaded the book on my kindle (for less than the ebook online) & found it very useful for any type of breakup. Geared towards flip floppers.

[pureinheart]

I am wondering if anyone knows of any books that helped with their healing from the A. I have seen some on the internet but would much prefer the advice of those who have read them and benefited from them.

 

I have a ton of books that have been very helpful, although they are not restricted to A's, most of them are general R healing books...would you be interested...I would go through my "library" and give you a list if you are interested...

 

((((((((((hugs)))))))))) Are you of a particular faith? If so I have a lot of good books that I could suggest....I will watch your thread...k...

[OpenBook]

"The Rules". It gave me strength.

[ItsNeverForever]

I have a ton of books that have been very helpful, although they are not restricted to A's, most of them are general R healing books...would you be interested...I would go through my "library" and give you a list if you are interested...

 

((((((((((hugs)))))))))) Are you of a particular faith? If so I have a lot of good books that I could suggest....I will watch your thread...k...

 

Pure, I would be interested in your list, too...

[half_ofa_heart]

I have a ton of books that have been very helpful, although they are not restricted to A's, most of them are general R healing books...would you be interested...I would go through my "library" and give you a list if you are interested...

 

((((((((((hugs)))))))))) Are you of a particular faith? If so I have a lot of good books that I could suggest....I will watch your thread...k...

 

I'm VERY interest! I'm not of a particular faith. I looke forward to seeing it. Thanks!!!

[Fieldsofgold]

The Betrayal Bond, by Patrick Carnes

[pureinheart]

I will go through my books tomorrow...that is wonderful, self help books have been a great strength!

 

Heather "Baggage Claim" sounds excellent, gonna order that one...FOG, Patrick Carnes is an excellent author...he deals with some serious issues..OB, I'm gonna get that book too:)

[xxxheartbrokenxxx]

I have a few, some are not specifically about being involved with MM but you can still relate to the advice given and apply it to your situation...

 

- How To Break Your Addiction To A Person by Howard M. Halpern

 

- Woman Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood

 

- You Can Heal Your Life by Louise L. Hay

 

- The Rules by Ellen Fein

[half_ofa_heart]

I have a few, some are not specifically about being involved with MM but you can still relate to the advice given and apply it to your situation...

 

- How To Break Your Addiction To A Person by Howard M. Halpern

 

- Woman Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood

 

- You Can Heal Your Life by Louise L. Hay

 

- The Rules by Ellen Fein

 

I read this one (in bold) many many years ago after breaking free of a very abusive relationship. Forgot about that one. Thanks!

[pureinheart]

Ya Half...I've read Women who love too much..awesome book...

 

Went through my books and got caught up in that because I needed to move them from my daughters room to mine...I swear, everything seems to be a freaking project!

 

I lent out a lot of my books...some on this list I read and some are books in waiting:)....the one exDM hated the most was "Men who can't love"...he knew I was getting some answers.

 

Boundries

 

Emotional Blackmail

 

Letting go

 

Lies Women believe

 

The Emotionally Destructive Relationship

 

Bad Childhood, Good Life

 

The Jekyll and Hyde Syndrome

 

Forgive For Good

 

Putting the Past Behind

 

 

 

Am still going through them, so I'll be back:D

[Fieldsofgold]

I read this one (in bold) many many years ago after breaking free of a very abusive relationship. Forgot about that one. Thanks!

 

Yep, I read Women who Love too Much. Also,'Co-Dependent No More'

[half_ofa_heart]

Ya Half...I've read Women who love too much..awesome book...

 

Went through my books and got caught up in that because I needed to move them from my daughters room to mine...I swear, everything seems to be a freaking project!

 

I lent out a lot of my books...some on this list I read and some are books in waiting:)....the one exDM hated the most was "Men who can't love"...he knew I was getting some answers.

 

Boundries

 

Emotional Blackmail

 

Letting go

 

Lies Women believe

 

The Emotionally Destructive Relationship

 

Bad Childhood, Good Life

 

The Jekyll and Hyde Syndrome

 

Forgive For Good

 

Putting the Past Behind

 

 

 

Am still going through them, so I'll be back:D

 

Thanks Pure! I'm heading to the library tomorrow

[siuys]

"This Affair is Over!" Essential reading for any woman involved with a married man. By Nanette Miner.

 

There is a great quote in one of the chapters:

 

There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when it's convenient. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses; only results.

[Breezy Trousers]

Great thread! Books have saved my life, esp. in this area. Some of you have already cited a couple of my favorites.

 

When I was extremely tempted to cross the line and have an affair at work, I read fun sexy anthologies of stories of other women that supported my excitement and intrigue! .... Unfortunately, I always had a hinky feeling about MM, which, IN TIME, I saw to be an uncannily accurate intuition: He suffers from a personality disorder / is abusive. (I didn't know this in the beginning, but always sensed there was something dangerous about him.)

 

These are the books that were worth hundreds of dollars in therapy for me and saved me heartache. Curiously, I read many of them before my MM showed me his true colors 9 months ago. I often wonder if "Life" tries to prepare us ... Despite this preparation, MM's "reveal" was still shocking to me.

 

"Women Who Love Psychopaths" by Sandra Brown (dangerous men seek highly empathetic women almost as a rule, etc.... My #1 most helpful book. Should be read by everyone, IMO.)

 

"Help, I'm in Love with a Narcissist" by Steven Carter (narcissists are notorious committment-phobes, so they often juggle marriages with affairs)

 

"Desire" by Susan Cheever (!!)

 

"The Betrayal Bond" by Patrick Carnes (!!)

 

"How to Spot a Dangerous Man" by Sandra Brown (One chapter deals with married men!)

 

 

"Why Does He Do That: Inside the Minds of Angry Men" Lundy Bancroft

"Safe People: How to Find Relationships that Are Good and Avoid

Those That Aren't" - Henry Cloud (affairs are boundary issues, and Cloud is a Christian expert on boundaries)

 

"This Affair is Over!" - Nancy Miner (Quote: Over 7O% of married men have been involved in extramarital affairs - while less than 1% actually have left their wives for their lover.")

 

"Will He Really Leave Her For Me" - Rona B. Subotnik (superb!)

"Power and Control: Why Charming Men Make Dangerous Lovers' - Sandra Horley

 

"Jekyll and Hyde Syndrome" - Beverly Engel (as well as her other books)

Dating a Married Man: Memoirs from The 'Other Women" Vol. 2 - J. Mathews

 

"Private Lies: Infidelity and the Betrayal of Intimacy" - Frank Pittman -- confronts a lot of stupid myths our culture holds about infidelity. Longtime therapist Pittman's views of MM who stray. I think there's a lot of truth.

Casanova Complex -- Peter Trachtenburg. Very informative book about men and ways sex addiction plays itself out. Written by a recovering "Casanova"

 

INTERESTING TO READ CATEGORY:

 

"Perfection: A Memoir of Betrayal and Renewal" by Julie Metz (after husband dies, wife discovers he had multiple secret affairs and subsequently contacts each of the OW)

 

"To Love, Honor and Betray: The Secret Life of Suburban Wives" -- I don't know. This book saddened me. But interesting."The Other Woman: Twenty-One Wives, Lovers and Others Talk Openly About Sex, Deception, Love and Betrayal"

 

"Split - A Memoir of Divorce" by Suzanne Finnemore .... Puts one in touch with the raw feelings (and raw deal) the betrayed spouse is left with after an affair.

 

"Never Let Her Go" by Ann Rule (Ann writes about lots of personality-disordered guys who have affairs and secret lives -- incidental, but still quite helpful reads because I was naive in the beginning, believing I was "special" to MM)

 

I'm still dealing with residual attachment with MM, but nothing like I would if I had the actual affair. These books saved me from having a sexual experience with MM. And I'm glad. Helen Fisher (anthropologist on love -- highly recommend her books, too!) says that having sex bonds women to men in ways we are completely unaware of. Essentially, that there's no such thing as "casual sex" for women.

 

I also read lots of books on boundaries, because, for me, affairs are about poor boundaries. Boundaries keep us safe. Anne Katherine and Henry Cloud are experts on the subject.

 

 

 

For forgiveness issues, books and especially CDs of Byron Katie. Another person who saved me years in therapy. Her work is simple but radical -- you must be truly interested in letting go of suffering, otherwise don't bother. Time Magazine voted her as one of the top 100 people of the new millenium.

Edited December 23, 2010 by Breezy Trousers

[pureinheart]

Go away, come closer

 

Choices

[pureinheart]

Great thread! Books have saved my life, esp. in this area. Some of you have already cited a couple of my favorites.

 

When I was extremely tempted to cross the line and have an affair at work, I read fun sexy anthologies of stories of other women that supported my excitement and intrigue! .... Unfortunately, I always had a hinky feeling about MM, which, IN TIME, I saw to be an uncannily accurate intuition: He suffers from a personality disorder / is abusive. (I didn't know this in the beginning, but always sensed there was something dangerous about him.)

 

These are the books that were worth hundreds of dollars in therapy for me and saved me heartache. Curiously, I read many of them before my MM showed me his true colors 9 months ago. I often wonder if "Life" tries to prepare us ... Despite this preparation, MM's "reveal" was still shocking to me.

 

"Women Who Love Psychopaths" by Sandra Brown (dangerous men seek highly empathetic women almost as a rule, etc.... My #1 most helpful book. Should be read by everyone, IMO.)

 

"Help, I'm in Love with a Narcissist" by Steven Carter (narcissists are notorious committment-phobes, so they often juggle marriages with affairs)

 

"Desire" by Susan Cheever (!!)

 

"The Betrayal Bond" by Patrick Carnes (!!)

 

"How to Spot a Dangerous Man" by Sandra Brown (One chapter deals with married men!)

 

 

"Why Does He Do That: Inside the Minds of Angry Men" Lundy Bancroft

 

"Safe People: How to Find Relationships that Are Good and Avoid

Those That Aren't" - Henry Cloud (affairs are boundary issues, and Cloud is a Christian expert on boundaries)

 

"This Affair is Over!" - Nancy Miner (Quote: Over 7O% of married men have been involved in extramarital affairs - while less than 1% actually have left their wives for their lover.")

 

"Will He Really Leave Her For Me" - Rona B. Subotnik (superb!)

 

"Power and Control: Why Charming Men Make Dangerous Lovers' - Sandra Horley

 

"Jekyll and Hyde Syndrome" - Beverly Engel (as well as her other books)

 

Dating a Married Man: Memoirs from The 'Other Women" Vol. 2 - J. Mathews

 

"Private Lies: Infidelity and the Betrayal of Intimacy" - Frank Pittman -- confronts a lot of stupid myths our culture holds about infidelity. Longtime therapist Pittman's views of MM who stray. I think there's a lot of truth.

 

Casanova Complex -- Peter Trachtenburg. Very informative book about men and ways sex addiction plays itself out. Written by a recovering "Casanova"

 

INTERESTING TO READ CATEGORY:

 

"Perfection: A Memoir of Betrayal and Renewal" by Julie Metz (after husband dies, wife discovers he had multiple secret affairs and subsequently contacts each of the OW)

 

"To Love, Honor and Betray: The Secret Life of Suburban Wives" -- I don't know. This book saddened me. But interesting."The Other Woman: Twenty-One Wives, Lovers and Others Talk Openly About Sex, Deception, Love and Betrayal"

 

"Split - A Memoir of Divorce" by Suzanne Finnemore .... Puts one in touch with the raw feelings (and raw deal) the betrayed spouse is left with after an affair.

 

"Never Let Her Go" by Ann Rule (Ann writes about lots of personality-disordered guys who have affairs and secret lives -- incidental, but still quite helpful reads because I was naive in the beginning, believing I was "special" to MM)

 

I'm still dealing with residual attachment with MM, but nothing like I would if I had the actual affair. These books saved me from having a sexual experience with MM. And I'm glad. Helen Fisher (anthropologist on love -- highly recommend her books, too!) says that having sex bonds women to men in ways we are completely unaware of. Essentially, that there's no such thing as "casual sex" for women.

 

I also read lots of books on boundaries, because, for me, affairs are about poor boundaries. Boundaries keep us safe. Anne Katherine and Henry Cloud are experts on the subject.

 

 

 

For forgiveness issues, books and especially CDs of Byron Katie. Another person who saved me years in therapy. Her work is simple but radical -- you must be truly interested in letting go of suffering, otherwise don't bother. Time Magazine voted her as one of the top 100 people of the new millenium.

 

I've read some of these books and they are excellent, really good list Breezy:)...the authors of the books I haven't read are top notch...I love self help books...

 

In fact, almost started to date a guy I met, but he said he hated self help books (exDM hated them too), so I felt this might not be such a good choice as ...why wouldn't someone want to learn about life and themselves?

 

Anyway, I'm going to make a list from this thread...you guys are great BTW:)

 

My favorite would be "Women who love psychopaths".....

Edited December 23, 2010 by pureinheart

[half_ofa_heart]

Wow! I had no idea there were so many books out there on the subject. Thanks to everyone for sharing. I guess it's too late to put these on my Christmas list

[Breezy Trousers]

In fact, almost started to date a guy I met, but he said he hated self help books (exDM hated them too), so I felt this might not be such a good choice as ...why wouldn't someone want to learn about life and themselves?

 

Anyway, I'm going to make a list from this thread...you guys are great BTW:)

 

My favorite would be "Women who love psychopaths".....

 

 

I'm with you! If my partner was adverse to raising his awareness, that would be immediate grounds for dumping! All honeymoons eventually end, and that's when the work of consciousness begins.

 

I know I listed lots of books, but the biggest eye opener for me, too, was "Women Who Love Psychopaths." I nearly didn't buy it. The word "psychopath" completely turned me off .... During the early to mid stages of an affair, few OW entertain the notion that their partners might suffer from a personality disorder. MM with personality disorders are, as a rule, highly seductive, dominant, charming and manipulative..... Only the BS and MM's kids are likely to know MM's true colors .... Even for those MM who are "normal," the book is worth reading. Just take what you need and leave the rest.

[spice4life]

Great thread! Books have saved my life, esp. in this area. Some of you have already cited a couple of my favorites.

 

When I was extremely tempted to cross the line and have an affair at work, I read fun sexy anthologies of stories of other women that supported my excitement and intrigue! .... Unfortunately, I always had a hinky feeling about MM, which, IN TIME, I saw to be an uncannily accurate intuition: He suffers from a personality disorder / is abusive. (I didn't know this in the beginning, but always sensed there was something dangerous about him.)

 

These are the books that were worth hundreds of dollars in therapy for me and saved me heartache. Curiously, I read many of them before my MM showed me his true colors 9 months ago. I often wonder if "Life" tries to prepare us ... Despite this preparation, MM's "reveal" was still shocking to me.

 

"Women Who Love Psychopaths" by Sandra Brown (dangerous men seek highly empathetic women almost as a rule, etc.... My #1 most helpful book. Should be read by everyone, IMO.)

 

"Help, I'm in Love with a Narcissist" by Steven Carter (narcissists are notorious committment-phobes, so they often juggle marriages with affairs)

 

"Desire" by Susan Cheever (!!)

 

"The Betrayal Bond" by Patrick Carnes (!!)

 

"How to Spot a Dangerous Man" by Sandra Brown (One chapter deals with married men!)

 

 

"Why Does He Do That: Inside the Minds of Angry Men" Lundy Bancroft

"Safe People: How to Find Relationships that Are Good and Avoid

Those That Aren't" - Henry Cloud (affairs are boundary issues, and Cloud is a Christian expert on boundaries)

 

"This Affair is Over!" - Nancy Miner (Quote: Over 7O% of married men have been involved in extramarital affairs - while less than 1% actually have left their wives for their lover.")

 

"Will He Really Leave Her For Me" - Rona B. Subotnik (superb!)

"Power and Control: Why Charming Men Make Dangerous Lovers' - Sandra Horley

 

"Jekyll and Hyde Syndrome" - Beverly Engel (as well as her other books)

Dating a Married Man: Memoirs from The 'Other Women" Vol. 2 - J. Mathews

 

"Private Lies: Infidelity and the Betrayal of Intimacy" - Frank Pittman -- confronts a lot of stupid myths our culture holds about infidelity. Longtime therapist Pittman's views of MM who stray. I think there's a lot of truth.

Casanova Complex -- Peter Trachtenburg. Very informative book about men and ways sex addiction plays itself out. Written by a recovering "Casanova"

 

INTERESTING TO READ CATEGORY:

 

"Perfection: A Memoir of Betrayal and Renewal" by Julie Metz (after husband dies, wife discovers he had multiple secret affairs and subsequently contacts each of the OW)

 

"To Love, Honor and Betray: The Secret Life of Suburban Wives" -- I don't know. This book saddened me. But interesting."The Other Woman: Twenty-One Wives, Lovers and Others Talk Openly About Sex, Deception, Love and Betrayal"

 

"Split - A Memoir of Divorce" by Suzanne Finnemore .... Puts one in touch with the raw feelings (and raw deal) the betrayed spouse is left with after an affair.

 

"Never Let Her Go" by Ann Rule (Ann writes about lots of personality-disordered guys who have affairs and secret lives -- incidental, but still quite helpful reads because I was naive in the beginning, believing I was "special" to MM)

 

I'm still dealing with residual attachment with MM, but nothing like I would if I had the actual affair. These books saved me from having a sexual experience with MM. And I'm glad. Helen Fisher (anthropologist on love -- highly recommend her books, too!) says that having sex bonds women to men in ways we are completely unaware of. Essentially, that there's no such thing as "casual sex" for women.

 

I also read lots of books on boundaries, because, for me, affairs are about poor boundaries. Boundaries keep us safe. Anne Katherine and Henry Cloud are experts on the subject.

 

 

 

For forgiveness issues, books and especially CDs of Byron Katie. Another person who saved me years in therapy. Her work is simple but radical -- you must be truly interested in letting go of suffering, otherwise don't bother. Time Magazine voted her as one of the top 100 people of the new millenium.

 

Thanks breezytrousers! I am heading to the book store tomorrow!

[Breezy Trousers]

Thanks breezytrousers! I am heading to the book store tomorrow!

 

I forgot: Lust in Translation: The Rules of Infidelity from Tokoyo to Tennessee. Fascinating book on how different cultures handle infidelity. It indirectly helped me because my "ex"-MM is high up in his big, rich church. At the time I read this book, I was many months away from witnessing this MM's NPD/abusiveness. Instead, I was fighting a powerful temptation. I thought he was a decent guy -- a powerful religious family man with a good reputation (certainly not a reputation for being a player at work) and lots to lose by encouraging me to cross boundaries with him. One part of me was flattered by his attention. I wondered if we were "meant to be." But I also knew I wasn't that special, so his un-Christian behavior puzzled me, a non-religious person ... One of the things Lust in Translation discussed was the fact that religious people are equally as likely to have affairs as non-religious people. It helped me see that I was naive about religious people with regard to adultery ... And I was. My MM has since moved on to another target at work ... and is still high up at his church.

 

Another book I forgot to mention: Mary Cantwell's "Speaking with Strangers" It's beautifully written, as is her "Manhattan Memoir." In Speaking with Strangers, Cantell recounts her four-year affair with the poet James Dickey. Or was it a 10-year affair? Can't remember... Anyway, Cantwell was clearly a very intelligent woman who adored Dickey. Then Dickey's wife died.

 

You'll have to read the book for the rest.

 

Okay! End of my list!

Edited December 30, 2010 by Breezy Trousers

[half_ofa_heart]

anyone ever read or have feedback on the book Mr Unavailable & The Fallback Girl