To everyone in an Affair

[AngeletteX]

There is a thread in the M&LP section which specifically states "no OW/mistresses or OM please" when it comes to responses. So far that request seems to be respected.

 

I'm curious to see if it's possible to have similar results here, in terms of people respecting such a request.

 

So ladies and gents - those who find themselves "involved with a committed partner" - name one thing you absolutely adore about your partner (no BS or individuals who have never experienced being in an A please).

 

I'll start -

I love the way we're always laughing with each other, especially all the inside jokes we share together that nobody else is privy to!

[pureinheart]

Mine is a past situation...

 

We knew what the other was thinking, very in tune with each other. I have a bit of a funny story.

 

We were at work and it was about 108 degrees outside. We had big giant walk in frigs and freezers. During lunch we decided to go into the frig to cool off...we both smoked cigs at the time. The frig was used for chemicals that required a specific temp, it was kind of a tight fit because it was full.

 

ExDM was trying to pass by me (from behind), it didn't look good at all and right at that second two assistant supervisors walked in...she tells our supervisor, he tells her to get lost...she pushes the issue so he called our union rep ...

 

I get told supervisor wants to see me in his office...I walk in and see my supervisor, union rep and exDM...I'm thinking WTH, because nothing went on in the frig so that did not even cross my mind, exDM and me had been in a big fight earlier (I totally screamed and yelled at him, he pissed me off sooooo bad), so I looked at him like "what's up" (thinking he may have snitched on me)....he looked at me and it was like I could read his mind and I knew that something else was up just with our eye contact.

 

Sure enough I read him right and I looked at my supervisor and he tells me that we were being accused of inappropriate activities (I was Team Lead at the time) (we had never had "activities")I looked at my supervisor and my union rep and said ...are you two for real and proceded to rip them a new one...I was so pissed.

 

Actually the really bad thing was is the fact I was thinking about lighting up a cig in the frig with some flamible chemicals...hey we were working 7 days a week and it was hot.

 

Having acquired some interesting labels for various things ....now the frig thing they didn't let slide either...it was the big joke at work for a very long time.

Edited December 21, 2010 by pureinheart

[thissecretgirl]

Mine is also a past affair but there was plenty I loved, not least the dynamic between us. I loved his intellect and his geeky sense of humour.

 

Some of my fondest thoughts are in some of the small things he did that to me were significant, like meeting my best friend from the UK and my mum when she visited last xmas.

 

The time I wasnt well and he picked me up in his arms and carried me into the bedroom and tucked me into bed.

 

Another when we were both pretty stressed and he ran me a bath, brought me a glass of wine,positioned a chair next to it and gave me a hand massage lol. It was a huge thing for him...he's not really the massaging type.

 

Oh and now and again he would do little things to surprise me like letting himself in when I was out and setting up the sound system for the home theatre and leaving me a little note with a heart on lol.

 

There were lots of good times and lots of love, considering how it ended.

 

We laughed a lot. We talked a lot.

I loved the bond we shared. I guess in a nutshell thats what made it.

[September]

History too but so many, many wonderful memories....

[OpenBook]

Everything around me lit up in technicolor when he was with me... and faded into dull gray when he left. Just like in The Wizard of Oz. It wasn't normal everyday life.

[frenchiefun]

The way I can always sense his presence wthout having to see him, the way our eyes meet and we say so much to each other without words, the electricity between us, the way his touch feels on my skin, so many things...

[bobdole]

Current A - the way she looks at me is my #1 thing that drives me crazy about her.

[redcurls]

The man can kiss like no other. End of story.

[desertIslandCactus]

After being on LS, I have a whole new perspective when I see people off by themselves on their cell phones. I'm thinking they're talking to their illicit AP. ha

[AngeletteX]

THANK YOU to everyone who took the time to respond to my post - I appreciate it. Having read some of the other threads here, I understand why those who are “involved with a committed partner” may be reluctant to share their happy stories.

 

But I hope anyone who is currently involved took a moment to reflect on what makes your relationship so amazing. Whether it lasts is not the point…because no one else can understand the level of joy this brings into your life and at what magnitude, besides you yourself.

 

To those who are now out of the A, all those wonderful things the two of you shared can never be taken away from you. I hope you have not let anyone make you believe it was less than what it was and I hope that you will find that kind of connection again (preferably with someone NOT attached, of course).

 

I have to admit, I am disappointed with the last response. Even cleverly worded, unless the poster offers a personal experience, I believe they are part of the "BS or individuals who have never experienced being in an A" crowd.

 

Please correct me if I am mistaken.

 

But if I am not, isn’t it interesting? That the same request that was honored over at M&LP cannot be given the same courtesy here?

[skywriter]

I had been alone, raising my children for nearly six years when he entered my life.

 

 

I rejected his attention for quite some time. Eventually and after we'd become more involved with one another.

 

I recall a conversation and my telling him, that I realised, I still had the capacity to love. I had felt so alone and had accepted that I would be alone.

[half_ofa_heart]

Good: Love the way his smile lights up a room when he sees me. Love the way he makes me melt when he kisses me. Love the way he makes me feel beautiful and all my flaws just disappear when I am with him. Love that he wants to do anything and everything to please me. Love that he is my best friend and the first person I think of when I wake up and the last person I think of right before I fall asleep... I just love him!

 

Bad: hate that while I'm still glowing from the most amazing love making of my life, he is washing my scent off of him to go home to his wife. Hate that when I need him most, he cannot be there. HATE sharing the love of my life with another woman. HATE HATE HATE that I must let go of my best friend because he belongs to someone else.

[jwi71]

THANK YOU to everyone who took the time to respond to my post - I appreciate it. Having read some of the other threads here, I understand why those who are “involved with a committed partner” may be reluctant to share their happy stories.

 

First off, I'm a BS (BH, to be exact).

And I waited until this post as I take it as a tacit "ok" to post here now - because I will respect those who wish to only hear one side.

But I hope anyone who is currently involved took a moment to reflect on what makes your relationship so amazing.

There is no doubt that an A is amazing. I cannot, having not been a WS or AP, totally get it. But I DO understand the attraction.

 

What I do NOT understand, and perhaps you can shed some light on it, is how an A is so different from a non-A R. I find it most fascinating and would love your opinion on that.

 

Whether it lasts is not the point…because no one else can understand the level of joy this brings into your life and at what magnitude, besides you yourself.

This I disagree with. If one didn't care if it lasted or not this forum would not exist. On a more primal level, I find it sad that anyone would enter an R with the expectation of failure (not lasting). Kinda sounds like a self-fulfilling prophecy and with many A's - it is. Maybe its just personal preference but if I am to engage in an emotional and physical R with someone...I want it to last. That's kind of the point right?

 

I almost take that quote as the happiness felt justifies the ends (pain felt at being the AP). And I'm just not a fan of "the ends justifies the means" and this is essentially, I think, what you are saying.

 

To those who are now out of the A, all those wonderful things the two of you shared can never be taken away from you. I hope you have not let anyone make you believe it was less than what it was and I hope that you will find that kind of connection again (preferably with someone NOT attached, of course).

BBM.

 

What an odd thing to say. If one is to simply accept and enjoy the good parts of a MM, and not care if it lasts, why would you advise others to pursue single men? It seems contradictory to me.

 

I have to admit, I am disappointed with the last response. Even cleverly worded, unless the poster offers a personal experience, I believe they are part of the "BS or individuals who have never experienced being in an A" crowd.

Why do you think the BS is NOT involved in the A? Affairs are love triangles and triangles, last I checked, had THREE sides - not just two. And why would a BS point of view be any less valuable anyway? Is BS some sort of contagious disease? Is the fact that they are betrayed neutering their ability to provide insight?

 

Why would never have experienced an A make one less able to comment or opine on one? Would you equally refuse a triple bypass simply because the surgeon on call has never had one himself/herself?

 

Why the bigotry?

 

But if I am not, isn’t it interesting? That the same request that was honored over at M&LP cannot be given the same courtesy here?

Why is that interesting?

And why post the same thread twice?

Edited December 21, 2010 by jwi71

[AngeletteX]

Why the bigotry?

 

Why is that interesting?

And why post the same thread twice?

 

Hi JWI,

I’m not sure where in my second post I gave a “tacit” okay. Or even an impression of one.

 

My intent for this thread was a mirror to the one on M&LP which had asked for the responses to be restricted. The exact words were "no OW/mistresses or OM please". And that request has been honored, as far as I know.

 

There is not bigotry here, just a similar request to keep the responses to those who have walked in the same shoes. Just like the individual who posted in M&LP who wanted to keep the responses restricted to other married people, I wanted to hear from those who have been involved in an A/R.

 

What I find interesting is that you, a BS, couldn’t honor the initial request – while all the OW/OM have stayed off the particular thread I mentioned in my first post.

 

As for all your questions, please start a separate thread. Thank you.

[jwi71]

Hi JWI,

There is not bigotry here, just a similar request to keep the responses to those who have walked in the same shoes. Just like the individual who posted in M&LP who wanted to keep the responses restricted to other married people, I wanted to hear from those who have been involved in an A/R.

 

BBM. And just to highlight, I don't think any further commentary is required here as your position is crystal clear.

 

I'll post no more here as discourse isn't the intent of this thread imo.

 

What I find interesting is that you, a BS, couldn’t honor the initial request – while all the OW/OM have stayed off the particular thread I mentioned in my first post.

 

And yet again...drawing a stark line between "posters" and BS. A not so subtle denigration of BS. Like I said, I can see where this is going.

[AngeletteX]

Ummm sorry but you don't get to say who can post in your thread and who can't. This is a public forum and most of us like it that way. And FWIW I am NOT a BS. I was an OW. I just don't get the point of thread like this with an intent to divide.

 

It's not an intent to divide - but let me just say, NOBODY jumped all over the other post in the M&LP section when the same was requested. Why is that? And why should the rules be different here?

 

Of course, this is a public forum.

 

Everybody can and will post to whatever thread they feel like. But the original post should still be considered. And what I asked was for ladies and gentlemen who find themselves in a relationship with a committed parter, to impart one thing that they absolutely adore about their partner.

 

Now if you were an OW, why don't you tell us one thing that you used to adore about him?

[Ladyblue]

It's not an intent to divide - but let me just say, NOBODY jumped all over the other post in the M&LP section when the same was requested. Why is that? And why should the rules be different here?

 

Of course, this is a public forum.

 

Everybody can and will post to whatever thread they feel like. But the original post should still be considered. And what I asked was for ladies and gentlemen who find themselves in a relationship with a committed parter, to impart one thing that they absolutely adore about their partner.

 

Now if you were an OW, why don't you tell us one thing that you used to adore about him?

 

He made me feel so loved, made me feel so special. I trusted him like no other.

 

Its hard for me to remember how special it felt, though, because when it ended, it hurt so bad, and I realized it was all pretty much one-sided, or he would have been with me. If he had felt the same about me as he said he did, pretended he did, with his circumstances, it wouldn't have even been a question.

 

So when I think of him, I think, "LIAR!" I think "pain." And any good moments just go up like smoke.

 

sorry

[AngeletteX]

And yes, I specifically requested that no mistresses/other women and other men not post in a thread in the MARRIAGE and LIFE PARTNERSHIPS portion of LS. Not sure what "Angel" has such an issue with it and find it interesting that she honed in on that post in that forum and for her very first post, started a thread in this forum commenting on my post in another forum.

 

I don't have an issue with it.

 

But I was intrigued because the request was honored - and no OW/OM responded to your post despite the fact that people like to say this is a public forum and anybody could respond.

 

I wanted to see if it was possible to have a similar thread here, in the OW/OM section. To be honest, it makes me sad because the path this thread is taking is proving it is Not Possible.

 

Considering your screen name, I assume either you have been "fooled once" by either your spouse or an A/P. If it was an A/P though, you must surely have wonderful memories.

 

If love had been shared at one point, just because it ends doesn't mean it terminates what was. (and I think this is true even of a M that has met its demise)

 

I remember how much I loved my very first boyfriend. I don't have a ounce of that feeling left in me - and yet, I still remember having loved him (in that crazy "head over heels first love" way) and the specific snapshots of specific moments that we shared.

 

If there is one thing you adored about your A/P (if indeed you had one) please share....

[steelknife]

i loved the way his calls would make me feel. all the time, each time it comes as expected.

[desertIslandCactus]

Hi JWI,

I’m not sure where in my second post I gave a “tacit” okay. Or even an impression of one.

 

My intent for this thread was a mirror to the one on M&LP which had asked for the responses to be restricted. The exact words were "no OW/mistresses or OM please". And that request has been honored, as far as I know.

 

There is not bigotry here, just a similar request to keep the responses to those who have walked in the same shoes. Just like the individual who posted in M&LP who wanted to keep the responses restricted to other married people, I wanted to hear from those who have been involved in an A/R.

 

What I find interesting is that you, a BS, couldn’t honor the initial request – while all the OW/OM have stayed off the particular thread I mentioned in my first post.

 

As for all your questions, please start a separate thread. Thank you.

 

My question would be: If FA (banned) .. Or a newcomer - Why come on in a pompous manner throwing your weight around to established members.

[Mimolicious]

Never mind...

[Star_Bright]

It's not an intent to divide - but let me just say, NOBODY jumped all over the other post in the M&LP section when the same was requested. Why is that? And why should the rules be different here?

 

Of course, this is a public forum.

 

Everybody can and will post to whatever thread they feel like. But the original post should still be considered. And what I asked was for ladies and gentlemen who find themselves in a relationship with a committed parter, to impart one thing that they absolutely adore about their partner.

 

Now if you were an OW, why don't you tell us one thing that you used to adore about him?

 

I don't know what thread you are referring to because I only post here. And here in OM/OW anyone can post. I like it that way, is all I'm saying. No one gets to come here and dictate who can post and who can't post and what topic we have to stay on... except for Tony.

 

I adored the way he made me feel, but, of course he had every incentive to keep me happy when I was letting him have his cake and eat it too.

[Star_Bright]

Hi SB!!!! Been wondering about you!!

 

the poster of this thread "Angel" , almost like fallen angel, has made 4 posts and all of them are quoting a thread in MARRIAGE & LIFE PARTNERSHIPS, which just so happens to have been started be me

 

And yes, I specifically requested that no mistresses/other women and other men not post in a thread in the MARRIAGE and LIFE PARTNERSHIPS portion of LS. Not sure what "Angel" has such an issue with it and find it interesting that she honed in on that post in that forum and for her very first post, started a thread in this forum commenting on my post in another forum.

 

Coincidence? I think not.

 

Hi Fooled_Once, I've been doing great! I'm about to travel home for the holidays.

 

I guess I find this a double standard and wish people wouldn't dictate who can post where. That's just my opinion though. I also don't like when BS come here just to rile up OWs or when OWs go over to Marriage/Infidelity to rile up BSs... or when some posts are taken from one to the other etc. To me that is just divisive and pointless. I have learned a lot from BSs with the intent to help and I have also seen BSs learn a new perspective from OW (mainly, both BS and OW seem to find out that MM has lied to both of them!). So I guess I just don't see the need to exclude certain points of view but that's just me.

[AngeletteX]

So ladies and gents - those who find themselves "involved with a committed partner" - name one thing you absolutely adore about your partner.

 

I'll start -

I love the way we're always laughing with each other, especially all the inside jokes we share together that nobody else is privy to!

 

I love the way he puts in the time and thought to pick out the perfect present for me.

[desertIslandCactus]

I love the way he puts in the time and thought to pick out the perfect present for me.

 

If he's married .. 1/2 of what he gives you is his W's .. Tell him to keep the gifts small, in case it catches up to him in a D.