tony, i have a question for you

[horizon]

i have been reading alot of posts on this board and i have noticed one continuing phrase you use to solve problems. i know your advise is valuable and very excellent so i am not putting you down or condemning you, i am only curious. your answer seems to be to a lot of people to "leave" leave someone, get the hell away from them, etc. i'm not knocking your advise but at times, it seems like maybe you are jumping the gun. in some situations i would say the same thing to these people. but when they are writing about a certain problem and that is the only problem you hear and know about and you judge the whole relationship on that one problem, that is what i don't understand. is it that you think that that one problem is worthy of ending a relationship or that if that one thing is going on that the rest of it cant be good? i'm only curious. i value your advise so please don't take this in the negative. just curious. curiousity killed the cat, satisfaction brought it back. thanks.

[tina]

yes i appreciate your question it is not only tony everbody is giving the same answer. i think if somebody wants and is ready to move will never ask this question.

 

it will be nice if somebody can tell you why it happens and most of the time wenn it happens because of this reason so try to get out of it or just be conscious for what you do.

 

i think if somebody has to leave then he or she doesn't have any problem, the only thing what he wants to know is how things move after break. so please everyone of us we have to deal with problems deeper than before so it would be more interested. if everbody writes and knows the answer before the it will very short communication. so lets have arealy talk wenn ever it comes to this problem.

[Tony T]

First, everyone who posts here should be able to take the opinions written, apply them to their situation, and make a decision for themselves. Second, my advice is always based soundly on the information given to me.

 

I have been on the planet many years. In all my days, I have rarely seen a situation where if someone is treating another with lack of consideration, respect or indecency, that the relationship will work out. I personally do not think anyone should ever take that kind of treatment, particularly from someone they want a relationship with.

 

Not only do I have many horrendously awful experiences with love behind me, including an ex-wife who wanted to have me killed, but I have several advanced college degrees. I am now very happily married to a lady with whom I share mutual honor, admiration and respect and it is an incredibly wonderful situation. I think I have the credentials to at least put my two cents in. And I am totally aware I am NOT right all the time but I'm willing to give it a shot.

 

Believe me, I am an absolute and complete advocate of helping save relationships that are worthy of saving. But I will never, ever encourage people to stick around in a bad situation. People don't usually post here unless they have attempted to solve their problems on their own.

 

I will get on my knees and beg you to come behind me and give good reasons why my advice is bad and encourage the parties to work it out. As a matter of fact, I often suggest counselling and even give other options if they can't afford it. I also recommend books people can read for free, and Internet sites, to help them save money.

 

I do appreciate your post but will continue responding to inquiries on a case by case basis as always. And I hope others will do the same. This is a great place to get a good balance of opinions.

 

By the way, I seriously doubt most people take my advice. Everybody thinks tomorrow it will get better but it seldom does. Once things go sour, that's usually it. I wish you could see some of the people who come back and write that I was on the mark. When somebody is in love, they are addicted to the chemicals that are generated in the brain and there's not much I can say to get them unhooked. I can only be true to myself.

 

Please come back more often and keep me in line!!!

[horizon]

tony, thank you for responding. that is kind of what i thought, but i wanted to hear it from the "boss" just kidding. and i have read alot of post that people have come back and said your advise was right on! i am glad and thankful for you being on this board, it makes sense so much what you say and i have taken advise myself that you have given others. especially about not being totally there for someone, adding a little mystery and aloofness to a relationship, that is the best advise i've heard and it has worked, i applied it to my boyfriend as we are hardly ever seperated and i tried it by doing somethings by myself and he has been more attentive. thank you and keep up the good advise. on the horizon.

First, everyone who posts here should be able to take the opinions written, apply them to their situation, and make a decision for themselves. Second, my advice is always based soundly on the information given to me. I have been on the planet many years. In all my days, I have rarely seen a situation where if someone is treating another with lack of consideration, respect or indecency, that the relationship will work out. I personally do not think anyone should ever take that kind of treatment, particularly from someone they want a relationship with. Not only do I have many horrendously awful experiences with love behind me, including an ex-wife who wanted to have me killed, but I have several advanced college degrees. I am now very happily married to a lady with whom I share mutual honor, admiration and respect and it is an incredibly wonderful situation. I think I have the credentials to at least put my two cents in. And I am totally aware I am NOT right all the time but I'm willing to give it a shot. Believe me, I am an absolute and complete advocate of helping save relationships that are worthy of saving. But I will never, ever encourage people to stick around in a bad situation. People don't usually post here unless they have attempted to solve their problems on their own. I will get on my knees and beg you to come behind me and give good reasons why my advice is bad and encourage the parties to work it out. As a matter of fact, I often suggest counselling and even give other options if they can't afford it. I also recommend books people can read for free, and Internet sites, to help them save money.

 

I do appreciate your post but will continue responding to inquiries on a case by case basis as always. And I hope others will do the same. This is a great place to get a good balance of opinions. By the way, I seriously doubt most people take my advice. Everybody thinks tomorrow it will get better but it seldom does. Once things go sour, that's usually it. I wish you could see some of the people who come back and write that I was on the mark. When somebody is in love, they are addicted to the chemicals that are generated in the brain and there's not much I can say to get them unhooked. I can only be true to myself.

 

Please come back more often and keep me in line!!!

[Amber]

Personally I think that a lot of people come to this post LOOKING for someone to tell them that they are in a "go nowhere" relationship. They just need to see it on "paper" to solidify their feelings. Sometimes people just need someone to tell them whats wrong for them to really see it.

 

*** The soul would have no rainbow, If the eyes had no tears***

[Tony T]

You are right in a way. But I think we all assume that everyone who posts here has exhausted every other means of solving their problems, including excellent (if that's possible) communication with their partner.

 

If there is hope for a relationship to survive, each person should be encouraged to make that happen. But I don't think people should waste their lives in unfulfilling, deceitful, or abusive relationships. I also don't think people should waste their time trying to change people that aren't going to change.

 

Another complete waste of time is waiting around while someone else dates other people, hoping they will one day return. That is insane. People that care for a certain someone don't go around dating other people.

 

Love has absolutely nothing to do with it. People can love someone with all their heart...but if the beloved has no respect or consideration for the other, it is all for naught.

 

I think the number of people who settle into unfulfilling and unhappy relationships because they are scared of being by themselves or too lazy to find someone else is horrifying.

 

People who post here should expect honest, forthright advice. I think posters who are seeking honest information are not well served by those who do a lot of sugar coating. Relationships that have a good chance should be encouraged. But life is simply too short to give people false hope.

 

All this is said with the full understanding that people are going to do what they want...they will stay in an abusive relationship if they want...but somewhere down the road there is a price to pay. In life, if we do not stand up for what we believe, if we do not insist on being treated kindly with honor and respect, if we do not expect honesty and respect from our mates for our relationship together, we are condemned to being chewed up and spit out by everyone we associate with. Life is not easy and the weak get clobbered.

 

The very best thing we can do is find someone who will be kind and loving towards us, treat us with understanding, and be a caring partner to us all the days of our lives. If that's what you have, you are where it's at.