Our weekend before Christmas

[recuerdeme]

So we met up this weekend because we are not going to be able to spend Christmas together (I'll instead go down there for the end of the year).

 

Anyways we meet up, to see each other and supposedly exchange gifts. Me, being the hopeless romantic that I am and a little be extravagant, I went all out. I arrived first at the hotel we met at, a part from his gift I brought with me candles and wine and roses and well I decorated the suite. Put on something titillating and waited for him.

 

He gets to the city but is unwilling to pay for a cab so I have to put on clothes to go pick him up grrr. But still I put on some new Gucci pants and shirt I had purchased for this "Christmas" Rendezvous. I pick him up he laughs and says why are you all dressed up grrr. And he will not tell me why he's laughing grrr. Anyways we get back to the hotel, I'm back in my barely there clothing with two candles lit and two glasses of wine in my hands. He's laughing again.... I say whats so funny? He says nothing grrr... We finally get to gifting time I reveal his $400+ gift of pretty much everything he's been mentioning for the last few weeks. He's taken aback and is happy to see it. He's laughing again.. So I'm waiting for my gift and nothing.... NOTHING... Nada... No money he says!?!???. (Plus I got gifts for his family as well grrr).

 

I don't ruin the weekend with dramatics or anything like that but it was a real blow. Not even the sense to write something on a $1 card? And what's with all the laughing? He didn't give me a clear answer. Maybe excitement and happiness and nervousness? But why no answer? I was starting to feel a little self conscious.

 

And the real reason for this thread... he just called and during the conversation he mentioned (I think accidentally) that he's getting gifts for some neices or something and buying dinner or something to take to his family's Xmas dinner and buying gawd knows what for the New Years party he and a cousin is planning. But he tells me NO MONEY no thoughts in something for the LOVE of His Life!?!/? I'm very upset. And he has the audacity to get upset when I question him about whether or not he wants to be with me or loves me when crap like this is always happening.

 

This just isn't right. How does this situation look?

 

Oh and things aren't going all that great since my last/first post because mainly stuff like this, his utter lack of attention or care.

[creighton0123]

The "What, no money?" comment could be just a jest. Perhaps he isn't accustomed to receiving/giving gifts.

 

Did you place a condition on the gifts you gave him? The situation looks like you went all out for the person you love to show them how you feel.

 

"And he has the audacity to get upset when I question him about whether or not he wants to be with me or loves me when crap like this is always happening. "

 

Perhaps he's more simple. A $1 card from you with a nice letter attached could have saved you quite a bit of money :-)

 

If you really love him, you should think about laughing it off :-D

 

Love and romance is beautiful. It is also so very fun and funny.

[HeavenOrHell]

I have to say it doesn't look good from what you've said, not that presents are important, it's more his attitude. I've not seen your other posts about him, so I can't really make a fair judgement, but if things like this keep happening it wouldn't sit easy with me.

[recuerdeme]

The "What, no money?" comment could be just a jest. Perhaps he isn't accustomed to receiving/giving gifts.

 

Did you place a condition on the gifts you gave him? The situation looks like you went all out for the person you love to show them how you feel.

 

"And he has the audacity to get upset when I question him about whether or not he wants to be with me or loves me when crap like this is always happening. "

 

Perhaps he's more simple. A $1 card from you with a nice letter attached could have saved you quite a bit of money :-)

 

If you really love him, you should think about laughing it off :-D

 

Love and romance is beautiful. It is also so very fun and funny.

 

He is accustomed to giving and receiving gifts. This isn't our first Christmas together (not to mention other festive or gift giving days).

 

And he is not simple in his tastes either... I mean really $400+ worth of stuff was me thinking about him and what he likes... he's just unthoughtful.

 

I tried to laugh it off and we really had a great weekend regardless... but his "newfound" money and him buying things for others and for events... I just can't laugh it off anymore. It's just the nothing, the lack of thought for anything for me... I mean an "I love you" on a post it would have let me know he was thinking about me sigh... I mean I even told him the above thinking maybe I'd wake up Sunday or Monday morning before leaving and find a little note but zip zero nada.

 

I wish I could laugh it off and not care. Maybe later I'll be fine but now I'm still fuming.

[creighton0123]

 

I wish I could laugh it off and not care. Maybe later I'll be fine but now I'm still fuming.

 

/ hug

 

I hope you have a good holiday otherwise.

[folieadeux]

Wow, I am so sorry to hear this...and right before the holidays too. I was actually getting mad reading your post. I think the way he treated you was unacceptable. I haven't read your other posts about him and am unfamiliar with the history here, but this is just not good. Gifts aren't everything and if the pair of you didn't set any type of limit for presents, then so be it. But the fact that he sees you went all out for this weekend and he couldn't even do something nice for you that would have cost no money is horrible. And the laughing, I just plain don't get.

 

I really hope you sit down and have a chat with him about all of this and that he's understanding of where you're coming from. If not, I would definitely reassess the relationship. Again, I don't mean to come across as prioritizing the gifts, but his other actions (him having you pick him up, talking about buying gifts for others, etc.) were just really thoughtless and hurtful, IMO.

[aisle_seat]

I've got to agree with folieadeux...if I had no money for Christmas gifts I'd have said something beforehand, like "money's a little tight this year, why don't we just exchange small gifts/have a nice weekend together instead of buying gifts." And it doesn't take money to write a thoughtful and intimate note to show your appreciation for the one you love. In addition, the taxi thing and laughing inappropriately seems odd. I know, as quite the romantic myself, that you don't always get the reaction from your partner you hope to romantic gestures, but this is beyond being a little clueless. As is spending a lot of money on a party when you've already said you have no money.

 

It sounds like he's pretty defensive when you ask him about wanting to be with you...he shouldn't be if he's feeling for you what you do for him. I'd let him know about how the behavior he exhibited upset you.

[blugirl]

You know, to me his behaviour is like saying you aren't important to him straight in your face... I mean, he doesn't give you anything and irritatingly laughs everything off but he has money for the presents for other ppl and NYE stuff??? hello, something's very wrong here?!!! I'd seriously think if there's any sense to be in this relationship, this is a serious issue.

Plus, not wanting to pay for a cab and demanding you pick him up? Someone's a lil bit stingy here?

[recuerdeme]

Thanks for the responses. So I'm not crazy and unsympathetic as he is trying to make me believe. This situation just really is wrong and weird.

 

I tried to talk to him about how all of it made me feel and as usual he blew up and launched into a lengthy spiel about his situation and his stress and not once did he address my feelings. I repeatedly told him it is not about a present or money but about feelings and having enough love for me to think of some kind of gesture or expression to show you care. He never captured that concept because he was basically a broken record going on and on about not having money and his "dire" situation. And when I tried to call him on how no money doesn't = buying gifts for others and throwing parties well he blew up again. Sigh....

 

And right blugirl I told him that this doesn't make me feel like I'm someone special for him. And he was basically like "you have a decision"

 

I try to tell him I'm expressing how I feel so that we can be better and he can understand me and why I'm upset but instead he just focuses on himself and gets unjustifiable upset.

 

I'm going to reassess this relationship. Because every since he moved it's been draining me. I feel like a punching bag and this is shaping out to be a very bad experience indeed.

[creighton0123]

His reaction and his "you have a decision to make" argument is a very irrational and immature response. Hell, he could make a video card for you and upload it privately on youTube and give you a link. It's free if he has a webcam and takes little time. A written note is free and takes little time.

 

You're right to consider his reaction red flag behavior. What's worse is that it seems you're the only one trying at this point in time...

 

*hug*

[recuerdeme]

His reaction and his "you have a decision to make" argument is a very irrational and immature response. Hell, he could make a video card for you and upload it privately on youTube and give you a link. It's free if he has a webcam and takes little time. A written note is free and takes little time.

 

You're right to consider his reaction red flag behavior. What's worse is that it seems you're the only one trying at this point in time...

 

*hug*

 

Thanks for the e-hug... I really need one.

 

Strangers on the internet seem to have more compassion than my own bf

 

I just had another unsuccessful talk with him and he said something to the effect that I'm making him mad so why should he try to calm down and do what's right by me and the relationship(basically anything I say he twists to his own favor so that he can be offended or get angrier). I mean he doesn't care right? Geez this is horrible.

 

And he keeps hanging up on me. He yells and hangs up.

[aisle_seat]

Thanks for the e-hug... I really need one.

 

Strangers on the internet seem to have more compassion than my own bf

 

I just had another unsuccessful talk with him and he said something to the effect that I'm making him mad so why should he try to calm down and do what's right by me and the relationship(basically anything I say he twists to his own favor so that he can be offended or get angrier). I mean he doesn't care right? Geez this is horrible.

 

And he keeps hanging up on me. He yells and hangs up.

 

 

That is deplorable behavior. The guy just does not sound very emotionally mature...everything is about him and he's completely disregarding your feelings. And hanging up? What is he, 13 years old?

 

I'm sorry, don't mean to be harsh but he really does not sound as though he cares about you very much. Even under extreme stress, his lashing out at you is unacceptable. A red flag, as was said above. I think you're right to re-evaluate your relationship with him. A loving partnership is one where you each want to make the other happy...something you have been doing and he, it seems, has not.

[folieadeux]

Thanks for the responses. So I'm not crazy and unsympathetic as he is trying to make me believe. This situation just really is wrong and weird.

 

I tried to talk to him about how all of it made me feel and as usual he blew up and launched into a lengthy spiel about his situation and his stress and not once did he address my feelings. I repeatedly told him it is not about a present or money but about feelings and having enough love for me to think of some kind of gesture or expression to show you care. He never captured that concept because he was basically a broken record going on and on about not having money and his "dire" situation. And when I tried to call him on how no money doesn't = buying gifts for others and throwing parties well he blew up again. Sigh....

 

And right blugirl I told him that this doesn't make me feel like I'm someone special for him. And he was basically like "you have a decision"

 

I try to tell him I'm expressing how I feel so that we can be better and he can understand me and why I'm upset but instead he just focuses on himself and gets unjustifiable upset.

 

I'm going to reassess this relationship. Because every since he moved it's been draining me. I feel like a punching bag and this is shaping out to be a very bad experience indeed.

 

You're far from crazy. If he isn't going to make you a priority, then you need to cut your losses. Was he like this prior to the move?

[Romance]

It sounds like he isn't thinking of you.

If he has no money, fine. Bake something, make something, a love letter, a small dollar store stocking of cute fun things? A mix tape?

so much cheap or free stuff he could have tried..

[Els]

I honestly think you're focusing on the wrong issue.

 

It sucks that he didn't bother to get you a gift.

 

But I think the biggest issue here is all the unappreciative laughing (wtf?!) in response to YOURS. What was his excuse for THAT?

[recuerdeme]

You're far from crazy. If he isn't going to make you a priority, then you need to cut your losses. Was he like this prior to the move?

 

Before the move he was an attentive boyfriend and sometimes romantic. Nothing like this person I speak to now. I told him he has changed. But as you can imagine this did not go over so well with him.h

[folieadeux]

Before the move he was an attentive boyfriend and sometimes romantic. Nothing like this person I speak to now. I told him he has changed. But as you can imagine this did not go over so well with him.h

 

Something must have caused him to change. It seems like he has a real issue with being accountable for his actions. I don't think anything you're asking of him warrants his response. You have a right to know why his behavior has changed and why he was laughing at you on your last weekend together.