I finally did it!!!

[Jamone]

Hello LS

 

My original thread Is this the end of my marriage? saw many of you giving me some very insightful advice. I thought i'd update you on recent events. To cut a long story short i decided to end our marriage Dec 11th. I wanted to 'ride' the year out but she did something that made me realize i have to get out.

 

We had a massive argument the day after i ended and she asked me to leave. When i said i wasn't leaving, she said if i didn't leave she was going to make sure that i did and got the phone and pretended to call the police. It wasn't until i went absolutely nuts that she said she didn't really call them, she only pretended to do it to get me out!

 

The first thing that came from her lips when i told her i was finished was "Are you going before or after Christmas?" Nice response huh?

 

Anyway, her family's coming to ours for Christmas this year. No one from my family as they aren't about. I'll be on my own with her family on Christmas day...what could very possibly be our last one together. I feel a bit strange about this. I'm here for my daughter and will not ruin it for her or the rest and i won't create an atmosphere to ruin the day but i fear it's gonna hurt and i'm gonna have to suck it in.

 

She asked me earlier if i'm going to be more than civil to her on the day, and i just think she's just worried that i will put a damper on things. I promised i wouldn't. After all it's all about 'family' isn't it? Her mom knows about the situation but her dad, sisters and brother haven't found out yet. She says she wasn't planning on telling them til the new year.

 

Anyway, in terms of living arrangements, i now sleep on the sofa downstairs until i can save enough to leave and i've recently applied for a job that, if i get it, will put me in a better position financially.

 

I thought i'd update you all on the recent happenings and to thank you all for the wonderful support and advice you've given me. I'm sorry things had to go this way but until i can heal myself i think it's the best move. I'd be lying if i said i'm not scared and worried about the future but i think i'm doing the right thing for everyone.

 

I also wrote her a six page letter letting everything out, even things that i held on to previously for fear of the effect it'll have. I feel a lot 'lighter' now i've said it.

 

Anyway, thanks again for the help and have a Merry Christmas.

[ShatteredReality]

Did you give her the letter? How did she respond? Good luck with the Christmas with her family. It will be difficult...but there is rarely anything about breaking up a marriage that isn't. You will be ok...over time...And getting out sooner rather than later is obviously going to help matters. Being in too close quarters during a seperation can be even more stressful.

[Jamone]

Thanks for the kind words ShatteredReality. I gave her the letter and even though i stated in it several times that it wasn't intended to make her feel guilty and that i wasn't blaming her and that i was just saying how i felt, she still thought i was blaming her. I think she sees me as some sort of manic depressive who needs help so whatever i say is due to my depressive state. Anyway, can't say i'm looking forward to christmas. Hope yours'll be better than mine.

[ShatteredReality]

I'm sorry it's been so difficult. As for the letter...yeah...Well now isn't a great time to tell her those things because both your emotions are running high. Typically people cannot see what they did wrong until after the fact - once they are a little more emotionally removed from the situation and able to recognize fact vs the emotional reaction of what they want the facts to be.

 

Of course, if you want to prove her wrong about you being manic depressive you could go to a Dr and be evaluated. That would help in some ways. At least then you could come back and say that you aren't - or (worst case) you find out you are and get the help you would need if you had that condition. A lot of times people who are depressed don't realize that's what is wrong and it's the friends and family members who are able to tell them to go be seen. My H didn't believe he had depression for a long time, but he finally went in (I think to shut me up) a couple of years ago. I am the one he asks to find out if his meds are working too...because a lot of the time when they are working all they do is "regulate" ones mood, which can cause a depressed person not to recognize that it is working. Or they feel it's not the meds doing it, but somehow they've gotten better on their own. Either way...IF that's a factor, you want to get that taken care of for yourself anyway - not just because she said so. If it's not - then you can at least tell her you got checked out and that maybe now she should.