tigressA Posted December 22, 2010 Share Posted December 22, 2010 A couple of weeks ago I went to visit a guy friend of mine for the weekend who I've known for a year. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t249696/ It was the first time I had seen him in awhile, and I had a really good time with him...but since then, things have been different between us. Our conversations are different--they're shorter, and we don't talk about all the same things we normally do. He also doesn't initiate conversation with me nearly as much as he used to. We usually talk to each other about our dating lives and whatnot, but he hasn't really asked me about mine and he hasn't said anything about his other than some out-of-the-blue mention about how he met some girl he's interested in. We were alone in his parents' house since they were away on vacation. That Friday night we were watching a movie on the couch and we got a little snuggly, but it was no big deal--it was like "Hey, there's a warm body here, cool". At one point when we were talking we looked at each other and there was one of "those" pauses, but it passed and things went on like it never happened. I'm kind of regretting that I met up with him because of how things are with us now. I want to talk to him about it...what's a good way to broach it with him? Link to post Share on other sites
Surrealist Posted December 22, 2010 Share Posted December 22, 2010 Does he have an interest in you over and above friendship? Link to post Share on other sites
OceanGirl Posted December 22, 2010 Share Posted December 22, 2010 Do you have an interest in him as more than a friend? Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted December 22, 2010 Share Posted December 22, 2010 Is he hot? No homo. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tigressA Posted December 22, 2010 Author Share Posted December 22, 2010 The first question I can't answer. That's something I'll have to find out from him. The second question...well, he's one of my best friends; I can (and do) talk to him about everything. We get along well. When I was with him that weekend, I did feel a wee bit of sexual tension, but it definitely wasn't like I was dying to jump his bones. The third question...oh Hokie ...he's cute, in an awkward sort of way. He is Indian, which has proven to be quite the draw for me. And he's right around my height, which is also something I like. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted December 22, 2010 Share Posted December 22, 2010 It sounds like he doesn't want to go there but is afraid that you do so he is in a holding pattern of not wanting to hurt your feelings. or He wants it to go there but is afraid you don't. Either broach the subject and let him know that is isn't going that way so he can relax and be friends again or you need to go out with him and just be friends.. By the way.. friends don't snuggle while watching TV so unless you feel like banging the guy you might want to lay off the snuggling Link to post Share on other sites
Author tigressA Posted December 22, 2010 Author Share Posted December 22, 2010 Thanks, Art. I've learned my lesson about the cuddling. I will be totally honest and say that we did initially meet on OKC--I didn't say that in the first thread about him because I knew I would get endlessly flamed for it and I didn't think it was relevant at all since we were just friends. He had made first contact and pursued, but I shot him down because I found someone else I liked more. From then on we maintained a strong friendship. And now here we are... Link to post Share on other sites
joeLove Posted December 22, 2010 Share Posted December 22, 2010 Maybe he is just shy and doesn't know how to take it to the next level ... Has he had a g/f before? or is it kind of his first time to be in a situation like this? Joe Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted December 22, 2010 Share Posted December 22, 2010 I'm sure you'd prefer not to have anyone say "I told you so". Link to post Share on other sites
Author tigressA Posted December 22, 2010 Author Share Posted December 22, 2010 Maybe he is just shy and doesn't know how to take it to the next level ... Has he had a g/f before? or is it kind of his first time to be in a situation like this? Joe Oh, he is not shy when it comes to someone he's into...he's had girlfriends, he knows how to play "the game". He joked a couple of times that if I had met him a couple of years back we would've been banging. Given that he's not shy, I think he thinks I want it to go there, while he doesn't, and he's tiptoeing. Though I don't know why he would tiptoe in this situation as opposed to him being interested. Link to post Share on other sites
Surrealist Posted December 22, 2010 Share Posted December 22, 2010 Sorry for the crudeness but honestly, how the guy can maintain a straight face and limp doodle while cuddling up to your hot body confounds me. Link to post Share on other sites
joeLove Posted December 22, 2010 Share Posted December 22, 2010 Ok. If he knows exactly what he needs to do and he isn't doing it, then ... You have a couple of options: 1. You can ask him straight up and try to get a clear answer from him. 2. You can take the hints he is giving you and start looking for alternatives. I think option 2. is the safest ... Joe Oh, he is not shy when it comes to someone he's into...he's had girlfriends, he knows how to play "the game". He joked a couple of times that if I had met him a couple of years back we would've been banging. Given that he's not shy, I think he thinks I want it to go there, while he doesn't, and he's tiptoeing. Though I don't know why he would tiptoe in this situation as opposed to him being interested. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tigressA Posted December 22, 2010 Author Share Posted December 22, 2010 The best way to describe how I feel toward him now is curiosity. Like I wouldn't mind giving him a kiss to see if there really is a spark or not. It definitely wouldn't break my heart to find out he isn't into me, and I have been dating quite a bit. I have a couple of dates coming up after the holidays. Link to post Share on other sites
joeLove Posted December 22, 2010 Share Posted December 22, 2010 Sounds like you don't give up easily, do you? Good quality to have ... Hey, if you are prepared for any response from him (good or bad) either way, then just go for it ... Joe The best way to describe how I feel toward him now is curiosity. Like I wouldn't mind giving him a kiss to see if there really is a spark or not. It definitely wouldn't break my heart to find out he isn't into me, and I have been dating quite a bit. I have a couple of dates coming up after the holidays. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tigressA Posted December 22, 2010 Author Share Posted December 22, 2010 I just called to talk to him about it but he didn't answer his phone, so I left a message. "Hey, call me back when you can, I'd like to talk. Bye!" When we talk I'll say, "So, this might be all in my head, but I feel like things between us have been a little strange since I came to visit." And go from there. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted December 22, 2010 Share Posted December 22, 2010 Sorry for the crudeness but honestly, how the guy can maintain a straight face and limp doodle while cuddling up to your hot body confounds me. I get the impression she's developed the habit of relying on her looks to get by in life and never goes more than a week without cuddling up next to some guy. Each week it's a different guy. He's probably been around long enough to recognize this and knows dating women like that is a hassle. It's this guy she was planning to visit while she was dating someone else. And she was swearing to all involved, us, her ex, and possibly herself, that there was nothing going on with this guy. It turns out that wasn't exactly true. If the guy she was dating then happened to find out about this, he'd feel justified in letting things go like he did. I would feel deceived. My theory is he knows that either she is young and kind of naive or else she's not a truthful person. I'm leaning toward the latter. A lot of guys wouldn't overlook that if the reward is only to bed a hot girl. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tigressA Posted December 22, 2010 Author Share Posted December 22, 2010 (edited) There really was nothing going on with this guy, but then there was tension when I visited...it just popped up. In retrospect, it's good that I didn't go when I was still dating my ex, as it could've happened then. But it's not something I wanted nor expected. I had been extremely open with my ex about the circumstances with this friend, including how we had met. I didn't include that in the first thread because I didn't think it was relevant as the situation how it was then was purely platonic, and I knew I would be crucified for it regardless. Johan, I don't appreciate your assertion that it's a different guy every week. That is an extreme and unfair exaggeration. Edited December 22, 2010 by tigressA Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted December 22, 2010 Share Posted December 22, 2010 I didn't include that in the first thread because I didn't think it was relevant as the situation how it was then was purely platonic, and I knew I would be crucified for it regardless. There is a very small handful of female posters on LS who regularly withhold information and post it later, claiming they withheld it because it was irrelevant and they knew they'd crucified for it. First, it's always relevant. Second, if you think you'll be crucified for it, maybe THAT's something worth paying attention to? Johan, I don't appreciate your assertion that it's a different guy every week. That is an extreme and unfair exaggeration. C'mon, A... you have a multi-dating log going on. Sometimes it's more than one guy a week! Link to post Share on other sites
northern_sky Posted December 22, 2010 Share Posted December 22, 2010 I had been extremely open with my ex about the circumstances with this friend, including how we had met. I didn't include that in the first thread because I didn't think it was relevant as the situation how it was then was purely platonic, and I knew I would be crucified for it regardless. I can relate to that. I've withheld stuff on LS before for the same reason. But I always end up confessing later and then getting crucified. LS really blows sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
northern_sky Posted December 22, 2010 Share Posted December 22, 2010 There is a very small handful of female posters on LS who regularly withhold information and post it later, claiming they withheld it because it was irrelevant and they knew they'd crucified for it. First, it's always relevant. Second, if you think you'll be crucified for it, maybe THAT's something worth paying attention to? C'mon, A... you have a multi-dating log going on. Sometimes it's more than one guy a week! Not necessarily. People on LS can be unduly harsh, to make an understatement. I can understand where Tigress is coming from. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tigressA Posted December 22, 2010 Author Share Posted December 22, 2010 C'mon, A... you have a multi-dating log going on. Sometimes it's more than one guy a week! Well, yeah, true... but he made it sound like it's some big character flaw. I'm not an attention whore cruising through life on my looks. Link to post Share on other sites
OceanGirl Posted December 22, 2010 Share Posted December 22, 2010 I don't see anything wrong with multi-dating until you are in an exclusive relationship. When TigressA was with C, she quite happily gave up all the other guys... Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted December 22, 2010 Share Posted December 22, 2010 When TigressA was with C, she quite happily gave up all the other guys... When she was with C, she was going to see this guy. That's not giving up all the other guys. She claims it was and always has been platonic. But I think TA isn't being honest with herself about her feelings for this guy - then, or now. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted December 22, 2010 Share Posted December 22, 2010 I'm not an attention whore cruising through life on my looks. If you edit that to read "I'm not cruising through life on my looks," I might have to disagree with you. And I mean that lovingly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tigressA Posted December 22, 2010 Author Share Posted December 22, 2010 Also, duly noted on the "It's always relevant" thing. Getting back on topic...once he calls back, we'll talk about it. I think I may go with what Art gave me and say "I feel like you think I want things between us to be more than they are and that's making you feel awkward. I just want to go back to the way things were. I'm not a fan of this strangeness between us." Perhaps it was because things were always online that we were both convinced things were completely platonic and that everything would be sunshine and rainbows when we hung out in real life. But when things get into real life and you're alone in a house together for a weekend...well, things can get a little weird. Just like they did here. It was pretty naive of me to expect otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
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