tb24 Posted December 22, 2010 Share Posted December 22, 2010 Ok, so I just got a date with a rather nice girl I met while out christmas shopping. She wants to meet up but she has a boyfriend? I'm used to hearing "Sorry, I can't, I have a boyfriend". Which is fair enough, even when it is being used as a gentle let down. I considered that I'd been friend zoned, but the fact that she made a point of stating she had a boyfriend means she knew exactly what my intentions were/are. It basically went like this: I asked if she'd like to go out some time... she said "You should know I have a boyfriend, but sure that sound's good." I'm confused. We did really hit it off really well, and I think she likes me.... My intentions are clear, I want to start dating her, but I can't work out why she'd agree to meet up with me, alone if she had a boyfriend. Any ideas? I'm gonna go on the date and see what happens but if anyone can shed any light on the situation that would be great. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted December 22, 2010 Share Posted December 22, 2010 It's not good. Perhaps you should have pounced on it and asked if it's serious (without looking like you're pouncing). That's an unsettling thought that you have to deal with and it would have been considerate to say more about it. I've had chicks just up and dump their BFs for me--playing fast and loose with the other guy's feelings. But each time, I found these girls not to be for me and I dumped them to go try to mend their fences with the other guys. Some women are just impulsive--they see a big hunk like me with no ring all dressed up in pin stripes for Wall Street and boom, the other guy is summarily thrown to the curb. Well, what goes around comes around, baby. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted December 22, 2010 Share Posted December 22, 2010 Why would you want anything to do with a woman like this? Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted December 22, 2010 Share Posted December 22, 2010 Why would you want anything to do with a woman like this? One in hand is worth two in the bush. I say make a notch on the belt at least and then close her out if she's not all that. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted December 22, 2010 Share Posted December 22, 2010 One in hand is worth two in the bush. I say make a notch on the belt at least and then close her out if she's not all that. It is not a notch on the belt though. Women in relationships are ridiculously easy to get into bed so it is nothing to be proud of. I like to take pride in the fact that I have never contributed to causing another pain. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted December 22, 2010 Share Posted December 22, 2010 It is not a notch on the belt though. Women in relationships are ridiculously easy to get into bed so it is nothing to be proud of. I like to take pride in the fact that I have never contributed to causing another pain. Yeah, put me down for that too. But I wouldn't be causing anyone pain. She might. Maybe opportunies come to you right and left so you can trade them off at will. But my life has been a different experience. Sometimes we just have take what comes our way if we want to get any at all. And if some pretty girl wants a nice wide ride on Frisky's girthy protrusion for a change from Mr. Ho-hum, who am I to rob her of that divine experience. That would be indeed causing her some pain--and me too. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 22, 2010 Share Posted December 22, 2010 Attention whore. Avoid. Disclaimers do not change the dynamic in any way. Exception: She is openly poly and her boyfriend is disclosed and has personally accepted you as her apparent or potential partner. This means you and BF have met and discussed it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tb24 Posted December 22, 2010 Author Share Posted December 22, 2010 cheers guys. It's not like I've anything to lose by seeing her. Especially for one date to see what happens. Oh and, I've seen enough chick flicks to know that girls meet "mr right" when they're with someone. Usually a complete jerk they're about to marry in a month. haha just kidding Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 22, 2010 Share Posted December 22, 2010 If you're a noodle wetter and she's an attractive receptacle, then 'dating' her can provide such benefits. Obviously, for most healthy people, dating someone with any LTR intentions would be contra-indicated if that person is M or LTR with someone else, simply because it's indicative of that person's psychology and/or attachment style. This is the substance of my theory that many women are single for about ten seconds and that's usually while they're ostensibly married to, living with, or otherwise obviously attached to someone else (or so that person thinks). Your dilemma is, as a man, if you don't 'date' her, then you know some other, less discerning, guy will, hence no receptacle for your noodle but he'll get his. Competition. Women love this. Old as the earth. Enjoy Link to post Share on other sites
joeLove Posted December 22, 2010 Share Posted December 22, 2010 Maybe she wants a threesome with you and her bf ... who knows? :D:D ... May sound like a joke, but it is true. I approached a woman one day, she told me she was married, but her husband doesn't mind ... wasn't what I was looking for ... i ran away. Unless you ask her, you wouldn't really know. Joe Link to post Share on other sites
Cee Posted December 22, 2010 Share Posted December 22, 2010 You're in the friend zone at best. She'll probably flake on your "date" and you'll never get to see her. Or you'll end up hanging with her in an unromantic setting like a bar with her friends. But, please, prove me wrong. Pursue her and report back. If I am wrong about this, I am willing to give a heart felt apology on this thread. And you can laugh at me and tell me how wrong I am. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted December 22, 2010 Share Posted December 22, 2010 "By the way I have a boyfriend..." That's all she'll be able to say before she sees a cloud of dust and a me-shaped hole in the wall. Link to post Share on other sites
Hi.P.O'Crit Posted December 22, 2010 Share Posted December 22, 2010 I'm confused. We did really hit it off really well, and I think she likes me.... My intentions are clear, I want to start dating her, but I can't work out why she'd agree to meet up with me, alone if she had a boyfriend. Any ideas? I'm gonna go on the date and see what happens but if anyone can shed any light on the situation that would be great. Maybe she wants to get an itch scratched. If you want to help her scratch the itch go ahead. If you're looking for something more might want to pass her by. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tb24 Posted December 22, 2010 Author Share Posted December 22, 2010 You're in the friend zone at best. She'll probably flake on your "date" and you'll never get to see her. Or you'll end up hanging with her in an unromantic setting like a bar with her friends. That's fine by me Being introduced to her friends makes for a good opener and I've found that as a rule hot girls have hot friends. As for "looking for something more", I'm not looking for anything in particular and will happily just see where it goes. If it's nowhere, I haven't lost anything... Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted December 22, 2010 Share Posted December 22, 2010 But, please, prove me wrong. Pursue her and report back. If I am wrong about this, I am willing to give a heart felt apology on this thread. And you can laugh at me and tell me how wrong I am. Yes, but if you are wrong about it, how long do you think it'll be before OP comes back and asks why this girl suddenly up and lefted him for some other guy...? Link to post Share on other sites
fishtaco Posted December 22, 2010 Share Posted December 22, 2010 You're in the friend zone at best. She'll probably flake on your "date" and you'll never get to see her. Or you'll end up hanging with her in an unromantic setting like a bar with her friends. But, please, prove me wrong. Pursue her and report back. If I am wrong about this, I am willing to give a heart felt apology on this thread. And you can laugh at me and tell me how wrong I am. I'd say this too. She's either flakemaster 2000, or she's looking to get attention without having to pay the price, i.e. use you as her platonic boyfriend substitute and when you finally corner her, she'll say "oh I thought you meant hanging out as friends". But there is a chance that she's looking to have some extra-relationship fun. This is not something I'm good at, so I don't know what's the best approach. My approach would be straight forward... oh cool, you and your boyfriend have an open relationship. And she how she responds. Pros: zero effort, you find out what she's about immediately. If she wants play in the gray area, she can't, you just took that possibility away. She can still flake though. Cons: sometimes even when a woman wants to have sex with you, you have to be indirect about it. If you just go for it like this, they'll react with no even if they want it. Either way, this chick is not girlfriend material. But she could be fun. Link to post Share on other sites
Template Posted December 22, 2010 Share Posted December 22, 2010 "By the way I have a boyfriend..." That's all she'll be able to say before she sees a cloud of dust and a me-shaped hole in the wall. For some reason I am picturing some kind of black and white Warner Bros. cartoon.... Link to post Share on other sites
SteveC80 Posted December 23, 2010 Share Posted December 23, 2010 I used to do it numerous times and it got old,most women if they can land a guy they think is out fo their league and that they thought theyd have no shot with relatiosnhip or not these new age women will jump ship Link to post Share on other sites
january2010 Posted December 23, 2010 Share Posted December 23, 2010 I can't work out why she'd agree to meet up with me, alone if she had a boyfriend. Any ideas? I'm gonna go on the date and see what happens but if anyone can shed any light on the situation that would be great. An ego boost. That doesn't mean you'll get anything out of it though as she may just want the attention of another guy other than her boyfriend for a few hours and draws the line at that. If she wants more, it re-affirms that she has poor boundaries and is most likely not relationship material, that is, if you're looking for a monogamous long-term relationship. If you're not, what you decide to do with her is between you and your moral compass. Link to post Share on other sites
AverageJoe Posted December 23, 2010 Share Posted December 23, 2010 "By the way I have a boyfriend..." Answer: What does that have to do with me? The worse that can happen is nothing comes of it. And as you mentioned the potential introductions to her friends. Go for it. Link to post Share on other sites
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