Don't give me a reason to cheat on you ?

[NoIDidn't]

Great answer !

 

Trust me red flags went off....Who says that ??

 

Somebody who feels it's justified ?

 

When I read the title of this thread, I thought "who says that?!".

 

 

I see nothing wrong with asking a new love interest if they would cheat or ever have cheated in a R. That's important information to decide if desires for the coupling are the same.

[luvstarved]

Yes this is a clear message of pre-loaded blame. IMHO it is not just a message to keep you on your toes physically and sexually. I think you should take it as a warning that this may be a person who generally blames others for his behavior. I also think you should take it as a warning that no matter what you do or how hard you try, the odds are that eventually, you WILL "give him a reason to"...say, overcooking the eggs or forgetting to say "bless you" when he sneezes. A man has limits.

[gisellefromhell]

Another red flag is a girl that says, "Would you ever cheat on me?"

 

Don't ask questions that you might not like the answer to.

 

You tried to bait him/start a fight by essentially accusing him of being capable of cheating in the first place (which he might be).

 

He gave it right back to you.

 

Now you have your answer. Don't give him a reason to cheat.

 

Such as asking him nasty questions which accuse him of being a cheater.

 

The best way to know about your partner is to talk about these things. What's wrong with guys asking a girl, "would you ever be in a threesome"? "Would you ever steal something if you will never get caught?" Is that an accusation? No, it's just a question. And the OP's significant other showed major signs of immaturity with his answer.

[goingstrong]

This question is along the lines of " Does this dress make me look fat?". men, run away from women like that.

[carhill]

Her : " Would you ever cheat on me ? "

 

Him: "Will you sign this pre-nuptial agreement?"

 

[gisellefromhell]

Him: "Will you sign this pre-nuptial agreement?"

 

 

See, I don't see anything wrong with a question like that either. Shouldn't you know if your significant other would sign a pre-nup if that's what you want?

[gisellefromhell]

This question is along the lines of " Does this dress make me look fat?". men, run away from women like that.

 

Maybe you would. Other guys will be honest and say, "no, that dress doesn't make you look fat. The 3 Cinnabons you had after dinner does."

[carhill]

See, I don't see anything wrong with a question like that either. Shouldn't you know if your significant other would sign a pre-nup if that's what you want?

Correct, and issues like 'would you cheat on me' can be covered in a pre-nuptial agreement, and be binding on *both* sides.

[gisellefromhell]

Correct, and issues like 'would you cheat on me' can be covered in a pre-nuptial agreement, and be binding on *both* sides.

 

But the issue here is the guy's reply of "Don't give me a reason to cheat on you". Which is beyond just being freaked out about the question. It suggests that he thinks cheating is okay if the relationship doesn't meet his requirements. You don't want to be in a relationship with a person who thinks it's okay to cheat at a given circumstance, do you?

[carhill]

The guy's a toad. Of course, women seem to have a propensity for kissing toads, or so my life history has taught me. I prefer to focus on more positive things, like a healthy way of handling the issue, which is a reasonable one to discuss.

 

If the gender roles were reversed in the OP, all you'd hear was a slight whistle of the wind as I departed that incompatible person's presence. Of course, I'd never ask the question, but the resultant action is predicated upon that potential.

[gisellefromhell]

I think especially these days, people should ask their significant other about their views on cheating and what is acceptable. With everything that you see in movies and TV, about these "modern" relationships, not everyone sees infidelity as a big deal. It's easier for everyone to talk about it in the beginning of the relationship than to find out that your wife/husband of 5 years is cool with sleeping with other people if you've messed up.

[gisellefromhell]

I really don't see what the big deal is on asking questions and answering them honestly. It seems like men and women think that there are these rules that you should be freaked out when someone asks you about relationship things, the way they look, having kids, etc. Is it because you've seen on TV that you should be alarmed when a woman you're dating is talking about the future? Does that make it a cool thing to do? A lot of relationships fail because people don't want to confront these simple things. And it's just socially acceptable to avoid confrontation.

[carhill]

'I see so many relationships these days endangered by infidelity. How do you feel about that?'

 

'I made a very poor choice during a difficult time in my marriage and had an emotional affair. How do you feel about that?'

 

Dialogue-openers which disclose and are open-ended. That's my style. YMMV.

[2themoon&back]

Guys : What does this mean ?

 

Her : " Would you ever cheat on me ? "

 

Answer: " Don't give me a reason to ".

 

Girls may answer too

 

I have not read every response and do not feel the need to to answer the question at hand .......so if I repeat sorry …..

 

All it says to me is "nothing will ever be my fault" !

 

That is so immature IMO.

[PerpetualMotion]

'I see so many relationships these days endangered by infidelity. How do you feel about that?'

 

'I made a very poor choice during a difficult time in my marriage and had an emotional affair. How do you feel about that?'

 

Dialogue-openers which disclose and are open-ended. That's my style. YMMV.

 

Exactly, carhill. With that sort of opener, I assume that she wants to start a honest discussion about a serious topic. With a question like the OP made, unless I knew her pretty well, I wouldn't know if she was interested in a honest answer, or in a romanticized (and less realistic) version of it. (I would still go for the honest answer though.)

 

As for the guy's answer, if he wasn't joking, I agree that it's a stupid one and I'm not surprised that she got disturbed by it.

[gisellefromhell]

'I see so many relationships these days endangered by infidelity. How do you feel about that?'

 

'I made a very poor choice during a difficult time in my marriage and had an emotional affair. How do you feel about that?'

 

Dialogue-openers which disclose and are open-ended. That's my style. YMMV.

 

That would be ideal, but most people are not as well-versed as you my friend. All we can do as adults is be an adult when faced with these questions. Not run away and get scared, or worse, say stupid things. What's YMMV mean?

[carhill]

YMMV= your mileage may vary = your experience may differ

[Mary3]

Another red flag is a girl that says, "Would you ever cheat on me?"

 

I asked him that after he said he cheated on someone else. Not because I felt insecure but because I have never had it happen to me before.

[Mary3]

This question is along the lines of " Does this dress make me look fat?". men, run away from women like that.

 

No . Women need to run away from men who have done it in their past who show no remorse or moral conscience for doing so....

[gisellefromhell]

I asked him that after he said he cheated on someone else. Not because I felt insecure but because I have never had it happen to me before.

 

And the plot thickens.

 

What has happened about this subject after you posted this? Have you talked to him at all?

[Mary3]

This question is along the lines of " Does this dress make me look fat?". men, run away from women like that.

 

No . Women need to run away from men who have done it in their past who show no remorse or moral conscience for doing so....

[freestyle]

I have not read every response and do not feel the need to to answer the question at hand .......so if I repeat sorry …..

 

All it says to me is "nothing will ever be my fault" !

 

That is so immature IMO.

 

I think you nailed it here.....that's how I perceived it, also.

 

Dodging Accountability 101.

[carhill]

With further information, I think this toad's been kissed enough.

[Mary3]

Don't ask questions that you might not like the answer to.

 

You tried to bait him/start a fight by essentially accusing him of being capable of cheating in the first place (which he might be).

 

He gave it right back to you.

 

Now you have your answer. Don't give him a reason to cheat.

 

Such as asking him nasty questions which accuse him of being a cheater.

 

So if your girl cheated on you and you found out then she can say " Dont ask me that question , you might not like the answer . " Its not a nasty question to ask someone who has a cheating past if they would do it again.

 

With your highlighted sentence you think cheating is justifiable to you ?

[Mary3]

When I read the title of this thread, I thought "who says that?!".

 

 

I see nothing wrong with asking a new love interest if they would cheat or ever have cheated in a R. That's important information to decide if desires for the coupling are the same.

 

Thank you. Not that I ever had to ask that because its never been an issue but this is the first person who ever told me they cheated.