my ex gf dumped me and slept with a guy within a week

[paleblue]

im just catching this now. all i will say is glad to hear you at least got her out of your place before this all happened. imagine living with her and having to go thru this? aiyiyiy.

 

believe me, you dont really want her back. she is a cheater. you would just wind up being even more miserable if you had stayed with her. once they disrespect and cheat on you once, they will just do it again.

 

stick to no contact. start living life. do things that make you feel good. go out with new girls when you are ready. you will look back and be glad you didnt stay pining over a cheater. there are better people out there for you.

 

good luck

[blover]

thank you pale blue. You are right. After todays no contact failure (FB chat and subsequent reply of "anytime in person" and a sense of her easily moving on), i think something inside me clicked. It might just be a phase i am going through, but since the break up this is the first time i have felt this way....this pining, whining and moaning over someone who does not even care. NO. i am worth much more than this. Someone in the other forum said "Revenge is living the best life". It stuck. After I am back home next week, I am going to do the following -

move to the city (i live in the suburb and we have been pretty much to all places)

get an entirely new and upgraded wardrobe ( i was never a great dresser but you know what, i wanted to be one but never could. Now, I will dress like the best of them)

I have 2 girls in mind who i would like to ask out (girls who work in shops i frequent). Not for anything serious..but just something i wanted to do. even if they say No, i atleast would have asked

set up my new place in a trendy way and invite all my friends over for a nice house warming.

FB IS EVIL. I WILL LOG IN ONLY WHEN I HAVE NEWS TO SHARE..NOT TO LOOK AT OTHER PEOPLES UPDATES.

my world will rotate around me. Its about me.

oh and she said in the FB chat she was very sick...you know, i cant help you since i am out of the country..so i dont see a point asking you how you are...hope you get well..but i wont ask you..not even wish for new years.

 

thank you guys...today was bad but today also was good. Hope this is not a phase and just the first step in my recovery.

[bl22]

thank you pale blue. You are right. After todays no contact failure (FB chat and subsequent reply of "anytime in person" and a sense of her easily moving on), i think something inside me clicked. It might just be a phase i am going through, but since the break up this is the first time i have felt this way....this pining, whining and moaning over someone who does not even care. NO. i am worth much more than this. Someone in the other forum said "Revenge is living the best life". It stuck. After I am back home next week, I am going to do the following -

move to the city (i live in the suburb and we have been pretty much to all places)

get an entirely new and upgraded wardrobe ( i was never a great dresser but you know what, i wanted to be one but never could. Now, I will dress like the best of them)

I have 2 girls in mind who i would like to ask out (girls who work in shops i frequent). Not for anything serious..but just something i wanted to do. even if they say No, i atleast would have asked

set up my new place in a trendy way and invite all my friends over for a nice house warming.

FB IS EVIL. I WILL LOG IN ONLY WHEN I HAVE NEWS TO SHARE..NOT TO LOOK AT OTHER PEOPLES UPDATES.

my world will rotate around me. Its about me.

oh and she said in the FB chat she was very sick...you know, i cant help you since i am out of the country..so i dont see a point asking you how you are...hope you get well..but i wont ask you..not even wish for new years.

 

thank you guys...today was bad but today also was good. Hope this is not a phase and just the first step in my recovery.

 

Delete and block her from FB NOW. Before its too late trust me

 

read this -

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t258230/

 

:'(

[blover]

bl22 - i know i read your post earlier..so sorry and i know how it hurts.

I have already blocked her wall post updates from reaching my wall...but i dont want to delete her...you know why - soon i will start posting the good things in my life..and i know she tracks me on FB...i want her to know "i am living the best life".

[bl22]

bl22 - i know i read your post earlier..so sorry and i know how it hurts.

I have already blocked her wall post updates from reaching my wall...but i dont want to delete her...you know why - soon i will start posting the good things in my life..and i know she tracks me on FB...i want her to know "i am living the best life".

 

 

I thought the exact same thing after the breakup, thats exactly why I didnt block her, but trust me...theres nothing you can do to compete right now. Unless you put up a pic of you with a ton of hot women, theres just nothing thats going to work. And even if you did do that, you'd feel like **** for doing that cause you stil love your ex. Youll feel **** for making her feel that way, it wont make you feel good. So its a lose/lose situation.

 

I thought Id show her exactly how I can be without her, but it didnt work. Then when i seen that picture of her last night with the other guy, my heart sank, im back to day 1 and it wasnt worth it. Avoid any possible pain you may endure over this. You will accidently stumble across her fb having her on your friends list, its not worth it. Plus if you are keeping her on your fb to show her, she'll see through that, or even worse wont care!

IF you block her completely, that will be the only time she may begin to miss you, if she can keep tabs on you through your facebook, she knows exactly what youve been up too and works against you! She will never have to wonder.

Edited December 24, 2010 by bl22

[blover]

to be honest, at this very moment i dont care if she sees through it. maybe you are right bl22 and I will end up blocking her later but for now..i am going to rely on my self.

[AZGarnethawk]

I do not understand how people can be this way to one another. I honestly don't, but you see it all the time. The best thing is just live your life. Don't make changes really fast that is the first mistake you will make. You will regret the changes and pinpoint why you did it. If you are changing "to show them" then you have changed for the wrong reason.

 

The simple truth is people sometimes are so self-centered that they do not care who they hurt as long as they are not the ones who are being hurt.

 

The best way to deal with this is simply to block her. Don't go looking for her. If she truely was the one then there would have been no cheating. And you can look at it one of two ways. A) you wasted 2 yrs of your life on this person and damn them or B) you have a life experience under your belt. You can learn from it. Revenge is a dish best not served. You are the only one who will be hurting. Just move on. Do small things that you enjoy, but wait to make life changing choices, until you know for sure you are making them for you and not to "show someone".

 

One of my favorite quotes when it comes to hurting and being hurt....

 

"One day some girl's gonna break your heart

And ooh ain't no pain like from the opposite sex

Gonna hurt bad, but don't take it out on the next, son." Will Smith-Just the two of us.

 

And then people in general Same song next line few lines

"Throughout life people will make you mad

Disrespect you and treat you bad

Let God deal with the things they do

Cause hate in your heart will consume you too"

[blover]

AZGarnthehwak - you misunderstood me. I am not doing it for her..its all for me...i wanted to move sometime back, i wanted to invite friends over to my current place, i wanted to do a lot of things but my world was so centered on her, that i never managed to plan or do these things. I want to live life for myself for a while now. I owe it to myself.

[AZGarnethawk]

Then by all means go for it! You should never have to stop your life for the person you are with. They instead should want to join in on the things you like and the dreams you have and when you find the right person one day your dreams will be exactly the same. It is always good to have activities that you do alone and ones you do with the person that you love. It keeps things from feeling smoothered and over crowded, but always remember that the person meant for you is not going to stop your life and make you wish for other things, but join and make you forget you had other dreams because yours are the same.

[blover]

thats a beautiful way of putting it AZGarnethawk. Thank you! i'll remember those words.

[AZGarnethawk]

Awesome....Now go out there and take life by the tail you have no idea what will come your way! And if your heart is open to love then the one meant for you will be there one day....it just takes time.

[blover]

bad morning today...miss her terribly...I love that girl so much, even after what she has done to me..i know i can never hate her....love..such a beautiful thing.

I wish i find love again.

[evilmonkey2008]

Dude I'm feeling for you, I'm apeding Xmas with my grand parents! Mate I'm going to be honest mine and your ex don't give a **** about us! Were going just to have ride this out! 2011 a new year a new start, just think like that man!

[blover]

true...heres wishing all of us here a very happy new year, a better 2011 and wish that everyone finds the love that they seek.

[blover]

broke FB NC today. peeked in at her profile

[Leandro]

broke FB NC today. peeked in at her profile

WHY????

 

Start all over again. Don't do it anymore. I'm pretty sure you didn't like what you saw.

[blover]

No. There were no updates there. I just miss that girl so much, love her so much. I wish she comes back.

[Leandro]

I know you do, but she slept with some guy within a week after the break up. You shouldn't want her back at all. It's ok to miss her.

[blover]

I know Leandro. I know.

But I miss her terribly..its crazy i know but i miss her more than anything else. my appetite is gone, i cant focus on anything. I do have a few good moments though. but the bad ones overwhelm the good ones. I simply love her too much.

[cboy90]

Listen to this song

 

outRAGEus! - Never Be Perfect

 

Helped me get through all of this. Have been in NC since the 1st of November. Haven't heard from her since.

 

I'm moving on. As should you. The longer you wait, the more you'll hurt.

[reknown29]

Let me chime in here. I was just in a similar situation 3 months ago and you need to stop letting this girl walk all over you! You seem to be conscious of the fact that she has been walking on you but because of some underlying issue with the way you view yourself you are accepting it, and actually going through the trouble of looking for more (by checking out her fb, etc.). Sorry if I am harsh here but I am talking to you as if you were me three months ago. Our situation is VERY similar...

 

I just spent the last three months digging into myself and I am starting to understand how my own low self esteem has made it very difficult to let my girl go after she dumped me. I still have insane hopes of getting back with her but as time goes on I feel less and less like I would go through with it, if it ever did come to us getting back together.

 

My relationship is over and so is yours. Both of our girls destroyed the beautiful thing we had with them. It will never come back. It is a death. Eventually we will both allow it to sink in that it is a blessing to us that these girls left us. Noone desreves this kind of disrespect. You are better off with someone who will love you for who you are and stick it out with you, and not cheat on you!

 

My Advice:

 

Take some time off from realtionships. Give it 4-6 months. Dont frantically try to find something because it wont happen that way.

 

Work on yourself so you do not allow this to happen again. See through this sort of girl and avoid her type!!! You now have some time to breathe and reanalyze where you are going. Something has caused you to except a dysfunctional relationship as being ok! Find out what this is. If your like me, your going to have to dig deep to find it but it will be worth the effort when you figure it out. A year from now this girl will see you and try to get you back, and you will be like no way, someone get this girl away from me.

 

Seriously, be wise and work on yourself. You allowed this to happen by being with this type of person to begin with.

 

If you like to read get the book, 'reinventing your life'. Or you may want to read 'no more mr nice guy', if you view yourself as being a nice guy... You may also want to read this link to rule out if your girl may have bpd: http://gettinbetter.com/anatomy.html

 

Good Luck and I can honestly say you're going to be just fine.

Edited December 30, 2010 by reknown29

[blover]

@cboy90 - thanks for the link. Will listen to it.

@reknown29- dont be sorry. I am actually very thankful for your advice. It helps for someone else to tell you that i will be ok. I understand what you mean by issues with myself. Deep down, i do know that i accepted something i shouldnt have. Maybe she had a spell on me or maybe it was just me. I'll definitely pick up the books that you have mentioned. A few other people also suggested "No more mr nice guy" book.

 

I read a few of your posts and see how our situation is similar. I also saw alwaysshopping's advice to you. he gave me good advice as well. This site is something that i have been heavily using these days for emotional support. I am sorry guys that i dont follow your advice to the T but LS really helps.

Also reknown29 - i know what you mean by abusive relationship. I felt the same and my ex told me she felt the same wtf?.

@BPD - there are a few things mentioned on the site that did fit her.

[blover]

I am actually confused and I dont know why. Some part of me tells me "dude, be glad its over", whereas another huge part of me is sad, angry, emotional, pining. And the worst are the phases. Sometimes (usually after reading LS), I am good for a while. Then something triggers a negative phase and I sort of panic and start pining/thinking of what she is doing. and i do hate it when that happens because I know i sound like a young teenager. I should be much more mature by now.

But reknown29 you are right. I should analyse why i accepted this relationship and solve my own issues.

Its just hard since I somehow havent managed to stabilize enough.

[Breakupguy12]

I am actually confused and I dont know why. Some part of me tells me "dude, be glad its over", whereas another huge part of me is sad, angry, emotional, pining. And the worst are the phases. Sometimes (usually after reading LS), I am good for a while. Then something triggers a negative phase and I sort of panic and start pining/thinking of what she is doing. and i do hate it when that happens because I know i sound like a young teenager. I should be much more mature by now.

But reknown29 you are right. I should analyse why i accepted this relationship and solve my own issues.

Its just hard since I somehow havent managed to stabilize enough.

 

Those emotions are normal to go through when you're parting ways with someone you care alot about. You're going to wonder what/how she's doing for a while to go, so get used to it. You just have to have faith that the feelings and longings will subside over time, and they will.

[Breakupguy12]

...from what you said, you gave a lot of yourself to her. And when you do that, you make your heart vulnerable for something like this to happen. You will be fine in due time. just like in life in general, no risk, no reward. You'll heal up over time, and the lessons you learned from this will help you tremendously in the next relationship.

 

I been there.