my ex gf dumped me and slept with a guy within a week

[blover]

We were dating for around 2 years, I did so many things for her. In the begining of our relationship, there was a period of time when we were long distance and she had lots of emotional stress..I helped her through all of that every single day. After she came over, she immidiately moved in and I agreed. I helped her again to setup her life, almost every day there was something that she needed help with. But she never tried to love me back..I mean she did but i never felt my love was fully reciprocated. I always felt she did not care for me.Dont get me wrong - she was great in bed - the best i had. She always wanted to hang out with her friends exclusively, go to late night parties - then one day about 6 months ago - she kissed a guy when she was drunk. next day she came crying and confessed. I told her its over and she left. But after a week of meetings, i finally asked her ot come back. We gave it another shot but realized it was not going to work. So we broke up. Again, i helped her setup her new place. But we were still in love and (in hindsight i think this was a mistake), we continued sleeping with each other. She brought up the subject a few times and I told her, i still love her and so did she. So we were exclusive (it was made very clear). Even though she said she loved me, i somehow found things lacking. I always told her lets talk about it but she came up with excuses.

Then one day after I had finished helping her for a major long multi week project, we made love and i told her lets spend the weekend together. She refused saying she wants it alone.

Later i realized she went out with a guy she was constantly talking for the past week or so and worst of all she alllowed the guy to stay at her place in the night. She claims nothing happened ( i trust her) but the very thought that she did that is a sort of betrayal for me. Its like she has no respect. Then the next morning, I caught her, she ran away to drop the guy off ( i saw her do it) and told me she wanted to break up. I was devastated. She gave the same old reasons . I felt i had been played. I feel i have been used.

She tried to tell me she wanted to be friends, and she wanted to meet me talk to me..i asked her why..she couldnt answer.

I had to travel for a few weeks and later realized from her FB page and after confronting her that she had slept with the guy a few days after our breakup. The guy then left the country but they are in touch via social networking sites. the guy even posts pics of her on her wall.

Such cheap and disrespectful behavior from someone so close......We came very close when we were together, we knew each other fully. But then she goes and does this.

I am completely devastated. I feel used. I still love her and feel I want her back and cant stop thinking of her. We had a big fight when i realized she had slept with the guy but i still love her......I think i am going insane here. What do i do?

[blover]

I forgot to mention, she had lots of emotional issues too..but i was always there for her. She said i was the best person she had. We are not young (in our late 20s)

[Leandro]

I'm sorry that this happen to you . Just go NC and stick to it. You don't need a girl like her.

[Chi townD]

Agreed, do not contact the girl, you've been hurt enough. Yeah, you feel like your guts have been ripped out and you can't breath. A lot of us have been there. YOU ARE NOT HER DOORMAT. She's running around getting her physical needs taken care of by others but expects you to be there to take care of her emotional needs? Come on dude. It's gonna be hard, but stick to no contact and I promise over time it does get better.

 

Now the type of personality that you've written about her, you are in for a tough time. She's gonna call, write, text, e-mail show up at your place because she doesn't understand why you can't be friends. Dude, you have enough "friends".

 

She didn't want you around her friends when she went out. I would have felt like she was ashamed to be seen in public with me. Damn, that dude! You deserve better.

[9Lives]

what did you learn?

 

You giving and giving and giving. She taking and taking and taking. THIS IS NOT LOVE DUDE!

 

You played yourself and you should have shut it down and saved your good love for a good person.

 

People SHOW us how much the respect and love us.

[blover]

thanks guys. Before me, she has slept with a lot of guys. She told me everything about it but i thought she would change and was looking for love. She also liked to dance a lot (ballroom) with other guys. When we were in our limbo stage (after breaking up but still together), she was down for a couple of days. I asked her and she refused to tell first but then told me that she was very attracted to one of her regular dance partners and so was he. They had some crazy dance pictures. The guy was married and his wife was furios, so they decided not to take private lessons or anything. I was sad, terribly sad that even when she was with me she could do this. After our final breakup, she told me she tried to tell me but i did not udnerstand. Not true. I was always asking her to spend sometime with me to just talk. She never did. We had issues, but i was willing to work on them. I allowed her to do so many things which i was not ok with earlier - dancing, hanging out with friends, crazy times..i feel like i went all the way but she wouldnt take the last few steps. She says she is afraid of ruining both our lives.

I am so hreatbroken and just not ready to accept what happened.

Its so sad when people you love and care so much (she was the closest person to me), go away and make you look like an idiot by sleeping with someone within a week. btw, she doesnt think she did anything wrong now either. she says she is only sad.

 

I havent contacted her for 4 days now. But have been tracking her on social networks. I am trying to avoid it but its hard. I constantly hope she contacts me.

[Capital P]

Stop looking at her social networks.

Its is impossible for this to make you feel better, only worse

You can either go NC now, or prolong it til you are even worse.

[Chi townD]

I havent contacted her for 4 days now. But have been tracking her on social networks. I am trying to avoid it but its hard. I constantly hope she contacts me

 

Why?

[blover]

why?

I dont know myself why. I just love her so much..i know it sounds stupid but I fell hard for this girl. I think its because this was the first time either of us had lived together in a relationship.

Love makes you think crazy things i guess.

 

I know i should stop looking at her wall on FB..but everytime i log in, i just go there automatically. she has not contacted me at all after our fight. I actually dropped her an email later on telling her to think properly what she is doing and what our relationship meant. I havent gotten a reply.

[blover]

To be honest guys -

I think the worst part in this whole thing is

1) I love her completely

2) I feel betrayed because of what she did starting with intending to date someone, keeping him in the house overnight - when i asked if i could come over the next morning, she said no which raised my suspicion and when i forced her,she said she had someone else and i caught her run away from her home with the guy. - I mean how cheap can you get? How can you betray someone so much blatantly? Dont people have any kind of emotions, sincereity? We went through so much together, we were so close...just betrayed and used

3) to top it off - she sleeps with him within a few days. So its like she planned it and then dumped me after she talked with him n all. wtf????

4) She knows the guy is leaving the country within a few days..so what is that relationship then? a fling by hurting me so mcuh? is that all i meant to her?

and now they are on FB posting pictures and writing messages...I cannot understand how you can jump from such an intimate relationship as ours to another mans arms within a week. I am still suffering, trying to recuperate and this....its beyond my understanding.

[Leandro]

I havent contacted her for 4 days now. But have been tracking her on social networks. I am trying to avoid it but its hard. I constantly hope she contacts me

 

Why?

Why? It's just something we do after the break up. You really need to stop tracking her on fb. It's not healthy and it won't make things better. Trust me and many others on that.

[Leandro]

I cannot understand how you can jump from such an intimate relationship as ours to another mans arms within a week. I am still suffering, trying to recuperate and this....its beyond my understanding.

She was using you for her emotional needs. She was probably talking to this guy before breaking up with you. I know you don't want to hear it, but it's a possibility.

 

Just stick to NC and it will get better with time.

[blover]

thanks Leandro. I know for a fact that she was talking with this guy before breaking up with me. I had noticed she did not allow me to see her phone anymore. Also she slipped once and then covered it.

This dude is some kind of a joker(she once made fun of him saying he is all over the place while talking but he can talk about the arts with her..whatever...you leave someone who takes full care of you, loves you and has given up so many things for you and go to a guy just for

Its sad that people you trust use you for their own emotions as if you were a tool or an object.

[Leandro]

thanks Leandro. I know for a fact that she was talking with this guy before breaking up with me. I had noticed she did not allow me to see her phone anymore. Also she slipped once and then covered it.

This dude is some kind of a joker(she once made fun of him saying he is all over the place while talking but he can talk about the arts with her..whatever...you leave someone who takes full care of you, loves you and has given up so many things for you and go to a guy just for

Its sad that people you trust use you for their own emotions as if you were a tool or an object.

I know just how you feel man. It happens to a lot of us.

 

It just takes time to move on and realize that we deserve better and will get better.

[blover]

once again thank you Leandro. This whole situation is ****ty. I have talked to a close friend of mine but i dont want to give him some of the details. This thread and you guys are helping me a lot. I know i am giving out more info over time so bear with me.

 

I also realized sometime back that she was registered on some online dating site and i now see her online there very regularly. I mean WTF? you were with me, then you dump me, then you sleep with someone, then you say you still love me, you also talk to the other guy, do online dating, still go to parties and get drunk, befriend other guys...WTF?

Why can you not be happy with someone who can really take care and love you? She is 30 now and to think i spent 2 years with this woman, a year and half of which we lived together.

makes me completely sad, angry, frustrated, pathetic and confused at the same time

Edited December 23, 2010 by blover

[evilmonkey2008]

Dear Blover,

 

This has just happened to me recently about three months ago, and it still hurts. I was in a supermaket the other day and my ex saw me, later on that eve she called me up. we spoke on an hour, and all she did was belittle me, tell me how **** i was and how much better hew new bloke was and how she loves him,

 

we spent three years together she has been with this guy for three months and she says she loves him more than she ever loved me. Women are fickle and it kills, i hope i will find someone better. It just killing me at the moment

[blover]

what did you learn?

 

 

You played yourself and you should have shut it down and saved your good love for a good person.

 

 

You are right 9_Lives. I should have shut it down earlier. But i guess love rules logic

 

@evilmonkey - i understand you dude. It sucks big time. Hope you and I find someone better

[Chi townD]

And you guys will. But, you have to cut yourselves completely out of their lives!

 

Blover, sounds like your Ex is the type of person that can't commit to a relationship;however, she also can't commit herself to the title of being single. She has to have someone in her life. Wondering if she still calling or texting?

[vandelay]

 

I also realized sometime back that she was registered on some online dating site and i now see her online there very regularly. I mean WTF?

 

 

My situation has some similar aspects, including the dating site. WTF indeed.

 

You need to STOP LOOKING AT HER STUFF ONLINE!!! Stop with the facebook and the dating site and every other social network. I know it is tough. I looked at mine for weeks, chatted her whenever she came online, made happy comments on her statuses, etc... I cut myself off from all of that about a week and a half ago and it is getting so much easier to deal. I know its hard not to look, but you gotta do it man.

 

I replaced my constant facebooking with LoveShack. For the first few days I was on here reading for hours each day. Now I just keep the window open and if I feel the need to think about relationship stuff, I check up on the latest messages or post a couple of my own. It helps.

[blover]

Blover, sounds like your Ex is the type of person that can't commit to a relationship;however, she also can't commit herself to the title of being single. She has to have someone in her life. Wondering if she still calling or texting?

 

you know its funny you mention that Chi_TownD. Even when we were in a relationship, she used to talk about other guys and even loved dancing with other guys (salsa etc). She said it was just dance nothing else since she came back to me, loved me, slept with me and all. I reluctantly agreed. And she has this really nice friend who she constantly exploits and doesnt care about. Just before our breakup she had a big fight with this freind too cause he was upset about her using him and not caring. She herself has said many times that she does not know how to take care of people. I told her many times that she should reciprocate and let others feel that she loves them not just by words but by doing simple things. She asked me to teach her how to do it...how can you teach someone that? Periodically she has these phases where she is down and saying oh i am lonely and what not.

She even has issues with her mother which i think is the root cause of all her emotional problems.

@calling - no she has not. But then she is in the U.S whereas i am currently outside the country visiting family. I will be returning next week though. So we'll see. You know it sucks big time because i cant share this with my family - we come from different cultures (not that it ever bothered me and I was always willing to accomodate it..i am quite liberal) and the family can see something is bothering me.

she says she is stone hearted and she learnt a lot of things from me and all that..but whats the point? our relationship was not a university course..it was real life and real love. atleast for me.

[blover]

I know i said it before but after thinking about it more 9_lives is exactly right. She befriended the guy in mid november and then broke up with me in Dec 4-5 after she had talked with him,danced with him and gone on a secret date(s). How cruel and lying. To think i love this woman.

[blover]

and you know what - when we broke up she told me - i dont want anyone now, I am going to be single, I am going to change my FB to Single. because i knew abt the guy i asked her how long does she not want anyone.....

she has a sexual drive that matched a guys..which now that i think about it was one of the big things i liked about her when we were together.

ehh....

[Breakupguy12]

Blover, I been through what you're going through. Reading your story almost brought tears to my eyes, as it brought back some strong memories.

 

All I can tell you is that it would probably be best that you move on, but ultimately you need to assess whether what she did is something you can get over. Especially with invent of social networks, will you ever really be able to know or trust that she's still communicating with this other guy or not?

 

These are questions only you can answer for yourself. If the answers are no, I'd advise for you to cut her off, and let time heal your wounds. Each time you go back, you're reopening the scab all over again.

[blover]

day 5 of no contact. She has liked a few pictures I had posted on my FB wall. I know I should completely stop going to FB but still unable to do so. Tomorrow will be busy so hopefully i can stay away.

[blover]

****...broke NC. she contacted on FB and i replied....hru..good. the usual..and then i asked her for the reply to my email..she said in person only..wtf..looks like she has already moved on...what kind of a woman is she..how heartless