Sue Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 Hey Everyone, I've been married for a little over a week and already were having "trouble with our sex life" (Shhhhhh!!!) My husband feels as though I'm obligated to do this every hour of each day. Take last night for instance. All weekend we have been sleep deprived because our 16 month old son has us up practically all night. (Although we did do it like 6 times over the weekend!) So I finally had the baby asleep and had terrible back aches. I told him this and he starts ranting and ravin about how he's gonna pray to God to take away his sex drive so that he can leave me alone. He says "go to sleep! I'll never fool around with you again. You don't have to worry about that!" I was quite upset by this because I told him very calmly that I felt horrible and just wanted to chill out. He says chilling out IS having sex to him. Sometimes I would just like to curl up and watch a movie or sumthin instead of gettin all sweaty and tired. (Only Sometimes!) Why can't he respect that? He knows that I am highly attracted to him but just need some quit time once in a while. (Especially under the conditions depicted above). Is it that because we're married now he thinks I'm obligated to give him sex whenever he wants? Any suggestions? Talking to him is like talking to your front door.! Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 How long did you know him before you married him? Was he like this before you got married or before the baby was born? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sue Posted March 16, 2004 Author Share Posted March 16, 2004 He and I have been together for three years. He started acting "irritable" after the baby but it wasn't as bad. We have been living together for almost two years. He has done it before but it seems so full of anger now. I don't understand. Link to post Share on other sites
abc Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 Could be he is feeling a lot of pressure now that he is husband and father. He is probably very stressed out. Some of us use sex to release the stress. Give him some time to get used to things. Maybe he is also feeling neglected with your attention on new baby. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 I'm sure he has heard that sex drops off after the kids start coming. Maybe he's starting to panic that your occasional refusal is a signal that the sex is about to take a nosedive. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sue Posted March 16, 2004 Author Share Posted March 16, 2004 I dunno. I understand that guys think about sex like almost every minute but gee! If u want it 24 times a day then at least understand that i don't. Him wanting sex doesn't upset me. It's him making me feel guilty for being tired or in pain. I don't want to argue with him but everytime i try to "talk" he hears it his own way and blows thing out of proportion. I dunno how i should approach him with this and keep things peaceful. \ As for the baby, he is a major source of stress. We hardly ever get quiet time because when he's not crying, he's whining and when he's not doing that he's tearing the house apart. He doesn't sleep like the average toddler, lemme say that. I understand that he's stressed but shouldn't he realize that I am much more. I am the one who is now the "wife" who is supposed to get off from my 8:30 -5 job and have dinner ready and clean the house, wash clothes, iron, keep the baby occupied and have sex a couple times a day??? I grew up as practically an only child (w/ my grandmother) and I loooved my privacy. I still long for it at times. I was kinda spoiled and didn't have half of the responsibilities that i do now. I know he has the same prob. so why doesn't he respect that? and he KNOWS that it will never take a nosedive!!! Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 The time to discuss this with him is not in the bedroom or when he's asking for sex. Talk about this when you're both fully clothed and just hanging around (if that ever happens). Explain to him what you wrote above. Ask him for his help and understanding; don't make it sound like blame or accusation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sue Posted March 16, 2004 Author Share Posted March 16, 2004 Yeah, I will. It's a crucial 5-10 mins. of each day when we're actually clothed and not stressed out that I can use for our discussion. Hopefully I won't be talking to a brick wall. Thanks a lot! Link to post Share on other sites
FreeMe Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 Sue, You ARE entitled to your space, your private time, just curling up to watch a movie, etc. even married and with a child. It sounds like his sex drive is extreme. You're not wrong in wanting to relax and go a day without sex. You work hard and it sounds like he's being completely self-centered and selfish. I don't know what you can do to get him to see that. He sounds volatile - like you said - angry. Having sex may be relaxing to him, but it's not to you. I would be exhausted doing what you're doing. You've got to find a way to tell him that you're exhausted. You're going to end up ill if you don't get some rest. Good luck- Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sue Posted March 16, 2004 Author Share Posted March 16, 2004 That is exactly how i feel right now. I mean he works full time as well but on his job, he can come when he wants, go when he wants and doesn't have to meet "coporate" standards all day long. At work sometimes I feel dizzy and nauseous because of all that's going on here and at home. He's a sweet guy but deals with touchy situations very inappropriately. I also wanna say that you guys here are so helpful and I appreciate it! Link to post Share on other sites
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